The Alphas Daughter

Rosa Manning

*trigger* *child loss*

Dads funeral passed in a blur. Mark read out a beautiful eulogy, he talked about our childhood and about how much dad loved us, even if he didn’t always show it, he spoke about how Elliott and him would of adored each other, which truly broke my heart hearing, and then he said that he has comfort in knowing him and Rosa are together again. Did dad meet someone new when I left?

As the funeral ended we all followed dads coffin into the pack house grave yard, considering it was a sad, morbid place, it was the most peaceful. Dad had a lot of respect for the dead and had always made sure the grave yard was beautifully kept all year round and had employed a grounds keeper.

As we approached the 6 foot hole in the ground that had been prepared for my dad, the hole in my heart was deeper than any 6ft crater that had been dug, my heart would never be fully healed.

James hadn’t left my side throughout the funeral, every now and then I would feel a soft hand fall on my back and he would run it up and down, offering me some kind of support. I welcomed it, James’ touch was more comforting than I ever imagined possible.

As the vicar said some lovely words at the side of the grave and dads body was slowly lowered into his resting place, I felt my heart shatter. This was it it was truly the end. James grabbed me around my waist and held me up

“Riley, I’m here” he whispered in my ear

“I know James” I replied showing him a small smile through all my tears.

As the service drew to an end a few groups of people stayed together talking, whilst Mark and Beth were thanking people for coming. I went for a walk through the grave yard, a lot of people had departed since I had left, which made me so sad, so much time had passed.

My mums grave was situated in the corner of the grave yard under an apple tree. I thought I should probably go and say hello to mum before going to the wake. It was slightly comforting knowing that her and dad were together again, and that’s when I remembered Mark mention a Rosa, I wonder if she’s buried here. As I slowly walk through the grave yard looking at all of the names of the new headstones in the yard, some I recognise, and some I don’t and that’s when I see it

Rosa Manning

12/04/2020-13/04/2021

The beautiful Angel of Mark and Beth

I re-read the words that were engraved on the beautiful marble headstone over and over.

Mark had a daughter, and she died.

My brother has lost his daughter, his baby. Beth… sweet, loving Beth she lost her baby. My heart is racing and shattering all over again

The world around me started to fade. And anger swept across me “why did no one tell me” I don’t know what came over me but I marched straight up to the group of people Mark was having a conversation with

“Why did you never tell me about Rosa” I shout

I can see James approaching from the corner of my eye, walking as fast as he can across the grave yard towards us.

I look at Beth who instantly stares at the ground with hurt written all over her face

“You weren’t here” Mark growled, clearly angry that I had brought this up infront of a crowd

“You had a baby and I knew nothing!” I scream

“Well it seems I wasn’t the only one” he shouts back.

“But even when I come back, you told me nothing. When we had that heart to heart by the pool yesterday about Elliott and James, you could of told me and you f*****g didn’t” I rage

I didn’t care James was there, and had known I had been talking about him yesterday with Mark, my body was taken over by burning rage.

“And what exactly did you want me to say Riley? I have a daughter, but she’s dead” He bellows.

“Yes. Exactly. f*****g. That.” I scream as loud as I can

I heard Beth sob, as much as Mark infuriates me, hearing Beth sob broke my heart.

I knew I had to leave this grave yard. My mind is in overdrive, I had a niece and she’s dead, I never got to see her perfect face or give her a cuddle, to watch my brother and Beth be parents. My heart shattered.

I was waking towards the pack house, the only thought in my mind was to leave. Go back to Goddings and carry on like I had never left.

As I made my way up to my apartment I realised that for the first time today James wasn’t right behind me. As I opened the door I was greeted with silence. Zak must have taken Elliott out to play. I knew I had to pack before they got back so we could leave straight away, so no one had time to talk me out of this. It was clear I didn’t belong here.

As I drag the suit case down from the self in the cupboard I hear footsteps behind me

“Zak, we’re leaving this place, I want to go home” I say through angry cries

“I’m just packing Elliott stuff” I shout but I get no reply

As I walk out of my now trashed bedroom after throwing everything out of the wardrobe I’m not greeting with Zak or my precious Elliott ,I’m greeted with James, leaning against the wall with his hands in his trouser pockets

He doesn’t say anything he just stares at me

“I didn’t know that was you” I explain

“You really need to figure out the difference in mine and Zak’s footsteps” he says

I just stare back at him. He seems cold, almost distant

“Leaving again are we” he asks sarcastically acknowledging all of mine and Elliotts clothes thrown all over the bedroom

I just look at him without replying, why do I feel guilty, sad? What is happening to me.

“You’re good at that really aren’t you Ri, as soon as a situation gets tough you run, what’s your excuse now?” He asks with an angry tone

This time I speak up

“Hardly think being the unmated pregnant daughter of an alpha was a s**t excuse to run, don’t you?” I say spitting out my words

“Oh here we go again, I know Riley, I know I f****d up. Why can’t you get past this s**t, I’ve apologised, I’ve asked you to accept the mate bond so I can show you how much I love you and here we f*****g are back to square one” he shouts

“Are you really that thick James, it’s more than that, I love you, I always f*****g have done. From the moment we realised we was mates, and everyday since. But you broke my heart, you took it in your big Beta hands and you shattered it. I can’t just forget that overnight” I scream back at him

“You love me?” He asked shocked

“Yes James, but sometimes love just isn’t enough, I have to think about Elliott in every situation I put myself in” I explain

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He asks confused

“What if you break my heart again, Elliott has to see that? Be there to witness his mother as a shell of a woman?” I ask

“You really think I’d break your heart… again” he asks

“You’ve done it once” I say, slightly angry

“And you’ve hardly been truthful have you James, why didn’t you tell me about Rosa?” I shout, all the pain and anger from seeing her headstone comes back falling into my chest like an rock that has been dropped from a great height, it falls to the pit of my stomach.

“It wasn’t my business to tell” he shouts back.

“You let me walk around like a clueless i***t, you knew I had a niece and you didn’t tell me” I scream at the top of my lungs, angry tears rolling down my face

“And I had a son and you didn’t f*****g tell me Riley, for 3 years” he roars back at me. “I had a right to know and you didn’t tell me, so don’t play f*****g victim with me, it won’t work” he shouts

“Victim! You think I’m playing f*****g victim?” I ask shocked and disgusted

“Look at yourself Ri, you’re a hypocrite, angry at everyone around you because they didn’t tell you about Rosa. But who the f**k did you tell about Elliott?” He asks

“Get the f**k out” I say calmly.

“No, I want to see my son” he says

“James get out and leave me alone” I shout my voice rising

“No Riley, I’m waiting for my son” he replies

And before I know it all of my anger towards him, my dad for dying and leaving, mark and Beth for not telling me about Rosa and everyone else hurting me in the past rises to the surface and I start pushing James towards the door

“Go” I shout

“No”

“James, leave please” I say

Even with all my might he’s not moved at all

At this point I’m a balling mess, anger and sadness rolled into tons of heavy sobs, I feel my arms become weak and I give up pushing and I just fall to my knees

James drops down in front of me and he embraces me, rocking me back and forth as I let 3 years of pure emotion leave my tired soul.

When my sobs stopped James placed him chin on top of my head and he wraps me up from behind he sits silent for a while and quietly says “please don’t go Ri, you know how it feels to have your heart broken, please don’t break mine, I can’t loose you or El”