The Unknown

The Beginning

With each season comes a certain amount of beauty. Summer comes with all weekend long adventures, late night camp fires, lots of fun, intense heat, and ice cream. Fall brings a burst of colors, from red to orange to yellow and even a deep purple- it makes you think of hot chocolate, marshmallows and pumpkins. Winter brings a beautiful blanket of snow that sparkles like diamonds as the sun reflects its rays upon it- that makes you think of sledding, snowball fights, frosty the snowman, and many long cold nights to curl up by the fire and watching movies with your loved ones. But there is something dramatically different about spring that cannot be fully explained. 

Something about spring is amazing. It’s the feeling of new life, of freshness, of a clean start. It’s the way that everything that was seemingly dead all winter is suddenly given new life and a new start. The way that the luscious green leaves come off both the young, thin, tender trees, just the same as the much bigger and older trees- it creates a sort of peace in one’s soul. The beautiful flowers bloom into seas of colors, creating a warm blanket over the fields. The rain that comes to assist God’s paint brush by providing the fresh painting with something to prevent it from thirsting- it leaves you with a sense of awe. 

Young Jordan sat pondering all these things as she gazed out her window. She had come for a vacation with her family but had decided to remain behind and live with her uncle for a few months. Her family had left only the day prior and had it not been her mother’s uncle, she would never have been allowed to stay. But she was thankful for the chance to explore this new and strange place. 

Staying with her uncle meant more freedom than her parents would have otherwise allowed but she knew her boundaries. The call to go out and explore this new world was stronger than ever before. Never before had she seen such a beautiful place where spring seemed to be taken to a whole level higher than what she was accustomed to. 

Where she came from, she had lived on a small farm helping to raise her family’s animals which consisted of sheep, goats, chickens and on occasion, rabbits. There was many a summer weekend she would spend up in the mountains with her family fishing, camping, and just simply going for a long drive. There was many a late Fall or early Spring that she would spend with her dad hunting big game. It was a sort of bonding time for them especially because they were rarely successful bringing home what they'd gone to hunt.

Her home town was beautiful and she loved it dearly as the place that had raised her but this new place was magical for simply being unexplored.

So many memories were made back home by her and her brothers. They had been known by the whole town. By older people, they were known as charming. By younger people, such as themselves, they were known as the cool trouble makers and no one dared mess with them. By small children, they were the cool big kids that they wanted to grow up to be like.

They never got into more trouble than what was necessary. If someone dared to pick on anyone of them, that person would probably go home with a black eye. Teachers or coaches who dared to single out one of them would wake up to find their yard covered in toilet paper. Rarely did they ever actually go out and look for trouble, though, they just protected each other. 

Parents, who were not as used to the country/farm life as Jordan and her brothers, would often dread having to leave their children with them for a day. The parents would drop their kid off as a clean, neatly dressed, bookworm on his way to becoming the next biggest evolutionary scientist, and who would typically squeal at the thought of mud. By the time they picked their kid up, the kid would be covered in mud from head to toe, pretending his bubble gum was dip, and singing “Ol’ Red” with a twang in his voice. 

So often had Jordan and her brothers, Timothy, JD, and Zack, gotten into trouble with their mom that recently, they had almost given up on their wild nature simply to please her. They didn’t want to fight her because they knew that it would mean more trouble in the end than simply complying with her. All they could do was hope for a small break from her to go crazy before having to act civilized again. 

There was always a bit of disapproval in her mom’s eyes and voice for Jordan’s wild actions and behaviors. More than once her mom had tried to tame her and get her to be a girly girl but hadn’t succeeded in much more than simply having an 18 year old who wore more makeup than her dad approved of. But at least the makeup counteracted the Tom Boy in her just a tad. 

Jordan was used to dirt and mud, she was not used to green grass, and trees that weren't pine, and so many colorful flowers. Being here with her uncle was a huge contrast to what she was used to. Also, there were so many different animals out here than what she had back home. More animals to go out and catch and analyze, meant more for her to do in her spare time. 

Despite her uncle’s precautions, Jordan couldn’t resist going out into the rain and just enjoying the warm drops land on her face and slowly roll down her chin. She took a deep breath to feel the humidity of this new life. The best attempt she could give to not show how excited she truly was, was to simply laugh. 

She gazed at the thick tree line that had taken over most of her uncle’s back yard. She could hear frogs croaking from within the trees. They sounded as happy as she did that it was raining so wonderfully. The thick clouds that hung above that were shielding the sky from view, gave a warm comforting feel to the atmosphere. 

