The O’Connells 7 - 9

Chapter 4

Chapter Four

“Never realized you were a gin and tonic woman,” Owen said, taking in Tessa as she sat on the bar stool beside him, leaning on the old dark wood bar top and swirling a plastic stir stick in her drink after squeezing in a lime.

“And I never expected you to just get in my car and let me drive,” she replied. She tapped the stick on the edge of her glass and set it on the bar counter, then lifted the glass and took a swallow.

Owen gripped his double shot of whiskey. A pint of beer wasn’t going to do it for him. He needed something stronger and with a bite.

“There you go, not answering,” she said. “Why do you do that? I don’t get it. This here…” She gestured between them.

He stood and leaned beside her, not missing the scent of lavender. Maybe it was her shampoo or soap, but it was one of the little things about her that unsettled him. “What don’t you get?” he said, though he knew damn well what she was getting at, and he didn’t need to be such a prick about it. He sensed the minute she was about to get up and leave, so he reached out and grabbed her arm before she could slip off the stool. “Sorry,” he said. “Look, I don’t know why I do that.” He did, but saying that was easier than answering, because sharing anything with anyone was something he never did.

She gave him everything, standing so close now that he could feel her.

He could have stepped back, but he didn’t want to. “Sit down and finish your drink,” he said. Any other woman would have sat down and finished, but there was something about Tessa that wasn’t easy or uncomplicated. He sighed. “Please, Tessa, come on.”

“You going to keep avoiding answering me and playing games? Because I have to say, Owen, it’s the quality I like the least about you.” It was so matter of fact, the way she said it, that for a minute he really took her in, and he didn’t miss the sincerity mixed in with all the annoyance.

“Sorry, it’s not deliberate. Just a habit, I guess.” He swirled his whiskey and took a swallow, looking around, seeing faces he knew. When he gave her everything again, he saw the confusion on her face, as if she were thinking. What he’d have given to know what was going on in that head of hers.

“It’s a damn annoying habit, Owen.”

He leaned on the bar beside her as she sat back on her stool, lifted her glass, and took a swallow of her drink.

“What do you want to know?” he said.

“As in, ask you anything?”

What was it about that question that had him wanting to roll his shoulders and shake off the feeling that was setting him on edge?

“Geez, you can’t even hide how uncomfortable you are at that simple question, as if there’s something you don’t want anyone to know.”

“No, seriously, ask me.” He knew it had come out rather sharply.

That brought a smile to the edges of her lips. “Fine. You never answered me about my car. I insisted on driving, and you didn’t argue. I half expected you to do that thing you do and walk away or say no, or take my keys, maybe.”

He couldn’t help the laugh that burst out. “Take your keys? That would be something, Tessa. You’d likely have decked me.”

She raised her brows. “There you go, not really answering. It’s as if you have this secret that you need to hide. Now I’m convinced there’s really something there. Do you have a secret, Owen?”

The way she asked had him finishing his whiskey and lifting his hand to the bartender. “No secret,” he said. “And, honestly, I don’t know why I just let you drive. With the shitshow we walked out of at the school, the bad scene, it didn’t feel right to argue. Evidently, you didn’t want to give up control by getting into my van and driving with me, so I let you have this one. So what about you, Tessa? Why are you so driven? Why the need to do it yourself? Everything about you, it seems, is a fight. If I say blue, I’m pretty sure you’d say red.”

The bartender strode over.

“You want another drink?” Owen said.

Tessa just shook her head. “I’m good.”

“I’ll take a pint of your ale,” Owen said. “Bring another gin and tonic, too,” he added, taking in the shock on Tessa’s face when the bartender walked away.

“I said no. What don’t you understand about that?”

He wanted to laugh at her, at the fire and fight. Anyone else would’ve likely taken the damn drink. “Force of habit, I guess—and I’m not drinking alone.”

Her lips twitched, and she inclined her head. “Okay, you’ll get a pass for today only, but I’m not getting drunk, so if that’s your plan…”

What was it about her? He could go back and forth with her all day. “No, not my plan, but if I recall, just a second ago, you were busting my balls about evading and not answering, yet here you are, doing the same thing.”

