Even if I want I can’t

Chapter 9

How can he say something like that, does he think that I'm a plaything.

It was wrong of me to think that maybe this guy is special, but the fate has always been too favorable for me that I can never have things my way.

Why can't it a bit easy for me, it's getting harder everyday and still me being the stupidest optimistic person that I'm believed that a guy will be my savior. No one is going to save me from this so called beautiful life that I'm living.

There's a saying that life is nothing but a stage of plays and dramas and I totally agree with that because other than acting like a happy person I've done nothing.

How can I make that guy understand that it's not easy, and it will never be....

Flashback

As soon as I reached the table, he asked me about my last class. I thought it was just a formality to start a conversation. But what confuses me the most is why a guy like him would show interest in me, after all I'm just a simpleton.

"Okay, why did you wanted to have a conversation with me personally?" I asked directly. Obviously I was not going to waste my time in a good looking guy for nothing.

"So you want a honest answer from me or just a satisfactory answer to calm your thoughts?" He said in a calmed but deep voice.

Okay Tyson think wisely what do you want to hear because his satisfactory answer may be misleading but I'm also not ready for a honest heart to heart conversation with an almost stranger. Dear God! What have I got myself into. Okay relax now no more fights between the brain and heart. Take deep breaths then answer.

Some moments later I responded to his question with a small voice, " just say what ever you want to, I've got places to be" why the heck are you behaving like that, he seems to be a nice guy; he won't bite.

Shut the eff up brain! Just because he looks innocent doesn't mean he would actually one.

"Okay that was insulting" he sulked.

Did I just said that out loud. Fuck...

All of a sudden de clicked his finger in front of me. "Come back to earth miss!" He said amusement written in his face.

" Sorry, what was that you were talking about" I asked timidly, embarrassed of me being caught up in my daydreams.

"So listen to me very care fully, I don't mean to joke around with you but I'm here to ask you if you would like to go for a date with me. You got my attention from the moment I stepped inside the college premises. I want to court you." He finished his speech in the simplest way possible.

"What did you just say? How could you say something like that to me who's almost a stranger for you. Or did you think I was walking around with a sign board on me saying I'm horny so please come and I'll be glad to be bended over by someone, then get f****d. Do you think that I'm a s**t? WOW!! I've never seen a guy as disgusting as you in this whole wide world. I noticed hurt flashing through his eyes and that quickly faded away.

Now back to present

I know I overreacted out there, he wasn't even that disrespectful towards me. But getting involved with him or any other guy is just not possible; because I'm not allowed to fall for anybody and that was the deal.

Authors notes

Keep supporting me and please ignore my wrong tenses, and also help me correct them as I'm still a student learning and also because ENGLISH is not my native language. Life's too short and so much more to learn so keep encouraging me to keep myself going.

Keep yourself safe from this corona virus and be happy.