The Alphas Daughter

Goodbye dad

I stand outside the door and I can hear James telling Elliott a story, I peak round the door and the sight makes my heart burst. Elliott is snuggled into James chest and is fast asleep. He carried on reading even when he had fallen asleep, James looks up at me a smiles and puts his finger to his lips and whispers “shh” he slowly manages to get Elliott off of him without waking him up, he covers him in his lion blanket and plants a kiss on his head, it’s like watching a movie, I can’t believe this is happening, Elliott is finally being put to bed by his father.

I leave the room and James follows.

“He really likes you” I say to James as we both take a seat on the chairs on the balcony.

“He’s an amazing kid Ri” he says back

“ he is isn’t he, he saved me” I say sitting back in my chair

“Thank you” James says

“What for” I reply confused

“For raising him, single handily, if the tables had been turned I wouldn’t of been able to do what you did” he says

“You would of, and I know that because I’ve seen the way you was with him tonight”

It goes silent for a second and then James asks a question that brings me back to reality

“How you feeling about tomorrow?”

“Truthfully, I’m absolutely dreading it, In my head I guess I always thought that I would have time to reconcile with my dad, and explain everything, I always had imagined of him and El playing together, and now that will never happen and it kills me”

I didn’t even realise I had started to cry, but once the tears started I couldn’t stop them.

“Oh, Ri I’m so sorry” James says Getting up from his chair, he leans down and cuddles me and I lean into his hug, for a few seconds we sit in silence just holding each other, when we part, we just stare at each other for a few seconds.

“I can’t begin to tell you how much I’ve missed you Ri” James says placing his forehead on mine

“I’ve missed you too” I say before I can even think about what’s coming out of my mouth. I quickly change the subject before I either do something silly or burst into tears again.

“Zak’s going to look after El tomorrow, I don’t think taking him to dads funeral will be a good idea” I explain to James as he slowly moves away from me.

He takes a seat opposite me on the garden chair set

“Yeah that’s probably a good idea, this trip has been pretty intense for him” he says

“Yeah, it has for both of us” I reply

I’ll let you get some sleep Riley” James says

“Let me walk you out” I offer.

As much as I want James to stay, I know I wouldn’t be doing it for the right reasons. I know I’d just be doing it so I’m not alone the day before my fathers funeral … or would I be doing it for more.

As we walk to the door, we are silent, I open the door for him and James does something I’m not expecting, he gives me a hug, a deep meaningful hug. At first I’m stiff but then I allow myself to fall into his embrace, I lay my head on his chest as he runs his hands down my back and then he plants a kiss on my forehead. I look up into his eyes and he whispers “I’ll always be here for you Riley, I’ll come and get you tomorrow and we can walk down to the chapel together. He’s holding my waist. I feel so many emotions, sadness for my dad. Happiness that him and Elliott have met, relief for Zak that he’s finally been able to tell me he is gay, and love, for James, deep never ending love. Oh my god. I love James, truly and deeply love James

I don’t think I’ve ever stopped.

I spend the whole night tossing and turning, in 6 hours I’ll be saying goodbye to my father for the last time. A proper goodbye, not like when I ran from the pack house all them years ago. I think that will forever be one of my biggest regrets, leaving without saying goodbye to my dad

I didn’t realise I had fallen asleep until my alarm was waking me up. I get up and make a coffee and then go and start to get ready. My dads funeral starts at 10am and it’s already 8:45. I starts getting ready and then there’s a knock at the door, I’m guessing it’s Zak coming to watch Elliott so I run to the door in my shorts and bra, I open the door and walk off without even look at who it is as I walk off towards my bedroom

“Utt hmm” I hear come from behind me

Fear sinks in as I realise it isn’t Zak and I turn round to see James stood there in a black suit looking drop dead gorgeous

I want the ground to swallow me up!

“s**t, sorry I thought you was Zak”

“It’s fine” he chuckles

I can see his eyes moving all over my body

I run to my bedroom

“I’ll be out in a second just getting in the shower, there’s coffee on the side” I shout

20 minutes later I come out of my room. Zak and James are sat at the kitchen counter together and Elliot is perched on James knee and they are watching something on James phone. They are all laughing together, I smile. I never thought I would see this, all my boys together. But James isn’t my boy is he. He broke my heart and I have to remember that.

Zak notices me first.

“You look lovely, Ri” he says

“Thank you” I reply sheepishly

I’ve got a knee length black body con dress on and black stilettos with my hair in a low bun with the diamond earrings in dad gave mum on their wedding day

I walk to Elliott and I explain I’ll be back later and he’s to have fun with Zak

“Okay mummy, love you” he says

I have to compose myself. How I’m going to get through today is beyond me.

“Shall we go?” James ask

“Yeah okay” I say

As we are walking down the corridor we are silent, I don’t know what to say to James, I’m not sure if I can have a conversation without bursting into tears right now.

As we enter the chapel of the pack house I see Mark and Beth, Mark looks shattered. I embrace them both and James and Mark shake hands and he gives Beth a cuddle.

Mark pulls me to the side

“Ri, dads just the other side of those doors, you can go in and see him if you like” he explains pointing to two beautiful stained glass doors

I feel my chest go tight and I start to panic

“Ri, breathe. You are fine.” Mark says with a sympathetic look in his eyes

“I don’t think I can” I say with tears filling my eyes “I’m not ready to say by” I cry

And that’s when I feel James hand on the small of my back.

“I told you, I’m here. We can go together” he says softly

And before I know it we are both walking towards the room where my dad lay resting, hand in hand

As soon as I set my eyes on my dad I couldn’t contain the emotion

“Dad, please don’t go” I sob.

“I need Elliott to know you, to laugh at your grandad jokes, I need to watch you grow old, to walk me down the aisle. Please don’t leave me dad” James is practically holding me up at this point and he pulls me into his chest and rubs my hair

“Shhh, Ive got you, you’re fine baby” he repeats over and over as I sob deep powerful sobs like never before into his chest.

After a few moment and I’ve calmed down James explains

“People are arriving Riley, we need to go outside so the warriors can get ready to carry him in”

“Im sorry I don’t want to rush you, he says with his hand round my waist and his chin resting on my shoulder as he’s stood at my side. This is it, the last time I’ll ever see my dads face.

“Goodbye dad” I whisper and I turn and leave. James following closely behind me.