Complaisant personalities

Autumn leaves fall on silent hearts

She never thought she could say it out loud. These past few momths she had failed desperately to admit the truth that her heart had already settled on. This was not an easy decision, and her silence could have further compromised the love she felt. Being raised in a religious family, one is often led to belive that the line dividing right from wron is thick and clear, but as you grow outside of that shielded environment you rwalise that it's not that easy, we're just merely casting lines in darkness, hoping to get some type of response. She had thought about it, thought it over a million times- maybe her relationships have never worked out because she wasn't true to herslef. She always felt a part of her being supressed and let down,,, so she couldnt enjoy the bitter sweet moments birthed by romance. She felt,,, crippled and imprisoned in a relationship- she thought it had to do with her parents' s messed up relationship,,, and maybe in part that waa also a contributor. So she visited with a therapist who has been really helpfull in her journey of self- discovery. With the months she's been seeing Dr Laban, nothing felt superflous or futile. Her existence had taken meaning again.

Jody was raised in the most secluded part of Selom, her father was a priest and her mother was a dutiful wife who seldom complained. She never raised her voice, not even when she was seething with anger- Jody noticed that her father would take advantage of that- he would sometimes get home late and not say anything, simply pass them in the living room and go straight to bed. Marge knew that her husband was an adulterer but she kept it to herself. She knew he had a weakness for those church ladies who apparently showered him with the affection she was failing to administer as a wife,,, so she fell prey to a cheating husband. Jody was an only daughter, homeschooled until she was seventeen by her mother- her father wasnt exaclty an exemplary father, all he cared about was 'the fospel' which he defiled with dishonor and constant disrespect to his vows. He wasn't all bad, he provided for his family, paid the mortgage and kept the church happy- and some maybe too happy. When he was home, he was mostly morose and faked a smile now and again at Jody. He never showed any affectioyn to his wife. And most times he would spend at the church or locked up in his study. It affected Marge when he was silent. At some point she lost a lot of weight due to stress and insomnia, she had gone to the doctor and the doctor had told her to take it easy- but Marge being Marge took it hard, she cleaned more, organised and re-organised, went up and down the house,,, Jody saw how her mom was losing it, she developed fears that drove her further insane,,, eventualy she was diagnosed with severe depression. When Jody turned seventeen, her mother passed. During those last days, she had developed agoraphobia- trains frightened her the most. When Jody was visiting her friend and John was at the church workshop in Terra, she had hung herself in the barn. When Jody found her after calling out for her, her face had paled,,, the entire scene was sickening, finding her mothee hanging where the animals slept revealed the terrible state she was in. Jody didn't cry,,, in a way she had seen it coming. Her mother had stopped paying attention to her- it's like she was living in her own world fabricated out of her internal fears and existential crisis. Jody had never felt the absence of her father because her mother had always been there,,, so seeing her like that, losing control, pained Jody to the core. But that was seven years ago, after her mother's sombre burial, she left for Montreal, never spoke a word to her father,,, maybe if he had shown a little remorse, took a little responsibility for her wife's passing, Jody would have shpwn a little mercy towards her father, but its like he couldn't care less, wasnt affected as a husband should- as a man whose wife had chosen him over her family, who had given him 32 years of her life. And he couldn't even shed a tear for that.

Seven years later, Jody rerurns home to tell her father that she is getting married to Sophia- her rock, the only person who was strong and patient enough to Wait for Jody's love. She had been the one who persuaded Jody to make amends with her father, so they had come. Not because she wanted to, but out of her respect and devotion to Sophia. She hesitantly stepped out of her truck, tipped her cowboy hat in her face and walked over to the wooden door and knocked, he opened the door,,, still looking sharp as always, probably came back from church. " Father" she said with a strained smile, "Jody" he said with shame written in the aging lines on his face. He motioned for her to come in, nothing had changed much in the house. " how have you been" she asked not as to seem rude, " I have had better days" he couldn't take his eyes off of him. Part of him never thought she'd come back, and yet he hoped. "i am getting married, and I just came to invite you if you do,,,, not,,,have any plans. Her name is Sophia and she is the reason why I am here,,, I never thought I could forgive you, let alone set foot here again, but she has made all that easy." she waited for the Priest to condem Her, would have been better realy, then she could have more reason not to set foot here. " I know you hate me for what I did to your mother, I cant even begin to apologise for my failures or how much I have hurt you,,, but I have learned im the hardest and painful way how to be right or try. I was weak and I made you and your mother suffer for it. Ever since you left I have been broken, realising the upsetting consequences of my actions. I betrayed my family and God, but I have made amends for my sins to the Father,,, I only ask for your forgiveness and if you would have me." this was not the same man who had been there when she was growing up. All she eved wanted was to hear him apologise. Things were not going to be the same, but it was a start.