Beautiful Ruins

Chapter#12

He was walking without an aim, with the sun almost rising- his feet were unaware walking around in circles for about few hours now. For him, new days brought a mix sense of feelings. He was happy because just within few hours, he will be able to see her face again, but then he was also scared because it was a day closer to when the two weeks ended. He was afraid of how much what happened on the day after today would bring. He was afraid that it would end.

He didn’t wish for it to end, circumstances be damned.

Suddenly he was starting to relate to all those useless people in love in those romantic movies his mother made them all watch on weekends. Those, who he scoffed at for being so unreasonable, doing things which made his doubt their rationality- he was becoming one of those people. He didn’t know how he felt about declaring himself as someone as low as those people but for a part, it didn’t linger on his mind for long.

The cigarette he had lit to smoke had turned to ashes without his knowing- it was sitting, forgotten between his fingers. He had lit it to smoke but he couldn’t dare to leave its dirty imprint of his lips, to stamp over the feeling of her lips which were still making his skin tingle.

His fingers reached his lips to craze the chapped skin. He suddenly felt embarrassed that his lips were kind of flaky. Did she feel they were?

A soft sigh escape her lips, he wanted to remember what hers felt like, tasted like but he was so surprise and it hardly lasted a second as she had simply stared at his shocked expression, with flushed cheeks, grinned and went inside. He don’t know how long he stood there, simply gaping at the empty air which once held her presence. They were cold, he remembered that yet he had felt the skin heating up afterwards or was he, as whole who had heated up.

He stopped to stare at the sun. His thoughts were in a mess. He had been walking around the streets since the kiss, excited, afraid and confused. Was she playing with him? Was what Mike said right? Was she someone who was cruel enough to play someone to their own expense? Was she someone who would go to any limit to win?

He had yet to understand her. His mother had talked to her about her life but it was nothing which would give him idea about how she really felt about this. He knew she had took ballet in middle school, was in swim team in grade school and even joined basketball team last year but one thing he was certain of, she was someone who would eventually get bored of anything and everything with feeling loss of it. She would always move on without any need to turn back to even glance. Was he going to end up just like one of her many amusements?

He had decided to resent her for playing him, had decided her make her a memory of a girl who he fell in love with- a fascinating girl he had given his head and heart to but this memory was supposed to be bitter, aggrieved and not something he could never move on from. If she decided to keep him, then what? Would these feelings grow as she for her amusement or till she gets bored let him stay in her life, by her side. Would he be able to let her go when she decides to part ways? Was he capable of letting her go right now, at this moment?

The answer was something obvious and yet he wanted to stay ignorant about it. He didn’t wanted to admit how far his own feelings for possessiveness went. He had never felt the need to possess someone till her, it was an ugly feeling. But then he have felt too many of these ugly emotions since he met Ace. He had felt jealous, desperate and greed. He never had faced these emotions before and now that he had, he was confused whether to embrace such emotions or stay oblivious of them.

And then there was also the heavy chips his back had which regardless how much he damned would not be disappearing. He had explained a bit about it but that was just part of the truth after all. He just didn’t mention how bad it actually was. The man he had betrayed was almost obsessed to a point to bring him back. He wasn’t the kind to let people pass through him that easily. Daniel had got easy, mostly because his brother was an old senior member of the gang and because Simon was a ruthless and very patience man. The time he had spent under him was enough to understand him. For his loyalty meant nothing. If he decides you go, you simply go.

He wasn’t capable of protecting anyone, he had told her that. But then what? Can be bear to let her go simply because he is incapable? Can he, his conscious accept that she might become someone else’s?

He rubbed his hand on his face, feeling frustrated, tired and afraid. Why was he standing at such a live wire? Why did he ever listen to Matt? He would have gone with his gut, shouldn’t have silenced the alarms in his head why he couldn’t find in himself to regret the decision. Because after all, the prize, the end was Ace Adams and he can never regret falling in love with her even if in the very end, she because his one resent.

