When The Sun Hides

16

Baby

I fought it, I did! Pero kailan nga ba ako nanalo sa kanya? Even before, I never beat him! I'm like a puppy ready to obey what he says.

Sore! I feel so f*****g sore all over when I wake up that morning. I remember what happened at uminit ang pisngi ko ng maalala ko.

Hindi ako tinigilan ni Gustavo at hindi ko na alam kung anong oras na kami natapos. I look at the things inside this room. The sheets are scattered in the bed. The man beside me is still sleeping.

Sino ba naman hindi mapapagod? Todo bigay ang ginawa nito sa akin kahapon! I saw what time is it, it's already 1 pm. Did I over slept? Or talagang umaga na kami natulog?

I can't remember when he stop, basta nakatulog na lamang ako at hindi pa siya tapos that time. Dahil sa pagod ay nakatulog ako kaagad.

Wala akong masabi sa stamina niya pag-dating sa kama, sobrang napagod ako pero kailangan ko paring tumayo at mag linis.

Nasa plano ang lahat ng nangyayari ngayon, Chris is right! This might happened. Ang wala lang sa plano ay ang bumigay ako dito!

Alam ko na ang gagawin ko oras na napunta ako sa sitwasyon na ito! But it's too early, hindi inaasahan na mangyayari agad ito.

Hindi ko napaghandaan ito agad, I don't have anything with me now. At kailangan kong gawin ay ang kunin ang loob niya at makaalis dito.

Itatago ko ang anak ko at hindi na ako magpapakita pa dito, Oo bumigay ako pero hanggang doon na lamang iyon, hindi ko makakalimutan kung ano kami ngayon.

A knock on the door of the bathroom, stop me from deep thoughts. It was him, gising na ito at mukang nagmamadali pa ito dahil sa may kalakasan itong kung kumatok.

" Ano ba hindi pa ako tapos!" Letsugas talaga ang damuho, tumigil naman ito at natahimik na sa labas.

" Why didn't you wake me up?"

" At bakit naman kita gigisingin? Anong paki ko sayo?" He chuckled.

" Really? After last night..." Binuksan ko ang pinto.

" Last night? It was all lust, Gus. Libog!" Biglang nagbago ang hilatsa ng mukha niya.

" Are you sure? " Tinitigan niya ako ng may panghahamon.

" Whatever, Gus!" He chuckled again, pero nagulat ako ng itulak niya ang pinto at agarang pumasok sa loob ng banyo!

I was f*****g naked!

" Gustavo!" I shout when he pulls me against him..

" Kahit anong sabihin mo! Alam kong alam mo na hindi lang iyon tawag ng laman! It was something else! O baka naman gusto mo pa? " Tinulak ko siya, hinayaan naman niya ako kaya pinulupot ko ang bathrobe na nakita ko sa katawan ko.

" Ano bang gusto mong sabihin?" Tinitigan ko ito ng seryoso.

" We make love. Hindi lang iyon sex." He said. He believes that we make love at bakit nakakaramdam ako ng kiliti sa tiyan ko?

" Make love? Bakit mahal mo ba ako?" Oh really? Huli na ng matanto ang nasabi ko. Napakagat ako ng ibabang labi. " Forget it."

Lalagpasan ko na sana siya ng hatakin niya ako pabalik.

" Mahal kita..." Seryoso niyang saad saakin. " Ikaw lang ang minahal ko ng ganito, Ana."

How true is it? Gus? Gusto kong maniwala pero merong pumipigil sa akin. Isang enerhiya sa nakaraan na pilit bumabago ng utak ko.

" Alam mo naman hindi ako maniniwala sayo diba?" Save it Gus. I won't fall for your trap again. I won't burned by your game, instead I'll play it.

" You will. Eventually. You'll be with me again."

How sure are you ? Bakit parang sigurado siyang mangyayari iyon, do I need to fear it? His conviction is killing me.

" I will do everything, hindi ako susuko Ana, hindi ko na iyon gagawin ulit katulad ng ginawa ko noon. " Pumatak ang luha ko, hindi ko iyon inalis, I don't want to be weak but seeing him this vulnerable break me.

