Hidden In These Walls

14- Love is Worth It

Love, the deadliest of all deadly things: It kills you both when you have it and when you don't.

But that isn't it, exactly.

The condemner and the condemned. The executioner; the blade; the last-minute reprieve; the gasping breath and the rolling sky above you and the thank you, thank you, thank you, God.

Love: It will kill you and save you, both.

//Jason//

He left me standing there in the middle of the deserted street. I knew this day will come, but I refused to think about it until now.

I'm all alone again.

I closed my eyes, feeling the cold wind blow into my hair and caress my cheeks as my silent tears run down my face. He was the best thing that came into my life. Even though it was just a week spent with him, he managed to show me the real meaning of love. He taught me how to love again, he was the reason I smiled, and he will always be the reason to my future smiles.

Never in a million years did I expect to fall in love with a guy, but I guess Hunter is special. I don't think I can love any guy the way I love my him. Hunter is my only exception.

I already miss the feeling of his hand in mine, the feeling of his lips when he kisses my mouth, my nose. The way he holds me so tightly like he never wants to let go of me, but at the same time knowing that he will have to leave me at some point.

Hunter was my savior, and he still is.

But now I'm scared. I'm so scared of what's coming. I just know that when I turn and head inside, I would be facing hell itself. Dad didn't beat me for the past week, so off course he would be craving for some beating right now; it's like a dangerous drug to him.

I'm going to have to face him eventually, so I turned around and walked slowly towards my front door. I placed my key in the key hole and opened the door. Everything was so calm, too calm for my liking.

He is watching me. I can feel his stare burning into my soul.

"Well, well ,well, look who showed up." His high obnoxious voice boomed through the house.

I quickly turned around to see him standing there in the living room, a deathly glare aimed at me by his hated eyes.

"Didn't you miss me you damned boy? My fist missed you so much!" He said sarcastically.

"P-please don't." I started my pleading which will bring me to nowhere exactly.

"Don't what? Hit you? Well sorry, no can do." He replied before quickly walking towards me.

I felt the first pang of pain on my cheek when he punched me there. Then, pain spread to every part of my body as I lost track of everything around me. He was beating every inch of my body, not afraid of killing me.

"You even dared to find a new friend?! Huh?! Who is he?!" He growled at me.

And that's when I knew that dad heard of Hunter. News spread so quickly around here.

When I didn't reply, he kept on pumping his fist into my stomach until I finally gave up and surrendered to the darkness.

//Hunter//

"I'm home!!" I yelled as I entered my front door.

It was already dark outside but I knew my family would still be awake on this fine Saturday evening.

"Hunteee!!!" My little sister squealed while running downstairs and straight into my welcoming embrace.

"How is my little muffin doing?" I asked before kissing her forehead.

"I miss you!" She said.

"I missed you too hun." I said.

"Hey sunshine! Didn't you miss your own mother?" Mom came in and directly hugged me.

"Hey mom, off course I miss you!"

After I hugged everyone and got a nice welcome home, I headed straight to my room. The only thought in my mind was my angel.

But before anything, I stripped out of my clothes and entered my bathroom to take a relaxing shower.

I let the warm water cascade on my back, relaxing my tensed muscles. I still can't erase the image of Jason crying, looking so broken before I left him standing there; in front of the hell hole called his house.

I left my love, when all what I wanted to do was run away with him. But I know I can't do this to my family, I can't run away and leave them. I feel trapped in between the two.

Yes, I love Jason so freaking much, but at the same time I can't ignore my own life here in Bradford.

I wonder how Jay is doing right now. Did his dad touch him? Or did he leave him for once? I have this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach telling me that my angel isn't fine at all. He is hurt.

After rinsing my hair with shampoo and washing my body, I got out of the bathroom after wrapping a towel around my waist.

I took a look at my clock which is placed on my nightstand and saw it was already nine pm, so I thought I can text Jason. It's better than calling him at this hour.

I opened my first drawer to find another phone. When Nick and Toby bought me a new number, they put it for me in an old phone of Toby’s. I don't know how they managed to sneak in my room and put it for me, but they did.

So, I turned it on and as soon as it did, I started to type a text to the number I came to memorize by heart.

"Hey baby, I miss you so much already. Are you alright?"

I threw my phone on my bed and turned to my closet. I picked a black Calvin Klein boxer and grey sweatpants and started to put them on.

Then, I heard a beep sound signaling that I just received a message. I quickly darted to my bed and sat down, gripping my phone in both of my hands as if my life depended on it. I directly opened the message.

Jason:- Hey H, I miss you so much as well.

Since Jason is still awake, I decided to call him. I want to hear his voice; scratch that, I need to hear his angelic voice and make sure he's fine. So, I dialed his number and waited for him to pick up.

I heard the other side of the line open, but I didn't hear Jason speak. Why isn't he speaking?

