Free mate

Empty

It shook me up for a long time. I wasn't sure what was happening but after spending hours on the floor first thinking of Jason, then of my old home and family and eventually nothing, just staring in the space I crawled in the bed and passed out. There was no clock to tell me time but by then it was dark outside and I stopped hearing people moving in the apartment.

I didn't wake up well-rested and for a long time I stayed there, staring at the ceiling. Oscar looked nothing like Jason and nothing happened so I couldn't understand why I still felt sick but walking to the bathroom and brushing my teeth I felt like I was underwater, everything around me was muffled and distant. It wasn't a bad feeling, I thought as I walked to the kitchen, being numb was just strange. Like something clicked in me and my brain turned off leaving my body to deal with this on its own.

"Morning", I turn to see Daniel on the sofa. His dark hair was messy and he wore the same clothes yesterday. He was boyishly adorable there, after clearly spending the night on the sofa. He'd stayed, which probably should make me feel something, fondness or fear.

"Morning", I repeat before walking to the kitchen. There's no one else here so I open the fridge, staring inside and then closing the door without taking anything. I wasn't really hungry.

"Lina said she'd pick you up in an hour if you're ready?" Daniel had followed me, he stood in the doorway keeping his distance. I frown, unsure what he's saying.

"Apparently you had plans with her and Maria?" He looked worried, staring into my eyes.

"Oh, okay", I blink, remembering yesterday. Maria said she wanted to talk to me but I didn't know what there was to talk about.

"She also said that I'm an inconsiderate ass for not buying you a phone so I can get that today if you want". I nod, not caring much about that. I stand there, unsure what to do now that I won't eat but there's nothing else to do.

"Are you okay? I can get Sera." Why was he so worried? I shake my head.

"I'm fine."

Not true

I freeze at the sound in my head, it was more like a wave of anger pushing against my apathy than words but it's repressed before I even realize it. I shake my head again and ignore the feeling. Daniel is looking at me silently, his worried eyes following me as I walk past him to the living room and sit down.

"Kate!" I think he was talking but the bark of my name is the only thing getting through, making me jump. His crouching in front of me, still keeping a distance but closer than I've let him after the first time we met.

"I'm going to call Maria and get her here, is that okay? Or will you talk to me?" he's asking so many questions, I just shrug. What does it matter what he does, I'm fine here. He doesn't bother moving away so I look as he takes his phone and starts talking.

"Come here. Yes, I know but something is wrong. I don't know, she's not talking, it's like sleepwalking. I can't. Because she wouldn't let me touch her if she was okay. Thank you." He hangs up and tosses the phone on the table, still staring at me and now biting his lip. It's almost interesting, how he seems distressed and young when he's talking to me. I can't follow what he's saying so I just keep staring, nodding once or twice to look like I'm listening. He's an alpha, I shouldn't ignore him but he can't do anything to hurt me now.

I wouldn't mind if he'd touch me now, I don't think, so why is he staying back? The door opens before I can ask and I turn to see a woman walking in. Maria, I remember after a few seconds. Daniel leaps up and walks to her.

"I don't know what happened, she walked here an hour ago", an hour? It couldn't have been that long.

"Apathetic, she answered but she's not listening", he's talking fast, it's hard to keep up.

"Did something happen last night?" Maria asks him. I don't hear him say anything. They come closer and Maria kneels in front of me, touching my knee.

"Kate, honey? Are you listening to me?" she asks.

"Yes."

"How do you feel?" I don't know. I shrug. Maria frowns and turns to Daniel.

"There's no alcohol or drugs here?" He shrugs.

"Not that I know of, and she couldn't have taken them. I was here and she went to her room early." I've never had alcohol, why would they think I'm drunk. Maria touched my forehead, her hand was cool but I leaned back to avoid contact.

"No fewer", she said to Daniel. He'd started to pace, walking in front of the black tv screen. Maria got up and walked to him, talking in a low voice.

"Trauma... something triggered... I'll try..." I catch pieces of her speech but not enough to understand what was happening. Maria was in front of me again.

"Kate, can you tell me what happened last night when you went to your room? Did something upset you?" I try to think but it feels distant.

"I'm not upset", I say.

"You walked here with Lina, right?" I remember saying bye to her so I nod. Lina had been nice, I liked being with her but I still couldn't see why Maria was asking me all these questions.

"What happened when you got up?" I close my eyes, thinking.

"I was with Daniel and Sera. She cleaned my arm." Maria is quiet but I hear Daniel talking.

"She scraped it on the way to your café." Maria hums and I feel her staring at me again even with my eyes open.