Bakit ganun? Sinaktan kanya diba? Why love him still? Bakit siya pa rin? Niloloko ko lang ang sarili kong nakalimutan at wala na lahat dahil simula ng makita ko siya ay lahat bumalik.

Lahat ng sakit at pait ng nakaraan parang kahapon lang! Parang bumalik ako ngayon sa panahong nagising ako ng umagang iyon.

It hurts, knowing you lost everything Important to you, knowing you lost your love... Even yourself.

I realized it that morning 8 years ago! My most painful days.

" I'm over you! Matagal ko ng kinalimutan ang lahat Gus! Pero bakit nagpupumilit kang ibalik ang sakit? " I shouted, I want to tell him all my pain.

" You abandoned me, Gus. You left me, you even want my child to die that time. How could you be so cruel? How could you say all those words to me? Yes! I plan something against you! But that's for us. Para tigilan kana nila. Para hindi ka mawala sa akin! Pero sa huli... "

Hindi ko na kinaya ay umiyak na ako ng tuluyan sa harap niya, I covered my face with my hands.

" Gago ka! Napaka Gago mo! " Hindi ko siya napigilan ng yakapin niya ako. Nanghihina akong napaupo sa sahig.

" I'm sorry, sorry baby, patawarin mo ako. Kung alam mo lang kung ano ang nararamdaman ko noon habang nakikita kita unti-unting lumalayo! Ang hirap mong panoorin habang umaalis ka." Napakagat ako ng labi.

" Pinagsisihan kong nasaktan kita noon, kung alam mo lang kung gaano kita gustong yakapin, ang hirap magpanggap sa harap mo, sa tuwing nakikita kang umiiyak, lagi kong pinipigilan ang sarili ko. I was a coward. Takot akong mawala ka, natakot ako. "

Nakapikit ako habang pinapakinggan siya, umiiyak na din ito habang nakayap saakin, naramdaman ko ding basa ang balikat ko ng luha nito.

" You still did..." In one way or another we still lost each other.

" At pinagsisihan ko iyon. Mahal kita! Naniniwala ako sayo, baby. Ikaw lang ang pinaniniwalaan ko. Ang saya saya ko ng sabihin mong nasa sinapupunan mo ang anak natin. " Malungkot nito hayag.

" Kahit alam mong walang nangyari? " Tanong ko.

" Yes! At first. But when I think of it, when I woke up after that strange day with you, doon alam ko na. "

" Y-You want me to abort him. " Parang sinuntok ang puso ko ng sabihin ko iyon.

" I need to say that to make you leave me. Baby I didn't mean it, I promise. Noon pa man ay ikaw lang ang gusto kong maging ina ng mga anak ko. Everything I said was a lie. I hurt you to leave me. Pero mahal kita, nasaktan ako nasaktan kita pero mahal parin kita. "

Isang kabanatang iyon na binigyan niya ng tuldok sa buhay ko, I feel relieved with our conversation, I feel suddenly light with his confession.

After namin mag usap ay umalis ito akala ko mag-isa na lamang ako sa bahay na iyon pero ng lumabas ako at pumuntang kusina nandoon siya.

He smiled at me, a genuine one.

" I cook us food, come here, Baby." He sweetly said. No more coldness and ruthlessness. Wala na ang domineering aura. It was all new to me.

I stun because of that, hindi ako sanay na ganito niya na akong tratuhin ngayon, ibang iba.

" I cook your favorite, You'll love it more." He said playfully.

It's weird for me to see him like this, umupo siya sa unahan ko he held my hand na nasa mesa.

" I won't cage you here, but give me time to make it up to you, give me days or weeks to show you how much you mean to me. And if the time comes, if you still don't want me... "

Nakatulala ako sa kanya, kita ko ang ngiti sa mata niya, this new version of him is what I like the most, he is looking at me lovingly.

" I'll free you, hindi na ako magpapakita, but please let me watch you and our Son... Even from afar. " He said and smiled. But this time it's fake.

" I don't like your smile! It's fake." He chuckled.