Jordan was enjoying the changed climate so much that she hardly noticed her phone vibrating in her pocket. She laughed nervously, realizing that she may have almost ruined her phone for having it out in the pouring rain but she also laughed nervously because she had almost missed a call from her dad. She answered, with anticipation. She was partly curious as to if that last storm had left snow back home and she wanted to ask her dad as soon as she could.

She had always been a daddy's girl. They had always had a bond since she was young. Her mom had always been a little jealous at times that she didn't share that same bond with Jordan, though.

"Hey dad! How'd the drive home go?" She answered.

Suddenly, Jordan froze. She heard someone else’s voice on the other end of the phone. This wasn’t her dad. If this wasn’t her dad, then where was he and who was this that had his phone? Suddenly a knot seized at her stomach. This could only mean one thing and she dreaded having to actually hear it, but she attempted to hope for the best. 

“Ma’am, are you Jordan Lumber?” the raspy voice asked startling her. Reluctantly she agreed and asked what was going on. “This is Officer Harrison with the state police. Young lady, your family was just in a head-on collision with an 18-wheeler.” 

Jordan held her breath to try to keep it from running away from her. She took a gulp before asking simply, “Please tell me they’re okay? Please?” She knew there wasn't any hope with that sort of accident, still she asked. The officer apologized and hung up after she’d thanked him for telling her. 

She sunk into a chair that was set on her uncle’s porch and rested her chin on her hands. There were so many thoughts going through this young girl’s head. She was only 18. She had never spent more than a month or two away from her family before and it had never been on her own, she always had some sort of an organized group that she was with. Not only that, her brothers, who had been her best friends her whole life were gone. They were all gone. What was she going to do? What was going to become of her? 

Her Uncle, having noticed that she was no longer laughing and running through the rain like a 5-year-old, came out onto the porch to ask what was wrong. She pulled her thoughts together and calmly attempted to explain what had all just happened. In a greater state of shock than she, her uncle just slowly stood up and went into the house. 

Seeing her uncle's reaction seemed to affect her more than the actual news itself. For him to have reacted in such a way, that definitely meant that this was more of a serious thing than her mind was allowing her to understand. She felt the dreaded feeling of tears start to choke her throat. She stood up and smacked herself for having even thought about crying. 

Jordan was not about to let anyone see how much it truly hurt her. A promise she had made to herself when she was only 12 after an argument she and her mom had, was to never let herself cry about anything ever again. She didn't want her mom to get the satisfaction of seeing her cry. She had only cried a handful of times since then but she beat herself up anytime she thought about it. She was going to be tough and she was going to let the world see her shaken. She was not the type of person to let other people know her weaknesses. 

What was she to do? Jordan didn’t want to bother any of her friends and she quite honestly wanted to be alone. She walked farther off into the back yard and went into the mysterious tree line. One could only guess what was going through her mind as she began to realize how alone she really was. This thing was for sure, at least through this it would help her find out who her real friends are. 

She began to feel a dark cloud of depression begin to land softly on her shoulders. She tried to push it away but it engulfed her. So many thoughts began to run through her head. Suddenly the depression cloud shifted and turned into a cloud of blame. She should have been with them. Why did she get off lucky?

Quietly sitting underneath a tree, Jordan watched a baby frog hop along through the old leaves. The attempts to not let her thoughts wonder were failed. She began to remember that time when she was playing baseball with her brothers and one of them decided to turn it into tackle-baseball. She remembered how she accidentally gave little Zack a slight black eye and for the next week all four of them tried really hard to not let their mom see. 

There was also that time when she was about 9, that they decided to play Cowboys and Indians on a windy day. Like a good girl would, she had to make a fire to cook food on. She snuck into the house and found her mom’s magnifying glass and she used the reflection of the sun to light some dry grass on fire. Her brothers crouched around it with her as she tried to make it bigger. It wasn’t long before her mom came out of the house yelling at them to put it out as fast as possible before the wind would spread it. 

Jordan smiled at these memories and the felt that lump of tears again as she realized that they could never make any new memories again. There were no more late-night conversations, trying to talk as quietly as possible so they wouldn’t all get in trouble. There would be no more fights and secrets and she could never hug her brothers again. 

She forced the tears back down her throat and turned to watch a small ant pile. It was bustling and full of little tiny lives. So much life.... Why did seeing life make her sad?

