From Beggars to Srikandi

Trials of the Heart

Srikandi leaned against the cool brick wall of the café, cradling her steaming cup of coffee in her hands. The aroma wrapped around her like a comforting blanket, but the warmth it provided was a stark contrast to the chill creeping into her heart. It was a late afternoon in early autumn, and the sunlight filtered through the trees, casting dappled shadows on the sidewalk.

She had come here to deliver order cakes from the baker. She saw Nico, her best friend and the one person who made her heart race with a mix of joy and confusion. But now, she found herself listening – eavesdropping, really – on a conversation that would turn her world upside down.

Nico was seated at a small table nearby, his laughter ringing out like music. He was animated, his hands gesturing wildly as he spoke. Srikandi felt a pang of affection, but it turned to a bitter twist as she noticed the girl seated across from him. She had long, flowing hair and a smile that danced like sunlight on water. It was clear they shared a history, one that Srikandi was not a part of, and the realization struck her like a cold wave.

“I can’t believe it’s been so long, Mia,” Nico said, his voice laced with nostalgia.

“Remember those summer days by the lake?”

Mia's laughter was bright, a sound that made Srikandi’s heart sink deeper.

“Of course! We had so much fun. I still think about that time you tried to impress me with your fishing skills and ended up falling in!”

“Yeah, I was a mess,” Nico chuckled, but there was a softness in his eyes that made Srikandi’s chest tighten. “But it was worth it, right? I mean, I got to spend time with you.”

A knot formed in Srikandi’s stomach as she listened, the words swirling around her like autumn leaves caught in a storm. She had always known about Mia – the girl from Nico’s past – but hearing them reminisce made the ghost of their relationship feel very present.

Doubts began creeping in, gnawing at her confidence. Did Nico really care for her, or was she simply a placeholder, a distraction from the memories of someone he truly loved?

As she sipped her coffee, she tried to drown out the conversation, but it echoed in her mind. “You know, Srikandi is really great,” Nico continued, and for a moment, hope flickered inside her. But then Mia’s response extinguished it.

“Yeah? But you’re not serious about her, are you?” There was an edge to her voice, playful yet probing, and Srikandi felt her heart drop.

Nico hesitated, and in that silence, Srikandi’s breath caught in her throat. She couldn’t bear to hear the answer. What if he admitted that he wasn’t serious? What if he still held a candle for Mia, the girl who had known him first, the girl who had made him laugh like that?

“No, I mean, it’s different with her,” he finally replied, but the uncertainty in his voice made Srikandi want to run. “Srikandi’s amazing, but…” He trailed off, and the unspoken words hung heavily in the air.

Srikandi’s heart raced as she pushed away from the wall, her mind spinning. She couldn’t stay here, couldn’t listen to the conversation that threatened to unravel the fragile tapestry of their friendship. She turned on her heel and walked away, the world around her blurring into a haze.

---

Back in her place, Srikandi slammed the door behind her, the sound echoing in the silence. She tossed her bag onto the couch and paced the floor, her thoughts a whirlwind of confusion and fear. How could she continue to let herself feel something deeper for Nico when the shadow of his past loomed so large? It felt like standing on the edge of a cliff, the ground beneath her crumbling, and she was terrified of the fall.

She sank onto the couch, burying her face in her hands. Memories of their time together flooded her mind – the late-night talks, the laughter, the comfort of simply being in each other’s presence.

But now, those moments felt tainted, overshadowed by the realization that she might not be enough for him. She had always prided herself on being strong, but this vulnerability was foreign and frightening.

What if she pushed him away before he could hurt her? The thought was a double-edged sword, cutting deep into her heart. Srikandi knew that if she kept him close, she would only be inviting pain into her life. As much as she valued their friendship, the thought of unrequited love gnawed at her insides like a persistent ache.

She pulled out her phone that she bought from her first salary works in ibu Nina's bakery. She stared at the screen, contemplating texting him, telling him everything. But what could she say? “I overheard you talking about your ex, and now I’m not sure if you really like me?” No, that would only make her seem insecure, and she didn’t want to burden him with her doubts.

As the hours crept by, the weight of her internal conflict felt suffocating. She stood up and paced the room, trying to find clarity amid the chaos of her emotions. Each step echoed her turmoil, the dance of longing and fear pulling her in opposite directions.

Finally, she sank down onto the floor, her back against the couch. She closed her eyes, breathing deeply, trying to center herself. “What do you want, Srikandi?” she whispered into the silence. “Do you want to push him away, or do you want to fight for what you have?”

The answer was buried deep within her, a flicker of hope amid the doubt. She realized that she didn’t want to lose Nico. The thought of him walking away, of never feeling the warmth of his laughter or the comfort of his presence, was unbearable. But how could she bridge the gap between her fears and her feelings?

---

The next day, Srikandi found herself in a village park, the leaves crunching beneath her feet as she took a deep breath of the crisp autumn air.

She had decided to confront her feelings head-on, to speak to Nico honestly about her doubts. It was a risk, but the only way to find peace was to face the storm.

As she walked, she spotted Nico sitting on a bench, his head bent over his phone. The sight of him brought a wave of warmth, but it was quickly overshadowed by the anxiety that fluttered in her stomach.

What if he didn’t feel the same way? What if this ruined everything?

“Hey,” she said, her voice wavering slightly as she approached him.

Nico looked up, a smile spreading across his face that made her heart race. “Hey, Srikandi! I didn’t expect to see you here.” He patted the space next to him, and she hesitated before sitting down.

“Can we talk?” she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

“Of course,” he replied, his expression shifting to one of concern. “What’s on your mind?”

Srikandi took a deep breath, gathering her courage. “I overheard you talking to Mia yesterday…” The words slipped out, and she watched as his expression changed, confusion flickering across his face.

“Yeah, we were just catching up. She’s an old friend,” he said, a hint of defensiveness creeping into his tone.

“I know, but…” she paused, her heart pounding. “It just made me think about us. About what we have.”

Nico frowned, his brow furrowing. “What do you mean?”

“I’m scared, Nico,” she admitted, her voice trembling. “I’m scared that I’m not enough for you, that you still have feelings for her, and that you’re just… settling for me.”

He looked taken aback, his eyes wide as he processed her words. “Srikandi, that’s not true. I care about you so much. You mean more to me than I can put into words.”

“But if you were given the choice, would you choose her?” The question hung between them, heavy and laden with unspoken fears.

Nico’s expression softened, and he reached for her hand, his warmth grounding her.

“I wouldn’t. I chose you. I want to be with you. Mia is part of my past, and I have no interest in going back there. You’re the one I want, Srikandi. You make me happy.”

Tears prickled at the corners of her eyes, and a wave of relief washed over her. “I just… I didn’t want to lose you,” she confessed, her voice breaking.

“You’re not going to lose me,” he assured her, his grip tightening around her hand.

“I promise. I want to build something real with you. I want to be here, right now, with you.”

In that moment, the storm within her calmed. The doubt, the fear, the uncertainty – they began to fade as she looked into Nico’s eyes and saw the sincerity shining through. It was a battle she had fought internally, but now she felt the strength to face it together.

Srikandi smiled through her tears, the warmth of hope igniting in her chest. “Okay,” she whispered, feeling the weight of her fears lift. “Let’s do this together.”

As they sat there, hands intertwined, Srikandi realized that love was not without its trials.

But navigating through the storms only made the bond stronger, and she was ready to embrace whatever came next – with Nico by her side.