The Darkness Within Us

2. The Hangover

I wondered about her on the way back home and I also realized that she looked at my face and didn’t seem to recognize me at all. I guess her brain must have still felt heavy when she was given the ride…

On Tuesday I wouldn’t see her in any of my classes and, since I had plenty of time before my next class, I headed to the library as I usually do. When I got there, a familiar and curious scent tinkled in my nose. Before I knew what I was doing, my steps followed the scent that led me to her. This Salomé girl was on the third story sitting at a desk in front of a huge window facing cherry blossom trees. She was sleeping on the desk. Her computer was in front of her with a document open. She had her earbuds on; the wrapping of a chocolate, and a half Gatorade bottle. She still looked a little off but better than yesterday. She was wearing a pair of light blue jeans and a pale pink cardigan; her hair was spread all over the place.

There is something about her that intrigues me. I smelled the same scent I perceived at the party, her natural scent mixed with the funny one I couldn’t quite point my finger on, and I still can’t. It’s just a strange scent I haven’t smelled before, it smelled odd, kinda… Old? Dark? It was a bit intense. I know that people’s scents change a bit depending on their moods or feelings but this was something... different. When I heard some footsteps approaching, I decided to go into my own business rather than look like a freak stalking a sleeping girl.

The next morning in class, I saw her again. She walked right before me to enter the classroom, her hair smelled like green apples and her clothes smelled like vanilla. She was wearing black jeans and a broad white, wool sweater that reached her belly button, highlighting her silhouette. Since the chair I usually use is already taken, I decided to sit on the free chair behind her. During the class, she took a pill and rubbed her temples. She also drank a can of no-calorie espresso with cream. The teacher asked her not to do that, so she got out of the classroom to finish her coffee and came back in with her hair pulled up in a bun.

For English class, she looked much better and I was partially dumbfounded thinking about how someone could have such a three-day hangover. She must be a light drinker. Salomé spared some curious glances in my direction from time to time. I wondered if my face began to feel familiar to her.

“Oh, looks like everybody is here today. Perfect!” Professor Mann chanted as she pulled down her glasses. “Now that we have concluded with our essays about ‘igniting a society’ and ‘social justice,’ let’s try something different and funnier. For your next essay, each of you will pick a fantastic topic to write about. It can be any fantastic or mystic creature, any myth or legend, or any god. Feel free to explore and be creative. But not everything is fun though. I told you, as we advance on this course, I will be more exigent, so now you will have to do cooperative work. By this I mean that you will be giving feedback to the person beside you, so please be diligent because your delay will affect your classmates because I will be grading that feedback. If you don’t do it, you’ll lose points off your final grade for this essay.”

Salomé and I turned at each other simultaneously. Her eyes were locked on mine but she tore them to the front when Prof.Mann spoke again.

“Brainstorm guys, because the first draft is for Monday, it should be at least two pages and I will be revising them. Your feedback must be done by that Wednesday. Don’t forget your MLA8 citation and please check the syllabus."

Everyone exchanged emails quietly, including us, and then she flew from the classroom. When I went to the library, I felt her scent on my nose and saw her backpack in the same spot she was in yesterday. Once again, I found myself following my legs without thinking. I think it's funny how I ignored her existence before, but now it looks like I am very aware of her presence…

I found Salomé struggling to reach a book, she was standing on the tips of her toes, on the edge of the bookshelf. Since some dumbass was in a corner sitting on the step meant to reach the higher shelves while talking on his phone, I just reached for the book that I guessed was the one she wanted. I startled her, making her turn and bumping her back against the shelf. Her long hair was again loose and parted in two. If it weren't for her glasses I'm sure it would cover her whole face. I noticed that she was five feet as much, at the party, she seemed taller but well, now that I recall she was wearing high heels.

“I’m sorry, I thought you might need help.” She looked at me with her wide and bewitching, brown eyes. “Is this the book you needed?”

“Huh?” She asked bewildered, with her shiny eyes still on me.

“I said; Is this the book you needed?” I handed her the book and then she looked at it.

