Hating The Pan, Loving The Fire

ONE

RAYA.

I closed my eyes trying to ignore the pain I felt as I smeared foundation on my bruised cheek. It could be worse, I could be one of the lighter skinned girls and on my cheek would be a bright red bruise lined with purple scars. However I was darker and thus a brown swell adorned my face. It would not be hard to spot however.

Ignoring the pain or making up in with a rear view mirror I could not pin point which was harder. Living with him is the hardest, something at the back of my mind replied. However that was not the question I asked so I refused to take heed to her, my anger.

Ignoring her did not stop her from speaking.

I should just kill him or maybe I should kill myself.

I can’t do either. I would not even succeed in killing him. A bullet will pierce my own skull before I even pull the trigger. I could not bear the thought of leaving my little boy in this cruel world all alone with the monster of a father that rarely even cared.

I had to accept that there was no escape from it from him. She had to accept even more we were here to stay. I looked into the mirror and liked what I saw. My once bruised and battered face was now mildly okay. I say mildly because underneath all of the make up, the pain of the bruised skin continued like a hammer pounding into my skin.

What are you doing here at a club if you feel so much pain? I asked myself as I sat in my car watching the letters on the club name glow. I should turn back, just go home and cry my tears onto my pillow and hug the soft material of my duvet. Or you could get your ass out of the damn car and go party, a voice in my head said. It sounded exactly like the voice that kept urging me to kill him. I usually didn’t obey nor take heed to this voice but today I would respect her, she was right I owed myself one night away from misery.

I stepped out of the car and took in the cool night air as I released my mane of curls from the rubber trap I had wrapped them in. The freedom felt good. He did not like my curls he said they looked a mess so I always flat ironed them despite the damage the heat caused but since he had been travelling of recent I stopped flat ironing and just kept them out of his sight the few times he was around. Avoiding him was easier than arguing with him.

I looked into the car window to see my reflection. I looked better than I had in months. The make up hid the bruises pretty well. Tears threatened to fall from my eyes, I was feeling sorry for myself but I willed my tear ducts shut as I held my head high. I was in the tightest, tiniest dress I had nothing too revealing though a little cleavage, a medium amount of tight and a little back. It was the sexiest thing I had coupled with the pumps on my feet I looked pretty and I tried to feel as pretty as I look.

Pretend if you have to damn it, that darn voice again.

I turned towards the club and began taking confident strides or pretending to. I did not feel one bit confident but I would pretend to be. I got to the entrance and despite the long line the bouncer took one good look at me and let me in.

You are off to a good start you go girl. This was the nicest thing that voice had said to me in weeks.

The club was dimly lit by coloured lights and the music was so loud I thought my ear drums would burst. The loud music and sweaty bodies on the dance floor called to me first. Dance out your sorrows was a saying wasn’t it, well I was going to obey the wisdom in those words and do just that. I made my way into the dance floor and began to sway my hips. I wasn’t always the best dancer but I knew how to move my body a little bit.

I let the music take me away as I swayed my hips to the beat. Soon I felt hands on my hips and turned around to see a shiny mocha skinned man with a kind smile dancing along with me. I did not complain, he seemed nice so I continued to dance. Besides I was not here to care about anything, I was here to drive my cares out of the window. Three dance partners later, of which two were female my legs began to hurt and I was parched.

I made my way to the bar and took a free stool to rest my aching legs. Despite the wear of my legs I felt good, free and happy. A feeling which I had not felt in a while. I did not want it end. I did not want to go back but the weekend would end and I would have to leave Bamzara and return to my own country, the drug capital of the world Pladan.

“Hi.” I called out to one of the bar tenders, a tough looking guy with a buzz cut. “Can I get a bottle of water please?”

He nodded and retrieved the water “Is that all?”

“Yes thank you.” I replied slipping him the a Bams which were Bamzara currency. I had managed to change my Plads to Bams at the border. He took the cash happily because the tip was a pretty large one.

I closed my eyes and took a large sip from the bottle. My throat welcomed the cool liquid as well did every part of my insides.

“A drink from an admirer.” I looked up as a different bartender placed the clear pink drink before me and pointed me towards a moderately good looking man with platinum blonde hair. He smiled at me and winked and I smiled back just to be polite.

