Another Way

Two: A Secret Agreement-2

“What are you doing, nut head?” laughed Amanda. “I’ve been calling your name! Are you out of it or what?”

“Nah... just day-dreaming... just wondering about stuff,” sighed Chloe.

“Like what?” Amanda secured herself on the edge of the bed, facing down toward her best friend. She cradled her phone and eyed it constantly, hoping she’d get a text from Blair.

Chloe hesitated for a moment and looked seriously at Amanda. “Do you ever think about s*x?”

Amanda laughed for a second, but then noticed how Chloe seemed embarrassed. “Well, of course I do. What do you think? I’m some kind of freak?”

“No, that’s not what I mean, exactly.” Chloe refocused her thoughts and said, “You and I both know most of the girls our age are already messin’ around with guys, and you and I haven’t. Sometimes I feel like something is wrong with me. I’m not even sure why I feel this way.” Chloe found it awkward to find the right words but she continued, “I mean... it’s not like I want to start fooling around with guys or go do it just to say I’ve done it, but sometimes I am really curious... I just think about it a lot. And I sorta feel there is a pressure or kind of like an expectation—especially now we are in high school.”

—“I know what you mean, Chlo. But I figure that’s just because everyone else is hooking up or doing a lot of other stuff they say isn’t really s*x—when really it is—but Chloe, it doesn’t mean it’s right for you or for me.” Amanda’s voice turned really serious. “I’ve talked with some girls we know who are sexually active or who say they are experimenting, or whatever they want to call it, and I kinda feel bad for them.”

“Why?” asked Chloe, as she propped herself up on her elbows and continued to stroke the soft threads in the rug.

“Well, do you know Jennifer Kimball?” Chloe nodded. “She’s really pretty and has a great body, but she thinks the only way a guy will ask her out or be interested in her is if she gives it up. So, she goes out, hooks up with a guy or gives him what he wants; then she gets dumped.” Amanda shook her head in frustration. “What does she expect? She gets hurt over and over again. But she continues to do it, and every time she does, she feels worse and worse about herself.”

“Yea... I know. Jennifer tells everyone she doesn’t care if guys break up with her, but you can tell it really bothers her.”

“Oh, and you know that girl, umm... Keisha... I think her last name is Robertson?

Chloe wasn’t sure, but added, “I think so. Go on.”

“Well, she was telling a bunch of us during P.E. one day about this thing with her real dad. She says he doesn’t care about her because he never stays in touch with her. I guess she’s probably right. He lives far away and never calls her. And Keisha’s mom dates a lot of men and doesn’t spend any time with her either. Anyway, Keisha says for her, s*x feels good... and she really enjoys it!” Both girls smiled at each other. Amanda continued. “She’s probably right. But, Keisha also says she likes the male attention... and some attention is better than none.”

Chloe sat up and crossed her legs while Amada continued to hang over the side of the bed. “You know the new girl who is in our Spanish class? I think her name is Tracy... Tracy Gonzales—she is quite tall and has dark short hair...”

“Yea, I think I know who you mean. What about her?”

“Well, she’s also in my English class. When we sat in groups the other day, she bragged about all the places she did it with guys and was showing pictures of her and some guy on her phone! Bobby Holloway was sitting next to me and said all the guys think she’s a s**t and just laughed at her behind her back.” Chloe continued even though she was upset. “Then, two guys in our group asked for her cell number and pretended to care about her. At the end of class, they wadded up the paper with her number on it and threw it in the trash. On their way out the door, one of the guys yelled to his friends that Tracy belonged in the trash with it. It was sickening...”

Amanda’s disgusted expression turned to one of concern. “I found out a few days ago Cecelia Delgado and her boyfriend, Ryan Wilson, are sexually active, although she said it was the safe kind.”

“How did you know that?” asked Chloe.

“We were out at swim practice and she told me she missed her period. She’s really scared, and she hasn’t said anything to Ryan or anyone else.” Amanda’s face turned even more serious but with a look of confusion. “I really wasn’t very surprised, Chlo. What some kids think is safe is just a joke. They’re being stupid and just kidding themselves.”

Chloe looked surprised. “But isn’t Cecelia in your youth group at church?”

“Yes... but...”

“Well, didn’t Cecelia tell you she was not going to be pressured into s*x with anyone, including Ryan? Didn’t she say something like she wanted to wait until she was married... or at least engaged?”

With a hint of frustration in her voice, Amanda responded. “I guess it’s not as easy as it sounds, Chloe. I don’t know. You and I have not had a serious boyfriend, yet. Maybe we will feel differently when we do.” Amanda continued, “I’ve been told over and over again by my parents... s*x before marriage is wrong, but they never explain why. How about you? Do you ever discuss it with you mom or dad?”

“Are you kidding? No way!” Chloe almost choked on her words. “I mean, my mom and I have a close relationship. But, we never discuss anything about s*x. And my dad, forget it! He has a hard time expressing his feelings at all. I can’t imagine talking with him about it,” laughed Chloe.

Amanda laughed along with her and understood. “Most parents don’t discuss s*x with their kids. They are left to find out for themselves, in their own way and time. Or as my parents have done, they just say ‘don’t do it’—end of conversation!” Amanda paused for a moment. “Ya know what? I think I might have an answer....”

“What?” asked Chloe.

“Well, you’ve heard me speak of my youth pastor, Rick Summers and his wife Monica, haven’t you?”

“Yea....”