" I Don't want to let you go, but I can't force you if your feelings are totally gone, I'll accept it. "

Huminga ako ng marahas, tumayo ako at kinuha ang pinggan, bigla akong nainis.

Diba sabi niya he'll do everything to make me stay? Bakit parang pinapakawalan na niya ako ngayon?

Damn you Gustavo!!!

" Dinala mo ako dito at sinabi mo na gagawin mo ang lahat to have me back? Ngayon gusto mo na akong pakawalan? I can't believe you. " Sabi ko tapos umalis na at pumunta ng kwarto.

Nakakainis, naiirita ako sa kanya. Paano kung gusto ko parin umalis dito? matapos ang ilang linggong hinihingi niya? Ganun na lang yun?

Gago talaga! Pag-tapos niyang magparaos saakin ganun magiging desisyon niya, paano kung mabuntis niya ako?

" Baby..." Bumukas ang pinto at sa inis ko hinagis ang kutsarang hawak ko.

" Wag moko ma baby, baby dyan. Damuho ka! Pagkatapos mo ako punlaan hayop ka sasabihin mo yan! Fine ngayon pa lang sasabihin ko na sayo aalis parin ako. Hindi mo kami makakasama ng anak ko! Bwisit ka. "

" Baby... "

I stop him.

" At sisiguraduhin kong kung mabuntis ako ulit ay hinding-hindi mo malalapitang damuho ka! "

It was all new to me, the way he talk, treated me. Kung dati hindi siya ganun ka sweet ngayon sobrang sweet niya, gusto ko mang mainis natutuwa pa ako.

Masasabi ko na sa mga araw na nilagi ko dito ay nakita ko ang pagbabago niya, I didn't saw that at first but right now, he is being transparent to me.

He always saying how he loves me na kinatatahimik ko, lalo na kapag inaasikaso niya ako, I thought staying here will be a bad Idea but I'm wrong.

Bumawi nga siya, what I felt before is different at natatakot ako ngayon, staying here could change my mind. He always smiles at me. All the coldness is change with love and passion.

" Baby! Let's eat." One morning, I wake up because of him, katulad ng mga nakaraang araw ay nakangiti na ito saakin.

He's holding the tray of healthy foods, I smiled, hindi ko iyon pinakita sa kanya. I want to test him, how can he handle me with this attitude of mine.

And to my surprise he doesn't even bothered, minsan naiinis siya pero mas madalas na ako ang naiinis sa kanya. Umupo ako ng maayos. Hindi ako umimik.

At ng maalala na kakagising at hindi pa ako naghihilamos ay bigla akong nahiya kaya agad akong napatakbo papuntang banyo.

" Hey! What's wrong baby?" Isa pa iyan sa problema ko! He always called me that, ayokong masanay na naman sa kanya pero wala akong magagawa.

Hindi ako makakawala ng ganun kadali sa kanya, I really thought he would let me go after two weeks pero hindi iyon ang nangyari.

" I thought, you want my decision?" Tested him, sa mga nagdaang araw at linggo ay tuluyan na ngang nabuwag ang pader na binubuo ko sa sarili ko.

" I changed my mind." What? I chuckled, I realized that he wasn't really planning on letting me go.

" What's with the change of mind?" Lumapit siya sa akin, he hold me close at bigla niya ako niyakap.

" I can't let you and our son go, just like that, without giving me the chance, baby. Please, what do you want me to do huh? " He pleaded, I wonder if he really does what I want?

" Are you really sure about us? Ayoko na maulit ang noon, dahil lang sa kaduwagan mo, Gus. "

I know the fact that people sometimes can't face fear, they run away from it, but still. left broken and shattered.

I'm a bit harsh, but it's true, I don't want to be that kind of girl again. I don't want him unsure and being irresponsible is a problem.

" I won't do it again. I learned my lesson, I don't want to be in hell again. Without you is hell baby. "

Huminga ako ng malalim, maraming pumapasok sa isip ko, hindi nawala ang agam agam at ng maramdaman niya iyon ay hinarap niya ako.