I picked up the glass and rose it to my lips but before I could take a sip. A hand grabbed the glass and pulled it away from me spilling the drink all over my dress. I groaned in exasperation, so much for a night that started good. I rose up from the stool and began to dust off the drink from my dress.

“I'm sorry I did not mean to spill the drink on you.” A surprisingly thick yet slick voice said.

“Well what did you expect when you gra...”

He had the most beautiful light brown eyes I had ever seen. I wanted to be angry at him but I couldn’t. I wanted to speak but I was frozen shut staring at him like.

“I'm really sorry” he said once again “Its just that I saw the drink get drugged and I couldn’t let you dr...”

“What?” I asked finally coming out of my daze once I heard that I was seconds away from consuming a drugged cocktail.

“This must be your first time in Belgrain, Bamzara.” He stated rather than asked but I nodded in agreement. “Well it happens quite a lot in this state.”

“Look I'm over at VIP with some friends.” He continued as he pointed towards a booth at a higher level of the club divided from the rest of the club by a ribbon. “Would you like to join us?”

Say yes b***h, the voice shouted.

“I would love too but I am a mess.” I said gesturing to my dress. It was a light blue piece and the pink drink actually made a stain.

“Let me take you to get cleaned up.” He said with a smile. It was a very warm friendly smile that pulled you in and held you down unwilling to make room for escape. He must have seen the unease in my face because he spoke again “Look I ain’t no creep. I actually co own this club and well I like to play hero every now and then. I don’t like seeing women get hurt.”

“That’s very kind of you.” I replied still feeling a little uneasy.

“If you don’t want my help I'll just leave you alone.” He turned to leave.

“No.” I called. He turned around a looked at me with a single raised brow. “I’m Sorry. I..I need the help.”

He smiled as he opened his palm to me and I put mine in it. His larger hand enclosed around my smaller hand softly. The skin felt so soft on mine that I had a few dirty thoughts but I pushed them away.

“This way.” He said pulling me with him.

I followed him through the club down a dimly lit staircase into a sort of underground version of the club above. The feisty voice in the back of was surprisingly silent but I did not need her to feel a scared. He smiled at me and I took it as his way of reassuring me that there was not trouble with him. The fact that I actually believed the smile hook line and sinker scared me. Did you put some kind of spell on me?

We were approached by a beautiful woman in a suit. She had fawn skin, bright red lips and short grey hair but she wasn’t old. The hair was probably dyed. She had high cheekbones and exhumed elegance and class.

“Hello boss.” She said holding a card up for him to receive “She's pretty but different from your usual.” The beautiful woman looked at me from face to feet.

“Mind your business Dara.” He replied “I need you to get...”

I stopped listening to their conversation as my eyes scanned my surrounding. The under ground club had a lounge area where different expensively dressed men and women alike sat on couches while female and male strippers danced on poles for their amusement.

I watched as a woman took a male stripper from the pole. They could barely wait till they got to the row of door which I suspected were rooms. She kissed him like she was going to swallow him and returned with the same vigour. I could not pull my eyes away. I didn’t remember the last time I had been kissed like that.

“I just told...”

Noticing my absent mindedness he turned to find what had caught my attention. I felt soft finger cup my chin and turn my face back on him.

“We don’t like when people stare down here pretty.” He had a one sided smirk that made his face all the more handsome.

“Sorry.” I apologised.

He nodded and we began to move once again through a large corridor with white doors till we got to the end of the corridor. A single gold door sat in the middle. He swiped the key card over the door and pushed it open.

“Welcome.” He said as he beckoned me in.

“What is this place?” I asked stepping in. I looked around and couldn’t help but jump when I heard the door shot behind us. I hoped he did not notice but I was still jittery.

“Its my own room down here.”

“What is down here?” I asked already knowing the answer. It was obviously a s*x club.

“Very inquisitive pretty.” He replied with a smirk as he folded his arms and leaned his back on the door. Why did he make plain action look sexy.

“Sorry.” I replied still looking around the room.

It was decorated with grey and white nothing colourful about it. There was a wardrobe by the left side and a door opposite the wardrobe.

“Its not much.” I heard him say behind me “At least it’s not meant to be.” He continued “I asked Dara to get you something to wear.” I turned to face him and that smirk was still on his face along with his lip between his teeth as hid eyes ran over my body. It should been uncomfortable but I found it sexy. “Although I doubt we would have something than could fit.”

