My Possessive Admirer

16. First Touch

Bella's POV

''Who are you?'' I whispered, hiding my face in his shoulder as he picked me up dominantly in his arms after gently untying me.

"You just killed two people…" I continued mumbling, helplessly clenching his jacket with my one hand. It was hard to keep my eyes open. I saw his blurry face. His pale skin seemed one with the snow.

"Do you feel pity for them?" He asked sarcastically. I realised it was Ben's voice. I didn't know what to reply to him. I was feeling a lot of emotions. Hate, anger, shock and most importantly, restlessness. He talked after pausing for a minute.

"Isabella, I would do it again even if I was sent back in time, at the same moment. I have no regrets," He stated. I felt a sudden chill down my spine hearing his cold-hearted reply.

I wanted to get down from his arms but my whole body was burning because of the drug. I was too tired to do so.

I felt his warmth, under a little shed, from the blinding luminous lights. He was holding me close just like I was holding him. And I said his name again…

The name I can't remember anymore but I say it like an old habit of mine. A habit which I don't have anymore. Forgotten, in the tides of time, passed over in the waves of events. A broken, fragile fragment of my past.

I remembered, long ago, one night, I had a dream. It was a lovely dream where I was walking in this vast beautiful flower garden. I looked like I was very young. Maybe seven or eight years old. There was a maze inside the garden and unfortunately, I was lost in there. Trying to find my way back I heard someone crying. I followed the voice and saw a little boy sitting in a corner of the garden hiding his face in between his arms.

"Are you alright?" I asked anxiously.

The boy looked up at me, a bit startled, hearing my voice. He seemed my age or maybe a bit older. But I was surprised that I couldn't look away from his beautiful face. His tears looked like glistening waves in his dark ocean blue eyes, so captivating. His face, sculptured in whitest alabaster as if, he was perfectly drawn by God Himself. He had the darkest burnet hair I've ever come across. Words weren't enough to emphasise his beauty. They are just a mere illustration of his pure spirit.

"Who are you?" He asked, a bit embarrassed, a bit upset, wiping his face in the shoulder of his dark black suit, acting like he never cried before.

"Oh, I'm a guest at the party, up ahead. But why were you crying? Are you sad?" My little self asked.

"No one is allowed to see me cry. I do not allow it. Therefore, you did not see anything!" He said arrogantly. Such a young boy yet speaks in such a commanding voice.

I chuckled inside at his cuteness but didn't show him that.

"Do you wanna be my friend? You seem to be my age," I extended the hand of friendship towards him but he completely ignored me saying,

"I'm going back to the party. You can follow me if you want," He got up and started walking without even waiting for me.

"Hey wait up!" I remember following him but don't recall what occurred after that because my dream ended. It was a sweet dream. I wouldn't have remembered it if I didn't see it again today.

I don't know when I fell asleep in his arms for a little while. His voice woke me up from my daydreaming. I saw he brought inside a small shed that looked like a cave.

"The drug they gave you, it gonna make you forget everything. Everything that happened in that scene, even now what's happening! You might remember a few things but barely…

This narcotic makes your vision blurry on purpose but most importantly makes you active, sexually, both inside and outside," He explained calmly about the drugs but it felt like he was raging in anger. But I didn't wanna hear it because my mind was going completely numb. It was thinking about something else. Something wild, something erotic. My body was heating up and I felt this fierce passion to explore his body. My fingers gradually roamed under his t-shirt on his well-built body. He took off his jacket and wrapped me tightly with it near his chest.

"Shhhhh, I want you to be strong," He commanded, just like that little boy I met years ago.

I tried to see his eye colour as I ran my fingers on his face.

"Such perfect skin," I envied him, "Kiss me…" I ordered back intoxicated.

"No! Not like this!" His blunt reply.

"What do you mean?" I gripped his t-shirt with one of my hands, "I said kiss me! Don't you love me anymore?" I knew I was crying…

Offering myself, like this… I don't know what was I thinking. The drug was playing with my head. But one thing I knew for sure is the fact that I was scared. Frightened I was not desired by him anymore. It was painful and his denial didn't help me either. I needed confirmation that he still loved me, wanted me. He's a killer though. A cold-blooded killer, who just killed two men in front of my own eyes. I wonder if he did the right thing or not. I wonder if things could be a little different or not… But regardless of whether he was wrong or right, I knew I wanted him. What was even going on in my mind? Was it my young blood or immense love? I wish I knew.

"Bella, stop crying," His voice was shaky, I could hear it in his voice. Wish I could see his expression too.

"I'm controlling myself because I don't wanna hurt you. Not because I hate you," He assured caressing my face.

"Kiss me," My undying urge to kiss him, knew no shame or boundaries.

"I'm afraid I won't be able to deter what I'll do to you after that. I'll end up hurting you, it will be painful. I don't have any control...right now. Please...don't make me do this…" He pleaded, warning me about what was about to come. But I was too reluctant to care about that. I was not myself. I wanted things, things that were not right.

I ran my fingers on the back of his head and pulled his hair a bit, kissing him passionately, my innocent attempt to not make him leave me. But I hope I listen to his warnings. Because he was not fooling around about his issues. I was naive, impatient.

He pulled the back of my hair with force and started kissing me wildly. Our tongues entangled with each other, making me gasp for air. His dominating hands nudged me to the ground ripping off the rest of the clothes that I had on me. I felt like I was getting raped again, just this time I called it on myself.

I struggled to cover my bare chest with my hands but he forcefully pinned them on top of my head with one hand.

"No! You asked for me!" He growled, "You can't hide anything from me!"

I cried out in fear at his changing behaviour towards me. He fondled me, preparing me for his entry. But even though he was rough, he was gentle. Even though he was angry, I could feel he was sad. He had his own regrets and so did I. In between all of this I knew we both loved each other. But was it worth it? I don't know…

He blindfolded me before he advanced any step further. I could feel his strong presence inside me as he was entering inside me without any hint or notice. I cried out in pain as he went deeper and deeper with each thrust. He was being extremely harsh but not breaking me completely. I whimpered as I bled down there and lost my virginity in his hands. Perhaps I could have chosen a better time, a better place. But I was a slave to my desire and the medicine that was injected inside me which made me this shameless. I was a captive, wanted to keep him with me somehow because I feared, I might lose him otherwise, even though I knew he wasn't the right one for me. My brain failed to think clearly.

I don't know for how long it lasted… Maybe for hours because I could feel the heat of my body wearing off. I was coming back to my senses. Perhaps he knew that was about to happen. But in the meantime, he touched each and every part of me and I obeyed him fulfilling his every wants and needs.

He asked me to do a few things before he left. I was too afraid, ashamed to even take my blindfolds off. Not soon after I heard the police siren. I was saved but I wish I knew that something worst was waiting for me to happen.