IF

IF: The eyes replaced by nose Part 2

I hope you would have liked the previous chapter.

So, now to make your interest double in this chapter, here's a poem.

"The Forehead Sneeze"

(A Tragedy in Tissues)

I once had a nose in its usual place,

Right in the center of my lovely face.

But now it's moved—oh, what a twist!

It lives where my brows and hat once kissed.

At first, I thought, “Hey, this is fine,

My glasses still work—just not on time.”

But then one day, a tickle grew,

And I let out the world’s first forehead ACHOO!

It sprayed my bangs, it scared the cat,

It soaked my hat, imagine that!

My sneeze shot out like a sneezy beam,

Straight from my dome, like a nasal dream.

I tried to block it with my hand,

But smacked my face—I didn’t plan.

My tissue missed, it flew away,

While snot came raining like a spray.

I sneezed in church, I sneezed at work,

My boss now calls me “Snorty Dirk.”

Romantic dates? A total flop.

My forehead sneezed into her soda pop. 😳🥤

At yoga class, I downward-dogged,

And sneeze-blasted the floor—so fogged.

The mats were slick, the zen was gone,

Someone yelled, “Whose nose is ON?”

Now every sneeze needs prep and gear,

A towel hat, a sneeze-proof ear.

People duck when I say "Ahh..."

And run when they hear the "Choo!"—voilà!

So if you think your nose is lame,

Just know mine’s got a whole new game.

It’s high and proud, it makes a scene...

A forehead nose is not serene.

So bless me twice, or maybe four,

This nose won't stop—it's aiming more.

But if you hear me sniff or wheeze—

Please run away from my forehead sneeze!

How to sneeze a problem for everyone?

Ohhh sneezing in this topsy-turvy face setup? Absolute chaos. If the nose is now sitting where the eyes used to be, right on your forehead, then sneezing is no longer just a bodily function—it's a life event. Let’s paint the picture:

First of all, sneezes are already dramatic. They're loud, sudden, and a little gross. But now? You’re launching sneeze-rockets straight out of your forehead like some kind of sinus-powered unicorn. There's no delicate "achoo" anymore—it's full-blown forehead firepower. If someone’s standing in front of you, say goodbye to that friendship. You’d basically be shooting a misty, slightly horrifying face cannon right at their eyebrows. No one is safe.

And don’t even think about holding it in. You know how people try to stifle sneezes by pinching their noses? Yeah, try doing that now with your fingers awkwardly jammed into your forehead nostrils. You’d look like you're trying to perform some weird kind of third-eye yoga. And if you fail? Boom. Forehead sneeze blast. Straight into your hair. Yup, that’s right. No more sneezing into tissues. Now you’ll need headbands with built-in Kleenex. Stylish? No. Effective? Barely.

Now imagine you're wearing a cap, a hoodie, or even a helmet. In normal life, those things keep you cozy. In this world? They're sneeze traps. You sneeze once, and your hat is now holding a crime scene. Every sneeze turns your headgear into a nasal sprinkler. Think pollen season? It’s a forehead flood warning.

Makeup lovers would suffer too. A perfectly blended forehead contour? Ruined by one explosive sneeze. Mascara? Forget it. You’d need forehead lashes. And if someone compliments your glow? Sorry, that’s just the sweat and tears from your sinus going haywire up top.

And you know how sometimes you sneeze multiple times in a row? Like, three, four, five in quick succession? Yeah. Now imagine that—but with your whole head jerking forward repeatedly as you try not to accidentally headbutt the air in front of you. Office meetings? Disasters. First dates? Over before dessert. Gym workouts? Imagine sneezing mid-plank and face-slamming your mat with a forehead splash. Gym bro status: revoked.

Let’s not forget driving. One strong sneeze, and you’ve forehead-sprayed your windshield. You’re not even mad about the sneeze—you’re mad you now need forehead wipers.

And here's the kicker—sunglasses won’t save you anymore. People would try to protect their sneeze zone with forehead visors. Maybe even custom sneeze-shields. There'd be a new etiquette: “Bless you” now comes with a backup towel and a 3-foot safety radius.

So in short? Sneezing in a world where your nose is on your forehead is not just inconvenient. It's a full-body, forehead-flinging, social-exile-inducing disaster. Everyone would walk around in constant fear of pollen, pepper, and bright sunlight—because in this world, one sneeze is all it takes to ruin your whole look, your hat, and probably someone’s day.

Social media :

Ooooh, you just know if noses moved to foreheads and eyes slid down to the middle of our faces, social media would lose its collective mind. Here's a fun rundown of how different platforms would react to this bizarre new reality:

📸 i********::

Selfies would be an absolute circus. Influencers would be like:

“✨Forehead contour to accentuate the new nose✨ #ForeNose #Blessed”

Makeup tutorials? Now teaching how to apply brow-shadow for nostril elegance.

New trends: “Sniff-and-snap” challenges, forehead nose piercings, and #BlinkTok.

“Got my lash extensions done... on my nose 👁️👁️💅”

🐦 X (Twitter):

The memes would be immediate and savage.