My husband had always complained about the size. I had tried but stress eating was my worst enemy yet best friend.

“Sorry.” I found myself apologising again. I had lost count on how many times I had used this word tonight. “Its hard to loose weight.” I wished I could staple my lips together at this point. I did not mean to say the last sentence out loud.

He raised his brow at me with a smile playing on his lips.

“What you apologising for?” He asked pushing himself of the door “You got a beautiful ass body.”

I looked away avoiding his gaze. “Nah don’t do That pretty.” He said “C'mon look up at me.”

I forced myself to look up at him and he smiled. “When I said I doubt we will have something that fit. I wasn’t talking about size I was talking about taste.”

“Oh.” Was my simple reply. I was not going to embarrass my self some more.

“So tell me why a pretty lady like you choose to come to Belgrain when there are much more beautiful states in Bamzara.”

The only reason I had ended up in Bamzara was because after my husband attacked me again. I grabbed my passport and some clothes and drove till I was out of Pladan. I needed a different air one that did not stench of him and since he basically controlled all of Pladan I made my way to Bamzara.

“It’s the border of Pladan.” I replied

"You are Pladian.” He asked with narrowed eyes.

“I live in Pladan but I am from Onix.” I replied. “My family moved to Pladan when I was ten.”

He nodded soaking in everything I told and burning it to memory. I had his undivided attention and nothing else seemed of concern to him.

“What’s your name?” he asked tilting his head to the side as he pulled his bottom lip between his teeth. That action never ceased to make my throat dry and my legs wobbly.

“R...A... Amaraya.” I let out after stuttering like an i***t “But people call me Raya.”

“Amaraya.” He said testing the name on his tongue. It rolled over smoothly like butter on a hot surface “Raya" He said the shortened version and I felt warm all over like a gentle caress had been ensued just because he called my name.

Why did he have such an effect on me?

A knock on the door pulled us out of our conversation. He looked as disappointed as I felt by the interruption but he turned to pull the door open. He spoke to the person outside and turned to me.

“Excuse me a second Raya.” I wished he would call my name all my life “I got business to take care off.”

I nodded and he exited the room taking his key card with him. I took a sit on the bed and sighed was I wrong for trusting a stranger who brought me to a s*x club even though he looked like he could defeat Appollo in a beauty contest.

Fuck him. No matter what f**k him. This voice gave the worst Ideas.

I took a deep breath and sank into the bed in the room. The wait grew from seconds to minutes and soon I was battling my eyes to stay open. I don’t know what happened next but I felt strong hands under my knees and back carrying me up into a strong body with an exquisite smell.

I opened my eyes light brown orbs stared at me. “Don’t worry pretty I wont hurt you.” The owner of the orbs promised. I believed totally and snuggled closer into the hard chest and closed my eyes again.

ARLO

The blaring music the customers dancing, the club was packed as usual. Today I wanted too keep all my focus on the club, it helped me keep my anger at bay. Lately I had been getting calls from my eyes at Pladan, my cousin was messing up business there. I was not very surprised because my cousin was never serious right from when we were kids. Messing up at the centre meant every other thing could fall. Every business the syndicate had all over the world legal or illegal had begun in Pladan.

I watched from the highest station of the club as it functioned. On the podium which I sat a few things could pass by me unnoticed especially a beautiful lady with dark chocolate skin, lovely unruly curls and body like an hour glass. Suddenly I stopped watching over the happenings in my precious club and trained my eyes on her. It was like nothing else mattered but the dark skinned angel in the light blue dress. She looked a little shy and out of her element but forced herself to adapt and adapt she did. Soon she was swaying her hips, flipping her hair and rolling her waist on the dance floor like she owned every beat.

“Damn!” I heard someone say behind me. It was Drew, he was a friend and an employee who handled the accounts in the club and a few other businesses. “She could steal my attention any day.”

“Don’t think about it. She's mine.” I replied watching as a man came up behind her.

“Well you better stake your claim before the night is over Alpha.” He said tapping my shoulder “I got business to take care of in the capital.”

I nodded not taking my eyes of her. The man tried to speak to her but she payed him no heed. She simply wanted to dance let loose and feel free. A few more dance partners later and she made her way to the bar.

