Someone I'm Not

26 [pt.2]| The friendship we had

A/N: In case you're still confused about me mentioning Phoenix from the past and the present,

(a.) Phoenix from the Past: This version of Phoenix is the man who is still alive. Since it was mentioned in the first few chapters that they got back in time to track Phoenix's killer, I think it's only appropriate to call him "from the past" since he's still alive in this timeline, and they're only living from the moment that already happened.

(b.) Phoenix from the Present: This version of Phoenix is the dead one because, according to the first few chapters, Phoenix died, and his being dead is what happened in the present. And this version is only a soul possessing his friend's body, which is Soroya's.



I hope that'll clear up the confusion if you're still confused about who Phoenix from the present is and who is from the past. Happy reading!

••• [15 minutes later] •••

Soroya hoped to sleep throughout the trip, but all she did was close her eyes while she dealt with her busy head. Though she has a lot in her head, her contemplations become irritatingly scribbled thoughts, leading to frustration as she furrows her brows while her eyes are closed. But then, what saved her from shouting back at her noisy head was the music playing over the car radio. It wasn't a song that she usually listened to, but she knew it was soothing—something she could relate to.

For all I know, it was an ache.

The ache of not losing you

But the pain of losing me

Where do I stand? Oh

Who am I now?

Soroya pretended she was enjoying her sleep, but all she was doing was fighting the noise in her head with the lyrics she had retained in her mind. She keeps the words on repeat, and even though they don't fit with the tune or whether she's singing the song in her head with a different melody, it is surprisingly effective to calm her mind and soul. The drive didn't last long, for about fifteen minutes, until she felt the car slowly taking a curve. A second later, it slowed down and eventually stopped. But even though she knew that they had already arrived at their destination, she decided to shut her eyes.

"We're here!" Phoenix (from the past) announces as he pulls over. He turns off the engine while keeping the headlights on, a perfect guide to prevent them from stepping into something harmful. "Let's get out before it's too late!"

Unbuckling his belt, Phoenix opens the driver's door and grabs the paper bag in front of the steering wheel before stepping out of the car. He even left his phone at home, thinking that tonight was not about his gadget. He didn't wait for Soroya to respond, closing the door, knowing that she'd follow him outside in seconds.

And when Soroya opened her eyes, the first thing she saw outside the front mirror was the image of Phoenix while his lower body rested on the hood of the car and the paper bag sat on top of the hood. She also observed that the wind was blowing just right, considering how Phoenix's hair was dancing in the middle of the night. But then, what amazed her the most was seeing the complete view from inside. Soroya was about to exit the car when she noticed Phoenix's phone resting on the driver's seat. Getting the hint of leaving gadgets behind, Phoenix (from the past), the soul taking over a borrowed body, kicked in, deciding to take the opportunity. How? Employing having a heartfelt conversation for the night because he was looking forward to this day to talk to him behind Soroya's body (meaning, a friend) and talk to his past self and maybe do something to help him.

Stopping the pretending act and deciding to finally be Phoenix (from the past) for the night, he opens the door and gets up from his seat, welcoming the cold breeze. He even watched her past self look over his shoulder with a cheeky grin. "And I almost thought you would let me eat all of this alone."

"You know how much I like eating."

"That's why I brought more than two I can eat."

He was famished, but he could agree that he was not similar to Soroya when eating. Recalling the past, he knew how food makes Soroya so happy. And to him back then, just seeing his friend happy with her plate was his heart's content. And if he always treated his friend just by seeing her smile every moment, he would grab the chance. "What's inside the paper bag anyway? I haven't seen it yet."

Phoenix pouts as he closes the paper bag again. "Wow. This is probably the first time you didn't recognize food by smell. Have you lost your sense of smell?"

"Urgh. Haven't I told you that the only food that my nose can recognize was the hospital porridge?"

"Hahahahah! Hilarious, Raya, very funny." Just hearing him mention the nickname he gives Soroya made him want to admit that he's actually talking to his future self. But, is it time?

"I need to tell you something, Phoenix." he opens the paper bag and takes out two yum burgers from Jollibee, giving the other to Phoenix. A bit confused about how the atmosphere changed, Phoenix (from the past) decided to take the burger and keep his stare locked on her, thinking he was talking to Soroya.

But he's talking to his future self.

"But first, I need you to close your eyes."

Phoenix (from the past) wanted to debate why, having a hint that she could be pranking him, but also hearing Soroya's sincerity that she wasn't, it was as if he was starting to listen to himself. In the end, to not kill the fun, he decided to close his eyes. "Okay, what's next?"

"Well, I know it's impossible, but I know how you love these kinds of questions. . . Let's just say that you're not having a conversation with me tonight."

"Okay? But making me think of an imaginary friend could be creepy." "Typical me. Always start a conversation when I'm somewhat starting to get nervous'. Phoenix (from the present) thought but decided to chuckle along with the man in front of him.