She thought about all the times that she and her mom would get a day for just the two of them. She liked to take her mom out of the house, to go anywhere or do anything. They’d go anywhere from the library, to the grocery store and fast food places. Often times, they’d end up with a giant bag of chips and a liter of Mtn. Dew each, which always led to Jordan getting a lecture about being a bad influence.

There could never be any more of those days. They’d never again be trying to figure out how to sneak the snacks into the house unnoticed. She’d never be able to do that again or take her mom anywhere ever again. 

The tears tried another desperate attempt to overtake her but she would have jumped on them to shove them back down if she could. Jordan tried to divert her thoughts but somehow everything always took her back to a memory of her family. They had been her everything until now. 

A scary thought suddenly hit her. She couldn’t have that prolonged childhood like she so desperately had tried to hold onto. She was going to have to grow up at that moment and figure her life out or she wouldn’t be able to survive. Sure, her uncle would take care of her for a few months but after that, she was going to have to make it on her own. 

Should she stay in this place close to her uncle and a couple friends? Should she go back home where all her grandparents, and cousins were? Jordan was more familiar with the place back home, but she knew full well that the price of living out there was more than most places in the US. She also knew that jobs were really hard to find back home. Here at least she could find a job and a small apartment. But she still didn’t know much about the way of living out here. At least the few months with her uncle would help her to scope things out and get some money into her savings.

Her thoughts all screeched to a halt when her phone began to buzz again. It was her friend Matthew, who was one of her closest friends. Her thoughts shifted into an inward debate as to whether she should answer the call or not. Something deep down said it would be a good idea, but she didn't feel like dealing with anyone right now.She finally decided to answer and talk to him.

Jordan pulled herself together and made herself sound normal as she answered the phone. He asked how the trip home was going and that’s when she realized that she hadn’t really told anyone about her staying with her uncle. She reluctantly had to explain how she had stayed behind with her uncle for a while. Matthew was super excited to hear about that. They’d lived thousands of miles apart before and now she was only an hour’s drive away. 

"You wanna hang out and celebrate your first few days here?" He asked. She mulled over his question, "I guess, I hadn't even thought about it, honestly." She shrugged. "But I think i could really use some fun to get my mind off life for a little while."

"Great! Text me the address and I'll head that way." Matthew responded then hung up.

She propped herself up against the tree and took one last look at the ant pile. She made up her mind not to let this pull her down but she was going to use it to do something, she wasn’t quite sure yet what she would do, but she knew she would find it. She felt like she should have been in the car with them but wasn’t, so the least she could do was to make her family proud. 

While trying to clear her thoughts, Jordan jogged back through the yard and into the house. She found her uncle watching TV with a bottle of tequila in his hand and figured it’d probably be good for her to be out of the house until he’d passed out, anyway. Her uncle had a tendency to drink way more than he should be allowed to.  

She made her way to her room to find something dry to wear and was dry and ready to go within fifteen minutes. Jordan sat on the front porch listening to the rain on the tin roof. The sound was one of her favorites and it gave her a sense of peace. With all the chaos within her, the peaceful feeling the rain gave her was welcomed.

Jordan must have dozed off because she was suddenly awakened by her phone buzzing again. Every time her phone did that and scared her, she would almost throw it through a window but she caught herself and realized what was going on. She realized it was Matthew calling. He'd probably forgotten the directions that she'd given him.

Jordan answered, "Hello?"

"Hey which road was it again? My GPS lost signal and I can't get it working again."

She rolled her eyes. Explaining again where the house was, she watched as he pulled up. Hanging up her phone and putting it in her pocket, she strolled up the driveway to his car.

Matthew was a long time trusted friend of hers that she always felt she could count on for anything. She wanted to tell him about her family, but not yet. She needed some time to have fun before she made it serious again. Plus, she felt like telling anyone else would make it even more real and she really wanted to pretend it wasn't even if just for a moment.

As soon as she got in the car, he started talking about the most random things. She smiled because she could use that but after about five minutes, she was lost in her thoughts and barely knew what he was saying. She felt like couldn’t pay attention to things for very long before her thoughts would run away with her. How on earth was she going to survive this? Her mind didn't seem like it wanted to help make anything easier for her by the way it kept wondering.

Matthew was the complete opposite of Jordan. He was fun and outgoing; he was super goofy and had a way of making people laugh without hardly any effort. Jordan on the other hand, was a bit more reserved and unless she truly trusted someone, she rarely opened up enough for them to truly know who she was. His natural tendency to be outgoing and make people laugh was really great for her, though, because it helped her to relax a bit and to stop her thought process and just have fun. And that was exactly what she needed right now.

