A JOURNEY OF A THOUSAND MILES AND A SINGLE STEP

Chapter one

WITH A SHARP INTAKE OF AIR,I came out of the water.I wasn't even under for that long,but the cold has me breathless,shivering and limping as the strong waves push me closer to the rocks.My hand clutches around my locket,and it was still there,I fight the tide.The jump didn't seem much from the top,but I swam for a while to get to the surface,and it sure looked like a different story from here.

"W-what a foolish idea,"I mumble.My teeth clatter even more at the sight of the sharp edges of the cliff,and it occurs to me that there could be rocks underneath as well. Throwing myself off the cliff and plummeting into the void for about fifty feet,not knowing what was underneath.Yep,that's a foolish idea right there.My arms frankly move to keep me from drowning,my clothes heaving me down,the water is almost black.

Note to self;pitch black water is terrifying.Especially because my feet can't reach the bottom by a lot.There really could be anything down there,couldn't there?A shark.Crocodile.

Shaking my head as if to propel myself from such thoughts,I start swimming towards the shore,which happened to be farther than it looked like from the top of the cliff.Of course I was dry,warm and not about to be eaten alive by a crocodile back then.

Other note to self;the possibility of being eaten by a river creature makes one severely reconsider distances.

It takes me many more minutes than it would if I wasn't awkwardly flapping my legs and arms around and actually swimming,but I eventually escape the shadow cast by the cliff.My need to be surrounded by fellow human beings has never been stronger,and at least now I can see the shore with people sunbathing and swimming. With more confident strives,I reach the shallow water,where suddenly my feet touch the sand and I stand upright.

"Holy Father,"I whisper in relieve.I'm not sure if I am technically out of the crocodile territory,but it definitely feels like it now that I am touching the ground.But I heard rumors that crocodile crawl on sand too,right?This last thought made me leap to my feet as I dragged them forward.Curious eyes met my gaze as I emerged fully clothed and wobble out of the water like someone from The Walking Dead's cast.

I'm not sure the jump was worth it.I figured it'd be liberating.That I 'd let myself go and leave all my problems behind.Maybe that they'd drown,and I'd come out a new person with thicker,tougher skin.

But I feel exactly the same empty shell of myself.

"Darling,are you okay?"

I turn to the left,where an older woman is staring down at my jeans and shoes.She's holding a child's hand,keeping her slightly behind her as if to shield her from a zombie,her expression was one of concern,

''I'm fine,thanks.Just took a swim."

"You might want to take your clothes off first,next time"

Nodding,I squeeze my T-shirt,water rippling down the sand."Yup,you are right."

She smiled forcefully at me,her eyes still suspiciously scanning me as I passed by.With a resigned sigh,I walk until they were behind me,then began the long trek up the hill.At last the sun was warm,so my drenched clothes aren't even that bad,if not for the weight.

Look at me,finding possibilities in little things.

My shoes make annoying slapping sounds as I enter the building of my house and leave a wet trail behind me.A neighbour on his way out throws me a disgruntled look on his face,walking past the city centre.

No amount for positive thinking would amount for crossing the village looking like a completely drowned cat.Especially after bumping on the pizza delivery guy and scaring the pizzas off his hand.

As I jog up the stairs,my white T-shirt sticks to my body uncomfortably.My hair smells like salt as it moves in wet chunks over my face,and even with the wet temperature inside.I'm so cold that I'm fighting every goosebumps shivers with every step.

Once I am on the doorstep,I grab my keys in the pocket and out it in a lock but they fall off my hands due to my excess shivers.I stumble down on my feet,ignoring the stinging pain on my lower lower abdomen,as I try to pick them up.The pain grew excessively too much,it felt as though a beast was tearing me apart from limp to limp,it must be my period pains,I haven't been on my periods as expected last month so it must be revenging me now.Suddenly I felt dizzy,the world was spinning around in circles and then I don't remember what happened next-all I remember is that I stuttered Ian's name before the world went completely dark.Am I dying?

I woke up with a start,something hot stinging my eyes and throat.A sudden intrusion of light nearly blinds me and I nearly screamed .And by nearly screamed ,I mean I really screamed.Am I in heaven?

Suddenly I saw movement where before was only stillness,and in a moment I hear a soft voice say in a haste,

"Are you awake?"

An angel!

Am I really dead?

"Mom...how are you doing?"

Wait a minute!Mom?

Why on earth is an angel calling me mom?Or could it be....

I looked at the figure in front of me,only to be face to face with the most beautifully handcrafted face with almond sparking eyes.My first daughter.

