A taste to remember

Chapter Eleven

Ahmad's pov

I have no words to describe my life right now; it feels like everything is falling apart. Since I returned to school yesterday, I've felt more lonely than ever before. I have a mountain of notes to complete and tests to catch up on. As I was emptying my bag, a paper fell out - the one Small Mommy gave me with Dad's number on it. Seeing this paper brought back memories of what happened a few days ago.

After my sister's operation, we were told that the cancer was gone. It was the happiest moment of our lives; it felt like a weight had been lifted off. That night, we went out to celebrate, thanking God once again.

One week later, Small Mommy was helping me pack so I could resume school the next day,she almost fell down, saying she was feeling dizzy. She had been complaining about it and a severe headache. I took her to the hospital, and when we went for a checkup, I asked if there was any way they could change the drugs since they were too strong for her. That was when we received the bombshell: the cancer was back, and it had spread to her kidneys and lungs. All that was required was another surgery, which had to be done in India.

In that moment, I was lost. How could this be? The cancer was gone, and one week later, it's back. Were they playing with us? Did they see it clearly the first time?

On our way back home, I told Small Mommy that I had decided to postpone my resumption and prepare to go to India with her. Throughout the drive, she was quiet, didn't say a word. When we got home, she called me to her room and handed me the paper.

"I want you to call Baba, talk to him. It's been long. I've heard they're back now. I want you to go and see him. In case something happens to me, I need you to promise me you'll call him. Please promise me that," she said, her eyes pleading with me.

I got confused because she had stopped mentioning him since she saw I had no interest in it.

"I don't get you. What do you mean by when something happens to you?" I asked. "The doctor said all we need is one last surgery and you'll be done with it. Where's the positive vibe? Where's the hope? And why are you mentioning Baba's name?"

She showed me a spot next to her bed to sit and kept my hands between her palms, massaging them as she spoke. "I know we didn't see everything that happened back then between Mom and Dad. You saw everything. I just want you to forgive him; he's still our father."

She paused and continued, "About the surgery, I'm tired. I'm tired of everything - the surgery, the hospital, the doctors. I'm just so tired. I'm tired of giving in so much hope and not having good results. I'm taking your time while you're supposed to be in school. Ahmed, you have no idea how exhausted and weak I am. I'm just so tired."

She paused, lifting her head, and tears rolled down her face. She finally revealed the pain she had tried so hard to hide. It was all over her face - the fear, the weakness, the pain. Seeing her broken broke me even more, I couldn't bear.

She continued, "Because of you, I will keep going for chemotherapy and take care of my drugs, but no more surgery. And you will resume school this week. What will happen will surely happen, and we can't stop it."

It was an emotional moment for us; we cried and hugged. It was as if she was saying goodbye. But I knew that as long as she was alive, there is still hope.

A knock on my door brought me back to reality. It was Farah; she brought food and invited me over to watch a movie. I didn't waste much time, took a bath, changed my clothes, and went straight to my friendly neighbor's place next door. When I got there, it was obvious they were trying to lighten my mood because they all knew about the recent situation.

There I was, watching a new movie we had been wanting to watch together for a long time, but my mind wasn't there. For the whole two hours and thirty minutes, my mind was elsewhere. After watching the movie, Zaid proposed we play a game before I left, even though playing games is my number one hobby, I had no interest. I just wanted to go back to my flat, rest, and sleep.

When I got back, I prepared myself and lay down. As usual, I wasn't sleepy; the pack of sleeping pills was empty. I needed to sleep. I checked my phone, and it was just 10:20 p.m. I took my jacket and keys and headed out. After driving around for some minutes, I finally found a pharmacy. As I stepped in, I found a man watching a movie on his phone.

"I want a strong sleeping pill just like this one" I said, keeping the empty bottle in front of him.

He took it and read the label. After looking around, he turned back to me. "We don't have this one, but I have a similar drug," he said, placing a sachet of pills on the table. "This one is also strong, just a different brand. It's 2,500."

He kept looking at my face as if searching for something. As I was bringing out my wallet, he asked, "Difficult to sleep, school stress, right? It's not easy, my brother. I tell you that. If one says he must go to school, he must pass through this."

He brought out another sachet of a different drug. "This will do the trick. I call it the miracle pill because it does nothing but miracles, my brother. Clears all stress and worries. Mix it with this, maybe even come back. You will feel as if you are the only one in this world. You feel like...that's peace." He spoke scanning my face, "Just looking at you, I know you need this. I tried it too, but it was quite expensive."

"How much?" I asked.

"It's 6,500 per card, but since this is your first time, bring 5,000," he answered.

"No, I'm good," I said after paying for my drug I was about to go when he cut two pills from it and gave them to me. "You can take this, don't worry, it's on me. I know you will come back for it."

I collected the pills and left. When I got home, I took the sleeping pills and slept off.

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I came back from class, stressed and tired. The most annoying part was in that 6 hours lectures; I understood nothing. I wasn't able to eat breakfast because the class started at 7am. The first thing I did after taking my hot bath was to cook a whole pack of spaghetti, which I devoured within some minutes. When I was done, I tried to get some rest, but it wasn't working. I tired to sleep but it didn't work either. I kept staring at the drug the pharmacist gave me two days ago which was laying on the bedside cabinet. I felt like taking the drug allowing it to work its magic. A voice in my head kept telling me not too. I thought of it for a second, what's the worst that can happen? It was prescribed by a pharmacist anyways, so a single pill won't hurt.

I took the pill. The first 5 minutes, I didn't feel any difference. 10 minutes after, I started feeling awkward. I felt like I was floating in the sky. I felt so calm and at ease. I felt like a small bird flying in the sky, so tiny with a light feather. It was weird, but I loved it. For the first time in my life, I felt different. I didn't want to move; that's how I stayed for hours and later fell asleep.