“I sneezed once and now I’m legally not allowed near ceiling fans.”

“Eyebrows now officially more useful than my ex.”

“Can we talk about how eye contact now means staring at someone’s mouth like you're interrogating their soup?”

Trending topics:

#ForeheadNoseGate

#BlinkDownNotUp

#WeirdEvolutionBeLike

🎵 t****k:

Chaos. Pure, unfiltered chaos.

People filming sneeze slo-mos with dramatic music: “I Will Always Love You” as tissues explode from their head.

Filters to swap back to the "Old Face" and crying reactions.

Dances now include coordinated eye-blinks and head-tilts like synchronized face dolphins.

Viral audio:

“Achoo—wait, did that come from my forehead?! 😭💀”

📘 f*******::

Aunt Karen is posting blurry selfies like:

“I don’t get it... are my glasses upside down or is my face broken?”

Boomers are forming support groups:

“Concerned Citizens for Classic Face Placement”

Shared posts with captions like:

“In my day, noses knew their place.”

And don't forget the minion memes:

"Back in my day, your nose didn't sniff your bangs!" 🤓

📌 Pinterest:

DIY crafts like:

“How to knit a forehead tissue catcher”

“Home remedies for sneezing without ruining your bangs”

And boards titled:

“New Nose. New Me.”

“Face Fashion for the Brave”

“Head Accessories for Drippy Days”

📽️ YouTube:

Long-form rants and vlogs:

“I Tried Living With My Nose on My Forehead for 24 Hours (Emotional)”

“Forehead Sneezes: Rated Worst Bodily Function of 2025”

“Eyewear Companies HATE Her! See What She Did to Wear Glasses on Her Mouth-Eyes!”

Plus: reaction videos, parody songs, and forehead sneeze compilations set to dubstep.

👻 Snapchat:

Filters everywhere.

One gives you a "classic face" with your features back in place.

Another exaggerates the new look: GIANT nostrils up top, blinking cheeks below.

Stories like: “POV: You just sneezed and lost your entire front row at the concert.”

Elderly people :

Ohhhh, the elderly in this nose-on-the-forehead, eyes-on-the-nose world? Bless their confused, squinting hearts. They’d have the toughest (and most unintentionally hilarious) time adjusting. Let’s take a stroll through the chaos, shall we?

👵👴 The Elderly Experience in the Upside-Down Face Era:

1. “Back in my day...”

You’d hear it every five minutes:

“Back in my day, noses didn’t sit on your hairline like an angry button!”

“We had to walk to school with our noses right in the middle of our faces—in the snow!”

They'd treat it like the ultimate generation gap: "Boomers had rotary phones and center noses. You kids don’t know suffering!"

2. Eyeglass Nightmares

Granny’s bifocals? Now being worn like a chin strap.

She’d be like, “Why do I keep tasting the lens?”

And Grandpa would just give up entirely—“I’m seeing out of my cheeks now, Doris. I give up.”

And forget adjusting your glasses when they slide down your face—they’d end up dangling from your lips like some kind of optical pacifier.

3. Sneezing = Danger

Imagine a sweet elderly man with a cane... sneezing from his forehead so violently he knocks over a potted plant.

His wife would yell, “Gerald! That’s the third ficus you’ve launched this week!”

They’d have to invent special forehead sneeze visors for seniors: sneeze-guards built right into their sunhats.

4. Bingo Would Never Be the Same

Ethel’s eyes are now on her nose, which means every time she peers down at her bingo card, she’s practically faceplanting.

“Is that a B12 or your biscuit, Marge?”

She can’t see the numbers, she keeps sniffing her dauber, and someone’s eye drops keep getting squirted into their upper forehead.

It’s glorious, beautiful mayhem.

5. Technology Troubles

You think Grandma had trouble finding the camera on Zoom before?

Now her eyes are on her cheeks, her nose is blinking in the middle of her forehead, and she keeps asking:

“Why do I look like a potato wearing its face upside down?”

And when you tell her to “look into the camera,” she blinks at the keyboard.

Pure chaos.

6. Family Reunions = Confused Hugs

You go to kiss Grandma on the cheek, she blinks at you from her nose.

You sneeze, it hits her forehead.

She sneezes, it hits the ceiling fan.

Suddenly there's a pie on the floor, a wig in the punch, and Grandpa laughing so hard his forehead-nose wheezes like a sad accordion.

7. But Somehow… They Adapt.

You look over a few months later and your grandma is rocking her new look.

She’s crocheted a forehead-nose warmer, has monogrammed tissue hats, and she’s teaching the neighborhood how to “sneeze with dignity.”

She’s renamed her bridge club “The Sniff Sisters.”

And Grandpa? He’s got reading glasses that clip under his nose-eyes and a t****k account called @ForeheadFarts.

He’s viral. Again.

So yeah, the elderly might struggle at first. They’ll squint, sneeze, and misplace their glasses constantly.

But let’s be honest: they’ve survived dial-up internet, disco fashion, and raisin-filled casseroles.

They’ll survive this, too—forehead sneezes and all.

Now, there is a last reaction on scientist of this part in the next chapter.