Love is a present tense

CONFESSION

*One Week Ago*

I opened my eyes to see the familiar roof which I have been seeing since birth. I smiled as I realized that finally the day has come. “I will conquer you today Ray. You just wait”. I got up from the bed with that confidence  and went to the washroom. After dong my usual morning routine, I got ready for school. Although it was just a usual day like any other, something was quite special for me. I was a bit scared yet happy, nervous yet excited. After thinking a lot this whole week and mustering up my courage, I finally decided to do it. Taking a final look in the mirror, I went down to have my breakfast.

“Good morning Pa, good morning Mum”, I greeted my parents. “Good morning sweetheart”, Pa replied while reading the news on his tablet. “Mum, what’s there for breakfast?” I asked excitedly already knowing what she is making from the smell. “Your favorite pancakes sweetie.” Mum replied from the kitchen.

I am the only child of my parents. They had me when they were already in their 40’s. That’s why she had a very difficult labor but they never gave up on me.  Maybe that’s the reason why they are so overprotective of me. But they never limited my freedom or stopped me from doing what I like. So I always want to make them proud of me and being a meritorious student is one of the ways of doing that. I study hard and try my best in everything I do so that they never regret for having me.

After finishing my breakfast, I went to the school. Not wanting to waste any more time, I directly went to his locker and wrote a note for him “Meet me at the rooftop during lunch break. I have something to tell you”. And then I went to attend my class.

*Lunch Break*

“You guys wait for me at the canteen…I will be there in about 20 minutes. I have something to do.” I told the twins as I rearranged my books on the desk. “What’s so important that you re ditching your soul mates like this?” frowned Julie. “Believe me, I can never ever think of ditching you guys. Whatever happens in my life, I will eventually tell you anyway. So be patient and wait for me.” I assured them. Then I took my bag and went to the rooftop of my school building.

He is still not here. I hope he got the note. Oh s**t! I didn’t even write my name on the note. How can I be this stupid? But he knows my handwriting, right? So it won’t be a problem for him to understand that it was me, right? I hope so… finger crossed.

Not so long after, I heard the footsteps. Thank God, he’s finally here. I turned around to see a very confuse looking Ray. “What happened? Why are you looking so confused? And what’s with that look?” I asked unable to hide my curiosity. “Why are you here? Are you the one who wrote that note?”

What?? Are you kidding me? He didn’t even know it was me and here I was thinking that he might be able to realize my handwriting. How stupid of me!!!

“Obviously that note was from me. Aren’t you even familiar with my handwriting? Were you expecting someone else?” I was disappointed. “No don’t get me wrong. You have my number so I never thought that you would write a note to me. Anyway, why did you call me here today? Don’t tell me you caused a trouble again.” He overreacted while slightly bending and bringing his face near mine giving a smirk. Looking at those brown orbs and those plump lips so close to mine, I forgot to breathe. My heart was beating vigorously in my chest. It felt like it would burst open if I keep this position for another minute. I didn’t even realize that I was holding my breath for so long.

Moving away from him a bit, I tried maintaining my posture as normal and calm as possible. “Don’t overreact… I didn’t cause any problem. I called you here because I have something to tell you.” “You know we have been friends for almost 6 years now. We have been with each other in almost every moment we experienced in those years. I don’t know when it started but it kept growing until I can’t even control it anymore. At first I tried to ignore this feeling as much as possible reminding myself again and again not to go in that direction. But I can’t take this anymore. I don’t want to keep fooling myself anymore. My heart feels so heavy every time I have to endure seeing you with someone else. I don’t want to regret in future for not being true to myself. I don’t want to care about the result anymore. So I decided I’ll tell you…

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Tell you that…

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That I love you, Ray… I love you… I have been doing that for the past 3 years. I don’t want to hide my feelings anymore. I don’t want to feel the fear that you might hear my heart beating crazily, that you might notice the longing in my eyes for you.” I sighed finally being able to take the heavy burden down my heart.

I have imagined many expressions that he might show after hearing my confession but not the one he is currently showing. I couldn’t read those eyes, I couldn’t read his thoughts. He was just staring at me. His face void of any expression, his eyes void of any emotions.

“I’m sorry…you are nothing more than just a friend to me.” With this he turned around and left leaving a shocked and heartbroken me behind. My lips were parted, my eyes felt a burning sensation forming tears and making my vision blurry.  Looking at his back view leaving, I realized one thing. I can’t even be a friend to you anymore.