“Oh-Oh yes, it is. Thank you.” She kindly removed the book from my hand and nestled it against her chest, throwing her eyes at me again. I felt some sort of electricity that I found quite... amusing and interesting. “You’re tall” She murmured. "I mean- well you are in fact but—” she blabbed nervously. “Your name is Valentin, right?” She switched topics.

“That’s right.”

“Well, em-thank you again Valentin, see you in class.” He slipped out of the narrow hall and fled.

This girl seems kind of weird, but I somehow have found myself repeatedly thinking about those big, dark eyes looking at me…

______________________________

~~Salomé~~

*text messages*

-Mariana. Guess…

-The guy who carried me on his lap is my classmate! I can’t believe I didn’t recognize him. I’ve been sitting next to him the whole semester and now we’ll have to work together.

+You said what!?

+OMG!!

+Sally, he’s the same guy I found you with in the bathroom at the party!

-WHAT!?

-ARE YOU FOR REAL!?

+I SWEAR!

-And why didn’t you tell me this before!!?

+I didn’t?

-clearly NOT.

+Oops!

+Well, now we know you guys have done more than just sit next to each other HAHAHA!

-I HATE YOU Mariana!

**

I have a huge gap in my memory. I only have some flashbacks of that night. From what I can recall, I took a few pictures of the beautiful sunset behind the Washington Monument in the fine hotel room and then two girls appeared with an alcoholic drink with a citrus flavor and we started to drink in the isle of the lower level till we finished it. Afterward, I stopped drinking because I don’t really enjoy strong alcohol or beer. I don’t drink much, but then I got all excited when a pack of Colombians arrived at the party with a bottle of 'aguardiente', a Colombian alcoholic drink that I do enjoy drinking. So I just drank, and danced, and drank until things got... funnier. It was about time for the others to sit down for a little bit so we could dance some dance-able music and then I got a little too carried on. I was already drunk when I did that vulgar and sexy dance, which is embarrassing to remember; sober I would never be that bold. I also remember the long-handed guy who was trying to flirt with me and Emely eating a mini–Washington Monument that was on the isle.

“Emely, what are you eating?” I shouted at her.

“It’s chocolate!” She yelled back.

“And how in the world did you discover it!?” She shrugged. “Give me some, I’m ravenous!”

The last thing I registered was when I was dancing with the Colombians. I do not have a freaking idea of what happened later, my mind came back to me when I was throwing out my soul and my sins and that was the worst sensation ever. I had never been this drunk before. I felt like dying, I preferred to be killed than feel like that. All my world was spinning in my head, and my for stomach was enough to move as much as half an inch to start throwing out again. I collapsed on the floor losing consciousness. I opened my eyes, I was lying on the floor of the bathroom. I decided to stay there because the cold of the tiles gave me some relief. I couldn't find my phone, it was right in my pocket and now it was gone; however, I felt so bad that I couldn't care less. I began to feel triggered when Mariana and others tried to take me out of the bathroom. Why the f**k can’t they understand that I just want to be left ALONE? I just want to suffer in peace, for my pride and dignity, although I have very few of both right now. That was also the whole reason why I’m blocking the door with all my might. I feel embarrassed. I have never embarrassed myself this much in my life…

I lost consciousness again and the next time I regained it I was outside of the bathroom, sitting on a sette apparently in the room, and heavy dizziness accompanied by an abrupt arcade forced me to wake up. I jumped on my feet but I stumbled, falling to the floor. I rushed to my knees, someone was saying something or trying to help me, but all I could think about was the bathroom. I couldn’t stand it any longer, I had to seal my mouth firmly with my hand. Fortunately, someone helped me to the bathroom and I made it to lock myself again and faint on the floor once more. Mariana’s voice woke me later.

“Salomé! It's your dad!” s**t! I can’t talk with him or he’ll notice.

“Tell him something!” I said without an ounce of energy. I heard Mariana talking with dad, inventing an excuse about why I didn’t pick up.

“He wants to talk with you.” Why is he so damn complicated?

“Aló, papa?”

“Salomé, weren’t you supposed to be back by midnight? It’s almost three am and I haven’t heard a word from you!”