The next morning, I was a brand new man, full of life, so active and focused in class. I liked the new me. I loved the new me. I couldn't wait for my class to be over so I could go get more of the miracle pill; it sure worked a miracle in me. I didn't care how much it would cost; I was willing to spend any amount on it.

Immediately I was done with my four to six class, I withdrew some money and went straight to the pharmacy. This time around, I saw a lady instead of the guy I met before. I asked for the miracle pill, but she acted as if she had never heard of it.

"Miracle pill? I bought it here last time, 3 days ago. It relieves people from stress and anxiety," I tried to explain.

She watched me, then responded annoyingly, "Look, sir, we don't have a miracle pill. If you need any pill for stress and headache, you can take paracetamol or Panadol. That's what we have here."

I turned to leave, then remembered, "How about the guy I saw here that night? He was tall, thin, dark in complexion, and had a little beard."

"Justice?" she asked.

"Yes, him, I think," I replied, unsure but feeling she understood who I meant.

"Oh, he's on night shift and will be here around 9," she said. I looked at my watch; it was just 6:30. I went to my car and drove home.

I've noticed that the more you wait for something, the longer it takes. After praying Maghrib, I stayed in the mosque to while away time. Immediately I was done praying Isha, I went back to the pharmacy, patiently watching for a sign of him. After an hour, I spotted him coming out of tricycle and heading to the pharmacy. I went out of the car and followed him . When he noticed me, his mouth opened, and he shook his head, signaling me to wait until his colleague was out.

"I knew you'd be back," he said, getting the pill out of his bag. "I need two sachets," I demanded and narrated what happened earlier.

"Oh no, my brother, they don't sell this pill here. In fact, they don't sell it anywhere in this town. If you need it, don't go to anyone; look for me," he said. I handed him the cash, and he handed me the pill.

Since I was introduced to the miracle pill, I can see my life has changed drastically. The depression is gone; I don't feel sad, tired, or worried. I'm always calm and strong; I feel on top of the world. I feel so calm that I don't go to class because, mostly, when I take the drug, I don't feel like doing anything. Sometimes I lie to my friends that I went home for the weekend and stay indoors throughout. The truth is, I lock myself at home for a whole weekend without getting out. I mostly prefer to be alone with my pills than being around my friends. Sometimes, when I'm out, I feel so focused that I don't get what's going on around me.

Like the day I went to visit Munnira, she was so worked up about something that she kept complaining and complaining. I was so focused that I didn't get a single word she said; all I could respond was with a nod. She got so angry that she didn't speak to me the next day. I didn't care; I was more in the "I don't care" mood.

I woke up to a beautiful morning, just like every morning nowadays. I was getting ready to take my bath, singing and dancing around with the towel around my waist, my mouth filled with a brush and toothpaste, when I had a knock on my door. It was Zaid; he came for his gamepad. I left him searching around while I took my bath. When I was done, he was gone, so I assumed he saw it and left.

I was ready for my miracle weekend after lying that I was going home later. I went to take my pills, but I couldn't find them. I looked around but couldn't find them. I turned the house upside down, but they were nowhere to be found. Then I sat down to think, trying to calm myself down. Did I drop them outside? I don't go out with them. Did I leave them in class? Where could I have kept them? I kept asking myself.

Suddenly, I remembered that Zaid was here; did Zaid take the pills? How can he take something he doesn't know about? And then I decided to ask him. When I got to their flat Farah was the first person I saw; then I spotted him sitting on the sofa.

"Hey, ummm, by any chance, did you see my sleeping pill while you were searching around?" I asked after I got in.

"Sleeping pill?" he repeated, looking at me with a smile, then turning to the TV. "Yeah, I have been searching for it all around; couldn't find it."

I got so uneasy; I felt as if something was pinching me from under my skin. I felt on edge, and I felt like screaming. I needed it real bad.

He turned off his TV and turned to me. "A week ago, I started hearing disturbing rumors about you visiting a pharmacy to see this Justice guy, and I've heard he doesn't have a good reputation. I ignored all that, but then I noticed changes in you that I couldn't ignore. You've been missing classes, even tests, and constantly going for weekends - or should I say, lying that you're going home for weekends, but instead, you lock yourself in your room the whole weekend. Yes, I know that because sometimes I hear your voice when I'm passing by, and I've been vigilant. That day we met on the road on your way to see Munira, you were talking in a way that I couldn't understand."

I was speechless, unsure of what to say. At that moment, getting the drug was my biggest concern. "We will talk about it later; give me the sleeping pill," I demanded again.

Zaid and Farah kept staring at me, shock and frustration written all over their faces. I ignored them, went out. I called Justice and he sent me his address. When we met, he told me the price had increased from 6,500 to 10,000. I had no other option but to use my phone as collateral before bringing the rest of the money.

When I got back home, it was as if they were all waiting for me. Zaid was searching my house, looking angry and furious. Farah was sitting on the edge of the chair, her eyes red and puffy as if she had cried. The moment they saw me, Zaid stopped what he was doing.

"I'm highly disappointed in you, Ahmed. What are you doing to yourself? This isn't helping; it's just making things worse. Have you thought of us? Have you thought of your sister, who is in a very critical state? How will she feel when she finds out about this? She is going through so much as it is, is this how you'll help her, by adding more load to her table? Ahmed, why are you doing this?" Zaid spoke angrily, his voice filled with pain.

Farah shook her head, trying to speak, but changed her mind. She left and Zaid followed. At that moment, I didn't care how disappointed they were. They just couldn't understand me. This is all I need. The pressure and stress will go away, the I will stop. They just have to be patient. I laid down, took my pills, and continued from where I stopped.