"I'm not. But, I want you to think that I, your friend Soroya, am not here with you right now. I want you to think that tonight, you were given by the fantasy gods or even goddesses the opportunity to meet you. . . Your future self." Phoenix from the past smiles while closing his eyes, and so he goes on. "And you are given this night to talk to him, tell him everything you wanted to, whether it's a question, statement, curse, or anything that could fulfill your heart.

Phoenix, the man possessing Soroya's body, watches how Phoenix's smile slowly turns upside down. Eduardus (from the present) is worried about what his past self has to say to him, but he also knows that backing out now will not be an option for his goal. And he doesn't want that. Why? Considering the wasted time, he knows how much time he has left and that he might not get another chance.

"I don't know what got into your head, Soroya, but fine. You wished for this, alright? So, here it is." Phoenix takes a deep breath before gulping. "Hi, Phoenix from the future! How's it going, dude? How far have you walked? Did you become much more mature? Have you gotten your wished degree? What happened after graduation? Have you become successful? How about my friends, such as Nico, Bret, Philip, and Soroya? Are you still friends with them? Did you court someone, or does your heart still beat for the same woman?" Phoenix pauses as he tries to catch his breath and calm his nerves, not wanting to overwhelm himself by throwing pervasive questions.

On the other hand, Phoenix (from the present) gets more confused about what his past self meant about the woman his heart beats for. But after carefully digesting the questions, he finally came to realize who this woman was. But before he could even clarify it, Phoenix cut him off by surprise.

"Did the rest of the world get to know me? Have they accepted who I was back then? the thing I've done before, did I manage to put them to rest in their graves?" Phoenix (from the present) had his mouth zipped tight from those questions, and the more his past self went on, the more pain and regret he felt. "Why were you late? Why didn't you come and confront me when I thought what I was doing was still right? Would everything have gone better? Would my brother still be here if you were a bit earlier to visit me?"

He had almost forgotten everything that had happened, and now, the wounds that were still open but somehow stopped bleeding once again started to vomit red liquid. At that moment, he realized how broken he was because it'd been too long since he was broken.

"I don't know if this does make sense, but can I also meet my younger self? Because if there's one thing I wanted to correct, it is to feel that I wasn't loved when all my mother gave was the perfect definition of care that I decided to turn a blind eye to because I was too selfish."

It was so emotional that it made them both cry silently. Tears start to stream off of Phoenix's face, and so does he. And that's when his present self decided to speak.

"You died, Phoenix." There's no other choice but to reveal the truth, even if this was supposed to be a fantasy. "You died trying to do the right thing, Phoenix. . . Despite the situation of losing yours, if it meant saving others, you decided to push through. Despite thinking that you won't get to see your mom, get out with your friends or even admit what you truly feel for that woman, you still choose to side with what's right. And that, for me, is enough to tell you that you have become who you needed to be."

Phoenix (from the past) opens his eyes to meet hers. As their eyes meet, he notices that both of them are already crying. And from that stare, Phoenix's soul starts to feel Soroya's heart beating quicker and louder. And then, suddenly, Phoenix starts feeling the separation once again. But instead of fighting it, he decided to free Soroya's body as he realized that Soroya's soul wanted to take over.

And when Soroya gets back to her body, Phoenix (from the present) watches as her past self gets closer to her best friend. Sorry did the same, making him realize what would happen next. With all the pain and love he was feeling, he decided to turn around, finally getting a clearer picture of what he wanted to do next- to be finally free. But, when he was about to leave, a strong power stopped him from going away. Phoenix tried to take another leap, but the force became stronger.

"What the-" And on his last attempt, a strong wind immediately sucked him back onto Soroya's body, as the wind pushed them into the air and quickly dropped them onto the cliff. Phoenix starts screaming and hyperventilating due to his fear of heights. Soroya's face ran pale, and she started to close her eyes, a sign of passing out.

---

"Ahhhh!" he screams at the top of his lungs as he quickly sits up to see that he's no near more familiar with the place. When he grasped the reality that he was back in Soroya's body, he quickly inspected the body for any possible injuries. But luckily, there's none. "Phoenix? Phoenix, where are you?" he asks, but instead of getting a reply from the man, his surroundings start to light up. Now, he already knew where he was. Soroya's heart starts beating faster as she turns around, looking for a familiar face. But, the amusement park was filled with many overwhelming faces until she stopped. Her attention now focused on a specific direction. She lifted one hand and pointed it toward the person a few steps away from her.

"Phoenix, is that you?"

Even though Soroya knew to herself that the man she was looking for was not the man in front of her, she wished she was unerring. The man before her, even though his hoodie was on, Soroya could still visibly see him grinning. But then, a shiver runs through her spine when she watches the man take out a gun from the back of his dirty old jeans. That's when she realized the color of the man's hoodie, as the image completed 'his ' fear.

"You."

"It's been a long time since we saw each other again, kid. I'm even surprised you've come this far. But, I think it's time to shake your hope now. . . Why do you ask?" the man mischievously laughs and lifts his hand holding the gun at shoulder level, pointing the barrel directly at Soroya. Her eyes widen in fear as if it's all a deja vu.

"Because you're weak. And you don't deserve justice!"

'No.'