When the morning sunshine fell on my face through the window, I woke up from my sleep.
I opened the blinds and tried to move a little. My whole body ached as if I had been through a storm.I tried very hard to stand up while I was sitting on the bed. I removed my blanket with great difficulty. As I tried to move my leg, 'Aaahhhh' came out of my mouth.
As I stood up, I saw myself in the mirror and my breath stopped. It was all quite shocking....
As I caught my reflection in the mirror, I saw the blue-red marks of Julian's lips and teeth clearly visible on my neck and shoulders. Those marks were proof of how badly Julian had f*cked me last night. I didn't remember anything, I just remembered how much pain I was in. The warmth of Julian's hot breaths, the fragrance of his body, which was not like that of a human being.
It was a little strange to have marks from it all over my body. He was so crazy. If he had his way, he would have eaten me.
There were faint red marks on my wrists, the marks of Julian's tight grip. I touched my lips; they were quite swollen. Julian had kissed me so badly that I had 'claim marks' all over my body.
But I was so lost in things that I didn't notice where I was standing. I looked around and it was my hotel room, but there was a question in my mind: I should have been at Julian's house.
There was still a deep sleep in my eyes because I myself did not know when I had slept. There were blurred images of last night in my mind.
In my mind, I could see Julian's luxurious home, the silence, the intoxication... and Julian himself. He was behaving like an animal, but I was putting up with all of that just for the job.
I was wondering how I would reach home when my eyes fell on two letters lying near the pillow. There was a golden cover and a handwritten letter.
I slowly started walking but my legs were so tired that I was not able to walk, but still I slowly moved forward and sat on the bed, I felt that pain.The pain was so intense that I couldn't even sit down, but I controlled myself, picked up the letter, and started reading. I picked up that golden cover and saw that it was written in big letters: "OFFER LETTER: PROBATIONARY EXECUTIVE."
After reading this, tears came to my eyes. I don't know why, I was feeling something different, as if something wrong had happened. This was the same job for which I had put my honor and my peace at stake. This was the moment when I was not happy but was feeling ashamed of myself. I felt like I had made a mistake. I shouldn't have slept with Julian. I shouldn't have done what I did.
I regretfully picked up the second letter. It was Julian's handwriting.That letter was very big. He had written it for me with his own handwriting.
"Lilly,
Good morning,Your silence scattered in your room is telling that you have woken up, hope you sleep well, there is no need to think much, I dropped you from my house to your hotel last night. I hope you are not tired yet. You performed better than expected last night. Perhaps there are still marks on your body that I left last night. Do not try to erase them because those marks now show my ownership rights.
Last night I liked your fear, your sobs and your faltering courage. People will call this a mistake, but I will call it a beautiful deal. You gave me exactly what I wanted, and I gave you a job.
Now don't trouble yourself by regretting, because that innocent face of yours has become old for me now. I admit that last night was a little harsh and painful, maybe you even cried to stop me. But I can't stop myself. I never felt the peace that I saw in you. You may feel like you've lost a night, but Lily, you've dedicated your soul to me.
Your job, your progress, and even your breath will now pass through me and now when we meet next time, do not come with regrets, come with shame in your eyes so that I can make you mine again.
Remember, you are only mine now, we meet in company. Bye, take care of yourself and your body because now you are completely mine.
Welcome to the company...
—Julian"
I crushed the letter. The pain in my body had now reached my heart. I had gotten the job, but I realized i might have sold my soul.
It was very cold outside, but the silence in my room seemed much colder and biting to me. The sound of water falling from the shower echoed in the room. I was standing under the shower and getting completely drenched but I was not feeling the coolness of the water. I could only feel the heaviness in my body that Julian had left on me.
I closed my eyes, and that dark night and Julian's cold eyes came before my eyes. I placed my hand on my shoulder and he saw that the deep mark was still visible. I was still feeling pain, the mark was very deep, as if it had penetrated my soul.
Every moment that was causing pain on my body was telling me what had happened last night. I took the shower gel in my hand and started rubbing it into my skin as mercilessly as if I want to remove Julian's every touch from my body. I wanted to push away every touch of his from my body, but my skin turned red, the pain increased, but that feeling of Julian did not go away from my body.
I felt a strange sensation and a painful voice came out of my mouth, "What have I done?"My voice bounced off the bathroom walls and came back. My tears were flowing mixed with the water of the shower. The job which was a spark for my eyes till yesterday had become the reason for these tears today.
My steps were faltering as I came out of the bathroom. My body was still shivering, perhaps not from the cold, but from the fear that was inside me. I picked up the letter lying on the side of the bed, the letter written in Julian's hand, in which it was written in big words.
"Welcome to the company."
I got very angry when I saw this. I clenched my fist. I felt like Julian hadn't just hired me, he had bought me. He wanted to use me like a commodity.
"No," I said to myself. I couldn't let myself be used for anything. I didn't know, but something felt different.
I picked up the appointment letter. My heart was pounding. If I didn't stop myself today, Julian would be texting me every day because he was a creep. I took a deep breath and tore the letter apart. I tore it into pieces. First one piece... then another... then a third... until the words stopped appearing on the paper.
I took another deep breath and decided that I would go to the office tomorrow and tell Julian that I didn't want this job. I had made up my mind and was determined not to take the job.I will resign from my job.