Between Love and Hate

Alpha Psi

*Violet's POV*

We drive straight through, deciding to stop for lunch at some random diner in Cambridge. We both order sandwiches and split a chocolate milkshake and then we head over to campus and find my dorm. I sling my backpack over my shoulder and grab one of the bags as Jace takes one of the boxes.

I’m suddenly nervous about meeting my roommate. What if she hates me? No, that’s stupid. She’s not going to hate you. That’s just the anxiety talking. I take 3 controlled deep breaths, counting 4 seconds in and out, just like my therapist told me to do when I’m feeling anxious or overwhelmed.

My room number is 204 which means it’s on the second floor. We make our way through the crowd of people also rushing in and out with boxes.

When we find my room I see that one half of it is already set up with posters, pictures, string lights and a neon pink bedspread. A girl wearing very small short shorts and a tight tank top with blonde hair pulled up in a ponytail is lying on the bed. When she sees me, she stands up and says, “Hi! Are you my roommate?!” I set the bag I was carrying on the floor and say, “Hi, yes, I think so.”

She squeals and runs up and hugs me. I’m momentarily shocked but hug her back after a couple seconds. She pulls away and flashes me a huge smile and says, “I’m Stella, what’s your name?”

“I’m Violet, but everyone just calls me Vi.”

“It’s so nice to meet you,” she says with a little jump. “And who might this be?” She asks, eyeing Jace. “This is my boyfriend Jace.”

“Oh, nice to meet you too. Are you also a freshman here?” She says sticking her hand out for him to shake and he takes it.

“No, I’m not. I’m a sophomore at UMass. I’m just here to help Vi get all settled in.”

“That’s so sweet of you! Come on, I’ll come help you get the next load of stuff.”

“Oh, you don’t have t-” I start but she cuts me off.

“Nope, I’m helping and that’s that!” I give Jace a look and he just shrugs so we lead her down to my car. As we’re walking she asks, “So how long have you guys been together?”

“About 4 years,” Jace tells her.

“4 years?! That’s so long!”

“We grew up as neighbours so we’ve known each other since we were babies,” he explains.

“That is so cute!” She squeals. We get to my car and between the three of us, we manage to get everything. We drop the bags on the bed and on the floor and I finally take a second to look around.

The room is smaller than my bedroom at home and considering there’s two of us in here, that’s saying something. Her half is a mirror image of mine and there’s a single bed with drawers underneath it, then a desk with a drawers and a hutch on top and then a L-shaped wardrobe in the corner. There’s a window with a ledge wide enough to sit on in between our two wardrobes.

Stella begins putting the covers on the bed for me while I start on my clothes and Jace places my books in the hutch and sets up my computer monitor and printer for me. After about an hour, we’ve pretty much got everything squared away. I made sure that I only brought one hard suitcase and fold the rest of the bags neatly inside of that one and Jace places it on top of the wardrobe. The last thing we do is string a set of lights on the wall beside my bed and use clothespins to pin pictures of me, Jace, our parents and Rebecca.

I look around satisfied and then take a picture and send it to my dad. It’s only 4pm, so Jace and I sit down on my bed and Stella sits on hers.

“So what are you studying here?” She asks.

“Sociology. But the plan is to go to Law school here after that. How about you?”

“Art actually. I really wanna be a fashion designer.”

“So why did you choose Harvard? I mean there are a lot of design schools around to choose from,” Jace says.

“My father. He went here so it was kind of not optional. Besides, I’m considering getting my MBa after anyway so I can start my own label.”

“That’s really cool,” I tell her.

“Thanks!” She says with a smile. “How about you? What do you take at UMass?”

“Exercise and Health sciences. My parents are both doctors so I guess I’m kind of following in their footsteps.”

“Wow, impressive,” She says. We chat some more and when I check the time, it’s already 5pm.

“Should we go eat? I know you’re all moved in already, but some settling in is probably not a bad idea.”

“Sure. I’ll find a restaurant.” I lean into him and place my head on his shoulder as he scrolls through restaurants in the area. “What are you feeling?”

“Mmm, Thai?”

“Oh yes. Good choice,” he says and then narrows the search down and clicks on one not too far from campus, but hopefully far enough that it won’t be too crowded with students and their families.

“Do you wanna come with us?” I ask Stella.

“Oh, no no. I’m not third wheeling you guys. I’m gonna stick around and get the scoop on the party scene.”

“Are you sure?” I ask.

“Yeah, absolutely.”

We exchange numbers and then Jace and I head to the restaurant. We order our food and he says, “So, Stella seems nice.”

“Yeah, she does,” I say with a little smile.

“She seems super outgoing. I think she could be good for you.”

I nod and he says, “It makes me so happy to see you here, doing what you always said you would do. I never doubted for a second that you would make it here.”

“Thank you.” Our food arrives and we eat. He finishes his plate before I do. Eating slowly is one of the habits I never quite got over. I used to do it so that I could pretend I had eaten more than I had and then say I was full when everyone else was done.

Now I just eat slow and continue after everyone else has finished until I actually am done. I wouldn’t be able to get away with that with Jace anymore anyway. He doesn’t tell me he does it, but I notice the way he still watches me eat to make sure even though it’s been 2 years since I've had any real issues with it.

Once I’ve finished most of my food, I wipe my mouth off and he brings me back to my dorm. He walks me right to my room and then says, “This is so much better than last year but I’ll still miss you like crazy”

I nod and say, “I miss you already,” and then kiss him. He tightens his grip around my waist and then pulls back and says, “Remember, if you need anything, I’m only 45 minutes away, okay?”

