Between Love and Hate

Vodka and Chocolate

*Violet's POV*

When I cut the engine in my parking spot, I lean my head back against the seat, attempting to mentally prepare myself for the conversation I’m about to have.

I breathe in deeply and find enough willpower to get out of my car and head towards my room. As soon as I round the corner to the front of the building, I see Jace sitting on one of the benches out front. 

I brace myself before walking up to him. I can see his knee shaking nervously and when he finally notices me coming and looks up, I see the dark circles etched under his red-rimmed eyes. 

“Vi, baby,” he says coming in for a hug. I put my hand out to keep him away and say, “Don’t Jace. Just don’t.”

“Let me explain, please.”

“I’m not sure what exactly there is to explain Jace. You f****d another girl! More than once! Not only that, but you let me believe all of this time that we were each other’s firsts. I don’t even know where to begin with that!”

“It was frosh week, and there was a lot going on and everybody was drinking and partying and I just kind of got caught up in it all. When I realized how big of a mistake it was, I cut off all contact.”

“I’m sorry it took five times to realize it was a mistake?! No amount of alcohol or whatever else you’re going to pretend made you cheat on me can excuse five f*****g times!”

“I know that. And I am so so so sorry. Please, Vi, I can’t lose you. Just having one night thinking I lost you was literal hell. I need you, and I know you need me too.”

“Excuse me!? What did you just say? I need you? Is that why you were so upset about the photos? About me going out without you? You thought that I would forgive your cheating because I need you, and then when you realized I don’t, it scared you?!”

He looks away briefly in shame and I say, “Oh my gosh I’m right aren’t I?!”

“Look, Violet, I really am sorry about everything. And I wasn’t lying when I said I need you. I always thought it was the other way around but I was so wrong. I love you so much. What can I do to make this right?”

When those words come out of his mouth, I know in my soul that this is the end of our relationship and there’s no going back. The shock hits me so hard that it takes me a second to reply, “Nothing Jace. Because when you just said ‘I love you,’ I didn’t believe you. Because I no longer trust you. The fact that you love me and I love you used to be one of the only constants in my life. It kept me grounded and got me through so much s**t. But at the same time, one of the things I was most terrified of was you leaving me for someone prettier or smarter or more outgoing than me because I never thought I was good enough for you. And what did you do? You slept with some hot blonde as soon as you left home. And if you really loved me you never would have done that to me.”

“So, what are you saying?”

“I’m saying that you gave me so much, and you were such an important part of my life, arguably the most important. But, I can’t be with you anymore,” As I say the words, a tear slides down my cheek.

“Violet, no, please don’t do this. Please, give me another chance to prove myself to you,” He says, placing his hands on either side of my head and begging me with his eyes.

I place my hands over his and gently remove them. “I can’t. And if you knew me at all you would understand that.”

“Vi-”

“Stop, Jace. Don’t make this harder than it already is. Please just go home.”

“I don’t want that. I don’t want this to end.”

“I wish it could be different, trust me. I wish I could pretend this never happened, but I can’t. It’s over. So please, just go.” 

“Okay, I’ll go because it’s what you want, but you’re gonna have to walk away first, because I don’t think I can.”

I nod and then turn around to go into my building and it feels like I’m leaving a piece of my heart behind. When I get a few steps away, I hear him say, “Vi!”

I turn around and raise my eyebrow as he says, “Are you- are you gonna tell our parents what happened?”

I give him an incredulous look as I say, “Seriously!?”

He rubs the back of his neck and nods. 

“Unbelievable!” I shout and storm off into the dorms. I don’t quite make it into the room when the tears start to fall.

When I unlock the door and get into the room, Stella stands up quickly, runs over to me and hugs me. 

“I broke up with Jace,” I say into her shoulder.

“Aw, honey, come on, let’s go sit down.” She leads me over to her bed and I sit on one end cross legged and she sits in front of me. She puts a hand on my knee and says,

“Talk to me Vi.”

“Jace slept with a girl. 5 times. I wasn’t his first.”

“And he told you about it yesterday?”

