I AM THE THIEF

I am the thief -Episode 3

"Bastard!" I said as I threw a punch at

Shak and missed.I wasn't a good fighter;I

hadn't been in a fight since primary

school.Someone was trying to hold my

hand,someone else was pulling Shak

away,someone was still knocking on the

door.I drew back my arm to send another

punch and at the same time the person

knocking opened the door to receive my

elbow in his face.He staggered backwards

onto the verandah and then he stood holding

his nose.

"Eeiiiiiisshhh,my nose!" He screamed "Damn,I

think it's broken" He was saying as someone

drew him by his other hand back into the

room.

"Let's see it,let us see the nose"

All my anger evaporated,replaced by

panic.Without his hand on his face,the

visitor's identity was revealed.He was the

guy who operated the P.O.S kiosk at the

hostel gate.

"It's not broken" Oke said,moving him to sit

on my bed.

"E dey pain me die" the P.O.S guy said as

he touched the nose with one finger.After a

long moment,he finally looked up and said

"Guy,I've seen your card o"

"You say?" Shak asked him,he was about to

be branded a stupid,falsely accusing fool.

"I said I've seen your card,I mistakenly

gave it to the other guy,both of you are

using the same bank,he just returned

it.Sorry"

So,this guy was the spark that ignited the

whole crisis;maybe he deserved that elbow to

the nose.

"You say?" Shak asked again,like a

stupid,falsely accusing fool.

"Where's the card?" Oke asked.The guy

fumbled in his jacket pocket for the card.It

fell to the ground as he brought it out.I

bent down to pick the blue card and flipped

it over.On the other side,embossed in silver

letters was Shak's government name;Panshak

Cletus.What a stupid,falsely accusing fool.I

passed the card to Oke who looked at it for

a moment and then gave it to Shak.Everyone

was still,waiting for further explanation from

the P.O.S guy or an apology from Shak.But

the P.O.S guy said nothing,he just sat there

fingering his nose,which to my relief was not

broken.Shak on the other hand just marched

out of the room without a word.He even left

his phone but shame or stupidity wouldn't

let him come back to take it.I didn't see

him till the next day.I sat on my bed beside

the P.O.S guy.I couldn't say anything.I had

nothing to say.Nobody had anything to say.I

bent down and picked up the torn pages of

my novel.I saw the torn front cover on the

floor where Shak had thrown it,at The

governor's feet

I picked it and stood up,pages and cover in

my hand.The governor was looking at me,still

the same accusatory look.Was he really

accusing me? or was that how his eyes were

all the time?

Later that evening,when the tension

had eased and the visitor had gone and

everyone had arranged their corners,I lay on

my bed,thinking about all that had happened.I

felt like crying,but I didn't.Now it was

certain that false accusation would hurt

me.It did hurt me.I felt pained;my clothes

felt like cement bags,my mattress felt like

concrete,my head was on my pillow but it

felt like I was resting my head on a bag of

charcoal.Should I call my sister?If I didn't

call her she would call anyway.But what

would I tell her? What could I tell her?

could I tell her what a terrible idea it was

for me to stay in the hostel? could I tell

her how I couldn't stand up for myself?

No,I couldnt tell her that;she was one of

the people who had called me soft.I

couldn't tell her anything that would put me

under the spotlight of weakness.How about if

I told her how I would have felt better if

the accusations were actually valid? could I

tell her I would have felt better if I had

actually taken the card? Could I tell her I

wished I was actually a thief?I kept hearing

Shak's voice,kept hearing him call me a

thief.I began to wonder what it would feel

like to actually be guilty and be accused

and yet still be vindicated.Bet it would be

thrilling,I thought.What would it be like to

steal and yet when they accused,they

wouldn't be able to convict.Maybe I should

try it.Maybe I should steal and watch how it

played out.Who would I steal from?Shak?He

hurt me and I wanted to hurt him back but

there was no way he would accuse me of

theft again;so I wouldn't get the thrill I

was looking for.Governor?to steal from him

and watch those accusing eyes of his try so

hard to get their hands on me but not be

able to;that would be amazing.But,I was not a

thief,so I waved off the thought.My phone

began to ring;it was my sister calling.I made

up my mind not to tell her anything about

what happened.

* * *

I first saw the word 'ennui' in a novel.It

is a French term that connotes the feeling

of dissatisfaction from being bored.Everyone

experiences it and sometimes it is the motive

of some crimes.People commit crimes just to

get rid of that dissatisfaction,to feel some

form of thrill.The human brain works in

funny ways.My brain works in funnier

ways.People say introverts tend to have more

devising minds;in fact,many criminal

masterminds are introverted people.But no

matter how hard I try,I can't clearly

describe what I did on that Friday because it

was neither cleverly devised nor criminally

masterminded.I can't even say it was ennui

because I was certainly not bored.It was

more like my brain bringing up this discarded

plan and executing it the moment there was

an opportunity.Like an involuntary

movement,an impulsive reaction;a reflex.

