So Far From I Expected

4

Mr Desala began his story again, Mama and Papa listened, and they didn’t interrupt or even react. He went in to greater detail with them than he had with me; but he left out how he felt when he first saw me.

I wondered about that whilst he spoke. Why did I feel he wasn’t just going to leave once he had explained?

I realised then his warm overcoat was still wrapped around me. I took it off and relived the feeling of his fingers on my neck and his breath on my cheek. I felt myself blushing and turned my back to the door.

I folded his coat over the chair and pulled the ribbon out of my hair. Out of habit I tied it to the rafter and for some reason, I took down the feather.

Mr Desala stopped mid sentence and stared at the feather in my hand. Mama and Papa didn’t know the feather had been from one of the men that day. I don’t know why I hadn’t told them, it hadn’t seemed greatly important at the time.

‘You kept it?’ he asked in what seemed to be disbelief. ‘I left it, I knew I’d come back and I wanted you to know I would come back.’

Mama looked at me quizzically and Papa shook his head at me.

‘Enough, enough now Mr, come in the house is starting to get cold. You can continue your story inside.’

Papa looked at me in a way I’d not seen before, he looked at the feather in my hand and his forehead creased.

‘Papa, I’m sorry. I ... I’

‘No pet, don’t apologise. It’s ok; he’s telling us what we need to hear.’ He pulled me into a hug and squeezed me tight.

Mama closed the door behind Mr Desala and went to the fire place to make tea. He sat down at the table where Papa had gestured.

The twins had lost interest in this stranger and were playing by the bed with the new pups. Tommy cooed in his basket and Papa stared at our visitor. He couldn’t figure out why he was really here either.

‘Tea, Mr Desala? I’m afraid it’s all we have to offer. Maybe some currant bread to go with it? Caireann, don’t be rude and fetch our guest some currant bread.’

Mr Desala began to speak, to politely decline I’m sure, but Papa sat down opposite him, he smiled and thanked Mama.

I looked from the twins to Papa, Papa looked so sad, I hadn’t seen him like that since the day little Frankie had been buried.

‘Thank you son, for coming here; for trying to explain. You’ve answered a lot of our questions. Little Frankie, his death; it wasn’t your fault. We’ve always known it was an accident one way or another. That’s why we’ve not pestered Lord Tumlus to find you, you or that little bastard Williams who ran. Feckin’ coward.’

Papa’s hands were in tight fists. Mama squeezed his shoulder as she put tea on the table. I moved to sit beside Papa but he gestured for me to sit with Mr Desala.

We drank our tea and listened to Thomas snuffle in his basket, the logs on the fire popping and the yelps of the puppies when Jack and Bobby played too rough. I was getting nervous.

What happens next? Why is this man still in my house? What does he want?

Before I knew what I had done, the questions were out of my mouth. Forceful and direct questions, like Papa used when he had to sort out a fight with the boys in the yard.

‘Sorry, sorry. I don’t know what came over me Sir, Mama, Papa I’m sorry.’ My voice went quiet, ‘but please answer my questions. You didn’t have to come back here. You were kind that day; you lifted Frankie for me and stayed until I told you to leave. That was all you had to do, all you should have done. What do you want now? Why are you back?’

Papa smiled at me, I think he was proud at how I’d handled myself.

Theodore turned to me, his dark eyes reflecting the fire. I noticed his right eye had an area of blue at the bottom, his face was not clean shaven and his mouth was a little crooked.

‘I want to help you, all of you.’

What the hell does that mean?