Tethered by Destiny:Riven by Devoir

Chapter4

Every day dragged on at a maddening crawl. Time weighed upon me as a burden, pressing down like an anvil, upon my spirit and physique, squeezing the vitality from the very heart of me. I doubted I could stand it.

I gazed vacantly through the empty hearth across my office, nestled between the field of towering bookshelves, from behind my vast desk. The cold season approached. In that stone enclosure, soon tongues of fire would lick, and the warmth would fill the place.

But I'd remain frozen.

Forever, it seemed.

I suspected that my glacial void of a gut and I were going to be life-long friends. Tilting my body back, I gripped the armrests of my executive chair so tightly my knuckles turned white. The leather let out a characteristic creak.

“This can’t continue,” I said to the vacuous room. "I'm falling apart."

Recent events reverberated through my mind with insane clarity.

Shortly after, I was devastated by the news that Brinley was my destined mate. I ordered her to stop in my quarters. I had made up some ridiculous excuse, like not wanting her to touch my stuff. In reality, nothing was further from the truth—I wouldn't have made a fuss if she had taken everything I owned.

The real problem was her heady perfume…

“Sweet lilac with a splash of moonlight,” I murmured, closing my eyes.

It threatened my sanity. It riled my Wolf; it pushed us both to the edge of hysteria. One whiff of her scent had me salivating and my jaws working to sink my canines in her flesh.

“Get it together,” I growled at myself, turning my head in vigorous circles.

The same refrain I was f*****g beating down the past fourteen days soaked through unendingly. I just needed to put distance between us. Then balance would be restored.

That burning pain in my heart would go away. Fair enough, I was deep in sheer agony at this moment, but after a short break I could reach some lofty dual perspective.

That would not have been an option if survival was my goal.

I drew in a trembling breath.

“Just breathe,” I thought to myself. "One day at a time."

My father had resisted what I'd asked about Brinley's duties, his voice and manner feigning irritation at the idea, all but reminding me the packhouse belonged to her to keep.

“She has tasks,” he said, squinting. “Why should she get a pass on them?

But I had not missed the malicious glint in his eye. I knew he wanted to cause pain of some sort, but I was not going to be his tool for that. Eventually, I won, and Brinley stopped servicing my suite.

My reflections were interrupted by a knock. Calla walked in without so much as waiting to be invited.

I frowned instinctively.

“Thought you could use some company,” she said, stepping over the threshold.

She crossed the room and settled on my lap, the hem of her navy blue dress creeping up her thighs. She wrapped her arms around my neck. She must have seen my look of displeasure because she purred, “I’m so sorry, darling. Can you believe that the Moon thought she would be good for you?”

It was a nauseatingly saccharine tone. It churned my stomach. Oddly, I remembered her voice having never done that before. Now it rubbed against my remaining reserves of patience.

A warning growl escaped my wolf. He hated her comment and could visualize crushing her head between his powerful jaws. I suppressed him forcefully.

"Don't I get a hello?" she asked, pouting slightly.

“I don’t want to talk about this,” I said through gritted teeth. It's irrelevant. It won't happen."

“You’ve really stepped back in the past few weeks,” she said, adjusting my hair. "I'm worried about you."

I needed to compose myself.

I had to come up with a solution to move forward if I wanted to stick with Calla. As much as this was the last conversation I wanted at the moment, I could not avoid it forever.

“We need to talk,” I finally said.

Holding her, I walked her over to a small seating area on the other side of the room and set her down. She followed silently behind and plopped down next to me on the sofa.

"What's on your mind?" She had chocolate-brown eyes that studied me closely.

She patted my bicep reassuringly. From her sympathetic expression, she must have thought I was upset about Brinley being my fated mate. She thought I hated the concept — exactly what I wanted everyone to believe.

There it was, and she couldn't have been more wrong.

I craved Brinley...

"Coal? "Talk to me," Calla urged.

That has slivers of my very being in them.

...Figuratively, she remained out of reach.

She was never an option, because loving her was a death sentence. My Wolf was moaning plaintively. “No one deserved it more than you!” he seethed at us angrily, meaning that we had made our mate suffer so badly and risked his life like that. But our suffering was irrelevant. We could suffer one death after another, for all I cared. Only one imperative mattered. One outcome that I would do anything to avoid.

I started cautiously, “I’ve been thinking about us.

Brinley was not going to die because of me.

Still, letting her go was by far the hardest thing I’d ever done. Perhaps even impossible. Rest had become surprisingly hard to come by. For innumerable hours I lay supine, staring up, my jangled thoughts repeating themselves endlessly, searching for a way out.

“Are you breaking up with me?” Calla asked all at once, her voice edged.

"What? "No,” I answered reflexively, then stopped. Was I?

I’d even considered just taking Brinley, and disappearing — leaving behind this nightmare for good. If I had to choose between her and my position, then I couldn’t give a fig about being Alpha. The decision was simple. I'd select her.

Reality, however, proved more complicated.

“I just need a little patience right now,” I said finally. “This mate bond thing… it’s complicated.

"What's complicated?" she demanded. You rejected her. It's done. Unless..." Her eyes narrowed. “Unless you’re having second thoughts.”

If I took off with Brinley, my father would really erase her invisible tether to the pack, marking her as rogue.

It offered an easy fix for him. That simple move would mete to us both the most unfathomable and painfully torturous punishment imaginable—once Brinley went rogue, I would kill her.

I would be helpless to oppose it.

“I’m not having second thoughts," I said, and lied. But this isn't easy. My wolf, biologically, is warring against me.”

“Let me help you fight it,” she said, leaning closer.

None of them could override this instinct. Whether love or kinship, it was undeniable our need to terminate a rogue Wolf.

And as if by some miracle she escaped me, she would be hunted by every wolf she encountered. Her life here was rough, but her options outside the pack were zero.

“I don’t think you can do anything about this,” I said, edging a bit away from her.

“You are pushing me away,” she accused.

No. Brinley wasn’t a possession of mine. And when the lovely features of her sweet face twisted in pain — pain administered by my rejection — I was crushed. I almost gave in and ran to declare my love to her so often, not to possession, but for no reason but to let her know what was real.

But that would be a selfish, abject thing to do.

It would only make it all more confusing for her and make it harder to move on. And I struggled with whether I could share the truth with you. I felt the fire course through her veins. If inadvertently, she uttered something that threatened the truth, then she would pay the ultimate price.

“I'm not pushing you away,” I said. "I just need time."

"Time for what?" Calla demanded. "To decide between us? “There’s no decision that should need to be, Coal!”

No, that left silence the only option for me.

My priority was to keep her alive.

The chaos in my head made up an endless loop of thoughts and arguments that always circled back to one unavoidable conclusion — she was going to die.

I knew I had to do the right thing…

After a moment, I took Calla’s hand and said, “You’re right. "There isn't a decision. I chose you that night, and I’m choosing you now. I just need a bit of patience to work through this.

...I had to let Brinley go.

“I get it,” Calla said, visibly easing up. “I’m here for you, whatever you need.”

But her words sounded empty to me. The only voice that I wanted to listen to was that which I could never possess.

“Thank you,” I said, as programmed, wondering how long I could keep up this show before it all destroyed me.