After the incident with Shak that

Sunday,things gradually returned back to how

they were before.We went on like it never

happened but I was sure nobody had

forgotten.I hadn't forgotten.I thought about

it everyday for the next few weeks that

followed.Sometimes,in my moments of

solitude,I would play with that thought of

stealing something,knowing that nobody would

be bold enough to accuse me.I had become

accusation-proof.Anyone could think whatever

they wanted but none could mention my name

if anything went missing,even if all the

evidence pointed to me.Later on,the idea

became old and boring,so it left my mind.I

had actually become freer in the room.Shak

tried his best to avoid me;no more eagle eyes

and goat voice.The exams week came and

whenever I wasn't having a paper;I would be

on my bed,preparing for the next paper.Late

in the afternoons,most students would be

back in the hostel but the rooms would be

empty.Only a few guys liked to read in their

rooms.Most preferred the library or the

cafeteria or some other weird places like

under a staircase or inside an empty water

tank.On one of those afternoons,on a

Friday,the day of my last paper;I was back

in the hostel,in my room arranging my things

because I was going home in two days.I was

alone in the room until Shak walked in.He

breezed past my bed without even as much as

a side glance,talk more of a nod.A few

minutes later,one roommate walked in carrying

a heavy looking carton.His arms were around

the carton but he still managed to extend

his hand a little so that I could bump his

fist.He was the guy who stayed in the corner

opposite Shak.He set the carton down on his

bed and shook hands with Shak.They talked

for a few minutes,I didn't hear what they

were saying;my mind was already on the way

back home,and then they stood up and walked

out together.I continued my packing and when

I was done I flopped down on the bed;I was

exhausted.I turned and saw my phone still on

the bed opposite mine.With a grunt,I stood up

to take the phone and that was when I saw

it;a blue flash drive was on the floor in

front of the door.It looked new.It wasn't

there before so either Shak or the other guy

must have dropped it.I stood for a long

while staring at the flash drive.My mind was

blank.When I finally regained my thoughts,I

began to see what was happening or rather

what I thought was happening.Shak must have

dropped the flash drive.It was a set up.A

desperate move to trap and disgrace me and

finally expose me for the thief he thought I

really was.He was trying to clear his

shame,trying to make people not see him as a

stupid falsely accusing fool.But what if it

wasn't a trap?what if the other guy had

dropped it?I picked up the drive.It was new.I

squinted trying to read what was written on

it.It was in Chinese.I turned the other side

and written in bold print and English,the

drive was marked 2 terabytes.I had never

seen a flash drive with two terabytes.Pretty

cool,I thought;and pretty costly too.I was not

a thief so when they returned I would return

it to the owner.No.the owner would come back

and ask for it and I would give it to

him.Yes.

About half an hour later,the other guy

came back alone.He walked to his bed and

opened the carton.I watched his movement to

see if he was looking for something.I didn't

ask him if he dropped anything and he didn't

even look like he was missing something.He

was focused on his brown carton.Maybe he

wasn't the owner.Then Shak must have

dropped it;either intentionally or by

mistake.If he dropped it on purpose then he

was a fool because I wasn't falling for his

trap but if he dropped it by mistake then he

wouldn't ask me for it.At that moment,Shak

walked in;more like he flew in.He walked to

his corner.This time,I was the one watching

his every move.He was searching for

something.At this point,I knew he was the one

who had dropped the flash drive and it must

have been by mistake because he looked

genuinely bothered.I should give it to him,I

thought.Why not keep it for yourself?;a voice

in my head said out of nowhere.

"What?"

"Keep it for yourself"

"Why would I do that?I don't need it"

"But it's what you want,it's payback

time.Keep the flash drive,he won't ask you

for it"

"No,I'm not a thief"

"Then you're a soft chicken"

"I'm not a soft chicken"

"You are"

I shut out the voice.I wasn't about to

trample on my morals because of some silly

internal dialogue.As I was about to speak up

though,The governor walked in.He looked

disturbed too.

"Bro,where is it?" He asked Shak

"That's what I'm looking for" Shak

replied."Guy,be like say that thing don fall

for road" He added after a moment.

"Sir?" Governor was sweating.The weather

was cold.I just sat on my bed soaking

everything in.

"Wetin you dey find?" Carton guy asked

"You see any blue flash?" Shak asked him

back

"Flash drive?" The guy answered with

another question.

"Yes,blue flash drive" Governor answered

him this time

"No,I didn't see it"

I wanted to speak up and say I had seen

the flash but my voice seemed to have gone

on a vacation.

Governor turned to Shak "Guy,where you

come keep am na?"

"I say I hold am for pocket" Shak replied

"Bro,that flash na new one o,it's new.Money

wey I use buy am seff..." His voice broke "e

no fit loss o" He was going to cry.

"What of me that all my work is inside,will

I now start from the beginning?" Shak too

was on the verge of tears.So,the

new,costly,two terabyte flash drive belonged

to The governor,he had lent it to Shak to

store his work in it.I don't know how it

appeared on the floor but now it was in my

pocket.

"Bro,did you see the flash he's talking

about?" Carton guy asked me all of a

sudden.