"What then?"

"I talked with Daniel", my breathing is getting faster and Maria is touching my hand again, voice low and even.

"Just breathe Kate, you're okay. Did Daniel scare you?" Usually yes but not last night. It was nice being with him, I didn't feel bad because he did something. Was he still listening, he probably thought I hated him if he heard this silence. I shake my head, words stuck in my throat. The pleasant weightless feeling was taken over by sickness, I think I'm shaking and I feel confused, too hot and cold at the same time.

"It's okay Kate, you're okay."

"Maria, she's-" Daniel is closer now, he sounds scared. I almost laugh, I'm making an alpha scared, who'd thought. Maria waves at him to be quiet. Nicolas would hit anyone who tried to make him quiet, I learned fast after he almost broke my neck. I had a handprint on my throat for weeks after that. He'd even slapped Carolina and...Jason.

"Kate, are you with us?"

"Jason came in", I think I said it out loud but they don't answer so I open my eyes. Daniel is there, our eyes lock and I can't turn away even when I'm breathing too fast.

"You saw Oscar, Kate. He was a wolf but it was just Oscar, he would never hurt you", he says. I blink, trying to understand. I know it was Jason, I saw...

The wolf wasn't grey. Oscar was golden brown, he'd stood there with Daniel. Why had I thought it was Jason, I was there and Daniel said who it was. He wouldn't let Jason take me, not after telling me he'd wait as long as I needed.

"I'm gonna throw up", I say as I shot up, sprinting past them to the toilet where I fall on my knees just in time to lean on the toilet and empty my stomach. I hadn't eaten much yesterday and it burns on my throat but I feel a hand on my back and Maria is there, talking to me. Leaning my head against my arms I close my eyes, hoping that the numbness would come back and cover this pain. My stomach was cramping and my mouth tasted awful.

"Okay honey, you can rinse your mouth", Maria is giving me a glass of water but I don't know where it came from. Mumbling thanks I take the glass, suddenly thirsty. The shaking has stopped but I'm exhausted despite only being awake for... I had no idea how long. An hour? It feels like a whole day.

Daniel is leaning against the doorway. I was torn between hoping he'd left so he didn't have to see me like this and being grateful that he's still here. He looks relieved and I wonder why, is it really better now that I'm sitting on the tile floor after puking my guts out while Maria rubs my back.

"You back with us now, honey?" She asks. What the hell was that? I was acutely aware of my body now that I'm back in it, no trace of that floating indifference. My hands were still shaking a little but otherwise I was almost calmed down.

"Yeah", my voice is rough but she smiles.

"Good. Think you can get up?" I nod so she supports me when I stumble up, swaying on my feet. We follow Daniel to the living room and I sit back on the couch. Daniel glances at Maria who clears her throat.

"You should try to eat something. I'll get you food", and before I can thank her she disappears to the kitchen, leaving me alone with Daniel, who sits on the table in front of me. I want to thank him for staying and say how sorry I am that he had to deal with me. Not only did he stay when I asked but he didn't take advantage of me when I wouldn't have protested his touch. He could have done anything and I wouldn't have cared but I know that now that I snapped out of it I would hate him if he'd touched me.

"Glad to see you back", he says. I'm sure my blush is clear against my pale skin.

"I'm sorry, I don't know..." I trail off, unsure what to say. I sort of do know what happened. I saw a strange wolf and flipped out. Sera had said that she thought that the reason I couldn't feel my wolf was that I pushed all my emotions down and this was just a more extreme version.

"It's okay Kate, you don't have to apologize", Daniel says but he'd turned serious now.

"You don't have to answer now, just say and I'll drop it but... Who's Jason?" My blood freezes. I said his name out loud, in front of Daniel, of all people. He might drop it for now but that's not something he would forget, especially if Matt has told him about the things I had to tell him. It wouldn't be a hard connection to make, to give a name to the man that made me like this, who I was supposed to marry. How could I be stupid enough to say the name?

No one knew my family though, he couldn't find him. They weren't in a pack, I didn't say anything but the first name. I didn't even know why I was protecting him but it felt important to keep this a secret, I couldn't bear seeing him or even hearing about him for now. I just shake my head and he takes a deep breath before nodding.

"Okay", he takes the remote and puts the tv on, "I can go if you want. Maria will have to leave soon but I can call Sera here with you." I shake my head again. This I can allow myself, just for a moment. Daniel makes me feel safe and I need him here for a little longer. He smiles before moving to the couch, making sure there is still space between us.

"Whatever you need", he says softly.