"Oh thank God mom!Now tell me,how are you feeling?" my daughter's voice suddenly broke the silence in the room as she rose up to come toy side of the bed.

"Viola-what are you doing here?"Viola does not answer me,instead she gave me a tight hug,squeezing my lungs out,I shudder in breath.She started sobbing and limping in my arms as she cried her eyes out.My eyes darted around the room,scanning it because I am still a little confused about everything that is happening around me.I am lying on a hospital bed and the light that nearly blinded me was none other than the sun that was streaming in through the window.My eyes moved to a yellow liquid flowing inside a tiny tube and disappearing somewhere on my body.

"Where am I?"I asked as Viola suddenly let go of my limp body and sat besides me looking at me with curiosity and pain in her eyes.

"And what are you doing here?Are you okay?" I asked as I began to scan her thin arms and face,she smiled bitterly as she said,

"We're in a hospital.You fainted so I bought you here,"

"Y-yes-but what are you doing here?I-i mean weren't you with your father?"

" I couldn't! I ran away from him.I couldn't accept the fact that I had to live with the other woman in the same house

as him so I came home...only to find you lying on the ground unconscious."

"But Viola!What if your father comes here to take you?"

"Then I will refuse,"she exclaimed as she started pouring water on the glass as if it was going to be easy to refuse to accompany her father to Kumakwane village from Manyana.She then made me sit up on bed and made me drink some water.

"He might hit you,you know.Listen to my advice and go back"

"Why should I ?Mother...I am 29 years now,I have the right to refuse to go to live with him.Besides we have no freedom out there."

"But Viola!"

"Shh!" she exclaimed,"No ifs and buts...so tell me,why were you wet?Where did you come from?"

"I just fell on a bucket full of water-"

"-Mom!"

"...okay fine...I just...I realized that if I couldn't live with you guys then I would rather die..."suddenly her little limp finger covered my lips as she looked at me with a mixer of anger and pain in her eyes.

"What were you thinking mother?Huh!Did you even think about me when you were trying to commit suicide?What about Vinolia,Vivian,Vicky,Victor,Villa or even Vincent-he is your favourite,isn't he?And what about the baby? "

I looked up at her at the last sentence she uttered,"Baby!"

Viola looked at me,then she laughed at me to mock me,"She does not even know she is pregnant."

"I-I am pregnant?"

My hand moved to my stomach uncontrollably, "What?Why am I pregnant?Why now?No...I can't...no"

"So you are thinking of aborting that baby?" she asked me though she very well knew the answer.

Do I want to abort the baby?

No ...I cannot do that!

That will only prove that I am as irresponsible as Ian says I am

"No...I cannot do that.How dare you suggest that."A curve formed in my dark lips as I thought of a small girl,crying and sucking my t**s and I can't help but feel hopeful.

"Your father took you all away from me...how can I bear to lose another baby?No...I cannot do that...no...I will find work and I will take care of her by myself.I need to prove that I am not irresponsible and dependent on Ian."’

Suddenly a cold limp finger wiped away a tear that managed to pass through the iron gates of my eyes and she exclaimed in a trembling voice,"You are not alone mother...You have me here by your side."

I looked at her and smiled bitterly and said,"I have you ...I have one of my children at least!"

She put her delicate palm on my cheek and said," We'll name her Violet.How does that sound?"

My eyes went blurry with tears,as I tasted the sound of her name,

"Violet."

"Hmmm!From Viola...my name,how does that sound?"

"Perfect Viola.Really.Thank you for coming back to me."

"And thank you for giving birth to me."

I smiled widely as I listened to her.

Her fragile hand moved to my belly and she exclaimed in an angelic voice,

"Violet!Everything is going to be okay soon.Mom is okay and so are you.I can't wait to meet you soon."

I smiled widely as I looked at her as I remember what a strong girl she was.At nineteen years of age,one would expect that she must be chasing after boys,afterall she has a great figure that boys can admire from afar.Makeup and money are not her thing.Even though she does have a boyfriend,she is not the type to sleep over at his place...she does not even drink alcohol like other girls her age do and now she is choosing to live with me,her own mother instead of her father who was well off and rich.Tge very same man who took all my children from me.I have never felt so heartbroken before than having to be separated from my own children by my husband.Yesterday I had thought that life will be better.I thought that the court will give me the custody of my children.