“Sorry papa, I didn’t see the time, also I lent my phone to Mariana.”

“And aren’t you guys supposed to be together?”

“Y-yes, but you know it's noisy and we were having fun so we didn’t notice.”

“Why do you sound like that.”

“Cuz I’ve been screaming and singing out loud, papa.”

“Hm…Is Mariana’s mom still going for you guys or do you need me to pick you up?”

“No papa, Mariana’s mom is on her way already. By the way, do you mind if I stay with Mariana tonight? Her mom will take me home later.”

“Hmmm… all right but please pick up the blessed phone when I call, Salomé.”

It took everything in me to keep my voice steady and sound as sober as possible for my dad. I deserve an Oscar. I had to lie to him, not just because of the fact that my drunkness would have given me problems, but because I’m ashamed of myself. I promised that I would behave myself and not drink. I regret not telling my dad because I know that if I had, he would have helped me, but I just couldn’t let him know. I’m too embarrassed and I don’t want him to see me like this…On the other hand, Mariana gave up and quit trying to get me out of the bathroom. I stayed on the floor until I felt slightly better and then gathered enough strength to get up. When I stepped out, it occurred to me to take a shower and that was the best idea I ever had. The cold water felt heavenly and delicious, and it helped marvelously. I rubbed the soap thoroughly on my face, hair, and body. It helped, but the sickness sensation came back so I had to repeat that a couple of times. When I finally felt better enough, I went to bed. It was hard to fall asleep because I could ignore the music but my head was killing me, and the slightest movement would make me dizzy again, but I finally made it. I lied down completely still and drifted off. During my sleep, I felt something—someone hugging me, a male, he had a big body and he was shamelessly cuddling me. I didn’t even bother to shake him off me because I felt way too tired for that, and also because I was freezing and my hair was all damped. His body was giving me warmth and comfort.

I woke up and the guy was still hugging me, so I had to slide out of his grip like a ninja. I moved carefully to not wake him up, I didn’t want to face him. When I succeeded, I went to the bathroom. I felt sick again and I’d need another shower. Fortunately, I always have fresh extra underwear with me. By the way, someone was sleeping in the jacuzzi. When I was done, I woke up Mariana and Sebastian, who were sleeping on the other side of the bed. And then I sneaked outside. I needed some fresh air. When Mariana got us a ride, it turned out that there wasn’t enough space so I'd have to go on some guy’s lap. I felt awkward. I don’t like to cause any nuisance to others, but this time it couldn’t be helped. It is a good thing that the heels of my high heels were thick and squared. It helped me to hold most of my weight, I didn’t want to lean completely on him because I didn’t want to make him uncomfortable. I know I am a little…heavy. Luckily, my suffering was relatively short because there was no traffic. If there had been, I would have thrown myself out of the car in movement. When I got out of the car, I thanked Gabriel, the driver, and the guy who didn't have more choice but to carry me on his lap. I'm not sure I know this guy, although his face feels familiar, he had those vivid green eyes that I accidentally stared at more than I should. I quickly glanced down and shut the door. I felt tired as hell but walking helped a little; Mariana was trembling like a Chihuahua, so I gave her my jacket. It was chilly but the cold sensation also relieved me a little bit.

It was still early when we got to Mariana’s. I slept on her couch for a little and then I took another cold shower before her mom gave me a ride. Then I got ravenous, Mariana had absolutely nothing to eat in her house and her mom was way too busy to make a stop. My head was killing me and my acid was burning my stomach, but I had to keep my act together for my dad. Once I was sure he was not looking, I got some pills and a piece of bread with orange juice.

I wanted to rest so badly but I had an assignment to finish and later my dad asked me to help him in the kitchen. I did the second but I had to ask a classmate for help because my brain was hurting me so much and I didn’t even know what I was doing. I tried to rest, unsuccessfully, and I prayed 1000 times to God for mercy. I woke up late. Never in my life has it been so hard to wake up but somehow, I managed to. Breakfast, pills, and cold water didn’t erase the aftermath of my weekend, so my dad noticed something was off. I put on whatever I found and my face looked rather dead than alive. My dad asked me if I wanted to get something from the store and I rejected it saying I was fine, another decision that I regretted deeply.

