Deerhill

Chapter3 - Helia

Chapter 3 - Helia

Leo was very dramatically begging Indigo to join them for a barbecue at his mother’s house that afternoon, and Indigo had just begun to agree when they got into the car. On the condition that her sister and her girlfriend were also invited. Leo took the win ecstatically and promised her that he could make it happen. Helia smiled as she buckled up.

Leo’s mother was the high school art teacher, and had a tendency to open her doors to anyone. It was the reason Helia and Leo were friends. That was how they had met Drew, too. Lisa Vermotte had let Helia stay at their home through many a fight with her own parents, and Drew had lived with them the entirety of their senior year. Lisa had given him his own room by the time he’d moved out to live with Helia and Leo. She was a saint, who rarely turned those in need away.

Leo's father, Rick Vermotte, was a music producer who spent most of his life in large cities- LA primarily. He had constantly battled between moving his family to be closer, and letting them enjoy his money in Washington where they could get the most bang for their buck. He made money, but was in no way close to being able to buy them a house in LA. When he was home, he spent all of his time with his wife and kids. He had taught Helia guitar, and bought Drew his first drum set. He was home now, and Helia assumed that was what had spurred Lisa's sudden need for a celebration.

"Maybe Indigo will hear that weirdo voice in your house and break our tie," Drew said. He was referencing some strange phenomena in Leo's childhood home that no one could figure out was real or not. They had brushed it off as the radio, or tv. Helia had only experienced it once, but it had nearly driven Drew to madness when he had lived in that house.

Over the lingering silence, there was a voice. Everyone who stayed in that house for an extended amount of time had a story of hearing it, but no one could decide on whether or not it was real. And if so, where it was coming from. When Helia had experienced it, she had fallen asleep in the living room while doing homework, and it was somewhere late in the middle of the night. Her father was on deployment, and her mother was too insufferable to be around, so she had chosen Leo's house for safety to hopefully get some schoolwork done.

The thought of the soft "Helia?" coming from down the hallway always gave her shivers when discussed. It had called to her twice, but stopped when she responded, thinking it was Lisa. The next morning Lisa confirmed that she had been dead asleep, and didn't even know Helia had stayed the night. She didn't like to talk about it, and brushed it off as stress. A dream, maybe, even.

"Voice in your house?" Indigo asked, with more interest than Helia was comfortable with.

"Yea- so," Leo turned in his seat to look at her. "Sometimes people in my moms house hear something talking. Sometimes it says their name, sometimes it gives orders, or asks questions. It's really weird. My mom acts like everyone's crazy, and I've never heard it. Drew has the most stories because he lived with us for like, a solid year."

"It's very real, and has ruined more than one night for me," Drew said sullenly. "No one believed me until Helia heard it too."

"I don't know if I heard anything," Helia was quick to say, earning an eye roll from Drew. "I was very sleep deprived and Leo has slept with the tv on his entire life."

"Still," Drew said. "I doubt Lisa would tell a suicidal seventeen year old to stand on the roof."

"It told you to stand on the roof?" Indigo said, her question free of any expected mocking. "Did it often tell you to do dangerous things?"

"Sometimes," Drew admitted, surprised at how easily she believed him. "Sometimes not. Just, my name, down the hallway. Sometimes it isn't even a voice, and it's just heavy breathing."

"Drew was also a recovering alcoholic," Helia said. "Hallucinations are common for people in recovery."

"Yea just lay out all my dirt for the new girl," Drew said gruffly. "Thanks Hel."

"Do you often brush off other peoples experiences and misfortunes to make yourself more comfortable?" Indigo asked Helia, and her stomach jumped into her throat. The car was silent for a beat at the initial shock of that accusation, and Helia turned a wounded look to Indigo. Indigo met it with a calm expression that was devoid of any guilt. In fact, she pressed harder with a clean "well?"

"I- no," Helia said in a desperate attempt to recover. "That's not-"

"You said other people have heard it," Indigo said as she looked forward again, turning her attention back to Drew and Leo. "Have you noticed a pattern of it picking on those going through stages of vulnerability? Like, only people who are going through a hard time. Recovering addicts, for example. People under extreme stress?"

