Helping my crush

Chapter fifteen - Therapy

Bella's POV:

Dad is getting worse every day, but I can't do anything. No matter what I tell him, he won't listen to me. I have tried many times to talk with him but without any result. Maybe the problem is in me. I need to find a way to tell him that what he is doing is not good for him. I told the doctor to keep dad a little bit longer in the hospital. I hope that this way, he will get sober even for a couple of days. He has a problem, but he is not doing anything to resolve it. I can't always be next to him. Also, he is a big man. No matter that he acts like a little kid. I understand that he is missing my mom, but drinking, won't help him. After all, he comes home every day and sees that she is not there. Dad needs to change, but I don't think he wants to. I was thinking about setting him up with a woman. The problem is that no one will date a drunk man who smells bad. Yes, dad is showering, but it takes me a lot of time to make him do it. According to him, there is no need for this since soon he will be in the same condition. I don't want to do anymore with him. Since he doesn't listen to me, I don't think he will listen to whoever it is. I don't want to say it like that, but dad looks like a lost case. I still have hopes for him, but now they are not that high. I want to believe that he will change, but every time he proves me wrong. I don't want to give up, but maybe I have to.

Three days ago, I called a therapist. If dad won't go, I will. I need this, someone to tell me what to do. I don't know if the woman can solve my problems, but I think that she will help me. I have already talked with miss Walker. She has no problem taking Emily home. She can play with her best friend until I come to take her. I don't like to leave other people taking care of her, but sometimes I want to get away from everything. I love my sister, but I get tired. Mostly from dad, who is not helping me at all.

Now I am in my History class. I am trying to pay attention. It's not like this is easy. Lately, I find it difficult to concentrate. Mostly because I have many things in my head. The main one is dad. Soon he will get out of the hospital, and I believe he will continue drinking. When I was a kid, I never thought about the future. Now, I can't think about anything else. I have to think for days ahead and make sure that everything is ok. Not with me, of course. I put myself in last place.

Soon I saw everyone getting up. I guess that the class ended. I didn't understand anything, but I wasn't listening. I can't continue like that. Concentration is the last thing in my head. I walked to my locker, and Chris came to me.

- Hey, how are you?

- How am I supposed to be?

- I'm sorry. I didn't want to offend you.

- You didn't offend me. I just feel the same every single day.

- Things will get better.

- I want to believe you, but I can't.

- You need to be more positive.

- How should I do that? Look what is going on around me.

- The meeting with the therapist was today, right?

- Yes. At 3 pm, I have to be in her office.

- If you want, I can come. I will wait for you outside.

- Thanks, but I prefer to go there alone.

- If you need anything, you will call me.

- Sure.

For the rest of the classes, I was the same. I wanted to skip lunch, but Chris convinced me to go and eat with him. At least someone cares for me. It's not that I want it. Sometimes it's good to have someone by your side. I told him to go and get a table while I left my things. I was about to go when Riven came. He has never talked with me. I assume that he wants something from me.

- Bella, right?

- Yes. Hi Riven. How can I help you?

- This week the football season starts and I would like it if you leave Chris alone.

- I don't understand. What does football have to do with me?

- You are distracting him. He skipped a couple of practices because of you.

- What? Really?

- Yes. Leave him alone. He has to focus.

- Ok, then. From tomorrow he will be alone.

- Thank you. - he said and left

I am sure this is not true, but I will ask Chris about this. I know that football is important for him and I don't think he will miss practice just because of me. Finally, I walked to the table where my friend was. I had a tray with food in front of me. He looked at me with a smile and I returned it.

- Can I ask you something? I want to know if it is true or not.

- Ok, I'm listening to you.

- Have you skipped football practice because of me?

- What? No. They hadn't even started yet.

- I knew that he was lying.

- Can I know why you are asking?

- Someone told me that. I was sure that it wasn't true but decided to ask you.

- Who is this someone?

- Does it matter?

- Yes, it does. I want to know who is telling you lies.

- Will you get mad? Because if you do, I won't tell you.

- Fine. I won't get mad.

- Good. It was Riven.

- What? Why would he tell you this?

- He told me to leave you alone.

- I will talk with him later. Let's eat now.

