SAINTS DON’T MOAN

chapter17

Penelope

“I'll be taking my leave then,” I said, “I'll see you at lunch except you believe having lunch is another form of sin.”

He winked at me as he left the office. The singular motion was enough to make me ache for his touch.

Miguel Ramirez knew exactly what he was doing to me!

He knew the effect he had on me, on perhaps all the women he met and yet he enjoyed torturing me, knowing full well that I was about to make a vow to a life of strict chastity.

I sought for my rosary which I always had around my wrist and realised for the first time coming here that I had lost it. It was not on my person and I had not noticed it because I had not done any praying since I stepped foot in Oakridge.

Still, I muttered a quiet prayer.

Please Lord, take away my lustful heart.

But as the prayer escaped my lips, I felt my thighs press against each other and I gasped softly as a ripple of s****l current passed through my body.

Not here!

I scolded myself.

The last time, Matilda had known and she had used it against me. But this time it would not surprise me if Miguel had cameras in this office and was watching me.

I took in a huge gulp of air. I needed to exercise self control. Even though my n*****s felt like they would push past the lace of my bra desperate for any touch at all, I had to swallow it all in. I had to push those thoughts out of my mind.

Maybe I could ask Mother Superior about the thoughts I had? Or perhaps there was a book that talked about such things and how to rid oneself of carnal temptation?

I hated that I felt this way now.

And I blamed Miguel and his stupidly handsome face and sexy frame.

I tried pushing him out of my thoughts as I made my way to the singular large window in my corner office and pushed it open. I shut my eyes as the wind that came in caressed my face. I could smell pine and fresh grass as I sniffed the warm fresh breeze.

After my confirmation, I would have to ask Mother Superior for a transfer to a church in some quiet town like Oakridge where I could enjoy fresh air like this all the time.

A sudden knock interrupted my thoughts. I straightened my clothes, believing that it was Miguel coming back to ask for something.

“Come in,” I said in a clipped voice, not wishing to sound eager at all.

But my face fell when Matilda walked in, her nose stuck up in the air and her gaze full of quiet disapproval. She gave the office a scathing look and slowly her eyes landed on me.

“You look disappointed,” there was no warm greeting or hello, “were you expecting someone else?”

“What brings you to Oakridge, sister Matilda?” I asked her, ignoring the rather silly question she had posed to me.

“I'm guessing you have not been praying,” her eyes were on my neck before shifting to my wrist, “your rosary went missing and you could not be bothered to even realise it. Just how deep in sin are you?”

I knew it was wrong to hate anyone but my heart was filled with nothing else for her. Even Mother Superior was not as stuck up as she was.

Regardless, I forced a smile on my lips and replied, “I did notice,” I kept my voice calm, “I was going to ask tonight in the parish nearby if there was one I could borrow during my stay here.”

“As if!” Matilda remarked harshly.

“Is that why you came to Oakridge?” I asked her, “to ask about my prayer life?”

“You are quite rude!” she exclaimed, “do you know that?”

“I think you need to check yourself first before passing judgement on others,” I replied, “Matthew 7:3-5”

I felt powerful being able to quote the scripture to shut her up. She humphed but did not have a comeback. I knew the feeling in my chest right now was entirely worldly but I was determined to enjoy it.

“Now if you have nothing more to say,” I walked behind my mahogany desk, “you should leave. I have work to do.”

She stared at me dead in the eye and scoffed.

“You're throwing me out of here?” her tone expressed her disbelief.

I looked around so it was clear that since no one else was here besides us, it was she I was referring to.

“Was I not clear enough?” I asked her.

I had faced many bullies in my wild days and I could recognise one from a mile away. I did not want her to think that because of my slip up in the store room she could mess with me.

My phone pinged with a message just then. I made a show of pulling it out of my purse so that it was obvious that I was busy like I had said.

But the message I received was from Mother Superior.

Matilda is coming to Oakridge to give you your rosary. She also mentioned a cousin with cancer she must visit. Please ensure you visit with her to offer prayers for him.

I looked up at Matilda.

“Do you have my rosary?” I asked her.

She pulled it out of the bag she clutched under her arm.

I decided not to mention the message from Mother Superior. I could not shake off the feeling that she had lied about having a sick cousin. There was some other reason she had come to Oakridge. Some other reason that was far from innocent and I had an idea what it was about.

But at the moment all I cared about was getting Matilda out of my face. A knock on the door however helped resolve that.

A nurse peered in, “I’m sorry to barge in, sister but we need your help in the pediatric ward.”

I glanced at Matilda as though to rub it in her face. I was needed here and she was not.

****

I spotted Matilda talking to Miguel as I burst out of a winding hallway facing the nurse's station. She was talking to Miguel, leaning in too closely for my liking. Without thinking much, I walked up behind them and asked bluntly, “when are you going to New York?”

Matilda looked annoyed as she turned to face me but she masked her annoyance with a smile.

“I must stay until the weekend,” Matilda replied, “and I hate to impose but would you mind if I stayed with you till then?”

She was staring right into my eyes, banking on the fact that I would not want to refuse a request like that in front of Miguel. But my mind blanked because how was I meant to explain my living situation?

“No,” Miguel answered for me.

“I can rent a room for you at the motel Father Jerome is staying at,” Miguel offered her kindly, putting my mind at ease.

Matilda blushed, “that is very kind, Dr Ramirez.”

Then she turned to me, “are you staying at the motel too? We could pray together in the evenings, keep the flame of faith alive here.”

I wanted to punch her in the stomach. I began to respond but I was too angry to get actual words out without giving away how I felt so Miguel replied on my behalf.

“She will be working at the clinic in the evening.”

“I can assist while…” Matilda was persistent in getting in my way but I was not going to let her have this one.

“I assumed you would be taking care of your sick cousin?” I asked her, “Mother Superior called. She told me you had a sick cousin you wanted to visit? She said I should visit sometime to pray with you and your cousin.”

Matilda's face blanched which I liked. Mother Superior had not called but there was no one who would verify the fact and she had texted after all. Besides, a little white lie never killed anybody.

“My cousin… My cousin is… he likes to keep a private life,” Matilda replied with a stutter, “infact, I should call her. I'll see you both later.”

I watched her walk away, a victorious smile tugging the corners of my lips. I shifted my gaze from Matilda's departing figure to Miguel but he walked away without giving me a chance to get a word in.

I watched with mild fury as he approached a nurse and began flirting with her, deliberately ignoring me. I turned my back and walked away. I knew the game he was trying to play and he was very wrong to think that I was thirsty for him.