" I won't let you down this time, I learned so many things when you left me, I never want you leave me again hindi na ako papayag pa lalo na at may anak na tayo..." He stop and touch my belly. Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay. " And I'm expecting another one 9 Months from now."

I chuckled, he just touching my belly at nakangisi ito saakin.

" Hindi ako buntis okay!" I said.

" You will." Pinalo ko siya sa barso na kinangiti niya.

" Anong ngiti-ngiti mo?" He hug me, pumulupot ang kamay niya sa bewang ko.

" Sinasaktan mo na ako ngayon." He said, umakto pa ito na nasasaktan napaka arte, kundi ba naman siraulo.

" nag-bago na ba agad isip mo?" I said teasing him.

" Na-uh, Hindi na kita papakawalan, baby."

" Hindi natin alam!" Makahulugang ani ko.

" Isa lang ang alam ko baby." I look at him, inaayos ko ang medyo magulong buhok niya. " Iyon ay. Akin ka, at hindi na kita ibabalik pa."

Napangiti ako, tuluyan na nga akong bumigay, I think I should take risk, naiisip ko ang anak ko, I know, isa lang naman ang kahahantungan ng desisyon kong ito.

Magiging masaya ba kami o iiyak na naman ako sa huli, at masakit pa noon ay madadamay ang anak ko...

Anak namin.

" Kailan tayo babalik? I miss Miggy!" I said.

" I promise him, will go home after 3 weeks with his sister in your womb!" Napaawang ang bibig ko sa sinabi niya, did he really say that to my Son?

" Siraulo ka, kung ano ano sinasabi mo sa anak ko!"

" Anak natin, okay. At isa pa ay iyon naman talaga ang totoo."

" Hindi pa nga ako buntis!" Inis kong turan dito. He just chuckled at that.

It was like a dream to me and I didn't want to wake up. This fleeting moment is like an illusion. My other mind tells me that I'm being delusional, but I can't stop myself.

How can you resist the things that make you happy? The reason why you still want to breathe? I realized that my life since that day has died! The only reason I keep going is my Son. I choose to live again because of him.

And now that I'm with his father? I choose again to risk, it's a change of mind that's so very dangerous, but still. How would you know if you didn't try?

I wash the dishes and do the laundry, ayaw niya nga pero makulit ako, minsan na namin iyong pinag awayan at kapag gagawin ko iyon ay lagi siyang nandyan at tinulungan ako, not like it's hard to do.

Automatic naman ang laundry, so it's easy. I told him I can do it but he insisted on helping me. He's so irritating sometimes.

At sa paghugas ay hindi niya pinalampas, naghuhugas din sya, aside from cooking and financing us. Siya din ang nag lilinis ng buong bahay niya.

May helper naman siya but he said he needs to practice that, and I wonder why? I ask him that.

" To prepare myself as a husband to you." Napanganga pa ako noon ng sabihin niya iyon.

Sumagi na din iyon sa isip ko, staying here was like acting as husband and wife, and knowing he also thinks that makes me smile.

Days and days, I never thought na bibigay na nga ako, I'm so marupok. We'll I love him, if you really love a person. Hindi mo talaga maiiwasan ang maging malambot for that person.

And just like that, we have to go back, I need to go back. Pero bago ko pa siya kausapin tungkol doon ay nagising ako isang umaga na may kausap siya sa kanyang telepono.

" I will do what I want, Joyce. Leave out of it." So, he still has contact with Joyce.

I remained in the bed at pinapakinggan lang siya, we, sleep in the same bed but nothing happened.

" I talk to Grandma, yeah! I love her, I do it right this time." Tila lumundag ang puso ko dahil doon.

" Just stay out of it, I can handle her. "

Tumayo ito at narinig ko na lang ang pagbukas sara ng pinto. What are they talking about? Do they know that I'm with him?

Nilukob ng takot ang puso ko, parang nagising ako sa isang magandang panaginip, his Grandmother controlled him before at hindi imposible na gawin nito ulit iyon.

In any means just to take me away from him, I remember the way she looked at me the last time I saw her, she doesn't like me. She still does.

