Heal

Chapter 3: Strangers in the Dark

Chapter 3: Strangers in the DarkStanding in the middle of the hotel room on Phuket Island in Thailand, Milo tried to figure out why he ran out of luck.

He was used to life going the way he wanted. He was equally gifted, privileged, and lucky. In high school he was the best football player, winning sports awards, maintaining a high-grade average, and having an impeccable reputation. He knew teachers never checked his homework when he didn’t have it. When he signed up for the drawing competition, only by pure coincidence, it took place in the same city as his semi-final football match. Used to a lucky streak in all his endeavors, Milo couldn’t comprehend why his luck ran out without a warning.

He stared at the big room filled with soft blues and whites that reflected the moonlight. It was clean and just an average décor—one wardrobe, two small tables near the queen-sized bed, a few more drawers and shelves randomly distributed around the walls.

He could almost admit he liked it. Pillows took almost half of the bed and the entrance to the balcony covered the whole wall and emphasized the romantic scenery outside. What he didn’t like was the way the bed was clearly meant for two people, the way lights had a few settings to create the right kind of atmosphere and, thank you very much, but Milo didn’t want any atmosphere in this room at all. The questions pressed on his tongue, but he decided not to voice them.

Liam entered the room, closing the curtains and switching on the lights, dimming them so they weren’t too bright or too dark. Milo was grateful because he didn’t want to see the reality too clearly yet and the darkness might be too constricting between two strangers.

“Thank you for letting me stay here,” Milo said and he meant it. Barely twenty minutes ago, the receptionist looked at him with a mockingly raised eyebrow as he asked for a single room at midnight in one of the busiest hotels near the beach. He didn’t mind being looked at as if he was dumb, however, the judgmental look he received when Liam stated that he’d be staying in his room tonight sent the shivers down his spine. There was probably no hidden meaning behind his words, but Milo still felt embarrassed.

Wouldn’t that be an appropriate way to pay him back? Before that train of thought could be entertained, Liam approached, clutching neatly folded duvets to his chest.

“No worries, I’ve told you it’d happen. I get a feeling you’re too stubborn to take the bed, so feel free to sleep on the mattress.” Liam pushed blankets into the Milo’s hands with no hesitation.

Milo just nodded and got to work. It took him a while, far too many pillows, and blankets before he felt satisfied with his provisional bed. There was hope he wouldn’t wake up bent in half in the morning.

He spared a glance at Liam who stood on the balcony and looked at the full moon. It was a magnificent view, the moon seemed much bigger than in London as no buildings obstructed its resonating beauty. The moonlight shone on Liam and Milo couldn’t understand why this image didn’t sit right with him. Maybe because the sunny personality that Liam had didn’t match the soft, cold glow that the moon gave off. Maybe because it seemed like Liam looked much more distant now, as if the moon awoke the hidden feeling of sadness and misery that the daylight kept constricted. Milo didn’t know what it was but he didn’t like it.

“So how long are you staying?” Milo asked without really wanting to know the answer. The hidden aim of the question was fulfilled as Liam turned around and looked at him.

“The return date’s in a month, but I don’t know how I’ll feel about going home at that time. Maybe it’ll happen sooner, maybe later.” The words were spoken softly and the change in Liam’s demeanor was noticeable now. He looked like he reached his destination in this small hotel and all energy, now purposeless, left him.

“How about we play a game? I’m not feeling particularly sleepy yet,” Milo lied. He was exhausted and, from the way his blinking happened in slow motion, on the verge of falling asleep. However, something told him that he needed to keep the man busy and, more importantly, away from the balcony.

“I think I have some cards,” Liam agreed and soon they settled comfortably on the floor, making good use of the thousands of pillows. As it turned out, both of them were bad at games that required bluffing or cheating.

“I’m sure you’re bluffing, I wanna check,” Milo said confidently.

“Are you sure? You could lose some pretty good sweets if it’s not true,” Liam replied, not looking up from his cards.

“I’m sure,” Milo said, this time with more force.

“All right.”

“I’m gonna do it.”

“Then do it.”

“Don’t rush me,” Milo snapped.

Neither was capable of convincingly keeping a poker face for a long time before, inevitably, bursting in laughter. Liam picked up cards and tossed them a few times. Milo watched with curiosity, trying to learn this visually-appealing technique. Liam seemed to have a variety of skills and utilized them seamlessly without looking like he bragged or showed off.

“I’m happy we played poker,” Liam said out of nowhere.

“Why?” Milo asked, not raising his eyes from the tossing.

“Now I’ll feel safer falling asleep. No sociopath would be that s**t at lying.”

If this was his idea of a trash talk then it was pathetic, Milo concluded. Then despite himself, he rose to the bait, blaming his social ineptness and youthful recklessness for a few more hours of their poker session. Around sunrise, Liam finally put his cards down and started cleaning up. Milo protested abruptly, offering his assistance.