"Jason baby, are you there?" I asked.

"Y-Yes.." He sniffled.

He's crying. He's freaking crying again! That bastard beat him! I just know it. My feeling was true.

"Angel, what's wrong baby?"

"Nothing, I just m-miss you." He replied.

Bullshit.

"I know that's not the reason why you're crying, so just tell me what did he do?" I said, my voice sounding different and angry even to my own ears.

He sniffled again and started talking, "A-as soon as I entered the house, he was waiting for me, a-and he directly started to hit me and kick me. And he said that he heard about you Hunter. He said that he knows I have a friend now. But after that, I just blacked out."

I felt my breathing go rapid and shallow. It kills me to hear what he just said. And just then, I felt so guilty because part of the beating was because of me. His dad heard of me, and he beat Jay because of me. I clutched my hair with my other hand so tightly, trying to let a bit of my frustration out.

"I'm so sorry. I'm really sorry." I apologized.

"What are you sorry for? It's not your fault baby. I knew what I was going to face when I enter the house from the start. It's not your fault." He tried to make me feel better, but in fact this made me feel worse than before.

"Please tell me you're fine angel. What hurts? Oh God, I really wish I never left you there alone." I started to ramble because that's what I do when I'm worried.

"Shh H, I'm fine. I'm used to it even though it hurts. But I'm used to it." He muttered.

I closed my eyes, trying not to let my collected tears fall. "I love you Jason, I love you so much."

"I-I love you too Hunter, so much." He whispered.

"Where are you now? What are you doing?" I asked.

"I'm in my room, just lying on my bed. What about you?"

"Same, I arrived home about an hour ago and after sitting with my family for a while, I took a shower and directly texted you." I replied.

"Hmm. I already miss you, Hunter."

"Me too Angel, so much."

"When will I see you again?" He asked.

"I don’t know baby, but I will come to visit you at the nearest opportunity. I would run to you right now if I can."

I heard him chuckle, making my heart flutter. "Yeah H, run all the way from Bradford to Cheshire. But don't die on your way here."

"Oh shut it, when I say I'd run to you, then I would do it. If I have to face death on the way, then I would; just for you baby." I said.

"No, I wouldn't let you die for me. Why would you die for me? I'm nothing." He murmured, making me feel slightly angry again. Why does he think so low of himself?

"You're everything to me Jason. Never say you're nothing when you're everything, you hear me?" I replied with a slight edge to my voice.

"And starting from the day you defended me Hunt, you became my everything. You make me strong Hunter and I'm going to keep the promise I made to you, and try to be stronger, for us." He said, and my heart went beating so fast, I'm afraid I might have a heart attack.

"Ugh Jay, I wish I can hug you and kiss you right now." I muttered knowing perfectly well that his cheeks went red instantly.

"M-Me too." He stuttered.

Aww, my boyfriend is the cutest boy alive. I grinned as I thought of him as my boyfriend. It fit so well.

"I love it when you blush." I said.

"Wha- What? I did not! How?"

I laughed out loud before I said, "I know you're blushing Jay, I just know you so well now."

"Shut up." He said, making me laugh more.

So he continued, "Stop laughing at me! I hate you!"

This made me stop. "No you don't hate me." I stated.

"Yes I do." He retorted.

"You love me." I said.

After a couple of more "No, I hate you" and "No, you love me", he finally surrendered and said that he loves me.

"Ugh, okay you got me, I do love you, so much. You're so special H. My only exception." He said, and I didn’t know how I fought the urge of kissing him. I just wanted to hold him forever.

"And you're my angel Jason. I love you more."

After that, we said our goodbyes and good nights because we were both tired and wanted to finally sleep. 

The next day, Nick and Toby came over at noon. We are currently sitting in my room, just talking. I was sitting on my desk chair and Toby and Nick were sitting crossed legged on my bed.

"So mate, tell us everything!" Toby said enthusiastically.

"Like, what do you want to know?" I asked.

"Tell us how you met, what happened during all of the vacation." He said.

"Well, I have a boyfriend now." I said, keeping it short.

Toby c****d an eyebrow which meant that he wanted me to elaborate.

I sighed before telling them everything from the moment we met till the moment we said goodbye, but I missed the parts of Jason's brother and the whole story that came with it. I just told them that my angel gets major beating at home like they already know. I didn't miss the way Toby's face would change every time I say something interesting or heart breaking.

However, I couldn't but notice how Nick remained silent through all of this. That's not the Nick I know.

"Aww, I'm so happy for you Hunter, but really feel bad for Jason. He seems like a great person, and I can't wait to meet him." Toby cooed.

I thanked him before looking back at Nick.

"Hey Nicky, what's up with you? I've never seen you so silent before." I said. I was really concerned now.

"I-It's nothing." He retorted quickly, looking alarmed.

