Chasing Nights

Chasing Nights

The afternoon light folded into thin sheets of winter chills.  I was lying comfortably on the bed, and mesmerizing her.  My legs were spread on the sheets, while my head was slightly inclined, enough to catch a glimpse of her face.  She was wearing a velvet top and nothing else at her bottoms.  Our clothes were scattered on the floor, and the room was filled with orange and yellow light that made my head lighter as it is.

What am I thinking? Why did I let things go this far?  I clutched my hands, and burrowed my head on the bed trying to keep my head from bouncing off my grid.  "Melissa, are we really doing this?"

She turned her head towards me, then closed the curtains, and hopped on the bed afterwards.  Her legs were placed in between my torso, and she was bending over matching my eyes. 

"I thought you said you missed me?" She asked, tracing my jawline with her finger.

"Yes, but I never thought…"

"Shush, save the thoughts for later," she giggles, then started to unclip her top.  My breath deepened as I laid my eyes on her now naked body.  And before knowing it, I was already biting and licking my lips.

I roamed my eyes for some time, lifted both of my hands, and slowly grabbed her waist as her lips moved closer to mine.  Her hips touched the lower part of my abs and slowly dragged its way down to my lows.  She freed her hands to me and closed the gap between us.  Both of us started moaning as our lips grazed each other.  We went rough and hard against each other's lips, sucking and biting one another's, setting a motion of burning sensation that I haven't felt for a long time.

"f**k," I called and she smirked.  My body etched when her bottoms rubbed against mine.  As if she was teasing me, going up and down repeatedly, yet no insertion.

Her kisses turned into smacks and moved away from my lips, slowly making it's down to my neck.  Her smacks turned into smudge tracing my chest line using her lips down to my bulge waiting to be played with.

I don't think this is right, but before I even thought about stopping; the play was already set in motion.  Her hand seized me, feeling me down, rubbing, and stroking me while her eyes called mine.

When she placed me inside her mouth I felt the moisture of her insides, and her tongue doing all the work.  She was looking at me the whole time while sucking me in and out.

Her hair was a mess, and fell to cover her eyes.  When she tried to catch her breath, I grabbed her hair and dragged her deeper than she initially had been doing me.  She gagged, and when her cheeks turned red, I lifted her up and got a throaty growl from her response.

"Where're you going?" I asked

"You want it, right?"

She nodded and drool on the sheets.  I grabbed her neck and tossed her afterwards at my previous spot, and we changed position.

"You gonna get it." With a roguish smile I c****d myself to match her.  I stroke my pen to her like a brush, as if I was painting on an empty canvas.  When I finally got inside her, she played music to my ears that I haven't heard before.

Her moans circled the room.  We were acting like magnets, pulling and pushing each other, and like a wave on the stormy sail dancing in each other's tune.

She is all I can feel at that time.  And it felt like we were living the moment.  The time stopped, and my heart kept pounding as I did the same to her.  Our waist locked to one another, feeling nothing but the sensation of lust drenched in us and in that way keeping us intact.

When she finally got a little space up her boot, she grabbed me, pulling me towards her and next thing I know, we were facing each other.  I was on her top when I saw her face like it was the first time.

We were in this similar position back then.  I remembered the time when we were still together and lived closer to one another.  Before I messed everything up, and broke us apart.  The moment we both had our first, and how magical it felt.  "Are you ready?" I asked, and her innocent eyes peeked.

"I don't actually know… Ed, do you love me?" She replied, taking her eyes off of me and breaking our eye contact.

"I don't think I'm ready," she continued.

"Ok, then we don't have to do it," I replied, lifting myself off her and reached my clothes that were scattered on the floor.

"No… no," her voice cracked, and pulled me back on top.  "Just… promise me, promise me you'll never leave me," she stuttered and her eyes glowed with innocence.

"Of course, I love you," I replied to her and right afterwards I gave her a kiss.  Kiss that lasted for a mere second, but for me, it was an eternity.

After then, our relationship became shaky as time went by.  I think all couples face this stage, where partners fall out of love, and begin to feel trapped.  I never should have left her, and kept fighting with her even though things became rough.

That time when I moved into Ontario with my family, and as a result we got separated.  Long distance relationships are something I wasn't ready to do, and the fact that I never gave a chance to try and do it was my problem.

I got scared that we might just end up enslaving each other, and not be able to discover new things because of our relationship.