She stilled as she lifted her glass, and for a second, as she gave him everything, he could see how she hadn’t expected that.

“You’ve always been driven,” he said. “You’ve never been the kind of woman to sit back and be meek and go with things. I always expect a fight about everything with you, as if you can see only your way and think only you can do it. Why?” He wondered if she’d answer.

She lowered her gaze and then flicked those blue eyes up to him. “Okay. What if I say I don’t know, and it’s just who I am?”

He was shaking his head. “Bullshit,” he said just as a pint of ale appeared in front of him, along with a short glass of gin and tonic with a twist of lime on the side for Tessa.

“Thank you,” she said with a smile and a lift of her chin to the bartender. It faded as she gripped her glass and lifted it, finishing off her first drink and then sliding the glass away to reach for the second one. “I don’t want to be disappointed,” she said. “I just find it easier, and it hurts less to be the one deciding for myself. The moment I depend on anyone, I’m disappointed and hurt. I don’t like feeling that way, and yes, it’s about not being in control of things that affect me. I learned long ago to do things by myself, so if that’s what you’re seeing…” She gestured at herself. He could see how uncomfortable she was.

“So who hurt you? Who is it that disappointed you, Tessa?” he said, though he didn’t think she’d answer. For all the years he’d known her, there was still so much about her that he didn’t know.

“I don’t know,” she said. “I guess it was just my dad, all the times he said he’d do something and then wouldn’t, all the broken promises. To him, they were little things. Something always came up, from the trip he talked about, to the bike he promised me, or a game, an event, a show, dinner. There was always something, as far back as I can remember. I’d get excited about something and then wait all week for that one thing, and then he’d have a bad day at work, or something would happen, and my parents would say that was life and I needed to get over it. I learned the promises he made were just dreams that would never happen, so after that, with anything anyone said, I knew if I counted on someone, I’d be disappointed. So yeah, I did it myself, everything.” She was self-assured and unapologetic.

He took her in, considering the thing he’d never known about her. “So you automatically think everyone is out to disappoint you and can’t be trusted to follow through on something? You think you’re the only one who can do it right? Correct me if I’m wrong, but that’s what it sounds like to me.”

She furrowed her brow, and for a moment, he thought she’d argue. “You make me sound horrible, Owen.” She lifted her chin to him, and he could see how she’d gone from semi-relaxed to overthinking.

“No, I don’t think you’re horrible by any means, Tessa. I never said that, so don’t put words in my mouth. I’m sorry your dad did that, but don’t you think by assuming everyone will let you down, that’s exactly the expectation you’re putting out there for everyone? Sometimes you can set standards so high, Tessa, that no one can meet them. Not everyone is your dad, but sometimes stuff does come up.”

He didn’t move from where he was, so close to her. He could see this topic was associated with hurts buried beneath so many layers, and getting to the bottom of it was like peeling an onion.

“I won’t apologize for who I am, Owen.” She gave him everything as she set her glass down. Was she considering leaving?

“I’m not sure why you think I expect an apology,” he said.

It was there in her face, her expression, as she shrugged. “Well, you just said you think my standards are too high.”

He made a rude noise. “Don’t think that’s what I said. I’m just questioning your motives, is all. That’s all that is, Tessa. I’m not in your head, but most folks are just doing the best they can.”

She pulled in a breath, and he didn’t miss the way her chest rose. He couldn’t pull his gaze from the curve of her breasts as he dragged his gaze back up to her face. She could never be lost, even in a sea of pretty women. None of the women he’d dated could hold a candle to Tessa in personality. He held her gaze and took in her gorgeous pink lips, her narrow nose, and the hairline scar on her cheekbone.

“So is that what you’re doing, Owen, your best?”

He didn’t know how to answer her, but he knew what she was asking. “It’s who I am, Tessa. I don’t know how to be any other way. May not be what you’re looking for, but it is what it is.” He lifted his ale and took a swallow, letting his gaze linger on her, taking in all of her.

“You have a lot of secrets, Owen.”

He said nothing for another second as he took in the two of them, the bar, and the fact that he hadn’t thought of the kid they’d found dead for a few minutes now.

“Don’t we all, Tessa?”

This time, she lifted her drink and didn’t bother to answer.