Deferred Freedom

False Hope

I stood there in the library for what felt like forever after Kael stormed out, my cheeks burning with shame.

A few students were still staring and whispering, i quickly grabbed my bag and left before anyone could say anything to my face; legs felt heavy as I walked back to the dorm.

Every step reminded me of how he had pushed me away like I was some disgusting thing.

The humiliation sat heavy in my chest, but I forced it down. I couldn’t let anyone see me break, when I got to the dorm, the common room was quiet, Gemma was curled up on the sofa in her pajamas, eyes swollen from crying, she looked so small and broken. For a second I almost felt sorry for her, but then I remembered everything and the feeling disappeared.

“Hey,” I said softly, sitting beside her. “You need to eat something babe. You’ve not had anything since morning.”

She shook her head. “I’m not hungry.”I stood up anyway. “No. I’m getting you food, stay here.”

I went to the cafeteria and got her something to eat, when i came back I sat with her and basically fed her like a baby. I rubbed her back and told her everything was going to be okay, that the person who did this would be found. I even cried a little with her so it would look real.

Talia and Aria joined us later and we all stayed together comforting Gemma while I played the perfect best friend. Inside though, I was still replaying Kael pushing me away.

Later that night, when I was already in bed trying to sleep, my phone lit up.

Kael: Hey Ulyssa… I’m really sorry about how I acted earlier in the library, I was just so upset and angry about everything…i didn’t mean to push you like that. I was wrong.I sat up fast, heart beating.

I read the message again and again.

Kael: Honestly I should have stuck with you from the beginning. Gemma turned out to be something else.

Can we meet and talk properly? I feel terrible.

A big smile spread across my face i replied immediately.

Me: It’s okay. I understand, where do you want us to meet?he told me the small garden behind the boys’ hostel.

I changed into a cute top and jeans, sprayed perfume, and sneaked out.

My stomach was filled with butterflies the whole way there.

When I got there Kael was already waiting under the trees.

The moment he saw me he pulled me into a tight hug“I’m so sorry Ulyssa,” he whispered against my hair. “I’ve been stupid.”

Before I could say anything he kissed me, It was deep and hungry, my knees went weak, this was what I had wanted for so long.

He pulled me closer, his hands sliding down my back until he tapped my ass playfully then he pressed his palm against my breast, squeezing gently.

I gasped “Kael… we shouldn’t be doing this,” I whispered, even though my body was saying something else.

He just smiled and said, “Shhhh,” before kissing me again harder.

We were so lost in the moment that we didn’t hear footsteps until it was too late.

One of his friends, Victor, appeared and was shocked.“Guy… what the f**k?” Victor said, eyes wide.

Kael pulled away quickly but it was too late, victor had seen everything.

The next morning I woke up feeling like I was floating, texted Kael good morning with a heart emoji , no reply.

I waited thirty minutes and texted again still nothing, by evening I had texted him three more times

All read.

No response.

My excitement slowly turned into confusion, then worry, then anger.

That same evening I overheard Talia talking to Aria in the hallway.“Victor told me something yesterday, he caught Kael with some girl behind the hostel, he said Kael told him he still loves Gemma but the girl he was with is just a fling, that she’s too desperate and he’s just using her to pass time.”

My heart stopped, I stood there frozen, phone still in my hand. The same boy who had kissed me and touched me the night before was calling me desperate.

A fling.

Someone to use and dump.

I went back to my room and locked the door.

Tears came hot and fast.

The humiliation from the library came rushing back, even worse now, i had let him touch me, I had believed him and he was laughing at me behind my back with his friends.

I sat on my bed, staring at my phone, the unread messages staring back at me.

This pain felt different.

Deeper.

But instead of breaking me, it hardened something inside.

If Kael wanted to use me, fine. But I would use him too. And this time I would make sure nobody else ever got to laugh at me again.Gemma, Kael, everyone… they had no idea what was coming next.

Later that day, Ulyssa’s phone beeped, it was a message from Kael

kael: Hey, ( with a red heart emoji), can we talk?