My husband sued me at court because he ' figured out' that I could not take care of my own children.'Figured out!'I mean come on!he left me with the children to fend for ourselves all because he went to his other lover,our very neighbour.He left us with no money,no food and now he managed to 'figure out' that I cannot take care of them.I,the only woman who had pampered him,took him out of a destitute center,as an orphan,to take care of him,to provide for him,to give him a place to call his home,a bed to lie his head on,to turn him to a better...only to be shammed and labeled an irresponsible mother.

Besides,he was the one who came to a conclusion that I should quit working in my company,that he should take over just because back then I,I was about to give birth to Viola.I had listened to him.

Like a fool.I had trusted him and and handed over my company and all he did was making me fall pregnant again and again.

Why?Just so I did not get a chance to go back to my company and I...I was blinded by my love for him.I did not see it coming.I never thought that someday I would sitting in this hospital bed,after an attempted suicide.

"What's wrong mother?"Viola's voice broke through my thoughts,bringing me back to reality.

I quickly jabbed my hand over my eye to hide the tear that was snooping out of my eye,despite my effort to stop it.

"What happened?"She took hand in hers,"Are you thinking of what happened yesterday at the court.

I took a deep breath.This was one of the moments in my life where I felt a knife-twisting pain in my heart.Feeling as though a demon was tearing me apart from limb to limb.My voice squeaked pathetically as I recalled the scene from yesterday,had this been a movie on TV,I would have enjoyed it but am not,now that it was real and it was happening g to me.My nose stinged on the back with tears making my eyesight blurry.A huge pang was forming on my throat,as I adjusted myself to my seat and began,

"I lost them completely Viola.My children...all of them."I stuttered pathetically,unable to suppress my cry.An ocean of tears flowed down with such a force and without even realizing it,I was screaming my lungs out in pain.It was too much.Tge pain was too unbearable.I have never before felt this much pain in my whole life-it does not even compare to the pain I felt when I spotted my husband with Juliet-who is about Viola's age.

"I lost them...Vi-vinolia,Vivian,Vicky,Victor,Vincent and Villa.All of them."

I looked at my bruised hands and went on,"They slipped off through my fingers Viola...I tried to hold onto them.I really tried but I failed."I screamed again,the pain was too unbearable for me to take.

"They called me names.Tgey said I am an irresponsible mother.That I abused my very own children,made them go to bed with no food,bought no clothes for them-"

"-Oh mother!"She gave me a tight hug but it only seemed to make matters worse .I screamed more pathetically.

"And the most pathetic thing about all that is because I- I couldn't even say anything...forget about saying anything to them,I could not even breath,"my breath shuddered as my body vigorous began to limp,"Almost everything they were saying as true Viola.They are right.I-I am not a good mother.I -I cannot take care of them.I cannot feed them,I -"

"-Mother stop. Come on mother. It was not your fault. Don't ever blame yourself.He...he must have brined them to say that mother. You know him better than I do.Stop blaming yourself please,he did that to destroy your dignity."

"But he is a hero to their eyes.They...they chose him over me.They-they said he was the one who took care of them.He was the one who bought Christmas clothes for them.They said I was a bad mother..."

"It doesn't matter what they said.Oh come on mother!They are young...it's possible that he threatened them to say those words at the court.It is possible that he had told them that you can't take care of them.It's easy for them to be manipulated into thinking that you did not love them."

I looked at my daughter with blurry eyes,"What should I do Viola?"

"Stand up.Stand up for yourself mother.Fight for yourself and for us.You can't let him win.Do not allow him to control your life for goodness sake,he has done that for most of your life.You remember the saying,'a mother holds a knife at its sharp point',well that's what you ought to do.We need you mother.Shield us with your embrace,please !"

"What if I fail?"

"Then at least you had tried mother."She looked innocently at me,brushed away my tear and went on,

"You remember what you said to me when I almost gave up on my studies last year while I was writing my BGCSE ...you told me that everything is possible through HIM that gives me strength!"She pointed up with her tiny finger and glimmering eyes.

I looked at her with cloudy eyes wondering as to how on earth I gave birth to this strong girl I. front of me.She wiped away my tears and said,

"Now wipe away those tears and show my father what a gem you are."I laugh-cried at this exclamation.

"How the hell did I give birth to such a strong daughter?"

"I am strong because you made me that way mother,"she smiled as she patted my cheek with her palm.

"I love you my dear!"

"Not as much I love you mother!"

"Come here,"she came closer to me as I pulled her into a hug.Just what I needed at the moment.Her arms felt so warm and peaceful.Really I feel blessed with such a loving daughter like her.Every mother deserves such a daughter.A warrior.A shield for her own mother.I hope my Violet grows up to be just like her.