"Uh, hard to say," Drew said, glancing at Leo. "Maybe. Like Leo said earlier, he's never heard it, and neither has Lisa. And they've definitely gone through their share of hardships."

"Interesting," Indigo said quietly.

Helia's phone chimed in her pocket, and the familiar tune made her blood run cold. She could feel the heavy weight of Drew's eyes on her in the rearview mirror, and Leo twisted even further in his seat so that he could look at her instead of Indigo. Helia tried to be nonchalant as she pulled out her phone and checked it, the banner text from "Jeremy" feeling like a nail being hammered into her coffin.

"Interesting," Leo said before Helia got the chance to read the text. "Isn't school out for the summer?"

Helia shrugged in response, too afraid to look up and meet her friends disapproving stares. "I don't know. I guess. It is for me, but maybe not for everywhere."

She tilted her screen just slightly out of Leo's view and opened her phone to read the text in full.

Jeremy: 'Hey beautiful, what're you up to today? I was wondering if you wanted to get out and enjoy the sunshine. Take a hike, maybe come back to my place for a cold drink afterward?'

Helia considered the offer for a moment, tapping her fingers on the sides of her phone until Leo broke the silence again, unable to handle the wait.

"Well tell us what he said, girl."

"He wants to go on a hike," Helia said with a shrug, typing Jeremy back. "He likes to exercise, I like to exercise. It's not weird that he's reaching out to me."

"Until he kills you and leaves your body in the woods," Leo muttered, which made Indigo snap her head toward Helia, face pulled with concern. Helia grimaced at her expression and reached over to hit Leo's arm.

"Not nice," she said and looked back at Indigo. "Jeremy's this friend I see sometimes. Leo and Drew don't like him because he's a little rude. He would never kill me and leave my body in the woods, that's ridiculous. Really, he's harmless."

Drew gave a nasty little scoff, but stayed silent on the matter. Helia was thankful for it, but she was sure his silence wouldn't be bought for long. He wouldn't get into it with her in front of their guest like Leo would, but she would get an earful later on. With Leo it was- for the most part- playful. Drew always hit her where it hurt.

Drew changed the subject, and the car was pulled in another direction for the remainder of the ride. They dropped Indigo off at her apartment, and Leo waved enthusiastically at her, telling her not to forget to come by later on, and Indigo promised dully that she wouldn't. As soon as they were back on the road out of the apartment land, Helia hoped that their conversation would turn to debrief their first interaction with this new girl as a group. Instead, she had been too hopeful, and her friends fixed her with an ugly silence.

"I won't be gone for long," she offered, and Leo set his head against his window with a quiet 'thunk'.

"I wish you wouldn't see him anymore, Hels," he said. "He's gross. I don't like him."

"He's not gross,"

"You're being a homewrecker."

That one stung. She had been sleeping around with Jeremy Valencia for the better part of the past three years while his boyfriend was away at school in South Carolina. Jeremy told her over and over that his relationship with Robin was open, and she had tried to relay this to her friends even more. But every time she saw Robin in the grocery store he refused to even look at her, and Jeremy only allowed her in their bed when Robin was down south. She was a little confused as to why she was being invited right now, since the school year was over, but was taking it as a good sign.

"That what Indigo meant when she was surprised that you said you were single?" Drew asked, his voice low and full of what Helia took as disappointment.

Helia wanted to crawl up and die under her seat. "No."

"You can be back in your hoe phase Helia, but we want to know about it," Leo said. "We want to make sure that you're being safe."

"I am being safe," she offered weakly. At their silence, she repeated it stronger. "I am being safe."

"Okay," Leo said with a sigh. "We can't stop you, and you're going to do what you want to do. We would never slut shame you, ever, and you know that. That's never been the problem."

"The problem, is that you get a little carried away and put yourself in scary positions," Drew said. "Remember when you were dating that girl, and you were caught-"

"I'm not going to be like that again," Helia said, stomping down unpleasant memories. "I was just a little out of control, I was hurting."