He started walking home slowly. He could manage to miss few early hours of school, maybe get few hours of sleep. He was desperate to see her again, just to make sure that last night did happened but he had to sleep on some things.

When he reached home, his father was awake. Sitting on the kitchen island, he had a cup of hot coffee in front of him and newspaper in hand. He raised his head to grin at him when he entered. Daniel immediately frowned seeing how happy his father was. His father was in a too good of a mood too early in the morning.

“Young man, is this a decent time for you to come home?” His father said, sipping his coffee dramatically. His eyes filled with laughter.

His father was really immune to everything else other than his mother. Seeing at two of his sons almost ruined their lives, he seemed way to be happy to ever be bothered. He remembered when his father find out about all this, he had not said a word of disappointment or anger but simply warned him to keep the trouble outside his home.

“I had some thinking to do.” Daniel truthfully answered, ignoring his father being melodramatic.

“You are a family man now, don’t stay out late.” His father advised in a dramatic stern voice but Daniel knew what he was saying. He have been raised by his father mostly. When it came to manners and rules, it was always his father who set them. He understood that his father had seemed to see through his mind and was just advising of for future which somehow made sense to him and yet sounded absurd at the same time.

Daniel nodded slowly and said, “I’m going to sleep. Tell mum I’ll go to school at 11.”

After taking a short shower, he laid down on his bed and closed his eyes, sleep already taking over him.

He woke up to the loud music of Barney. He groaned wondering why Ryder was home at this time. He opened his cellphone to see it was already 10:30. He quickly got up, pulled on a t-shirt and a sweater over it. Taking his backpack, he rushed downstairs to grab something to eat. His mother was already in the kitchen, baking cookies with Ryder who was helping less and eating cookie dough more.

“Good morning, honey. Here, this is your share and this is Ace’s.” She gave him two small plastic containers and he noticed that his cookies were less then Ace was he wasn’t really a big fan of sweets in the first place so he didn’t mind. Kissing his mother’s cheek, he said his goodbye.

The drive to school was short and without a trouble. When he entered the school, the bell had just rang and students were moving around in rush. He pulled out his phone and after hesitating for just a while, called Ace.

“I smell something sweet.” She said before he could greet her.

He turned and saw she was standing right behind him, her nose twitching as she smelled the air. She probably realized the smell came from him so she without being even conscious of him as a guy, she leaned forward and ran her nose all over him.

He stood still, heart stopping. His mind going back to last night, to her lips.

“Chocolate chip cookies.” She suddenly said and started pulling his bag from him. He stared at her in amazement and then laughed. Letting her take his bag, he easily let her disorganize it to find her cookies. The smile on her face was totally worth everything.

She munched on the cookies as if she hadn’t eaten since days, right there while standing in the middle of crowded hallway. She was a careless image of a carelessly stunning girl. She actually had pushed few cookies in his mouth as well. They stood there, letting people stare at them, pass by them as they lost themselves to the air surrounding them till about the box was empty.

Ace returned him the empty container and told him to thank his mum then she rushed in the crowd- disappearing from his sight as fast as she had arrived. He almost felt for a second that he had just imagined her figure standing before him, chomping on cookies but the empty container was proof enough for him to start moving to his class.

Matt and James both had this class with him. James was telling a story about how some older girl was hitting on him yesterday at the mall.

“He probably thought you were a lost child.” Matt bluntly said which could actually be true. James had a complete baby face and literally no facial hair.

“f**k you.” James gave his usual insult and turned to face the front. He wasn’t the smartest of them and it sometimes quiet clearly showed.

“How is it going?” Matt asked quietly seeing as James was distracted by something else.

“I am in love with Ace.” Daniel quietly said which earned him a knowing grin from Matt.

“Yeah, I know. You were the only one who didn’t.”