Lumabas ako, nakita ko siya sa kusina, nagluluto. He's very focus. Napansin kong marami siyang niluluto.

" Hey." Agaw pansin ko dito. He smiled when he see me.

I walk towards him.

" What's the occasion?" I ask. He licks his lips and look at me.

" My family will be here." Tumingin ito, tinitimbang ang reaksyon ko.

Sinalubong ko ang mapanuring tingin niya, I smile at him, I understand. We have to face it. Now this is the reality.

" Let me help you."

Lumapit ako pero nakatitig lang siya sa akin, he is been examining me. Waiting me to say something.

" Are you okay with that?"

Huminga ako ng malalim at hinarap siya, afraid something to change suddenly.

" They're your family, Gus. They might miss you. Ilang linggo na hindi ka nakikita. They miss you, I guess."

Ngumuso ito at pumunta sa likod ko.

" I'll let them here because I want them to know that I want to marry you." Kumabog ang puso ko.

" Alam naman natin ang sagot dyan Gus." Really, all in my head wasn't his parents but his Grandmother.

" Grandma will be here, Whatever happened stay okay?" Napa yuko ako.

" I won't promise." Minsan ng nabili ang pangako, it's better not to promise anything.

" I love you, wala na silang magagawa pa doon. "

Hapon ng dumating ang mga magulang nito, Mrs. Del Fabbro kiss me on the cheek while his husband nod at me.

Sinalubong din ako ng tingin ng isang ginang, sobrang tensyon ang nasa mga mata nito, she doesn't like what's happening.

" Gustavo! What is the meaning of this? Do you really take this girl na inanakan ng kapatid mo?"

Umiwas ako ng tingin hindi dahil sa guilty or totoo, it's all my lies, they believe it.

" I'm the father." Gustavo said.

His grandma arches an eyebrow. Lumapit ang mama ng binata dito at may ibinulong.

" I can't take this! Hindi ka nababagay sa babaeng iyan! At paano mo nasabing anak mo iyon kung ikaw mismo ang tumangi noon?"

Tila biniyak ang puso ko doon. Gustavo reach me. Hinawakan nito ang kamay kong nanlalamig na ngayon.

" I'll marry her, she's pregnant."

Nanlaki ang mata ko sa sinabi nito, I'm not at talagang kumpiyansa ito na buntis ako!

" What the hell? Are you out of your mind? Hinintay ka ni Joyce! Naghintay ang pamilya niya sayo. Tapos ganito?"

Her mad eyes look at me, tila ako ang sinisisi, it's not my fault, wala naman akong kasalanan kung hindi niya kami gusto noon hanggang ngayon.

Tumingin ako kay gustavo, he remains holding me. Nakatitig lang din ito sa akin.

" I'm done being your puppet lola! I already told you and them, nothing but the truth! Simulat sapul. I'm waiting this girl! Hinintay ko siya ng matagal at ng makuha ko na ay gumawa naman kayo ng paraan para mawala sa akin, I beg you but you never listen! Grandma, you know how I love her. You only not ruin her but also the relationship I have with her! But also me and we! Lola! You ruin my relationship with you! Iniwan ako ng babaeng mahal ko! I should blame you, but I love you! "

He said while crying. Hindi ko na rin mapigilan ang maiyak. I bit my lips.

I squeeze his hand, calming him.

" You're the one to support me la! Pero anong ginawa mo? You only ruin me! I had to wait again for f*****g eight years to have her and now are you going to do that against me again? " He said, more mockingly. Telling he'll be a villain once the old woman do her mover again.

" I only do that for you hijo! You don't understand, she will just ruin you! Mahirap lamang iyan at maaring pera mo lang ang habol niya hijo. I'm doing this for you."

I can't accept her accusations but I remain quite. It's between him and her and ayokong magsalita, hindi naman iyon totoo.

" You're doing this for yourself. I don't f*****g care if she wants my money! She can spend it all, I don't care! Wala akong pakialam. I'm saving my relationship with her so don't keep on ruining us. If we fail, it's our choice!"