"I thought we were over Jeremy," Leo said after a moment. "I thought you said it was too stressful."

"He just wants to go on a hike," she said. "That's it. Then I'll come home and get ready for your mom's barbecue. Hey that'll be fun, right? Indigo seems nice Leo, you were right. She seems nice."

The boys weren't ready to let it go yet, but they knew better than to keep arguing. Topic finally shifted off of Helia and on to Indigo. They spent the rest of the ride deconstructing breakfast and making half-formed opinions of Leo's new adoption. Helia gave a breath of relief when they exited the car to go inside, and she made quick work of getting dressed for her hike with Jeremy.

-

Helia knocked on Jeremy's apartment door and rocked back on her heels to wait. She could hear the soft padding of feet to the door, then the knob turned and was pulled inward. She gave Jeremy a bright smile, and he returned it, stepping aside to let her in.

"You look nice," he complimented her, closing the door again after she entered his apartment. "Give me just a second to fill up my water bottle and we can head out."

"Perfect," she said, obediently standing in the landing while he crossed the apartment into his kitchen. It was cleaner than it had been the last time she'd been there. According to Jeremy, his boyfriend was riddled with OCD, and it mainly came out in cleanliness. Everything had to be clean, from the apartment to his food. Helia couldn't even wrap her head around what 'clean' meant for food, and she'd never thought to ask. She tried not to talk about Robin with Jeremy very often, and he was fine never bringing him up.

"Are classes not out for South Carolina?" She asked curiously as Jeremy crossed back over to her, grabbing his wallet and car keys.

He lifted one shoulder in a shrug. "They are. Robin's at home with his family. His stepmom's mother is sick I guess, so he's watching the kids while they're gone."

"Oh," Helia said, following Jeremy back outside, her stomach sinking a little. "That's so scary, I hope everything goes okay."

Jeremy shrugged again and led the way down the hallway after locking the door. "How're you doing? How's your summer been so far?"

"Oh, can't complain," she said. "Leo made a new friend, met her today. She seems...nice."

"You sound unsure," Jeremy said. He always clocked her, and she was always desperate to talk his ear off about all of the drama in her life. She had a habit of telling him everything she couldn't tell anyone else, confiding in him things that would never in a million years be any of his business. But he was a good listener, and Helia loved to complain.

"She's a little, sharp," she admitted, thinking about how fast Indigo had called her out in the car for outing Drew's past addiction. "But I don't know. Maybe she's nice. She's jaded, that's for sure. Quiet."

"Well, maybe she'll warm up as you get to know her," Jeremy said as they started on the stairs, and Helia nodded.

"That's what I'm thinking."

He cast her a smile, and she couldn't help but smile back. He was handsome, but his caramel hair could use a touch up. Obviously Robin hadn't been home long enough to convince him to get it fixed yet. Just to tidy up the apartment. Jeremy reached over and touched a lock of her hair, rolling it between his fingers for a moment before taking the last couple of steps down the stairwell.

She talked about her friends, her parents, and Indigo on the car ride to the hiking trail they always went on together, and had run out of things to complain about by the time their feet were on the dirt trail. Jeremy listened quietly, nodding along and offering commentary where it was appropriate.

Helia sighed and set her hands on her hips as they started up the trail, the first hill nice and easy. "Sorry, thank you for listening," she apologized, and he sent her the exact look she was expecting. Confused, and pulled in a soft sort of concern.

"Don't apologize," he said. "You're just talking. I like that you feel like you can talk to me."

Helia smiled and tried to match his pace. He was much taller than her, and therefore much faster, but she liked a challenge. "It's beautiful out today. I went surfing earlier."

"Oh really?" He asked. "That must be why your hair is extra pretty. I like it when it curls like that, with the saltwater."

"Damage you mean," she said, touching her ponytail, and he shot her a look.

"I think it's pretty."

"Thank you," she said softly, and he nodded.