“No. I met her. At his house last night. He never intended to tell me. It was a fluke. I was waiting in line for the bathroom and started talking to this girl and then she was asking weird questions and when Jace came over she told him to tell me or she would. She didn’t know he had a girlfriend. She was tall and blonde and curvy and gorgeous of course and I want to hate her but she was so nice.”

“Ah f**k, that’s super shitty, Violet. I’m so sorry.”

“And this whole last week I was feeling so f*****g guilty about making out with Kane, meanwhile he f****d someone else!”

“You did what with who?!” She yells. I clap my hand over my mouth. I was not supposed to say that. “Oh no no no, you are not getting out of this now. Tell me everything.”

I take a deep breath and proceed to tell her everything that happened with Kane. The kisses, the dance floor, how he came to get me yesterday and stayed with me. I gloss over the details of our conversation at breakfast though. 

“I dunno, he’s just so confusing. It’s like, one minute, he hates me and the next minute he- he-”

“Can’t keep his hands off of you?” She supplies. 

“Kind of, yeah,” I reply, blushing. 

“Well, Vi, you know what they say: there’s a thin line between love and hate.”

I let out a chuckle and say, “That’s taking it a little far.”

“Sure, whatever you say. So what are you going to do about it?”

“I have no clue. It’s so complicated. I just got out of a 4 year relationship with the only guy I’ve ever loved and Kane is my step-brother who bullied me all time from the day I met him. If I didn’t need therapy before, I certainly do now,” I say.

“You go to therapy?” She asks.

“Uh, yeah, I, um, I-”

“Oh, no, Vi, I didn’t mean it like that. I go too.”

“You do?”

“Yeah, I mean, doesn’t everybody?”

I smile a little and say, “Yeah, I guess so.”

“Right, well, back to Kane. You clearly have a connection, so why not just go for it, but keep it quiet if you’re that worried about your parents. Nobody has to know.”

“I guess so. I don’t know what he’ll say about it though. He seems to change his mind every 10 minutes. He somehow manages to be both extremely temperamental yet frustratingly inexpressive at the same time. It’s very confusing.”

“It’s mysterious. And seriously hot. He’s really nailing the whole moody bad boy thing.”

My cheeks flush and I say, “You’re not wrong.”

“Alright, this is your first breakup, but it’s not mine so I know exactly what to do now.”

She gets off the bed, runs out to the hallway, returning five minutes later with a bunch of chocolate bars, presumably from the vending machine and then pulls a bottle of vodka out from her desk drawer. She seems to have a never-ending supply of those somehow.

She throws everything on her bed and then we both lean up against the wall and she puts on “Legally Blonde,” which is surprisingly the perfect choice for my current situation. 

We open the chocolate and start passing the vodka in between us and about halfway through the movie I’m feeling pretty buzzed but when my phone starts to vibrate, my good mood begins to evaporate, assuming it’s Jace. When I pull it out and see Kane’s name on the screen, I smile a little and Stella says, “Girl, answer it!”

She pauses the movie and I answer the phone. “Hello?” I say.

“Violet, hi. I- um- I was just- are you okay?”

“Yes, I’m okay. I broke up with Jace. But, I’m okay.”

“Are you alone? Should I come over?” he asks frantically.

“No, I’m with Stella.”

“Hi Kane,” She says into the phone. I giggle and say, “We’re watching a movie.”

“Have you been drinking?” He asks, concern filling his voice.

“Maybeee,” I tell him, “It’s just a little vodka.”

Stella puts her face close to mine again and says, “She’s going through a breakup, she can have all the vodka and chocolate she wants,”

“Okay, okay, I was just asking. I’m not here to judge. Just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“I am. Thank you,” I reply.

“Okay well, I guess we’ll talk later then?”

“Yeah. Bye Kane,” I say and then hang up the phone.

Stella is giving me a look and I roll my eyes and say, “I don’t wanna hear it, just play the movie.”

We finish that movie and then two others and by this point, we’ve almost finished the bottle of vodka and our lunch consisted of only chocolate. We’re deciding between ordering chinese or pizza for dinner when we hear a knock at the door. 

Stella stumbles off the bed to get it and when she opens the door she says, “Vi, it’s for you.”