Chosen by the Goddess

Chapter 5

    “Actually, no” I start. “I haven’t eaten one bit and all this excitement got me real hungry” with that, I turn around and make my way back to the picnic, leaving Rhys standing, holding the door open. After a couple of seconds, I hear it fall shut and the sound of him walking behind me on the gravel. 

It is dark by now, but seeing New York City’s lights, it barely makes a difference. 

I plop down on the blanket and start dipping carrots in hummus before shoving them into my mouth. Rhys watches me for a while, occasionally grabbing a chip. 

    “Don’t just sit there” I complain “tell me more about this whole thing.” He lets out a small chuckle. “What do you want to know?” 

    “Everything! How does one become a werewolf? Where do you live? In the woods? How do you feed? Are there more? Just talk to me!” I demand. He can’t just drop a bomb like this and not explain further. He sighs. “We’re born like this. The wolf is always… there, with us you could say, and we can choose when to let them out. We tend to live in packs, at least most of us do. We have houses, so no usually we don’t live in the woods. We go to the store for groceries, like you do, but occasionally go out to hunt. Aside from that, we’re pretty much just normal  people.” I roll my eyes, sure just as normal as the next person.

    “So you like, eat forest animals, deer and little bunnies?… ew” He doesn’t answer immediately and I can see that my comment hurt him. I bite my lip, “sorry, that came out wrong” I apologize. 

    “Its fine, this is all new for you and I really can’t ask for you to understand it all right away.” He shrugs his shoulders and gives me soft smile. 

    “What do you mean when you say the wolf is always with you?” I examine further. 

    “He is always there, it is like we are two personas in my head, I can choose to let him out when I please, like I just did. Sometimes they are harder to control though, for example when we are overcome with strong emotions, like rage, or pain… or desire” he mumbles that last part and I am not sure why. I feel a lump in my throat. 

    “So when you are pissed off you get… dangerous?” I ask shyly. His eyes shoot up to meet mine and he looks startled. 

    “I would never be a danger to you” he says, almost too quiet for me to catch. 

    “Why not?” My question hangs over us like fog, he doesn’t answer. I don’t know if I said anything upsetting. I watch him fumble with a piece of celery and I begin to wonder if he even heard me. Just when I want to repeat myself he slowly opens his mouth to whisper 

    “because you are my mate.” He looks up and stares into my eyes, waiting for a reaction. 

I shrug my shoulders, helpless. 

    “Rhys you’ve said this before, but I don’t know what that means!” I exclaim, shaking my head to emphasize what I just said. He is quiet again, gaze to the ground. I did not think this would be such a hard conversation. 

    “That was the first time you’ve said my name, I like it” he says with a grin. 

    “Don’t change the topic!” Can this man not pull himself together for even a minute?

    “It means the moon goddess chose you, as my partner, to be with me, for live”. When he raises his head back up, he sees my mouth wide open, staring at him with big eyes, in disbelief. 

I take my cup, which is still filled with wine, and empty it in one sip. Rhys is fixated on my every move, waiting for me to say something, but I don’t know what. How could I? Finding out that my fait has been sealed by mystical creature’s goddess, that I didn’t even know existed, that is not something you get told everyday. I am not even going to question the mention of said goddess. Tonight he could probably get me to believe everything. 

I grasp for air, in all my confusion, I haven’t taken a breath in a while.

    “I think I will need to have a word with that goddess of yours” I say, jokingly, trying to lighten the mood. He doesn’t answer, his staring makes me uncomfortable. I grab a chip and dip it in guac to busy myself, in an attempt to make the situation less awkward. I fail. If all, I made it worse. After a while of waiting for him to say something I finally decide to move this along.

    “Why are you telling me all this?” I ask him, while reaching for the bottle to pour myself another. By the time he answers I am already a couple of sips in, catching myself thinking about how I like red grapes better than green ones. 

    “Because I want you to come with me” he says calmly.

    “Come with you… where?” I decide to inquire at a slower pace now.

    “Home, to my pack”

    “Why?” He sighs at my question. 

    “Delta I know you can’t feel what I feel, but you need to understand, these emotions are extremely strong. Being away from you, physically hurts me. You ripped my heart out last night, when I thought you would reject me.” I don’t answer, he continues.

    “When I see you, I get nervous, I have butterflies in my stomach. Touching you sets off sparks and just being with you, makes me feel at ease. I look at you and nothing else matters anymore, I want to be with you, close to you, forever. I want to give you everything you desire and I want to be all of that to you too” he drops his eyes to the floor and adds “knowing that you don’t feel this way when you look at me hurts like hell, but I can’t help it. I feel like a fourteen year old boy in a teen movie and it annoys the hell out of me”

    I don’t know what to say, how could I? I feel overwhelmed, my hands are shaking and I feel like I am going to be sick. Slowly, I empty my cup and put it down. 

    “I’m going to go now.” I whisper. 

    “Can I take you home?” He has a gloomy look on his face. 

    “I want to be alone right now, I need to think.” I get up, turn around and walk away, leaving him behind. 

When I get home, I am careful to be as quiet as I can because I don’t want to wake Stephanie. She would ask too many questions, about the night I had, that I can’t answer. When I reach my room, I leave the lights turned off and sink onto my bed. I feel anxious, as if someone had buried me under a pile of rocks that I can’t get out of. 

I feel my body starting to shake, It gets harder to breath and I feel tears running down my cheeks. My vision gets blurry and I can sense my heart beating wildly in my chest. I grasp for air, still feeling as if something was being pressed on my torso. An invisible weight I am unable to lift. I want to scream, but nothing comes out. Just when I am sure I am going to suffocate, alone in my dark room, I feel strong arms being wrapped around me. 

“This is a panic attack, focus on your breath, try to keep it stable” I hear Rhys say, before he pulls me towards his chest. His voice sounds like it is far away, I almost can’t hear it, but it soothes me. He has me in a tight grip, not too tight to make breathing even harder for me, but tight enough for me to slowly be able to calm down. I do as I’m told, focusing on my breath, trusting that everything else will be alright, because he was here now. Strangely, I feel safe when he is with me, just as he described it earlier, a sense of calm began to come over me. 

    “How did you know?” I ask him, when I start to feel better, but still sobbing.

    “When you hurt, I hurt” he answers, in a neutral tone. 

    “This is the second time tonight that I am crying in your arms” I state. 

    “I will always be here to catch you.”

That is enough for me, I pull myself closer to him. 

    “Don’t leave” I whisper, as my eyes begin to close and I drift off.