Free mate

Dream

I didn't think about the bond between mates before. I knew Nicolas and Carolina were close, talking without words and often touching but I don't think it was ever equal. Carolina submitted and there was never a doubt of who is the alpha of our small pack. It wasn't anything I wanted and when I first saw Daniel and felt the bond I pushed it out as fast as I could, not wanting that life. It felt like being owned and bound without a real option. Especially with alpha, I imagined him claiming what was his without consideration. I had started to understand that I wasn't the only one being suffocated in our family. I wondered if Carolina ever wanted to get out.

It didn't feel like that, now that I had accepted it. We weren't quite bonded yet, claiming each other was the final step of becoming one but just being close and touching made it stronger. It wasn't like reading minds or being the same person but I felt a part of him in me, a calming and safe presence echoing his emotions.

Daniel was probably able to feel me too. I felt sorry for him, my thoughts ran too fast and that made me anxious more often than not. And if I got another episode, could he feel my emptiness next time?

If I ever saw Jason again, could he feel that? The thought made my heart race and I tried to calm myself, focus on something else but once his face crossed my mind it was hard to get rid of. I'm not done with you... the words haunted me. It might have been an empty threat, intended to make me scared just like I am now. But I knew Jason, he didn't like losing. Thinking about him I could almost feel the hands pressing me down causing bruises that had faded by now but I sometimes looked in the mirror and thought I could still see them on my pale skin.

Daniel doesn't say anything but his eyes have opened and I feel a wave of comforting through the bond. A warm feeling, like sitting down with a cup of hot chocolate and listening to people you care about but something else too. Feeling of running, not away from someone but just for the joy of it. Paws hitting the forest floor as trees blur in the speed and feeling a summer breeze bringing new scents. It's a sense of freedom I have never felt but I feel something waking up in me. The desire to be there, one with nature and unchained. There's a lump in my throat, hurting when I swallow. I turn to my side, facing Daniel whose still watching me.

“I'm here when you're ready”, His whispered words are quiet but the unconditional support feels loud. Again, I'm fighting the tears swelling in my eyes, not blinking so they don't fall down. There's nothing to say now but I take his hand.

There's still room between us but neither moves closer. For now this is enough, to feel his warm hand in mine, the bond growing and surrounding us. I know Sera will soon come to check that we're okay and the others are going to wake up but feeling his tiredness clouding the connection makes me surrender and I close my eyes, falling asleep quickly.

I dream of a forest. It's familiar, the same river that I used to wash in rushes beside me but the place is alive and bigger than I remembered. There's no one else around, just the river gurgling and the wind rustling the leaves far above me. The ground is soft under my bare feet. I realize it's not just bare feet, I'm completely naked. Automatically I look around but the forest really is empty so I relax.

Without a destination I start following the river. There's no path but the trees shift from my way, making moving easy. I start to jog, first slowly but picking up speed when nothing is stopping me. The wind rushes as I run, one with the forest and always sure that the next step will be as steady as the last. I stumble when I notice a dark shape moving almost outside of my vision. The forest feels darker and I pick up speed again but the shadow follows easily. It follows me and as it comes closer I see the shape of a wolf.

I stop closing my eyes and waiting for the teeth sinking in my flesh. When nothing happens I open my eyes again.

The wolf is standing in front of me, big enough that its head is almost as high as my shoulders. It's not moving, just stands there, waiting. The light brown eyes are familiar. The black fur shines in the sun that has returned, white markings on the legs and chest bright against the dark. Slowly I raise my hand and the animal steps forward, sniffing it. The wet muzzle tickles my wrist but I'm not afraid anymore.

She's not like I imagined but there is a resemblance. Her dark fur matches my hair and the eyes are the same shade that I see in the mirror every day. After keeping her caged for years my other half is with here. I sink to my knees, burying my hands in her long fur as she sniffs my hair and pushes against my bare shoulders.

“I'm sorry”, I choke out. She doesn't say anything, letting me bury my face in her. She's much bigger than I imagined, elegant and tall but without a doubt a part of me.

The loss of contact cuts deep in my soul when I wake up. I hear Sera, Matt and Oscar in the kitchen but what woke me up was Hanna coming in. Daniel had woken up too, using the couch back to pull himself to sit up. I quickly let go of his hand and stand up but Hanna saw us. Her eyebrows rise but she ignores me and looks at Daniel.

“How are you feeling?” she asks. Daniel runs his fingers through his messy hair.

“Like s**t but nothing too bad.” Sera and I share a look. Any worse would have killed him, it bothered me that he was just brushing this off.

You're one to speak a faint remark through the bond. It's teasing but Daniel focuses on Hanna before I can react.

“What happened?” He asked. Hanna wasn't hurt which made us all relieved, I didn't want any more violence for now.

“You're fighting Aaron in two weeks. The next full moon at the field between our territories.” So much for no violence, I thought when Daniel just nodded, not trying to get out of what he thought was his duty. Maybe it was but looking at the worried faces of Sera and Oscar and feeling the way this news weighed on Daniel made me wish he could just refuse and somehow we could keep living without the fear. This fight felt pointless and cruel but there wasn't anything I could do to stop it so all I can do is be with him and hope he'll heal in time.