“Boss.” I turned my attention away from her to the voice which had called my name. A worker of mine Snake whispered into my ears another complain from Pladan. Angry customers threatening to take business elsewhere because my cousin was a complete fool. “Call my cousin tell him to expect me in Pladan by Tuesday.”

Snake nodded left.

My eyes locked unto her again and I watched as other eyes were set on her. I watched as a customer paid my bartender for a drink and the pill the bartender slipped into the drink did not go unnoticed. I quickly stood up and rushed of the podium down towards the bar.

The cup was already on her lips but I was fast enough to grab it but clumsy enough to let it spill all over her dress. She rose up fast trying to sway of the drink from her body but only succeeded in worsening the mess.

The bartender who had drugged the drink made eye contact with me and I could see the fear in his eyes. Good I loved that. I was surely going to deal with him later. We had rules here and drugging and r****g were against my rules.

“I am so sorry I did not mean to spill your drink on you.” I apologised. The word sorry sounded foreign on my lips. It was not a word I used often.

“Well what did you expect when you grab...” She began but when she looked up at me she stopped. Big chestnut brown eyes stared at me like she had seen an angel or something and she stood genuinely frozen.

“I'm really sorry.” I said once again stepping closer to her, then I whispered still maintaining a little distance “I saw the drink get drugged and I couldn’t let you drink it...”

She narrowed her eyes at me “What?”

This must be your first time in Belgrain, Bamzara?” I asked. It was pretty obvious but I rather not assume. Most females in Belgrain did not accept drinks from strangers no matter how good looking. Belgrain had the highest crime rate in Bamzara, drugs, r**e and murder you name it but that did not stop people from residing her and residents from partying. It was the cheapest state in the country.

She seemed scared all of a sudden and I couldn’t help but feel for her. “Look I'm over at VIP with some friends.” I stated pointing at the podium where I had been sitting behind were all the VIP booths and everyone in VIP was friends with the owner.

She was quiet for a moment contemplating whether to take the offer or not. “I would love too but I am a mess.” She replied gesturing to her stained dress. I had looked at her from afar thus I had not seen what the dress did to her body. It showed a little cleavage giving a small inadequate insight to the chocolate mounds of her chest. It was tight enough to accentuate her hips and stopped in the middle of her thighs.

“Let me take you to get cleaned up.” I said with a smile. She was uneasy I understood that fact. A young lady all alone in the most dangerous city in Bamzara being offered help by a stranger it wasn’t a story which usually had a good ending. “Look I ain’t no creep. I actually own this club and well I like to play hero every now and then. I don’t like seeing women get hurt.”

“That’s very kind of you.” She replied still feeling a little uneasy.

“If you don’t want my help I'll just leave you alone.” I said turning to leave. Last thing I wanted was to frighten the pretty girl.

“No.” She called a little louder than I suspect she wanted. I turned around and looked at her with a single raised brow. “I’m Sorry. I..I need the help.”

I smiled and opened my hand before her waiting for her to put hers into it. Her hand was so small and soft in my.

“This way.” I said urging her to follow me.

My club was not just for dancing it was many things combined in one. The place where I made the real money was in the underground s*x club. Rich men and women had fantasies and my girls and guys helped make those fantasies a reality for the right price.

I took her through the club down the dimly lit staircase into the underground club. I could feel her unease intensifying along with her curiosity. I smiled at her trying to calm her down and reassure her that even if this was a seemingly big risk she could trust me.

I heard her gasp at the sight of the half naked girls and guys dancing on pulls once we walked into the clubs lounge area. Down here was much more sensual and only red lights shone below.

Dara the matron of the underground approached me with my key card in her hands and a smirk on her face “Hello boss.” She said holding my card up for me to receive. I took it out of her hand and she turned her attention to . . . s**t I did not even know her name. “She's pretty but different from your usual.”

“Mind your business Dara.” I replied “I need you to get her something to wear. Nothing to open.”

“Now that will be hard.” Dara replied “But I will see what I can do.”

“I just told...” I paused as I looked towards and noticed something else had gotten her attention. She watched one of the strippers kissing a client like she yearned for such a kiss. My eyes looked on her full glossy lips. I wanted to bite them and caressing them with my tongue.

“We don’t like when people stare down here pretty.” I said pushing the dark thoughts to the back of my mind but I could not help but smile about them.

“Sorry.” She apologised again.