After school, I walked to miss Paterson's office. It's about forty-five minutes from school, so I should be on time. I don't know if there is someone before my time. When I walked into the building, one woman told me where to find the office. I have to say that the building is huge. I knocked on the door and walked in.

- Hello, I am Bella.

- Oh, hi, Bella. Come and sit.

- Did you expect someone else?

- When you called me, I thought that you were a bit older. - the woman said, chuckling

- Is my age a problem?

- No. It has nothing to do with your therapy. Now, why don't you tell me why you are here?

- Can I tell you about my life?

- Sure. This is a good start.

- I am 18 and have a little sister, eight years younger than me. My mom died when I was only ten. Since then, everything has changed. Mostly for dad. He was sitting and waiting for her to come back. Later, he started drinking, and he has been doing this until today. Now, he is in a hospital, because he was drinking without eating. Since I was a little girl, I had to learn many things. Mostly how to take care of the house and my sister. Later, I started taking care of dad as well. He has an alcohol problem. Also, I think that he wants to give up. He had a great relationship with my mom and this ruined him completely. I have tried to talk with him many times, but he is not listening to me. I look like my mom, and I think that this is making it worse. It's not my fault. I can't choose where to be born or how to look. We have argued many times about his addiction. The worst thing is that my sister Emily grew up with him being in this state. That is why she doesn't like dad. She was only two when mom died. Emily didn't have the chance to see dad the way he was with mom. I have talked with her about this, but she is still too young to understand. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't have time for myself. I have to do so many things. It's not like I am complaining. I'm glad that I learned so many things at a young age. All I want is my sister to have a normal life, but I don't know if I can give it to her. What should I do?

- Do you think that your dad will accept therapy?

- No. I have thought about this, but the only way this to happen is if the therapist comes home. He is always drunk, and no one can have a normal conversation with him.

- The problem is that you didn't have a normal childhood. Many things happened to you at a very young age, and this affected you. Sometimes you have to go out or do something for yourself. You need a distraction from your life. I assume that you do the chores at home.

- Yes, I do everything.

- What I can tell you is to take a rest more often. This way you won't be stressed out. Is there someone who can watch your sister?

- Yes. The neighbors or my friend's parents. Their daughter is my sister's best friend. I just don't like leaving other people to do my chores. Emily is my responsibility.

- I understand, but you have to think about yourself. If something happens to you, who will take care of Emily? Your health is important. I am not talking only about your physical one. Mental health is important. Try not to stress yourself that much and to go out more often.

- I can try this, but it won't be easy.

- Take small steps. Go out with your friends more often. You don't need to be outside. You have to free your mind. Even without telling me, I know you have many things in your head. You look worried.

- Because I am. I want to help my dad, but I don't know how to do it.

- You have to make him understand that he can't live without you and Emily. If you do that, he will start changing.

- How am I supposed to do that?

- Find a way. I don't know who your dad is, and without talking with him, I can't tell you what to do. All I can do is give you advice.

- Ok, I will do it somehow. Thank you.

- No problem. That is my job.

- You are great at this.

- I studied a lot. Now go and take a rest. You need this.

- I will. Moreover, I have to go and get my sister from her best friend's house.

- You can use this as a chance to rest. That is your problem. You are thinking about everyone else, except yourself. I understand that you have many things to do, but you need to think about yourself.

- I know. I will try to pay attention to myself.

- I hope that you will do it.

- Thank you, miss Paterson.

- I am here to help. Call me if you need anything.

- I will. Thank you and bye.

- Bye, Bella.

I walked out of the building and went to one park. Before I go to get Emily, I want to be alone for a while. Miss Paterson is right. I need a rest. The problem is that no one will do my chores. I stayed there for like an hour and later walked to Chris's house.

I stayed with Chris and his parents until 10 pm. They offered me to spend the night with them, but I denied it. I feel better when I am at home. I told them what the therapist said, and all of them agreed with her. Maybe I need to start focusing on myself. It won't be easy since I spend most of my time taking care of Emily and dad. There is a first time for everything. Now I have Chris, and his parents who I know will help me. I'm glad to have people like them around me. They are like my second family. Miss Walker might not be my mom, but she treats me like her daughter, and I can't ask for anything better.