With her mind now flushed of everything that had been bothering her, she could think freely as they eased into the workout. She tried to be excited for the barbecue, but her mind kept slipping to her parents, and Jeremy. It was a dangerous thing to consider, and she couldn't have him all to herself in a million years. Even if Robin was out of the picture, her friends would never accept it. For a reason unseen to her, they hated his guts, and hated that Helia even looked his way.

If Drew had it his way, she would have blocked his number years ago. She knew they were just protective of her, and Jeremy was the most common hookup in her life. He was also the first man in a long time she'd had feelings for, and that was scary too. But her parents liked him. He was just in the middle enough politically for his parents to consider him a conservative, and he had a good job, with bills and a car he paid for himself. Whenever Helia was dragged to some kind of event her parents made mandatory for her to join, Jeremy was invited.

And he had gone to quite a few. Unbeknownst to her parents, said events usually ended with her clothes on his floor, but he was well behaved while they were in public. She often wished that her friends liked him as much as she did, but she knew that would never happen. She wasn't able to have her cake and eat it too with Jeremy, and she was learning to accept that.

There was also the lingering fear that Helia did not like him as much as she thought she did. That it was all just one big charade to convince herself that she could, some day, be the good girl her parents wanted her to be. That she could live the tradwife life they wanted her to live. Jeremy provided that illusion, the safety net of an imaginary husband. Her mirage of a boyfriend that she could talk to them about, and bring to family events and military dinners. She already couldn't have children. Sometimes, late at night, the thought of not giving them a straight daughter either had her vomiting in the bathroom from anxiety.

That hole in her chest always became most apparent in summer. When Robin was home and Jeremy went MIA. She tried not to be jealous of him, but how couldn't she be? Robin had a part of Jeremy that she could never have. They loved each other fully without having to be convinced that it was or wasn't right. Drew and Leo loved each other fully. Helia knew that Jeremy was, generally, unable to be reached when Robin was home for the same reason. He was fully loved and happy, cared for in ways that Helia could never care for him.

Helia had been loved like that once. It was how she knew the difference. But she had been cut to the core in the end, and being Jeremy's side piece was safe.

By the time they reached the point of the trail they usually stopped at, Helia had sorted out most of her thoughts and was feeling a lot better. Stable, more like a person. Her body had been put through the ringer doing god knows what, and she'd spent the morning in the ocean. Breakfast was having a hard time settling well, and her argument with her friends in the car had left her in shambles.

All at once Jeremy brought her together by stopping to catch his breath and give her a chance to look out at the view of the cliff. The trees in the distance were beautiful, and an eagle was making its nest in a tree nearby. The air was sweet as she took a deep breath, willing her body to relax.

"I'm starting to get hungry," Jeremy said, which was his usual way of telling her he was ready to head back.

Helia nodded and let him lead the way back down. Sometimes she stayed just a step behind. This time she chose to be by his side. He smiled when he realized it, and she prayed that he wouldn't comment. Instead, he reached out and took her hand, and she nearly burst into tears. She held onto him like a lifeline until they were back in the car, and he fixed her with another concerned expression as he started the ignition.

"Helia," he said gently when she tried to focus out the window, and she turned to look at him. He reached over and took her face gently in his hand, and she leaned her face against his touch, closing her eyes, trying to soak up any comfort she could from his warm palm. She heard him sigh, and felt him press a kiss into her forehead before letting go of her again.

"Coffee," he promised and pulled out of the parking lot.

They stopped for a pick-me-up, and Helia got an iced mocha and a bagel for later, knowing she'd get hungry again before the barbecue. She made fun of Jeremy for his hot espresso for a good portion of the ride back, and he made equal, playful banter about her plain, untoasted bagel.

"Is it okay if I shower real quick?" Helia asked after Jeremy had opened his apartment door for her, and he nodded, closing the door behind them again.

"Of course," he said, taking her bagel and coffee from her to set in the kitchen. "You know where to find it."

"I'll be quick," she said with a smile and headed to the bathroom.