And I was selfish that I made that decision purely for myself, and not considering her situation.

I was a complete fool, and even today…

Nothing changed since that day, nothing changed… 

Her eyes jerked, and her cheeks were bloated red.  My eyes fixed back to her and tried to recollect my thoughts.

Therefore, I touched her carelessly that made her body shiver, etched, and in return she wanted more.  While roughing her up, I sucked on her n*****s and circled my tongue around that spot that made her moan even more.

When I finally felt a stiff on my body, and feet cramped, I knew that I was nearing my end.

"f**k, I'm about to cum." I initiated, and she iclined her head.

I lifted myself out of her, and jerked.  The hot white substance sprayed all over her body, and some even got to her face.  The night seemed over, and the warmth of each other's body had somewhat simmered.

"Ed?" Melissa called my attention as I held a stick of cigar in between my fingers, and had my eyes beyond the window. 

I turned to her after I flickered my lighter and burned the end of the tabaco.  Took a single hit on the bud, and saw her wrapped around the silver-silked blankets the hotel had for us.

"Yes?" Clearing my throat and continuing smoking.  "Are you happy?" She asked.

I turned around to face her, and this time she was as beautiful as ever.  It seemed like it was yesterday that I last saw her, and we never broke up.  It almost felt like I was living my biggest dream all over again, and that is to be with her.

I flicked the stick and replied, "Probably," closed the window, then shrugged.

"I'm sorry Melissa," and saw a tear grazed on her cheek as those words came out of my mouth.

"I've been waiting 5 years just to hear that from you." She claimed and wiped her tears.

"I should have fought for us… I should have never given up, and… and…"

"It's ok Ed.  Besides, we're both happy now.  We somehow made it on our own, without each other's company.  You taught me how to love, and how to be strong." She replied.

I sat beside her with my head down.  Staring at the carpeted floor, trying to fight back my tears as I clasped both of my hands on a praying position.

"I'm really sorry…" she held my hands afterwards and smiled.  "You never did anything wrong.  You only did what's right…"

"For me,"

"Even how much we want to go and try to fix everything, we can't.  You can't fix what's already broken."  Her eyes became weary as her breath thins, as if she was holding back her tears.

"Anyways, have you finished college?" She asked, trying to shift the mood of our conversation.

"Yeah, I did.  I finished digital arts.  How about you?"  Then our eyes matched.

"You know, I dropped out of college.  It wasn't for me I guess.  So I spent most of my days working as an editorial apprentice for a blog."  

"That's good to know." The room filled with silence afterwards, and we were staring awkwardly at each other for a moment.

"By the way, why are you here?" She asked me with a peek of interest in her tone.  

"Visiting, I guess.  Also, how's life.  I mean, do you have like a…"

"Boyfriend? I actually do have one.  His name is Josh, he's quite a charmer.  Working part time, and also met him there."

"Oh, good… good…" 

"You?" She tucked her lips, and stared at me for an answer. 

"I'm actually single.  Waiting I guess… waiting." I replied with an awkwardly low voice, thus breaking our eye contact.

"I better get going.  I remember I had plans for the night and got… caught on the moment I guess," I stood up and fixed my hair.  Took my leather jacket hung on the bed frame, and put my shoes back on.

"Thank you," I greeted her for the last time, and she moved her head in response.  "Thank you too," she replied with a smile on her face that'll never forget.

"I love you," her shimmering voice registered to me as I opened the door to outside.  A drop of water then traced my cheek as I maneuvered my way outside her doors.  I was baffled, and couldn't find the exact words to reply before shutting the door close.  

I wish I could say the same words back to her, and rush to her arms again like I did before.  But things weren't the same as before.  Everything has changed.  I wish I could say how much I missed her, and love her still.

Did I waste another chance to fix everything and be with her again? Or did I never have that choice to begin with when I left her.

Am I a fool for leaving her like this again? Or am I doing the right thing for us this time?

Whatever the choice we made starting today, will be the last choice we'll have to make as one.  Because as the night unfolded to a new tomorrow, our lingering feelings for one another grew weaker like an ember fighting the cold breeze of October.

I thought we were the one for one another.  But that wasn't the case.  Fate stitched us together, but destiny tore us apart.  It almost felt like I was chasing nights, chasing a pipe dream of mine.  That no matter what happens, we'll be together at the end.