SWEET CONFUSIONS

CHAPTER 3

    It was late at night. The moon shines above the busy city bustling. She looks up seeing rain clouds from the distance. The temperature drops abruptly. Her white shear nightgown could only protect so little of her body from the cold air. She hugs herself from shivering, not because of the air but of loneliness. She glances in the bedroom. James packing last of his things in a bag.

“Well... I’m going.” He walks slowly towards the door.

 “Do you still feel... that you love me?” she called out.

    He stops. Turns around to face her. He puts down his bag on the floor. Shrugging his shoulder he said, “I love you. I desperately want to be with you.” His eyes were pleading for her. She runs up to him, he embraces her in a tight hug. She tilts up her head to look at his face. His lips inches away.

“You don’t have to leave.” She whispers.

“I have to.” He was smoothing her hair away from her cheeks.

“I’m sorry.” Her lower lip quiver.

“Hey, don’t be.” He reassured her by kissing her on her forehead. He took his bag, and unlocks the door.

“Wait.” She wraps her arms around his neck and they both kissed.

“I thought I got rid of you.” They both stopped kissing and saw the fake blonde bimbo has her arm up on the door frame, her bright red hooker lipstick looking at Natasha with a smirk. Then all of a sudden she felt James drag her up to the balcony. They were laughing when they pushed her off the balcony. Natasha was falling, she could hear her own screams. Before she hits the pavement she woke up.

“WTF?!” eyes wide open, she was kicking her legs “Oh it’s just a dream. Thank God.” Patting her heart to calm down. She got up, took a cold shower just to punish herself from dreaming about James. Ate breakfast and brushed her teeth all the while cursing at James with all the profanity she could muster. “I just need to get to work and make myself busy. No more thinking about him, Okay Natasha?” she was doing her own pep talk. Because she read that you’re a genius if you keep talking to yourself. Not crazy at all. Then she thought, are the crazy people at the asylum crazy? Or geniuses?

    Eventually I came home after the weekend with my friends. I didn’t have any office clothes back at the loft. I guess James saw the space in my wardrobe, he would ask why I’m boxing my stuff, I simply lied that I’m doing charity works, and that the quarterly employee sales is this month, there would be more space for new clothes and shoes. My friends advised that I keep my mouth shut and pretend that everything is fine.

    Thought his playboy days were in the past he retained one for booty calls. Typical. It’s unbelievable that this would happen to me. Thought it only happens in movies.

    When I didn’t come home, the third day today, James has been sending messages, called several times, leaving voice messages,

“Where are you?”;

“Are you home?”;

“Are you still alive?”

    I really didn’t want to reply. The bastard has no clue that I’ve been sneaking to my apartment and getting more of my stuff. Good thing that I’m well associated with the people working at our apartment building. Armand, the Head administration would call every time James leaves for work. After he signs the divorce papers I could get my apartment back or just sell it, either way I want it back. It was mine, and the title is still under my maiden name. He can stay until the divorce. I can’t just kick him out, it’s almost winter. I’m not a cold-hearted b*tch. Ugggh! No. No. No. Until now I still worry about him. I was so used to taking care of him that I switch to the good wife mode. What will happen during Thanksgiving? And Christmas? I shouldn’t be thinking for the both of us. I should think about myself for once. I was in deep thoughts when my phone rang.

“Hello?” without looking at the caller I.D. I answered the phone.

“FINALLY! Didn’t you get my messages?” realization struck, I glanced who was on the phone, “Where have you been?” I heard him shouting, “I’ve been worried sick! I thought you died!” I could hear him pacing back and forth while talking on the phone, “When are you coming home?” James nagging like he always does whenever he doesn’t get what he wants. I was having my panic modes. Hitting my head with what I could grab, except the stapler (that sh*t hurts!)

    I silently mouthed out,’F*CK!? SH*T!?’ I was almost successful on avoiding him. Inhaling and collecting myself I started to speak, “I’ve been busy at work. Can we talk some other time? Now is not a good time.” I said that without pausing or taking a breath. I’m trying not to burst out and tell him that I know that he’s been with that bleached blonde fake tit job of a girl. I grabbed my stress ball, squeezing it hard to calm myself. I’m not going to cry. Nope, I’m not going to cry.

“I want you home... Please?” He said using his soft voice. He always does that to get what he wants. I’m not going to fall for that. “I’ll cook dinner.” That means Chinese take-outs. “I want to see you.” I was shaking my head ‘NO’.

    I couldn’t breathe, his voice makes me weak. I sat up straight and clearing my throat I said, “I’ll look into it. I’ll get back to you on that. And I’ll give you an update.” My knuckles white from squeezing the stress ball. I was on the verge of crying again.

“I miss y-...” I ended the call before he finished talking.

    Standing up and pushing my phone away from me like it was going to explode. I blink several times on just what happened. Was it a dream? I pinched my arm. Nope, It was real. Hearing his voice makes me sad, angry, and confused. I don’t like that. I don’t like it. My mind keeps picturing him and her in bed. Wiping my tears away, I started typing on my computer. It’s better for me to work. Yes, I just have to focus, make myself busy. Why did he do this to me... again?

    Tilting my head back on my chair, sucking the air between my teeth. I mean it’s his fault he couldn’t keep it in his pants. He cheated on me... huhuhu (crying) my cheek on my desk. No! I refuse to be the victim. Sitting straight with my fist on my chest. He keeps going back to her, she’s not even pretty! Typing loud, I was hitting the spacebar very angry. I was snarling when I thought about her bleach blond hair, fake tan, fake nose, lips full of fillers like a swarm of bees stung her, fake boobs with hard rock n*****s (she could poke somebody’s eye out!).

    I should have gone with that British guy at Clarke Quay in Singapore when I had the chance, but nooooo... I’m too goody-goody. My loyalty is with James, but where was his loyalty? A dog would be a better companion than that bastard. “Ehem.” What’s that sound, was it me? “Ehem.” I heard it again... God? Is that you? “Ehem.” Even louder. My secretary was standing in from of my desk.

“I knocked, Boss.” She was hugging the folders to her chest, “Looks like you are fighting with your inner demons?” Jessica my secretary was eyeing me like I’m crazy. Pulling out a sticky note from my hair.

“Oh I’m sorry, Jessica. It’s nothing important. You have something for me?” I asked snapping myself from my thoughts.

“I need your signature on these documents. And this came from your Lawyer, ” Handing me the folders. Excited to open the large envelop that contains the Divorce papers. Jessica comes back with a cup of my favourite blueberry tea, a mirror and a brush, “You might need these, Boss.” Pointing at my messy hair.

“Thank you.” Smiling at her. She’s a sweet girl, “Oh and Jess, could you screen all of my calls. And if James calls, tell him I’m in a meeting.” combing my hair in a neat bun.

“May I know why, Boss?” I wasn’t offended with her bluntness. I was even thankful that she asked instead of talking behind my back. It’s nice that I could talk to somebody about James at work. She knows how to handle my mood swings and my well-being.

“We’re having a divorce. He doesn’t know yet.” It came out so casually. I can’t wait to sign the papers. I think this a start of getting in control of my life. Plus Alimony. Not that I need it. I’m well of on my own without him. My mood seems better as I sip on my tea.