Behind Her Cool Exterior

What the future holds

“Embezzlement? You have got to be kidding me!”

Sana sipped the steaming hot coffee thinking along the same lines. After Nikolos’ declaration today, she was in a half-dazed mode throughout the day. Katherine, her best friend, was sitting in front of her on the couch and as usual voicing her frank opinions.

“I don’t know what to think Kat.” ‘Kat’ was the nickname her friend had insisted being called upon by, as according to her, her birth name was the plainest and flattest name ever a person had the misfortune of bearing. That was four years ago and of course Kat had stuck since then.

“What is there to think about, Sana? You should have asked that pathetic excuse of a man to explain his statement rather than running away.”

Although a part of Sana, the tiny 'Kat-like' part agreed with her, she still said, “I was so shocked after what he said, that I…I didn’t know what to do, what to speak. After the last few days, it was...just too much.”

Seeing Sana dejected, Kat said,”Oh, poor sweetheart! I completely understand. It’s not your fault. I am just angry with that idiotic, dung-headed arrogant man for treating you like this.”

Smiling slightly at that description of Nikolos, she looked up at her friend’s face and said, “He owns one of the largest companies in the world. That is not a ‘dung-headed i***t’s’ cup of tea.”

“I noticed you didn’t defend him when it came to arrogance.” muttered Kat loudly enough for her to hear.

“Well because that is a truth”, Sana said visibly smiling.

Seeing a little improvement in her friend’s voice, Kat said, “Cheer up girl! You have a date tonight and you don’t want to sit grumpily all through dinner.”

“No. I informed Brad today in the afternoon that I won’t be able to make it.”

“You cancelled it?” asked Kate astonishingly.

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“After today’s fiasco and the subsequent tiresome job hunt, I didn’t think I had enough energy in me to go on a date.”

Kat snorted.

“What was that for?” Sana raised an eyebrow quizzically. “I thought you will be glad I did.”

Brad had been a fellow student of Sana and Kat in college. She had met him in the first year itself and had discovered their mutual love for world history and economics. After that he had asked her out for a movie. And since then, their relationship had slowly built up over the years.

Last month after graduating, Brad had proposed and Sana had accepted much to Kate’s chagrin.

“I never said I didn’t like him. It’s just that I don’t like you and him together.”

Sana sighed. She had had this conversation a million times before with Kate and today she didn’t have it in her to do it again.

“Oh come on!” Kat said seeing Sana walking away. “Even you have to agree you both are too much…comfortable with each other rather than in love.”

“So to be in love, you have to be bickering mad at each other all the time. Right? ” Sana drawled.

“No. I didn’t say that but...still…looking at you two it’s difficult to fathom that there can be a couple who are so in agreement every time, even about the smallest things.”

“Kat? Just hear yourself! You are saying that the rapport we share, which by the way I have seen in a very few couples, is the reason we are not good together.” Sana said incredulously.

“But…”

“Kat, no offence, but I really am spent today. Can we talk later?”

“Oh! Okay then. Umm...sorry if anything I said upset you.”

“There is nothing you can say for which you have be sorry. After all, unfortunate it may be, but you are my bestie.” Sana said impishly.

“Huh” Kat rolled her eyes.

“Good night Kat.”

“Night.”

After the quickest shower in bathing history, Sana took a book that she had been reading and went to bed. It was her daily ritual to read something, preferably history, before sleeping since she had been a child. Without it, she never fell asleep. But today she was just staring at the book without actually reading it so she kept it aside and closed her eyes, thinking.

So much had happened in the last few days that she could barely keep up. It seemed so long ago when she was in her convocation ceremony searching for her father in the crowd. After the whole ceremony had been over and still her father had not come, she had returned home, feeling low. She had directly gone to sleep and when she had awoke next morning she became worried since her father had still not come home. After waiting for few more hours during which worry turned to panic, she had just reached for her cell to call the police when the doorbell rang.

“Where have you been?” Sana asked her father.

He had not uttered a word and just went past her directly towards his room.

Sana felt that there was something up with him since he had never stayed in the office overnight. He had kept long hours before but never had he returned the next morning.

“What is it Father?” Sana asked tentatively.

He stopped but didn’t turn around. After a few seconds he went to his room quietly and shut his door.

She hadn’t had to wait long to know what happened since the next day the newspaper answered all her questions.

Her father had starred in the front pages of every newspaper. And the news was not good. Initially shocked by the heading ‘From Loyalty to Espionage’ she had read on turning grimmer by the second.

Her father had been accused of selling secrets to a rival company based in London about a future project that was under way of being launched just in a few days. It was written that he had shared vital information about the project, halting the launch midway and costing the company millions of dollars.

Since that day, she had kept her own future plans on hold and first had tried to talk to her father, which had not delved any fruits. Then she had tried to contact all his co-workers she knew and had been coldly asked not to disturb them again. After a few days in which she had reached nowhere, she had started searching for a job herself since now she had to be the bread winner of this family. During this time Brad had proposed and she had said yes, adding that she can’t marry in the near future. Brad, being understanding as he was, had accepted it and said that he would wait for her.

She had really been looking forward to today morning when she had got an idea to directly meet Mr. Starkis. Well, now even that hope was gone. He had been so…angry, as if all this was somehow her fault.

Then she had gone for the three job interviews which were scheduled for today. One of them was for the post of secretary and the other two for that of junior manager. She was not confident about getting though, since who would want to give those posts to a person with a degree in World History? But she knew now that she had to earn for two, thus her predicament.

On top of this, she had to go through the routine conversation with Kat about her favorite topic ‘101 reasons why Sana and Brad are not suitable for each other’ she thought wryly. She really didn’t understand why Kat was not happy about this relationship. Kat was one of the first person to know when she had started dating him and she had never once objected about anything all those years. It was only when she had got to know about the marriage that she had started stating her doubts.

‘You guys just don’t suit.’ ‘You both are just a fixture in each other’s life.’ ‘Your relationship lacks passion.’ Had it been someone other, she would have told the person to stop interfering in her life but this was…Kat. She had been her best friend since…she didn’t even remember. She was used to her frank behavior which sometimes bordered on rudeness but she knew that it wasn’t her intention to hurt. In her own brash way, she cared for her.

‘Lacks passion.’ As if passion was an important factor for a life-long relationship. She had learnt long ago that passion was a respectable mask for the word ‘lust’ and way over rated. Desire was easy, but having a connection with someone, that was entirely different. She could fall in lust with the person she has a bond with but the opposite was not true.

But have you ever felt even a trace of desire for Brad? A small, Kat-like part of her brain voiced.

Well…agreed that I haven’t felt like that but once we are married, it won’t be difficult, the other dominating part answered.

She had more than once thought about lack of this ‘grand passion’ in her for Brad. But then she had realised she was not the sort to feel that type of emotion for anyone. She was too…practical, too pragmatic to know that it wasn’t much of an important factor anyway. She just wasn’t capable of feeling that ever. Full. Stop.

Oh yeah? Then why did you feel hot when you thought that Mr. Starkis was looking at…?

Sana opened her eyes quickly and sat up as though she had seen a bad dream.

Why did I think that? She has had an eventful day today, but how, in the name of God, in that minute an unimportant detail remained in her mind? And more disturbing, why suddenly did her breath felt as if she had just run a marathon?