“Yeah, of course. Love you.”

“I love you too Vi.” He kisses me one more time and then walks away. He’s right, it is way easier than last time. I unlock the door and walk in to find Stella in front of the mirror curling her hair. She’s already got a full face of makeup on.

“You’re back! Okay, so apparently there’s a party at Alpha Psi that everyone is going to, so get ready.”

“Oh, no, I don’t really, do that.”

“Don’t really do what? Have fun?”

“No, it’s just, I went to one at Jace’s frat house last year and it wasn’t really my scene.”

“Oh come on, it’s part of the college experience. Look, if it’s terrible, we’ll just come right back, I promise.”

I hesitate and then remember that I did want the college experience so I nod and she says, “Yay! Okay put on something sexy and get ready to go!”

I frown and say, “Yeah, I also don’t do sexy,” while playing with the sleeves of my shirt.

“What do you mean? You must have something.” She goes over to my wardrobe and starts filing through my clothes and then turns and says, “Wow, you were not joking. I didn’t think it was possible to own this many pairs of jeans and plain t-shirts. It’s fine, just borrow something of mine.” I go to protest but she’s already throwing something at me and says, “Here, try this on.”

I examine the very small amount of fabric in front of me and immediately my anxiety starts acting up. I breathe deeply. Stella is so nice, it would be rude not to at least try it on. She turns around so I can change and I pull the tight black dress over my head and it clings to me like a second skin. It barely covers my butt and the neckline dips very low between my almost non-existent boobs but at least it has sleeves. I fidget nervously and tug at the dress before saying, “Okay, it’s on.”

She turns around and her green eyes go wide, “Are you kidding me right now? You were hiding THAT under a hoodie? That’s got to be a crime. Seriously you look hot as fuck.”

I blush a little but her words make me a little more confident, “Do you actually think that, or are you saying that to make me feel good?”

“What?! No! You legitimately look better in that dress than I do, which is a little rude but, I’ll allow it. Oh oh oh pleeeease can I do your hair and make up too?!”

“Um I guess so.” I have literally no clue what I’m doing so I might as well let her.

She squeals and says, “Yay! This is going to be so much fun! You’re like my little barbie doll! I mean, you’re already so pretty so I don’t really need to do much, but still.”

I smile at that and sit in the chair as she gets started on my hair. She curls it first and then does two braids on either side, which she pulls and prods at until they loosen and then pulls my hair into what seems to be a high ponytail, but with a lot more steps. She then starts on my makeup. The extent of my makeup is BB cream, mascara and lip balm.

“Thank God we have the same skin tone. This would be a nightmare if we didn’t, what with you literally not owning makeup. What would you do without me?”

“Probably sit here and read,” I joke timidly.

She laughs and says, “You’re probably right. Well good thing I’m here.” When she finishes, she tells me to go look in the mirror, and when I do, I’m shocked. I still look like me but like a version of me that has Stella’s confidence.

What surprises me the most is how much I like it. Maybe the key was never hiding behind clothes, it was embracing myself. I never in a million year thought I would feel so good wearing so little clothing. I smile and Stella says, “So, do you like it?” I just nod at her in the mirror.

“Alright, I can’t be the only one dressed like this. What are you wearing?”

She puts on a tight red lace tank top tucked into a black leather skirt and I immediately realize that she’s given me one of her less scandalous outfit choices, which I appreciate. Her blonde hair is curled into beachy waves and she’s wearing similar makeup to mine.

“Alright, we look hot. Let’s take our inaugural selfie together!” I smile and we both pose for a picture. She finds me on ** and posts the picture and tags me in it.

“Okay, so do we go now or?”

“No, silly, it’s only 8:30. Now, we put some music on and dance in our room while having a few pre-drinks.”

“Where are we supposed to get drinks?”

She walks over to her desk drawer and pulls out a bottle of vodka. “Right here of course.”

I hesitate and she says, “Don’t tell me you don’t drink.”

“No, I do. Just not vodka.”

“Well what better occasion than your first night at harvard?!”

I smile and take the bottle from her and take a sip straight out of it. We dance around for a while and have a couple more drinks each and I’m feeling a little buzzed. Stella looks at the time and says, “Alright, let’s get going. It’ll be about a 10 minute walk. Is that okay with you?” I just nod.

“Okay, cool! Let’s go!” As we’re walking, I make sure to pay attention to where we’re going just in case I have to find my way back and I have somehow managed to lose my cell phone. It’s unlikely, but I like to be prepared. There’s only two turns so I’m not too worried.

We can hear the music from down the street and when we walk up to the large white house with pillars out front and the Greek letters for Alpha Psi pinned above the door, there are already people partying on the lawn, which I’m sure is indicative of the number of people inside the house.

We walk up to the front door which has been left wide open and make our way through the crowd. I can feel several sets of eyes on me and I move close to Stella’s ear and say, “Is it just me, or are people staring?”

“No, it’s not just you. But of course they’re staring, we look hot as f**k!” I wish I had her confidence. She leads me into the kitchen where I see several bottles of liquor and pop on the counter and pours vodka and soda into two cups for us. I hear a voice from behind us say, “Violet?” I freeze. I would recognize that deep voice and that accent anywhere. I spin around, and sure enough, there he is.

“Kane?”