Desire becomes Her

Chapter 6

6

Everything around her was muted, like her ears were plugged with wax and nothing was going to get through. She looked up through vision that was distorted; like looking through warped glass. But when she looked, really looked, she saw a face and hand pressing down on her chest; holding her under water and not letting her up. She struggled, thrashed around, water splashing onto the ground, she could feel the surface of a porcelain tub and gripped the smooth, rounded edge trying to pull herself up, but the hand that held her was too strong. The struggle she gave was starting to die and her body went limp under the water. Everything went black.

Her eyes popped open, looking up into the darkness, hair wet with sweat, pillow damp. She sat up slowly, rubbed her eyes, sniffed, and swallowed the lump caught in her throat. She heaved a sigh and let her heart slow to a normal pace, and for her hands to stop shaking. She let herself let out one quiet sob before finally sliding out of bed and finding the door.

She didn't bother to knock, she just opened the door and walked in. "Lucian..." she could see him in the shadows, he had someone with him; she could hear them in the darkness. But it stopped as soon as her voice was heard. It had been two weeks since the hotel and a week since he had endured his punishment. She had not bothered to speak with him, or even look at him in that time. She heard his voice, stern and cold.

"Get out." She knew the words had not been directed at her, and the woman he was with let out an offended noise, and then rustling and she felt someone push past her. One of Lucian's little games; a lost soul he took a fancy too, teased, used.

"I just."

"Come here."

She slowly made her way across in the darkness and when she reached the edge of his bed she felt as he laid back the covers and let her slip under them. Slowly sliding down and laying her head back on a pillow he covered her back up and let out a slow long breath. His hand ran across her waist and he scooted close to her and let her lay there, quiet for a few minutes.

"I couldn’t sleep."

"I know."

Two years she had been stuck with Lucian. Two years and all the terrible things that went with him. But it was a stupid, reckless human being that had given her nightmares and made her feel unsafe. She was in Hell, literally, and felt safer than she did in that hotel room. "I'm sorry...for what Lucifer did to you."

"I deserved it. I should have known better, I should have never left you with him."

"Was his wife really worth it?"

"No." She heard him chuckle, felt his body rumble with it. They were quiet for a long time. Despite what he was, despite how much she hated him most of the time; she could not help but enjoy him. She could not help but feel safe with him. He was all she had.

"Why did you fall? What made you step off the edge?" A question she had been longing to ask, but never had the courage to utter.

"A woman and Lucifer. Lucifer was very powerful even when he was still in the Heavens. Arrogant and persuasive. It was why he was cast out."

"I know his story, Lucian. I don't know yours."

"The woman was from Babylon. I watched her from the Heavens; the adoration I had for the human race turned to something else for her. But I couldn't touch her, I couldn't speak to her, I couldn't even appear to her. She did not know who I was. But I needed her; I needed to touch her, to hear her. My love for the Father and the Earth was nothing for what I felt for this woman. But Angels don't feel love like that. We were not made to feel love like that. It's different, Addison what we felt for our Father, for all of you. I thought I was going mad. I couldn't do anything and it overwhelmed me. In the end, all Lucifer had to do was tug me. It didn't take much and I was over; having my wings ripped from my body and my halo stripped from me. Everything I was turning to something very horrible. He's tricky Lucifer. Very good at whispering in your ear and making you think you made the right choice...right before you make the wrong one." He chuckled again.

"Why are you two so close?"

"We are the only two who fell. The other five were created out the bad behavior of all of you.  Lucifer and I have a lot in common. We know what it's like on the other side."

"Why me then? I’m no one, I’m a nobody; nothing special, why me?" The question she had always wanted to ask, but for some reason never had. She adjusted herself, pushed her hand under the pillow and curled her legs up, she was getting drowsy. He pushed her hair from her cheek, and behind her ear.

"You won't like it."

"I don’t like a lot of things you say, Lucian."

"Every thousand years or so, Lucifer and Elohim have a wager for one soul. Despite the legends, the religion, they do business, make deals, and make exceptions. Lucifer was up to pick the soul to wager for and just as a kick in the face he chose the one He had marked with the

Stigmata, he chose you. It was a joke, Addy; he didn't actually think he would win you. But you never did turn to Him, you never prayed for forgiveness, never fell to your knees in lament of your ways; you did everything you could to resist what you had been given. You made that wager very easy for him."

"I was just a chip in a poker game...." Addison bit her lip and tried not to cry, she buried her face in the pillow. He held onto her, his hand around her waist, pressing her body against his; struggling with the urge to turn her against the headboard; f**k her like he’d done before when she was vulnerable. But he didn't act on it; just closed his eyes and buried his face in her long dark hair. Lucian didn't actually sleep, he didn't require sleep, but he lay there all night in a semi-conscious state as she breathed quietly in the darkness.

Such a complicated pair. She hated him, but couldn't survive without him. He didn't need her, but wanted her and would not let her go. She had come to terms with the fact that she was property a long time ago. Didn't mean she liked it, but it was easier if she just accepted it.