Although I did not like that she apologised so much I nodded and we began to move once again through a large corridor with white doors till we got to the end of the corridor where my room stood behind a single gold door. I swiped the key card over the door and pushed it open.

“Welcome.” I announced dramatically as I stepped in and beckoned her to join me.

“What is this place?” She asked stepping in and examining the room.

“Its my own room down here.” I replied shutting the door. She flinched a little but tried to hide it.

“What is down here?” I asked

“Very inquisitive pretty.” I replied with a smirk as I folded my arms and leaned his back on the door.

“Sorry.” Again but she continued to stare.

“Its not much.” I stated trying to steal her attention from the room and back to me. “At least it’s not meant to be.” I continued “I asked Dara to get you something to wear.” She turned to face me with those big brown eyes and a small smile. She looked so innocent, so f*****g sexy. “Although I doubt we would have something than could fit.”

“Sorry.” The word had begun to itch my ears it was like she apologised for everything. “Its hard to loose weight.” She was insecure and immediately I wandered why. She was so f*****g beautiful that she put my entire night on standstill just because I wanted to watch over her.

“What are you apologising for?” I asked pushing himself off the door “You got a beautiful body.”

She looked away avoiding my gaze. “Nah don’t do that pretty.” I said “C'mon look up at me.”

She obeyed.

“When I said I doubt we will have something that fit. I wasn’t talking about size I was talking about taste.”

“Oh.” Was her simple reply.

“So tell me why a pretty lady like you choose to come to Belgrain when there are much more beautiful states in Bamzara.”

“It’s the border of Pladan.” She replied

“Well you a Pladian.” He asked with narrowed eyes.

“I live in Pladan but I am from Onix.” I replied. “My family moved to Pladan when I was ten.”

I nodded soaking in everything she told me and burning it to memory. She had my undivided attention and nothing else was of concern to me.

“What’s your name?” I asked tilting my head to the side like a curious kid.

She swallowed.

“R...A... Amaraya.” I found her awkward stuttering cute. I had never found woman cute. Sexy was the only thing I saw. I was not objectifying but f*****g and walking was how I lived. “But people call me Raya.”

“Amaraya.” I said testing the name on my tongue. It was a beautiful name. “Raya"

A knock on the door pulled us out of our conversation and I turned to pull the door open. My men had retrieved the scum who tried to drug Raya and the bartender who had helped.

“Excuse me a second Raya.” I hated to leave her but I had to. “I got business to take care off.”

She nodded and I exited the room.

Like I said the club was many things but in all it was business. I walked into the cellar where we kept the expensive wine and were we attended to the most important business of all.

Tied to a chair behind all the shelves of wine was the bartender and on another chair the scumbag. I was a bad man who had committed a few murders but they were men just as bad as me but preying on the weak and innocent that was a low blow.

“Boss I so...” The bartender began but I shut him up with a punch. “We have rules and broke them.” I landed another punch. f**k I missed doing this. It felt so good.

“I swear I didn’t know she was your girl Arlo.” The Scum bag said trembling “Please I swear I will never drug anyone again.”

I laughed at the scum bag and my men joined in. Hearing his pathetic plea only infuriated me more. “Answer truthfully how many women have you drugged and rapped?” I asked.

“Two.” He said

“Don’t f*****g lie to me?” I shouted

“Ten.” He said instantly. I smiled retrieving my gun from my pants I pointed it at his feet and shot. Two bullets one in each knee and another two one in each foot. He screamed and rush was amazing.

“Boss please.” The bartender begged and sent a bullet into his skull. His pleas had gotten irritating. I turned to the scum bag and into his chest.

“Let him bleed out.” I said to my men “If he isn’t dead by morning kill him.”

I exited the cellar and returned to my guest on my way to her. Dara approached me.

“Here are the clothes you asked for.” She handed me a bag “They should be okay I guess.”

“Thank you Dara.” I replied taking the bag and continuing to the room.

I opened the door to find Raya fast asleep on my bed. I wanted to wake her up but she looked so peaceful. What the hell was wrong with me? Did this girl but a f*****g spell on me? Why did I feel like she was my responsibility when she was not. I did even know her but I wanted to protect her.

I picked her up and she stirred a little bit like a baby but once she saw me and I assured her all was well her eyes were closed again and she snuggled into me.