Paris Blues

Years

1943

Another year came and went and still, the war continued at that time I honestly believed that it would continue forever, it had been a year since I lost Henry but still, I grieved for him however I couldn't turn away from Hans no matter how many times Marie warned me, reminding me of the monster of the man he wasn't I chose to focus on is gentle side, I didn't think about his wife or children I just wanted him to myself. He would often go back to Germany to visit his family those nights I would cry myself to sleep yearning for him and he would come back and make me forget that he broke my heart. I was an i***t when it came to Hans.

"Pierre stop running before you hurt yourself". I said chastising my friend's son. The boy had turned a year old and was walking already so he did everything at full speed.

"He doesn't listen just like his father". Marie joked and I rolled my eyes bending down to pick the toddler but my large belly made the simplest task difficult. I groaned as I picked him up feeling a little pressure on my lower back.

"Be careful". Hans warned as he walked into the apartment. I smiled at him.

"Hans". I greeted him as I walked to him giving him a kiss on his throat, I heard Marie groaning in annoyance behind me, she was not a fan of him but that didn't kill my great mood.

"Are you hungry". I said looking at him affectionately, he cleared his throat running a hand through his hair. I furrowed my brows at his actions.

"Marie could you give us some time alone please?". He said and Marie got up and took her son from me.

"Call me". She said looking at me, she gave Hans a look of disgust before walking out of my apartment.

"What's wrong? ". I asked desperately.

"How's the baby?". He asked dodging my question.

"The baby is fine Hans, I'm fine now answer my question". I said sternly, I watched as he rubbed his temples in distress letting out a deep breath.

"My superior General Hertz found about you, about us and about the baby". He said and I gasped loudly from the look in his eyes I knew it was not good. I heard stories of what Nazis did to biracial children, children like the one I was carrying. I covered my belly as if protecting my unborn child.

"What is he going to do?". I asked as my breathing increased.

"I don't know but he wants to meet you. He's coming over". He said pinching the bridge of his nose, a chill ran down my spine.

"What if he wants to put me and our baby in a concentration camp". I cried, he didn't answer.

"Hans answer my question!". I screamed in frustration as tears rolled down my cheeks.

"Don't yell at me, woman". He said sternly.

"You can't even protect your own child Hans what kind of man are you". I cried and he grabbed me bringing me closer to him.

"I never wanted this child, you're the one who begged me to get you pregnant". He spat and I gasped in disbelief. After Marie gave birth to Pierre, I felt empty so I begged Hans to give me a baby. He initially refused but after months of begging and suggesting that I could find another man to do it he relented. We stopped using rubbers and I was pregnant in a few months.

"You don't want our baby, oh excuse me it's my baby. I don't need you like I said, in the beginning, I can look after my baby by myself, you were just a sperm donor anyway". I said trying to fight off his grip, I could see the hurt in his eyes from my words.

"I love my child no less than I love my other children". He said before he sighed, I could tell that he was stressed.

"I didn't mean what I said, I'll always protect you and our child". He said as he pulled me in for a hug.

"I'll figure this out I promise". He whispered before he kissed my forehead.

"He's coming soon, we need to clean up". He said pulling away.

I tried to stop my hands from shaking as I picked up the tray from the kitchen walking into the living room. I put the tray on the table feeling the burning stare that Herr Hertz was giving me. I poured the tea into their cups giving them sugar to help themselves.

"Do you need anything else, sir?". I asked the man who was obviously offended by the sight of me.

"No". He said dismissively.

"I'll bring the cupcakes". I said walking back into the kitchen, I was fuming but I was determined to play my part. I could hear them whispering in German but I couldn't understand a single word they were saying. I brought the cupcakes to them before walking back into the kitchen to give them privacy. I stood there trying to understand what they were saying hoping they would switch to English but they remained speaking German. But I caught one word that me freeze in my spot. Rhineland bastard. I knew what that meant, children of mixed race were referred to as Rhineland bastard in Germany during those days. During the first World War, black soldiers were deployed in Germany where they had affairs with German women resulting in mixed-race children this happened mostly in the Rhineland hence the term Rhineland bastard. But what gave me chills was not the word but his tone, it didn't matter what language he was speaking I could hear the venom in his voice, my baby kicked as he or she could sense my fear. I was wrapped up in my own thoughts I didn't realize that they were done until Hans called me. I walked into the living area.

"I enjoyed your cupcakes and tea, I thank you for your hospitality". His words were kind but his eyes told another story.

"Thank you, sir". I said.

"I'm going to walk you out". Hans said and they walked out as I picked up the dishes walking into the kitchen. I felt the anger course through my body as I opened the tap, mixing the water to wash the dishes. I felt a pair of arms wrapped around my waist and he placed a kiss on my shoulder.

"He said that my personal life is none of his business but I should not make our affair conspicuous, it would damage my reputation". He said and I violently threw the dish into the sink as I washed them.

"I don't know what you want from me I just told that we are safe". I said when he caught my mood.

"He called our baby a Rhineland bastard!". I shouted turning around to look at him.

"I told you before don't raise your voice whilst speaking to me. I'm a man and you're a woman so you should know your place". He said sternly shutting me up.

"Now I can see why you would be upset but it seemed your failure in understanding the German language as caused you unnecessary distress, he was not referring to our baby". He said.

"Who was he talking about?". I asked.

"He was referring to work stuff which is none of your business". He said.

"Speaking of work I will need to be gone for a week, I promise it will be back in time to paint the baby's nursery". He said and I furrowed my brows.

"Why didn't you tell me this earlier?". I said angrily.

"I was only informed by Hertz before he left". He said before he walked out of the kitchen.

"I cannot go through this pregnancy alone Hans". I cried walking after him. He turned around to face me.

"Oh really?, I thought you said you didn't need me, that I was just a sperm donor". He said and I smacked him. He froze pinching the bridge of his nose.

"You need to stop hitting me". He said and I smacked him again.

"I've never put my hands on you, could you please do the same". He said and I smacked him again. I continued attacking him as my body shook with sobs. I was angry, angry about the war, angry about losing the love of my life, angry about Nikolaus dying, angry that I was nothing more than a mistress to Hans, that my baby would never have a stable family because I knew once the war ended Hans would go back to his wife and children and I would be nothing more than a forgotten memory. He grabbed me and I could feel the anger course through his body.

"Stop it, stop it okay!". He shouted as he shook me violently, the look in his eyes reminded me of when he killed Nikolaus. He was fuming, I broke down in tears and he caught me.

"Please don't leave me". I cried and he held me gently in his arms.

"I will never leave, I promise". He said kissing my forehead as I held on to him as if my life depended on it.