“Maybe.” Daniel had come to realize that his old thinking was quiet childish, knowing someone was not exactly necessary for you to become aware of them. He still believed loving someone required you to know the person first but attraction was something else. He had been attracted to Ace Adams. He was ready to admit this and much more.

“What are you going to do about it?” Matt asked.

Daniel paused, deciding whether to tell Matt about the two weeks thing. As Ace told him, he had not even told this whole to even Matt. Finally, thinking it through and feeling that Matt might be able to help his confusion, he laid it all out for Matt to hear except for few things about Ace like her being an orphan and her cold and heartless nature and past.

The class was taken by Mr. Harvard who unlike his name was complete ignorant to what kids did in his class. He would just start talking when class starts and stop talking when bell rang. He believed his job was over which Daniel was always thankful for.

As Matt took what has been told to him, he took few minutes to reply.

“You should be glad Ace is a bit weird in the head or else you would have been slapped.” Matt finally said, his eyes looking at him like he was looking at an artic monkey. Daniel was slightly offended and confused, not understanding what made Matt think that.

“Who confess to a girl like that?” Matt demanded, still feeling weirded out by Daniel’s direct behavior and how he had taken his advice.

“I wasn’t confessing though, I was telling her you think I like her- not me.” Daniel simply said like his words should clear every confusion in Matt’s mind. Matt wanted to pull out his own hair in frustration seeing how Daniel remain stubborn about his actions but seeing at being direct worked as Ace, he decided to not say anymore.

“Why don’t you just further explain her, see what she decides to do. If she wants to stay with you then just let her. Daniel, you would have to face Simon sooner or later, how long can you even run from him?” Matt told him.

Daniel didn’t reply but simply stared at the front of the class, deep in thoughts. He had still not decided what he wanted, and how far his love for Ace went. If the time where he had to choose between Ace and something else come, he might have an easier time to decide what to do.

School ended without him running into Ace again and he also didn’t try to find her either. He had still not thought over what to do and meeting her would just distract him and take away his reasoning so it was better to have his head clear to think over everything once and for all.

He spend the rest of the day, driving around the town. Occasionally going to places he had visited with Ace. He would stop his car to stare at the empty spaces to turn back time to when they were standing there, talking about him. When he had laid out his whole life bare in front of a stranger who had treated him like a caged animal for her amusement at some point.

After banging his head repeatedly at a dead end, he finally decided there was no reason was him to think over such things or future without involving Ace or her feeling about him. He can’t decide anything unless he finds out what she really thought of him, why she kissed him, why she decided to stay honest to his parents about everything?

When the time to pick her up arrived, he decided to just go for a walk today between their streets. He didn’t wanted to be locked in a closed car with her, he might do something spontaneous like decide to know what the inside of her mouth taste like.

He was silently waiting outside her house as he stared at the once again darkened sky. He could smell the coming storm in the air. There were still kids walking around in the street, probably on their way home.

When Ace came out, he halted for few seconds. Her long brown hair were gone now cut in a short wavy bob. They were dyed dark blue from the ends as well. It seemed someone had a busy day. It suited her. Made her eyes pop out.

He was still staring at her when she arrived in front of him. As she watched him examine her, her head titled in such an adorable manner that Daniel without being mindful took a strand of her hair in between his fingers, rubbing it softly. They felt soft between his touch.

He noticed as her ears turned bright red from his actions but she easily smiled which took his breath away.

She slowly took his hand which was still holding her strand away to hold it between her both hands and her presence went silent.

With silent, Daniel meant exactly that. Ace Adams had a very loud, noticeable presence. Though short, she had an air around herself which Daniel had always felt change as her emotions went by. Right now, it seemed she was thinking something carefully. His had felt hot in her very cold hands, he was worried he might be sweating so he wanted to shake away to clean it but he didn’t to dare move.

Her hazel eyes met his blue as she softly whispered, “Let’s end this game, Daniel.”