I'm Think Of Ending Myself..

- CHAPTER 2 : "It All Became Secrets: part 2" -

I entered a dark dim lit hallway, with indescribable patterns on the wallpaper. The wall was long, taller than me, reaching upward and hitting the dark red ceiling, and reaching downward, hitting a wooden platform. A door opened silently. Suddenly my older brother came out, walking backwards, holding a couple large boxes in his arms. I glanced at him for a brief moment then began an attempt to start a conversation.

"Hey, do you need any help?" I asked kindly.

"I'm fine." He responded firmly.

I nodded slightly, then gripped the knob of my bedroom door. I opened the door and glanced back at my brother.

"Why are you like this?" I asked.

"What do you mean?" He replied, stopping in his tracks right near the first step of the stairway down.

"Why don't you talk to me? At all.."

He looked up and sighed deeply, as I took a few couple steps forward. His body faced me now, and he looked at me with a serious look.

"Weren't we just talking a minute ago." He pointed out.

"Barely." I replied.

"We are talking now, there. Can I leave?"

I nodded in disappointment. The sounds of steps being heard in the back of my head and I continued to go inside my room. The door of my room closed shut behind me.

I wish he talked to me more. I wish I could have met my brother more. I guess he just never had time for me. Him and his school, sports, all of it. It hurts. He probably wishes I never should have existed. If I were to vanish within thin air, he probably wouldn't care a bit. If I killed myself, he probably would never shed a tear. I just wished─ he would hang out with me more. Spare time for me. Get to know me. But he doesn't care… Nobody does.

The glare of the computer reflected onto my eyes. I began typing on the small keyboard, emailing some of my old friends, Kayla, Sam, Julia, everyone I knew from years ago. Clicking constantly, responding to everyone’s messages. Then suddenly a new sss notification popped up on the site. I glanced at it, then one movement after another, I opened the email. It wasn’t from anyone I knew, and it was someone that had an unfamiliar account. I scanned the message slowly and read what they had sent me. It showed ‘Your family is lying to you’. I was slightly confused, and full of curiosity at the same time. Although I thought it was a prank, I had some fun with it. I responded back to the message, asking him what he or she means by my family lying.

Another message appeared at the top of my screen, and my cursor hovered over it. Not clicking it yet, I barely read a couple of words that were on the email.

You aren’t with your real family, you’re just with the people who are replacing them. < Message Sent

I looked and started even questioning myself. I still thought it was a joke of course, unless it was true. I never know what my family could be hiding, or if they even are my family.

I hysterically chuckled a bit, then slammed my computer all the way shut. I layed down on my bed, I sank through the mattress as I began to position myself to sleep. The moon looked bright pale white, with its detailed crevices barely appearing through the sight of it.

The smell of freshly baked eggs had awakened me. My eyes opened slightly, due to the bright sun shining into them. I covered my eyes for a moment and stood up. My arms stretched out, and I yawned loudly. Stepping down the many steps, I followed the smell of breakfast throughout to the kitchen.

On the way, I quickly had a glance of a paper and letter on a coffee table at the edge of the wall. Ignoring the smell, I went off track and because of my curiosity, I walked over and grabbed it. Lifting the piece of paper, slowly unfolding it, I saw a whole couple of paragraphs, that read many professional words, that some I didn’t know of. A hand quickly pulled away the papers aggressively, and I looked up at my father. He took a short glance at me and walked away languidly with his fists gripping the many papers.

I wasn’t quite sure what was going on. But somehow those papers were secretly important to my dad. Or my parents. This kind of made me suspicious of them and what was on it. The email. I remembered what the email had said. Something about lies and my family. What if it was true somehow. Maybe I am overreacting. Hopefully I am just overreacting. I’m not sure if I want to be right.

“Andrew! Breakfast is finished!” yelled my mother.

My mind came to a rush, jumping into conclusions, thinking maybe my family is really hiding something. Something they for sure don’t want me to acknowledge. I peered through the window, as I saw the gloomy dark sky begin to appear within the night's atmosphere. I need to know what we're on those papers, what are they for? Are they for me?

The curiosity got the better of me and made me end up in my parents room. It was sooner or later before they would come upstairs and go to bed. I had to hurry or I would get caught. My heavy breathing continued, still searching for the paperwork. The closet was dimmed by a vintage light bulb. Suddenly a sound of heavy footsteps was loud enough for me to hear, and I quickly had to assume it was my parents getting ready to go to bed. I instantly looked for a hiding spot, the footsteps already almost at the door, not enough time for me to run out. My eye spotted underneath the bed, and I hurriedly crouched down, crawling under their master bed.

The footsteps carried over to the room, and inside near the bed. It was my father. He sat down on the bed, as he lifted his feet, removing his shoes and placing them underneath the bed. I crawled away from his hands when he started to place his shoes underneath beside me. It was difficult to move with such a small space.

He laid himself down onto the bed, with my heavy anxious breaths beginning to grow louder and louder. I had to cover my mouth, reducing the loud breathing sounds coming from me. I felt something under my stomach. It started to bother me and I carefully grabbed it. It was a piece of paper. I unfolded it and it revealed paperwork from a place called ‘Children Care Institute’.

What is this?

I barely began to read this mysterious piece of paper. Until a sound of someone lifting themselves off the bed had cautioned me, so I quickly stopped paying attention to the paper. My attention was to my father; walking to the door, then turning off the light to the room, and leaving. I waited until the sound of his footsteps were gone and then I crawled out from under the bed. Leaving with the piece of paper in my hand.

What could they be hiding from me? If it’s that bad, why keep it?