KELENNA

Rizzed Up

What??? Jideka wants to have a taste of pap?! What's gone wrong with him??

"Are... are you serious?" I asked skeptically, he just stared at me a seconds before grumpily rolling his eyes.

"If you're not going to give me then fine! No need to act like I've grown horns."

He picked up the knife again to slice the tomato without looking...

"Your hand Jide! Watch!!" I stood up and carried my plate to him "Jeez, you act like a child, it's not that I don't want to give you. But I don't really know why you don't like pap, hope it's not because you're allergic to it right? Because if that's the case then I'm securing your sworn enemies bond with a contract now, I can't risk any of you being close to the other."

"I'm not allergic, didn't I drink it when I was a kid."

"When? You're STILL a kid dude."

"All this insult because of akamu nah?"

"Take joor, no de pout mouth."

"I should? Is there more of it? I no wan shorten your food."

"You didn't think about shortening it before you asked."

"Well... I did, that's what I was contemplating while staring at you."

"So you already think you're going to finish it if I give it to you? You want it that bad?"

"Yes, and in relation—"

"Okay, now shut up and have it before I decide to break Guinness world record of stinginess."

What the heck?? I'm not about to listen to an akamu report just to give out a plate of it.

"O...okay." He hesitated a bit and I noticed a bit of uneasiness in him...

"How..does it..." He trailed off.

Wait!! Is Jide shy?? Hahaha! I won't blame him though, I'm very surprised that he even asked to have some, I'm pretty sure it has been at least... 10 years since he last drank it, he just has never liked it at all.

So now that he is asking for it, after swearing he would never...

"You're not being serious right now are you? You know you don't have to be like this Mr man. It's just a plate, nothing to be..."

I paused, not even knowing the right word to describe why he was behaving like his crush was about to propose to him in the most embarrassing way ever.

His lips twitched as he tried to sniffle back an awkward chuckle.

You know what...?? Damn him. I scooped a spoon and brought it close to his mouth with a stern look.

"Like this... open your mouth ozigbo."

He gave me a dirty look. "What are you doing?"

"Open up Jideka, this is pap and you have to drink it immediately."

"I can do that myself..." He shifted his face away from the spoon "You don't have to... feed me like a parent."

"I'd rather someone think I'm your wicked father here than have them come see you almost blushing and think I'm responsible for it, dem no go know say na akamu dey do you."

"What?!"

"You've been standing there all stiff and looking weird, anyone who entered in here right then would think I was hitting on you."

"Oh, shut it. And no one's coming in to someone's place at 9:00 p.m."

"I invited the presence of God bro. Stay rizzed up."

"You... mtcheew."

"Abeg collect this plate joor. I thought you've forgotten how to eat. So I might as well lend you a hand."

"Lend me money, I don't need your nonsense hand." He rolled his eyes.

"So my money is more important than my hands now? Good. If I actually have money, I wouldn't have been friends with a pauper."

"Are you saying I'm poor and you'll ditch me once you're rich??"

"Right, that's if you don't get rich as well. And who was it that said I should rid him of my hands and get money again?"

"Yo bro, are you love deprived? Get a life and girlfriend or something. Life's not that deep."

"That's actually great, coming from a married man with two kids?"

"I'll soon leave the single boat! Hmph!" He carried the plate and turned to the counter.

"Eehhh?!!!! So YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND JIDEKA????!!!!"

He flinched and turned back to stare at me bewildered, suddenly realizing he has been connered with his own words.

"Is it because of her you've been away all these while? So you were not going to tell me?! Haa Jide who is she?? Where you de hide am?! So you for carry my best man uniform and role go give another person??"

"What?? No! No no no!! That's not the reason. Calm down Kelenna, there's actually no girlfriend here, I'm not in any relation or situationship with any girl trust me. I would have told you if I was nah."

"You de talk truth so?"

"Yes it's true, well... maybe a had a tiny crush on someone but that's just it. I didn't really like her that much." He rubbed his ear.

"Had? Do I know her??"

He arched a brow as if to say 'am I really asking him this question right now?' Well, I guess it's... her, or batter say... It was her... Anyhow sha.

"You really don't have a girlfriend now right? You know how 'beautiful' the last supposed love turned out at my side and I hope that's not the reason yours have entered 'had', but sha finish that akamu."

"I do know, and I was just joking when I said you should get a girlfriend."

"I know."

"And who told you I was going to remain the akamu??" He grabbed the remaining akara and took a bite from one.

"There's still more right?"

"Yeah I bought the one of 1500."

"This is soo good, where you buy am?"

"For backyard."

He set the food on a small tray and made towards the room with it. "If you like buy am from bandit, that one concern you. Just make sure say you patronize the seller again."

"You dey send me message?"

"Na you sabi."

"How about you noodles?"

"I'll have them next time. We no get fridge shey? I'll just warm the already sliced tomatoes after eating."

"No, you can just go to bed I'll round up here."

"Thank you. And I've not forgotten about why you came back pissed oo."

"Omo...guy it's nothing much, it skipped my mind though. Na my madam and her husband saga oo, I no sabi the kind yeye man wey aunt Victoria go marry like this, but go on I will fill you in later."

"Alright." He went on into the room.

Now, I'm not quite full, so I will have to make the remaining pap and eat. Then get some things in order here before evaporating.

I put another water on fire and proceeded to turn the akamu in a plate when I heard...

"Kel...?"

I glanced over my shoulder to see Jide, still at the door. Ah ah, I thought he was already in the room by now.

"Hmmm?"

"There are important information i need to update you about..." He uttered.

That wasn't as loud as usual...and I shouldn't have heard it if it was another random statement. But the undertone was clear.

"Jide this is—"

"I know... and loosen up, nobody died."

"You're still around right?"

"Yes, would be here for a bit."

"Good. This case is adjourned."

"Yes your honor. But amongst other things, the litigant insists on claims about my knowledge concerning your whereabouts."

"And does the defendant know my whereabouts?"

"I don't." He closed the door behind him.

My lips curled into a rueful smile, the kitchen got heavy with silence, and the only sound came from the russle of the now boiling water on fire.

I stood in the quietness, blankly staring at the kettle boil and release soft vapours.

After awhile, I sighed, turned the gass off and left for the room. My appetite is gone.

But I suddenly stopped on my tracks just before I closed the kitchen door. No way I'm not going to eat and add hunger to my already existing problems!

That decided, I went back prepared the food and ate before joining Jide inside, I can't believe this guy has the nerve to be sleeping now. But...wait...'I'm the one who told him to sleep right?'

"Exactly.." Came his drowsy voice...

What? Had I said that out loud??

"I thought you were asleep."

"Goodnight Kel, and...stop frowning...I'll buy you a lollipop tomorrow."

I just smiled and shook my head.

"You aren't going to tell me good night as well?"

"Bad night Jideka."

"Bad night?" He just chuckled and rolled to the far end of the bed, at the very edge that I worry he would fall off.

"Stay away from me." He asserted begrudgingly.

What? Was I going to come close to him before? I just sighed and lay down to sleep. Few moments passed in silence and I could already feel my eyes getting heavy.

"Don't...fall down from there Jide, good night." I surrendered my eyes to the domineering rule of sleep.