She showered with lightning speed, and tried not to look at the extra set of shampoo and conditioner in the red caddy by the bathtub. She avoided the red towel and found an extra one in the cabinet- just for her. She’d learned a lot about Robin a long time ago just by being in his apartment. His favorite color was red, and everything of his had a specific place. Helia watched tv while Jeremy showered next. He was barely faster than her, and was back out to plant another kiss on the top of her head while she watched tv on the couch.

"Anything interesting on?" he asked as he went to this kitchen, rummaging around for mixers and a bottle of tequila.

Helia shrugged, having been more on her phone than actually paying attention to the newscaster spouting nonsense. She tried to check in once a day, a habit drilled into her from her parents, but she rarely actually paid attention. "No, not really. Blah blah climate doom, blah blah no one wants to work anymore, blah."

"Ah, so same as always," Jeremy said as he mixed them drinks. "Feeling any better? You were looking a little miserable when you first got here. Hopefully the hike helped?"

"It helped a lot," she said, setting her phone down to give him her attention. "Thank you, for offering. It was kind of exactly what I needed."

"Yea of course," he said, screwing lids back on bottles. He picked up the two glasses with a quiet 'clink' and brought them over, handing Helia hers before sitting with her on the couch.

Helia shut off the tv after taking her drink and watched as Jeremy settled beside her, smiling at him before taking a sip of her drink. "It's like you can tell when I'm having a hard time."

"I'm just that good," he joked with a shrug, and she grinned over the rim of her glass.

"Oh. Okay."

He smiled back and gave her a little nod, silently asking for a kiss. Helia was more than happy to oblige and she rocked forward, catching her lips against his. He held onto her arm gently to hold her steady as he kissed her back, and she was just fine letting him kiss her into oblivion.

They kissed between sips off their drinks, and the second Jeremy slammed the rest of his back, he stood and hoisted Helia into his arms and carried her into his bedroom. She giggled against his lips and made short work of her top after he tossed her onto the mattress. It landed on the floor with a soft "thud", and Jeremy's was quick to follow it.

When they'd finished, and both of them were breathless and sweaty, Jeremy brushed some of Helia's hair from her face, and replaced the blonde tendrils with soft kisses. He always held her after s*x, kissing any tears from her face, and gently rubbing out any soreness from her body.

Helia was just starting to relax when her phone went off a third time since they'd been going at it. Annoyed and naked, she pushed herself up and walked across the apartment to her phone waiting in the living room. She was going to kill Leo, seeing his ID flashing across her screen, and she aggressively swiped her phone from the coffee table.

"What?" she asked when she answered, glancing over as Jeremy left the bedroom as well. He was wearing his boxers, and had her clothes in his hand, knowing that if Leo was calling that meant she was going to leave soon.

"Have fun?" Leo taunted her. "Or are you still breathless from your 'hike'?"

"We did go on a hike," Helia said, taking her clothes from Jeremy and setting to work getting dressed. "Why the f**k are you calling me?"

“Mom wants to know if there's anything specific you want for tonight."

“No. I don't care. Watermelon. Weed."

“Wow, those are three very different answers," Leo said. "I'll tell her that exactly. You don't care, watermelon, and weed. That'll go over great."

"I'll be home in an hour."

"See you then," he said. "Drive safe. Love you."

"Love you," she muttered and hung up, sighing as she turned to face Jeremy again. "Sorry,"

"Don't apologize," he said with a chuckle, taking her face in his hands. "Hey, don't apologize. Your friends love you, that's why they bother you so much. I'm not bugged."

"Okay," she whispered, and he kissed her forehead.

"Get dressed, and I'll see you again later. Is there anything you need from me?"

Helia shook her head no. "You've done it. Thank you."

"You're welcome," he said, kissing her again. "Take your time."

"Okay," she said and finished getting dressed. Jeremy sent her on her way with another kiss, and then she was out of the apartment and back in her car. She winced a little when she sat in her car, more sore than she had thought, and she leaned back against the seat with a sigh. She closed her eyes for a moment to gather herself before turning the car on and pulling out onto the street.