Free mate

Reading lessons

The routines started to settle in the first week. I didn't see Hanna much and after the first visit Daniel stayed away. At night I sometimes laid there, wondering if he was just below me or somewhere out. If he missed me like I reluctantly found myself missing him or if he had decided that I was too much trouble and he'd gone to find someone better to be his partner, mate or not. I didn't come any closer to connecting with my wolf even when I started to feel physically better with Sera's good care.

Oscar also avoided me just as much as I avoided him. I was sorry for Sera who seemed stressed about the rifts that I caused in her family but that wasn't enough to make me seek out a man who already didn't like me. He ate before I came from a shower and usually spent the days away. Matt said he worked in a gym that Daniel owned and probably stayed there all day. He'd stopped telling me that Oscar will get used to me and didn't comment on the way we ignored each other.

Matt turned out to be a surprisingly good company. He didn't comment on my lack of knowledge about technology, just showed me how to use the TV and streaming services connected to it and let me play videogames with him.

His limit of accepting without asking questions war reached when one evening he sat doing his homework.

"Kate, can you look if we have To kill a Mockingjay on the shelf?" He asked, focusing on the paper he was writing. It was the first time anyone had asked me to do anything for them in here and I flushed red with embarrassment. I wanted to do it and help but I couldn't.

"What does it look like? I- I can't read", I mumbled. The big bookshelves in the living room intimidated me but now I couldn't keep the lie up. Matt looked at me with a puzzled expression.

"Like you're dyslexic?" What did that even mean?

"Did you never go to school?" He pressed his computer away and I realized this was a bigger thing than I anticipated. I shook my head, the shame and fear making me quiet again. He didn't sound like he was insulting me but I realized how stupid he must think I am.

"s**t, that's illegal", he said. I didn't know if he meant I was doing something wrong or if he was blaming the parents they didn't know anything about.

"Please don't tell anyone", I asked quietly, not looking at him. Matt didn't answer, just looked at me and chewed his lip, a nervous habit I've noticed him do before.

"If you tell me something about your past I'll teach you." Teach me? Could he really go through that much effort for me, why would he do that? I didn't want to tell him anything but the offer was vague enough so I nodded. I knew it was something I should learn and I had no room to be picky if I didn't want everyone to know about my lacking skills.

Matt was still staring at me, his blue eyes piercing enough to make me nervous.

"You know, you can talk to us. About this stuff", he said seriously. So far everyone had accepted my silence and left me alone but I knew that sooner or later someone will have enough and start looking for answers. Matt had figured out how to get them and I just hoped I could offer enough empty answers to keep him teaching me.

"We can start now before Sera gets back", he said. In the first few days Sera and Matt both stayed here with me but now Sera was working again and Matt had school. There was always one of them but the guarding was less intense now that they figured I wasn't about to die or run away.

I nodded but he didn't start this lesson.

"Fact first", Matt said and leaned back to wait. Great.

I considered what to say. I knew he wouldn't settle on anything too trivial but I couldn't give up names or anything too dangerous. I didn't even know why I was holding all the information so carefully but it felt impossible to open up now.

"I never went to school. That's the fact for today", cheating and Matt narrowed his eyes. I could tell he didn't like it but he still pulled up a page from his notebook.

"Has someone taught you anything? Alphabets or did you draw?"

"Yeah, when I was a kid", He nodded and started to teach.

For a few days he tried to teach me. It wasn't perfect and both of us got frustrated at times but after four long lessons and a lot of practice in the evenings I slowly read a few pages out loud. It was hard and I stumbled over a lot of words but according to Matt I'd learned fast.

In return, I told him that I didn't know my parents. He didn't seem surprised but when I told him that I was supposed to get married he tried to ask more. I refused to answer but the next day I just told him that the man wasn't a good person so I wanted to get away from him.

"Did he hurt you that night?" Yes. I didn't say anything but he knew what my silence meant and his jaw twitched.

"Just tell me the name and we can make sure he'll never touch you again", Matt was pleading with me but I didn't cave. I think this arrangement only annoyed him more since he couldn't get anything useful out of me before I was ready to practice alone. He tried to continue the deal with other subjects but Carolina thought me the basic maths and now I was able to practice reading with the books about history and biology so I didn't see it worth the risk for me.

"f**k Kate, why can't you let us help?" He growled at me and I jerked back, muscles tense and heart racing again. I hated how instant the reaction was, the second he raised his voice I was back in the cabin where this would escalate to violence. Matt didn't approach me, I thought there was regret on his face when he silently left the room and I heard him move to the gym where music soon followed.

I stood in the kitchen for a long time, listening to the music echoing in the apartment. Matt wouldn't hurt me, I knew it but I couldn't help the reflex to back off and submit. If I was afraid of a 16-year-old boy how could I ever get used to Daniel, an alpha older than me? After a deep breath I walked to the room where Matt was lifting weights.

He looked surprised to see me standing there and I almost turned away to hide in my room but I had to do this. Only the words refused to come out.

"I wouldn't hurt you", Matt broke the tense silence. He was offended but not so angry anymore.

"I know. I didn't really believe you would but it's a reflex. I'm sorry."

"It's fine, I'm sorry too. I just wish you could trust us", he says. So do I, I want to say back. I want to believe they wouldn't hurt me but it's only been a week. Just because I eat in the same table with them and they have been more than kind this far I just can't believe it will continue. This feels like my home now but that doesn't stop me from keeping all these walls up, too high to break. The world has proven to be unfair and hard so this all felt too good to be real, something is bound to go wrong soon.

All I tried to do was to protect myself from the pain, was that so bad?

Matt sighed, letting down the weights he'd been using.

"Daniel is sad because you won't talk to him. Sera is hoping that you'll open up if she just gives you space but that's not gonna work is it, do you even want to be a part of our pack?" Maybe he is a little angry still. I try to control my breathing and keep calm.

He's not going to hurt me.

I'm fine.

I can't be a part of this pack but is that a choice when my mate is the alpha? I liked Sera and Matt but I didn't know the others and both of the men I've met terrified me whenever I saw them. Even Matt made me nervous now that he didn't stand my secrets anymore.

"I need time", I tell him and surprisingly he seems satisfied with that. I watch as he picks the weights from the floor and places then next to the others.

"Come here", he waves me over and I nervously thread through the equipment to where he's standing. Matt makes me sit down on the bench and hands me two small weights. He guides me and I do bicep curls and different moves until I feel like my arms are going to fall off. I don't complain but then I try to lift the weights above my head and my arms shake too badly to control he gives me mercy. It only took fifteen minutes for me to be sweaty and tired but at least now my ankle isn't bothering me as much when the rest of my body is aching as well.

"Feel better?" Matt asks when we move back to the kitchen where he still has school work to finish.

"Yes, actually", I'm surprised to notice that I'm less anxious now. Matt looks smug but I'm too grateful to mind, he's managed to stop my racing mind from creating awful scenarios for a moment and all I can do is smile at him, the first real grin in years.