KELENNA

Problem Everywhere

On my way out, I saw the Malam sitting on the pavement in front of his house. So I went to thank him for yesterday.

"Oga good afternoon."

"Afternoon..?"

Shit!

"No, morning... Good morning."

He didn't reply, seriously what's with this people in Owerri and ignoring someone?

I greeted again, but he just kept eating his food like I wasn't even existing beside him.

Well whatever. "I just wan thank you for coming to my aid yesterday."

He gave me a look, then whatever he saw made his gaze linger a little longer, furrowing his brows in slight surprise.

"You get luck say those guys no be bad people." He snorted.

My lips curved up in a fleeting smile as I observed him for a few seconds, then I chuckled and went out.

I came back a minute later with a chivita juice and kept it beside him. "You try okay? I really appreciate say you no leave me for there."

"Haaa! Fine guy, na now you come nah!" He smiled widely.

"Thank you K..kil..."

"Kelenna."

"Ahh... okay Kelina thank you!"

"It's Kelenna!"

"Yes Kelili, I don get am now!"

What?? Ke what?!

"You know, whatever as far as there's K in it."

"Oh, as far as say K de am, then I fit call you.. kitty shey? E de easier for me."

"...."

"As per p***y cat wey I be nah? Make I de answer Kitty."

"Yes, fine bobo Kitty, thank you again, I go use this your juice download this food now."

Is this man being freaking serious right now?!

"Na this thing make Bigi hit you the other day, you don start am again."

"Haha, no mind Bigi, we don reconcile now o."

"Oga I don de go, and I no be Kitty!" I rolled my eyes and was already moving out... Only for this man to reply me with...

"Okay Kitty, de go. Bye bye!"

I sighed in exasperation, this nonsense man, who the hell is he calling kitty??

Days ago one guy like that – Bigi, punched this malam for something similar, he's plus sized so malam always called him Fatima and he had been warning him to either address him with his name or well... call him Bigi.

But this malam be calling him Fatima like it's on the guy's birth certificate, so one evening like that, na so he just fold fist use am romance the malam face.

Omo problem everywhere...

. . .

"Kelenna!"

Huh? That sounded like my madam's voice, I lifted my head up from where I had been resting it on the table, I wasn't sleeping though, I was just waiting for her to come because I know there's a lot to do.

There are even finished clothes to be delivered somewhere, and I'm sure she may have even called me for it but my phone is off.

"Kelenna!!"

Okay what the heck? The voice was more urgent this time. Was she here already?

I came out of the shop while looking around and froze for half a second before turning toward the staircase.

Wait... was that really coming from the stairs?

Without thinking further, I hurried toward it.

I climbed down the first few steps, no way... was Madam actually calling me from here right?

Two more steps.

Then I saw her....halfway through it, sitting on a stair, holding her waist and yelling my name.

There was another girl, I'd rather believe is a non living stick leaning on the wall and twitching its lips, because there's no way a human being would be there and not help her up that she had to resort to yelling my name all the way from here.

I rushed to her immediately.

"Ma, are you okay? Oh my goodness!"

"Do I look like I am Kelenna, carry me up!"

"Huh...?" I did I hear clearly? I should what?? She did mention she was pregnant with twins before, I overhead it when she was in the phone.

I can't, she's very heavy! And geez she's married, I can't carry her! Even if I don't mind helping a pregnant woman, I'd be the one holding my waist next!

I didn't know the kind of expression I had on my face now as I tried to support her stand first, but the way she paused and looked at me... then burst out giggling had me confused.

"Why do you look like I've asked you to pick up a scorpion with your bare hands?" She drawed a laugh and shook her head.

Well, that's what it's like to me!

"And..." Her accusing gaze swept through me "...Is this... you Kelenna?... is that an earring I'm seeing?" She was smiling widely now.

This woman... am I always funny to her? I don't mind though.

"Yes it's me ma, let's go." I placed her arm around my shoulders and supported her back with my left hand.

"You look dashing boy! Are you sure you're 17?"

There we go again, am I sure about my age? I wish I could exchange being sure of something more important with being sure of my age.

"A compliment from my double queen? My day sure is going to be filled with good fortunes!"

She laughed, so hard she had to stop moving and hold onto the railing."

"Easy ma."

"Kelenna... w-what are... who... are you?" She said between laughs.

"Now I want to change the banner outside, I have a better face than that stock image there."

What?? No!! No no no no!! It's not bad but leaving home and having your face on a banner weeks later is not a million–dollar move.

She sighed. "Alright, I was just kidding, you don't have to keep your face like that."

I didn't have to look at her face to know that she just rolled her eyes at me now, this woman sef.

"Chinelo bring my bag." She turned slightly and called out to the other girl.

Oh I had almost forgotten about the stick on the wall, I knew she was with her because I've seen her annoying face around before.

"Get the bag Chinelo." She repeated "Important things are in there and I will give you the things I bought from the market so you can make lunch at home and bring it for me please? I don't like the food sold her please."

The Chinelo just folded her arms, eyed her and turned away with a scowl like she wasn't the one being talked to.

"Hey, do you breath from your ear?"

She flinched from my voice and stared at me like she couldn't understand where I got the guts to talk to her, well she'd even be surprised at how much more guts I've got if she doesn't start moving right now. What a disrespectful little girl.

"Madam are you not Chinelo?"

She still stood rooted there, I moved three steps down and she bent and took the bag.

"Oya wait... I'll carry it, but na because say you be fine guy sha, not because of that woma–"

I took two more steps down with a deadpan stare and she knew better than to continue whatever jargon she was going to say.

She flung her braids by the side, held the bag like it scalded her before hissing and walking past us into the shop.

I turned back to my madam who was looking at me with a dumbfounded expression.

She looked at me for a long moment, lips parting slightly before they closed back in speechless.

"Let's go aunty. You can walk now right?"