I wanted to get a Gatorade from the bending machine but it was already late and Prof. Waterman is not exactly a flexible man so I had to wait until class was over. When the class ended, I went directly to the bending machine but the mother fucker kept giving me my money back instead of what I wanted; I got so desperate that I kicked it furiously. I decided to head to the cafeteria, hoping to have better luck, but the goddam machine didn’t even work. "This must be God’s punishment," I thought. I had to go to the bathroom and wash my face. I don’t know how much time I spent there feeling sick, but when I felt better, I decided to walk out of the campus to the convenience store. The round trip summed up a total of about 30 minutes, so I got late for class, again. I was yearning to go home. I almost fainted in the hallway, and I was dying on the bus. God must be really mad at me. I’m not drinking like that again…

At home, I had to finish the pile of pending work with my still hurting brain, so the next day I was physically and mentally exhausted, and as a consequence, I fell asleep in the library, tattooing on my face the rings of my notebook.

That afternoon, I wanted so badly to bury myself after Mariana told me all the embarrassing things my drunk ass did. On top of that, she found me with a man in a compromising situation. THAT’S SO UNLIKE ME! I’m ashamed of myself as I have flashbacks of me dancing dirty, acting like a drunk, and about this guy whose face is blurry in my mind, but I remember some parts though… he was tall, and his hands were big. I remember him touching me, it's been a while since the last time someone touched me or kissed me— I can’t believe how I allowed that. I feel my face burning in embarrassment as I remember; his lips were so kissable and soft, and that kiss felt so… right...HOLY GOD! What am I thinking!? That was not right at all. That should never have happened to begin with. I’m never drinking like that again.

Today in English class I couldn’t help myself from staring at the guy who always sits next to me at the bottom of the classroom. His face felt painfully familiar but I couldn’t quite remember from where. He had a big frame, he wore a pair of jeans, a simple sweater, and a dark jeans jacket with some fur. His hair was dark brown, his skin tan, and his eyes a lively tone of green–those eyes… Of course!!! He is the guy who carried me in his lap. I remember I thought the same thing when I looked into his eyes that time. I can’t believe it is him… Does he― Does he know who I am? Did he know it then? I felt awkward and, as if that wasn’t enough, the professor had the marvelous idea of making us work together.When the class was over, I escaped to the library to get to work. However, it is not such a big deal, is it? When I was about to grab the book I needed, my phone made a beeping sound. My sweet friend sent me a picture of me in my darkest time, so after regretting the whole thing again, I texted her.

-Mariana. Guess… The guy who carried me on his lap is my classmate!

+OMG!!

+Sally, he’s the same guy I found you with in the bathroom at the party.

After enough cringing, I sighed and finally decided to take the book that was funnily enough inches above my head and the step was nowhere around. I had to stand on the edge of the base of the bookshelf and stretch my whole body, struggling to reach it until a hand behind me pulled out the book I was aiming for. I was so focused on my task that it startled me; to surprise me even further, the person behind me was none else but him. Why is this happening to me!? He said something but my frozen brain didn’t process it.

“Huh?” I blinked like a dummy.

“I said; Is this the book you needed?” He handed me the book.

“Oh yes, it is, thank you.” I took the book, nestling it in my chest as I looked up. The handsome guy was towering over me. He was tall, all I saw when I looked in front was the base of his neck, and my head barely reached his shoulder. “You’re tall…” My mouth opened without my permission allowing that to escape. “Oh, I mean- well you are in fact but―” Just what am I saying, God! “Your name is Valentin, right?” Abrupt switch of topics, perfect!

“That’s right.” He said with his calm and husky voice.

“Well, t-thank you again Valentin, see you in class.” I fled from the library as flashbacks embarrassed me and thoughts invaded me. Everything was happening so fast, this was way too absurdly coincidental. Does he know we… in the bathroom… UGH!

Didn’t I say sorry enough times God???? I guess not…