“At last Wednesday’s youth group, he said we were going to start a series of talks about s*x. He said something about a program called Another Way. I’m not sure what it is, exactly, but I want to find out!” Amanda looked to Chloe with anticipation. “I wish you’d come with me, Chlo. I know I keep bugging you to come along, but it’s only because I think you’d really enjoy the crazy games we play. And, Rick is going to open up the classes to other high school youth groups and to any high school students who want to come in order to get as many kids involved as possible.” With added excitement, Amanda jumped off the bed. “In fact, why don’t you come tonight? You’re staying for dinner anyway. We could go right after we eat?”

“Oh, I don’t know, Amanda. I need to see what my parents will say. You know how my dad is. Let me work on them... prepare them a little.” Chloe hesitated, “I would like to hear what Rick and his wife have to say about sex...”

“Yea... I thought you would!” laughed Amanda as she grabbed her Spanish book and made her way over to her desk. “Come on, we better get going on this before we run out of time!”

“Amanda, can I ask you one more thing before we get started?”

“Sure,” responded Amanda while she grabbed her things off her desk and sat down on the soft rug with her materials scattered around her.

Chloe paused for a moment and then got up her nerve. “You and Blair have been friends for at least a year, but it seems as though he would like to be something more... What’s going on between you guys?”

Amanda glanced down at her right hand as she fidgeted with her phone. Frustrated she didn’t get any messages from Blair, she tossed it up on her bed. With a touch of hesitation she replied, “To be honest with you, Chlo, things have changed. Our feelings for each other are more than friendship. Can you really tell?”

Chloe smiled, “Yea, Amanda, it’s obvious! You should see the way you guys look at each other!”

Amanda shyly looked over at Chloe and openly admitted, “I’m not sure what’s going to happen with us. It makes me a little nervous, but excited at the same time. You know, Blair just got his license and for his sixteenth birthday, his parents helped him buy a used Mustang. It means we’ll be able to go out on real dates, just the two of us!”

Chloe softened her voice but raised her level of concern. “Amanda, do you think Blair will expect more from you? I mean if your feelings for each other are getting more serious, and you are out alone on a date, don’t you think he’ll want to do more than just kiss?”

Amanda couldn’t help but blush. “Well, we’ve talked about s*x, a little...not much. Blair knows how I feel about staying a virgin until marriage. And I’m pretty sure he feels the same way...”

“But, Amanda, a lot can happen between a kiss and doin’ it’! How do you plan to handle that?” Chloe surprised even herself as her level of concern turned to frustration.

With a strong hint of defensiveness in her voice, Amanda responded, “Well, I’m not sure, yet. I guess it would be best to talk about it some more with Blair, when the time is right. I really believe he wouldn’t want to do anything which would hurt me or that I didn’t want to do. I don’t know... maybe I just need to trust him!”

Chloe gasped. “Amanda, do you really think there is a guy out there who is not going to at least try something with a girl, especially if they’re spending more and more time alone together? Are you living in Fantasy Land?”

“No, Chlo, that’s not what I’m saying. I just think if Blair really cares about me and knows how I feel about starting a s****l relationship, then he will not pressure me when I say no to him, if he even tries anything.”

Chloe backed down a little. “I’m sorry, Amanda, if I am being too pushy. It’s just... I care about you, and about me, and we are pretty new at this whole thing. I don’t want to see you end up like so many girls we know who didn’t plan on goin’ all the way, but it happened. Now, some of them seem to have a lot of problems. I mean, look at the girls we just were talking about a few minutes ago. And we’re not including the majority of the girls in our classes who brag about all the stuff they’ve done with guys, but who don’t say how they really feel after they get dumped or they eventually break up.”

“Don’t worry about me, Chlo. In fact, you know what I’ll do?” And with a hint of sarcasm in her voice, Amanda added, “I’ll be sure to check in with you before I make any major decisions about s*x!”

“Oh, come on, Amanda!” laughed Chloe. “Stop it!”

“No, I’m serious! Listen, if you and I can make a secret agreement to hold each other accountable, then, just maybe, if we ever get into a situation where we feel unsure or pressured, we’ll remember this commitment we’ve made to each other. And, just possibly...this will buy us the time we need to really think through what we are doing. Let’s face it, we can’t go running to our parents!”

With a surprised look, Chloe questioned, “Are you really serious?”

“I’m dead serious,” Amanda firmly responded. “Chloe, you’re my best friend. If I can’t confide or trust in you, then who can I turn to? The more I think about it, the more I like this idea!”

“What do you think Blair will think?” asked Chloe sheepishly.

Amanda burst out in laughter. “You think I’m going to tell Blair we’re doing this? Come on, Chlo. Wake up! This is between you and me—that’s it! Got it?”

“Yeah... got it,” smiled Chloe and she began to laugh along with Amanda.

“And remember, Chlo, the same deal goes for you! You have to check in with me also!”

“I’d be happy to if I ever get the chance. My birthday is still almost three months away—seems like forever! I can’t believe my parents are making me wait until I’m fifteen to date, especially when everyone I know is going out!”

“At least they care about you, Chlo... that’s a lot more than most kids can say,” sighed Amanda. “Oh, great, look what time it is! We’ve got so much to do on this Spanish homework!”

“I know, Amanda, but isn’t talking about s*x a lot more interesting than Español?”

“Sure, I never said it wasn’t. It’s just we’re not going to be tested on s*x tomorrow, but there could be a quiz in Spanish! Remember?”

“Yeah...I know...we better get studying.”

As Chloe and Amanda opened up their books and began to review and recite the structured dialogues, Chloe was having a hard time concentrating. She kept reflecting back to the image she saw of herself in the lagoon just a few weeks ago. The picture of her was still clear and fresh in her mind. She closed her eyes and held onto it for a moment. She didn’t want her image to change—not yet. She wasn’t ready.