"Is that okay?" Matthew asked suddenly pulling Jordan out of her thoughts.

"Sorry, what? I got distracted by that cow we passed in the field back there." She lied trying to act like there was nothing wrong.

Completely unfazed by the fact she hadn't heard a thing he'd said, Matthew repeated himself, "I invited a few more friends. Ya know, so you can make a few new friends since you'll be here a while."

Jordan sighed. She didn't feel like being around a bunch of strangers but she didn't protest. Instead, she just nodded at Matthew to tell him that it was fine. He just smiled an excited smile in response.

When they pulled into his drive-way, it was a more secluded location that Jordan had expected but she liked that. There were a few other cars already there which she assumed were the other people that Matthew had invited.

She found herself being the center of attention, being the newcomer and all. One of the guys in particular seemed to take a fancy to her. She didn't mind the attention as it made her feel flattered which was a different feeling that what she'd been feeling before.

The night seemed to fly by in a haze as a feeling of numbness little by little settled on Jordan. She tried to enjoy herself but little by little had to pretend more and more that she was having fun.

Hours past and little by little, people started heading home, with the last person leaving around midnight. Jordan sighed a sigh of relief because now she could finally talk to Matthew and get everything off her chest.

They slowly walked out a ways from the house and barn, but she avoided the hard topic for a while. Instead, they filled their conversation with the funny things that had happened that night. Finally, the conversation ended and Jordan took a deep breath in preparation for what came next.

“My family was in a collision today.” She said simply. Matthew look at her with questioning eyes. He started to open his mouth but didn’t quite know what to say.

“It was a head-on with an 18 wheeler.” She stated to try and answer his inevitable question. His gaze fell as  he tried to decide what to say next.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" He finally asked breaking the silence. "I wouldn't of put you in a situation to pretend you're okay by having a bunch of people over." 

She just shrugged. "I needed that for a little while. It helped me feel like nothing is wrong, if only for a little bit." She was fighting back tears again but was able to push them down.

Matthew just nodded slowly in response.

She tried to explain to him how scared she was about having to make it on her own but she couldn’t find the words to fully explain it to him. “I just… Where do I go from here? Do I go home? Do I stay with my uncle? I’m sort of stuck here with no money, no car, and no way to get home even if I wanted to. What am I supposed to do?” 

She finally lost the battle to the tears as she continued with her questions. Matthew listened quietly until the questions finally slowed down.. She finally got to a stopping point and just shrugged.

Matthew pulled her into a right hug, "I know it doesn't feel like it, but it's going to be okay. And I'm here for you to help make it okay." He tells her as her crying started to turn to a sob. "No, it's not going to be okay. I don't know what I'm doing" Says shaking her head.

He just let her cry in silence, knowing there was nothing he could say to make her feel better.

Finally after what felt like centuries, Matthew asks, "Can I show you something?" She pulls away. "What is it?" She sniffles looking up at him.

"Just trust me. Come on." He says grabbing her hand and leading the way.

Jordan found herself being led through a field and into the forest. It grew darker as they headed into the trees. It was only now that Jordan realized it had only just stopped raining. The clouds had started to clear but Jordan couldn’t see the sky through the thick leaves on the tree tops.

The thick brush grew denser and she wondered if she should say never mind and turn back lest they get eaten by some sort of feral animal. Just when she was thinking to turn back, Matthew led her through a bush and suddenly there was a small clearing. 

In the center of the clearing, there was a pond that sat so peacefully asleep yet its inhabitants were fully awake. The sound of a million frogs sounded as the two sat down in the grass next to the pond. Crickets flew out from everywhere to avoid being squashed. 

The stars glimmered in the reflection of the pond creating a beautiful piece of art. Suddenly, the still surface of the water was shattered into a million little ripples that the moon reflected off of. A small frog hopped out of the water and disappeared into the grass as Jordan watched the little creature. 

The beauty of this small oasis left her speechless as she took in everything around her. Her mind was blown that such a beautiful place even existed, and yet, how many people knew about it? As beautiful as this whole new place she was living in was, this small oasis tucked away in the woods was breathtaking. 

Matthew was obviously pleased with Jordan’s look of awe at this place. He leaned back into the grass and started to talk. Jordan hardly heard a word he said; she was too busy looking around to take in every ounce of the beauty as she possibly could. But at last when her eyes had, had their fill, she leaned back into the grass too. She began to slowly count the stars that hung so brightly over their heads. For the first time that evening, her mind didn’t wander and she felt fully at peace again.