“That’s sweet of you to be so enthusiastic, but you’re literally drooling. Go to sleep and I’ll clean up.”

“We can clean up tomorrow,” Milo said sleepily as he fell on the bed which creaked under his weight.

* * * *

“I just don’t like the mess,” Liam commented to himself, returning to the task at hand. He cleaned in an admirable amount of time and seemed rather proud of himself. He looked at the slightly snoring Milo who still had all his clothes on. The idea of sleeping in travel clothes made his skin crawl, but he decided not to engage with the man too much. He’d probably find a room tomorrow and they’d go their own ways.

A part of him couldn’t imagine being here alone. He’d hesitated in front of the airport and almost turned around. If he hadn’t met Milo by complete coincidence, he wasn’t sure if he would have boarded the plane at all. He knew Milo was grateful for the ticket, could read it in his bright green eyes and a constant flow of thank yous, but at the same time, he couldn’t help but think of it as unjustified. After all, Milo, without realizing it, helped Liam just as much.

The Irishman sighed heavily. He missed home already. He never thought he’d be the one to choose that, to leave his family and friends behind, but he knew he needed a breather and this was a perfect, pre-paid opportunity. He looked at the double room, then at the snoring figure, and finally settled on the moon with a sad smile. This satellite, so beautiful and unreachable, never failed to remind him of Jasper.

Surrounded by quiet snoring and the sound of waves, he let the moon illuminate his tears. He never thought this was how he’d be spending his honeymoon.

* * * *

Back in London, Jasper stood in front of the window in a small hotel room that he rented in a hurry yesterday, right after he left the wedding venue. It was by no means pretty. There were two beds, a small table, and a few wardrobes. Everything was quite old and covered with red-gold kitschy patterns that reminded Jasper of aunties who visit once a year and bring candies from abroad. In simpler terms, it wasn’t the kind of room you stay in if you expected to enjoy yourself. This was the room for lost souls, travelers, a haven for those who were afraid to face the world.

Jasper looked like he belonged. With the soft glow of the moon surrounding him, his skin seemed like the surface of the mountain lake—dark and smooth. His eyes, a deep shade of blue, now seemed almost black. If a passerby could see the way the moon reflected off Jasper’s skin, he’d compare him to the young God who stood among commoners despite being completely aware of his godly nature. If Jasper heard this comparison, he’d form a toothy, weirdly wide smile and squint eyes in a naturally happy expression, because he’d feel shy. It might attract the passerby even more—to see the weakness of the child of the moon.

Jasper never felt weaker than at this moment.

He’d made a choice. A decision that was a result of adrenaline and an uncontrollable chain of events. At that moment, it seemed like a good idea. Now, sitting in a hotel room, swimming in his guilt, he wasn’t so sure anymore.

Aware of what he’d done, Jasper was still blind to the effect it’d have on him and his reality. He couldn’t imagine what tomorrow would bring, but he had a weird feeling it’d be a slap rather than a welcoming embrace. He hoped that the numb feeling in his chest would dissolve and be replaced by anything else, anything that wasn’t an ugly creature of guilt that hadn’t left him in days. In a completely masochistic way, he anticipated meeting Liam tomorrow.

“You seem sad.”

Jasper heard the voice and he turned around to see his best friend. Daniel was a sturdy man with long hair carelessly tied in a bun. He just finished showering and looked like he was crying, or the shampoo got into his eyes. Jasper didn’t ask. He didn’t want to know.

“I’m thinking about tomorrow,” Jasper answered and returned to staring at the moon. Daniel hummed in thought and gently leaned on Jasper’s broad shoulders, letting him support both of their weights.

“I’ll be there too, so you don’t have to do this alone,” Daniel reassured him.

Jasper smiled a little too bitterly and thought of what Liam would look like tomorrow. He wanted his ex-fiancé to be mad at him, furious and even livid. He wanted Liam to scream and shout nonsense that would hurt to the bone. He wanted to take hits and feel physical pain so his consciousness could finally get some relief from all this guilt.

A more rational part of him knew that Liam would never do this, never intentionally hurt him. He doubted whether Liam ever intentionally hurt anyone without breaking into tears seconds later. He was a man of sweet nature, always enveloping friends in bear hugs and comforting them for hours. His reaction to Jasper tomorrow remained a mystery, but Jasper was ready for whatever would come.

“I’m going to sleep. Don’t stay out too late,” Daniel said.

Jasper felt a soft kiss pressed to the back of his shoulder. He felt a rush of something, a blurring line between the present and the past, between the reality and this hotel room. The fathom of the kiss felt like a brand on his shoulder, a constant reminder of his betrayal. He let that knowledge ground him in the present. He didn’t feel like he deserved to cry, so he settled on watching the moon, pretending that the remaining droplets of the shower were all that were dripping down his face.

“Good night, Jasper.” Daniel’s attempt to soothe brought no solace to the pained figure at the window. The darkness surrounded them and brought to surface hidden doubts.

“Good night, Daniel.”