If You Stay Right Here

Chapter One

They say, there are no words to describe the feeling you get on your wedding day…

I remember the day like it was yesterday. How beautiful the day was; the feeling of panic I had when I opened my eyes and realised that the day of my becoming Mrs Jaydeen Smith had finally arrived, and how the time just seemed to fly by as I sat in front of the mirror while everyone around me fussed around.

The  bitter sweetness of the moment became more and more as I looked around me. All the people who I had dreamt and imagined being by my side on this momentous day were nowhere in sight and it was not that they were somewhere lost in the excitement of the day’s occasion; they were not there because they were not there. 

I was about to walk down the aisle with a man who was not only able to awaken my body but in a way I can’t put in words he also awakened my soul. As I sat in front of the mirror getting my face and hair done in a room full of people, I felt alone and afraid. I definitely knew where the loneliness came from but the fear? The pounding heartbeat, sweaty palms and that strange feeling that something was not right kept lingering somewhere in the room, and had found a spot somewhere in the corner of my mind.

Everything looked so perfect and even though I had been involved in every step of the preparation, I had never really imagined it to look and be this perfect. From the time I was a little girl; as boyish as I had seemed, as totally removed from anything to do with dolls, the colour pink or tea parties as I had been, I had known and I had once in a while imagined my perfect fairy-tale wedding. 

I could never quite imagine who my knight in shining armour standing at the end of the aisle looked like, but I definitely knew that my dad and sister were the ones who were going to be by my side on the day; holding me, comforting me and letting me know the everything was going to be ok. But; my father’s death and my sister’s sudden departure a few months ago to god knows where had not only crushed my world as I had known it. Their not being there had taken all the beautiful future moments and memories I had had. 

It took away everything I had imagined and thought I was going to become in the future, because I had never really imagined a life in which my father and sister  were not a part of. My wedding being one of those moments. 

The walk to the beautifully decorated ceremony did not feel long at all. My father’s best friend uncle Will was waiting patiently for me at the bottom of the stairs and he smiled proudly as he stood and I walked towards him. 

“Don’t be scared I am here for you ok” he whispered and in his eyes I knew that he meant every word and I could see that he saw my hurt and pain and in that moment we had the void my father left in common. He took my hand and we began going up the stairs as my friend Charity held my long tail.

The music that had been playing stopped when we got to the one end of the aisle and all heads turned to face us. It felt almost surreal watching as one by one my bridesmaids took that long walk. A part of me did not want that particular bit to end, I wished I had chosen just one more bridesmaid just one more, whose long walk would have delayed mine.

As Martha one of my bridesmaids took her final step, everyone stood up and the pianist started hitting the keys to that very familiar tune “Here comes the bride”.

“Its time my dear” uncle Will said and reassuringly squeezed my hand as we started walking down the aisle. Everything and everyone looked so perfect to me. Mike looked back at me with love and a silent pride as I walked closer.

He looked better than he did the first time I had met him in a  black, single-breasted, satin tuxedo with a white-wing collar shirt. In his glassy brown eyes I could clearly see all the love he had within him, the words, actions and feelings that were too powerful for him to say, show or express. He wiped one of is eyes and smiled, and for the first time that day, I was not afraid or nervous because I knew I was looking into the eyes of the only man who truly loved me.

The sun’s warm rays which touched the small exposed part of my shoulder was the one that made me realise that the moment was real. I was wearing a beautiful strapless gown with handmade embroidery, rhinestones and tiny pearls sewn on it. The bodice holding my upper body securely and the body hugging bottom revealing my curves. 

The two tier veil, with a matching crystal head-piece that I wore had been chosen by my mother and as I walked closer to the alter I saw her, my mother standing in her expensive outfit complete with a hat and gloves. I could have been mistaken, but for a brief moment and for the very first time in a moment that lasted a little short of the blink of an eye, I saw a hint of genuine pride in her eyes. It could have been a look that was visible only in my eyes because I had experienced her great disapproval for all my life. 

The look only lasted so long because I think deep down behind the smile she had on, there was an unhappiness which came from the fact that she secretly wished it was my sister Jayda, her favourite child’s day not mine. 

I could see it in the way her eyes glimmered and I was sure it hurt her that I was the one who got to get the fairy tale ending, while Jayda was nowhere in sight after leaving with no good byes and was living somewhere in Europe.

I tightened the grip my right hand had on my French rose bouquet as Uncle Will held my  left arm and smiled once again as we drew closer to the alter where the minister and my husband-to-be were standing. 

The music faded, and my uncle took my hand and  gently placed it in Mike’s.

“Look after her ok. She is very precious, and you will have me to answer to if you don’t” he said then stepped back. Mike wiped his eyes again, nodded his head and smiled as he took my hand and we took the last steps to the alter.

The ceremony was going on well and we went through the usual proceedings.

"Beloved family, friends and honoured guests, on this momentous occasion and before I finally declare these two as one, I have to ask. Is there anyone among you who feels that these two should not be joined in holy matrimony? May that person raise up and say so now or forever hold your peace.” There was silence and a little shuffle from the flower boy and girl. 

The minister then looked in the crowd then cleared his throat and just as he was about to continue 

“Nooooo” a voice said from the back. Everyone turned their heads as Jayda my sister stood flashed at the other end of the aisle, in a veil and white dress that revealed her fully formed pregnant belly.