"There is definitely something Nick. I'm not stupid. You know you can tell us anything!" I insisted.

Nick looked like he was debating on whether he would tell us or not, worry so evident on his face.

Finally, he spoke. "Y-You know how I used to live there, in Cheshire I mean right?" We nodded, so he continued. "Well, I- I used to have a boyfriend there before I came here. He was older than me but we used to really love each other. The day I had to move to Bradford, he told me he'd follow me but he never did and I never heard from him again."

"H-His name was Mason Miller, Jason's brother."

A gasp escaped my mouth as what Nick just said registered in my head.

"What?!" Toby whispered yelled at Nick. What the hell got into him now?

"I'm so sorry Toby! I didn't tell you before because it was painful for me to talk about it. Please forgive me baby." Nick quickly said to Toby.

Baby?

"Wait, what the hell? Am I missing something here?" I asked, confused.

They both looked at me apologetically before Nick finally said, "Hunter, Toby and I are together. We are sorry for not telling you before but we were afraid of your reaction."

They are together? I knew something was up between those two the moment I confessed to being gay that day at school.

"You could have told me. I'm your best friend. I won't bite!" I decided to play a little, make them feel guilty.

They winced at my tone and started to apologize to me non-stop.

I finally burst out laughing, making them look at me with confusion in their eyes.

"I'm just kidding with you guys! You should have seen your faces. I'm happy for you actually, just don't kiss in front of me." I joked.

"Really? You're fine with us being together?" Toby asked.

"Yeah, I'm perfectly fine with it. Just don't hide stuff like that from me again." I replied.

"Wow, feels like a huge wait was lifted off my shoulders." Nick said.

This reminded me of what he confessed earlier. He was Mason's boyfriend? He seemed like he doesn't know that he was murdered. Oh s**t! I'm going to have to tell him now.

"Hey, Nick?"

"Yeah?" He answered while looking at me.

"You don't know what happened to Jason's brother?" I asked.

He straightened up instantly and stared at me with wide worried eyes. "What do you mean?" He asked.

I sighed before closing my eyes and preparing myself to drop this bomb on him.

"Nicky, Mason died four years ago. I'm so sorry."

Nick just sat there, staring at the wall in front of him while fiddling with his hands. A few minutes later, a heart wrenching sob was heard through the room.

"H-He died? H-how did he die? But, why? My first love just died?" He muttered between his loud sobs.

Toby instantly wrapped his arms around him, just the way I wrap my arms around Jason and started whispering assuring words to Nick which won't stop his cries.

"Shh baby, stop crying. You didn't know, shh. Please stop crying. I love you." Toby murmured.

I stood up and walked to the pair of them. I sat next to Nick and ran my hand up and down his back to comfort him.

"Hey, Nick, listen to me. We will find who killed him and he will pay. We will take revenge for him. I want to do it for Jason. He deserves it."

"He was murdered?" Nick muttered.

So then, I told them the whole story and how my angel was accused of killing his own brother.

"Jason can never kill him. He loved him so much. Mase used to tell me himself how much Jason was attached to him." Nick said.

"Yes, and that's why I want to know the real story. I want to free my boyfriend out of his misery. He deserves to live a happy life." I said.

//Jason//

The next day, I didn't bother getting out of bed. Where would I go? The kitchen? Mom would glare at me. The living room? Yeah, let dad beat me then.

So, I stayed in my safe room just thinking. I loved Hunter's phone call yesterday. He made me feel a lot better by just hearing his voice.

I think that now, the only thing that's keeping me strong is his ultimate love for me.

I can't live without his love after today. He makes me strong; he makes me want to fight and that's what I'll do. I'll fight Luke, I'll fight Damon, I'll fight Shane, but mostly, I'll fight my father.

I'm willing to try, just for Hunter. He changed my life the moment he stepped foot in it and I won't let him back away and leave me because I'm too vulnerable. I'll fight for us.

It was already four pm so I just sat here wondering what novel I should read when she popped in my head.

Oh my God! I can't believe I forgot all about the girl who gave me hope in the first place. I feel like such an i***t!

I quickly took my phone and started typing a text to Helda.

"Um hey Helda. I'm so sorry, I totally forgot about you. I hope you'll forgive me when you find out about what happened with me. I'm really sorry again. How are you?"

Ugh, will she reply or did I lose my only friend other than my boyfriend?

I felt a grin sneak itself to my face when I thought of Hunter as my boyfriend.

I just came to love him so much.

Then suddenly, I received two messages.

I opened the first one.

Helda:- Hey Jason! It's fine you don't have to apologize to me. I'm fine! Tell me what happened with you?

My Baby ^^:- Angel, I have something to tell you. It's about your brother.

My brother? What does Hunter have to do with my brother?

Then, the doorbell rang, jerking me out of my thoughts.

"Is Jason here?"