Redeeming Heart

Intentions

I didn’t understand my father’s intentions to have my work for Aunt Maggie. He, himself hasn’t even made the effort to come and see her check up on her if she was doing alright after mom’s passing.

Now, he has me here and forcing me to face her on my own while he hides behind his fancy computer and is surrounded by his office.

I rolled my shoulders to scrap some courage together to go inside and face her.

Frowning when I heard male voices arguing thinking that maybe there was a fight going on inside and to my utter amazement there was a fight going on and Aunt Maggie was handling the situation quite well on her own.  

“You know I don’t tolerate any fights in my bar, Thomas.” Aunt Maggie re-informed one of the men who were part of the fight. “It’s time for the both of you to leave or I will force you by hand out of my pub.” She said with a warning tone that left no space for arguments.

“Oh, come on, Maggie.” One of the guys complained but she wasn’t hearing any of it.

I bit down on my lip to conceal a chuckle when both men left the bar with heads hanging low looking like two naughty children who has been sent to their rooms.

All of my laughter and humour dissolved when I caught Maggie looking like me with wide eyes that were filled with sadness and lots of regrets.

Yeah, we haven’t seen each other in three years. Both Maggie and I was guilty of avoiding each other.

“Should I come back another time?” I questioned, pointing my thumb over my shoulder and at the men she just chased out.

“Don’t be ridiculous.” She said, coming over to embrace me with one of her famous hugs.

It felt strange hugging someone after all I forgot how it felt to be comforted or be in the company of someone who cares about me. I’ve lost any interaction with the world including myself.

I forced my tears away when we pulled apart and I noticed her tears shining brightly in her blue eyes.

“Your father tells me that you have been a very defiant girl these past three years.” She shared.

I shrugged. “I have my reasons.”

She said nothing because there wasn’t anything much she could say or do to change my mind or go about it.

“I don’t know-how working for me is going to straighten you out. It’s a bar after all and most people that hang out here is difficult when they get drunk.” She took the words right out of my mouth.

“Maybe my father believes that having a woman back in my life is going to do me some good,” I replied, following her in behind the bar and laughing at the sign of no under 21’s allowed to order alcoholic drinks.

“How can a nineteen-year-old be allowed to work will alcohol but I am not allowed to drink?” I asked aware that it was a rhetorical question.

Aunt Maggie just shared a knowing look with me. She went over every detail that I needed to know before placing me behind the bar with another bartender.

The night started out slow but picked up later the night and soon it has gotten chaotic.

Being a person who doesn’t share a lot of feelings or emotions with the world had its advantages. Men who tried flirting quickly got the message that I am not someone they can tease or want to flirt with as I gave them the cold shoulder in a nice, respective way.

A few of the customers were Aunt Maggie’s regulars who were at least nice to serve and not feel uncomfortable around them.

I wasn’t going to ever mention this to my father but I had fun for someone who has never worked in a bar and who isn’t really a people person.

I helped the other bartenders to clean up while waiting for Aunt Maggie to finish up as she was given me a ride back home.

We didn’t really get much time to talk or come to terms with seeing each other after my mom’s passing-and not like we spoke a lot during the ride home.

“Your mom would be so disappointed in me.” Aunt Maggie began as she pulled up in front of my father’s house.

“I stopped coming over because I was hurting and forgetting all about you and your father. I’ve lost a sibling while you lost your mother and your father lost the love of his life.”

I just shook my head at her. “We all lost someone we cared for and loved. She would be disappointed in all of us for not reaching out.”

She nodded at me.

“I’m sorry that you had to go through this.” She noted, her empathy bringing tears to my eyes and a wrench to my heart.

“Everyone tells me that time heals a broken heart but it has been three years and I can’t come to terms that she is gone,” I admitted with a straight face.

I looked at the house and all I want is for everything to be the way it was. I didn’t want my father to get married to Meredith. I want my mother. I want them to laugh and smile as they used to late at night sitting in the kitchen while the whole world was sound asleep.

I didn’t want him to smile at Meredith or laugh with her.

It angers me to think he is sleeping next to someone or kissing someone who isn’t my mother.

He moved on while I hung back clinging to the past.

“I am still flustered about the way she had to deal with this crap her whole life but she lived it like she could be taken away any minute and here we are just being here.” Aunt Maggie’s eyes were filled with pain and sadness.

Mine was filled with anger and regret. “I am still angry with her that she never told me. I let her do stuff that she wasn’t allowed to do. If I just knew she would have lived longer.” My voice was quivering from all the rage I’ve built up over the years.

“No!” Aunt Maggie exclaimed reaching for me. “If she told you right from the beginning you would have not lived in the moments you had with her.”

“I am still not living according to what I should. My life crumbled the day she was taken away from us and my father…” I couldn’t even utter the reality of him betraying her out loud.

“I should go.” I suddenly said, reaching for the door and pushing it open to get out. “I will see you tomorrow.”

I hate talking about the future while I am still clinging to the past.

Boundaries still lay ahead of me and I didn’t even know what is the first step to overcome the first boulder.