The Missing Tales

Chapter - V

It was the weekend before summer break and Fiona had been relentlessly pressuring me to break up with Amy. But ending a relationship of months that had been nothing but flying rainbows is not an easy task. I tried to plead Fiona into giving me more time or to let me do it on the last day of the school year because that way I would have been able to protect Amy from sustaining the bullying alone, but she refused. She demanded I should have it done before the beginning of the week.

And there I was at Amy’s doorstep on a Sunday, I did not know what to do, I never had a relationship before so breaking up with someone that I dearly cared for was not easy for me. My heart was a battleground, I was so confused, ever since Fiona came to my house to make things up with me the feelings I had for her resurfaced and began a battle with the ones I had for Amy. And me being right at Amy’s doorstep getting ready to end things meant that Fiona was winning the battle, and she wanted to win at all cost.

I had to grant Amy what Fiona wasn’t willing to, mercy.

As I was getting ready to knock on the front door someone from the inside opened first.

“Hey, Lilly what a surprise. Come in” Meredith opened the door wider, motioning me to come in. As I stepped foot inside her home she pulled me for a gentle hug.

“Hi, Meredith” I greeted her.

She took a look at me and smiled, “Here to see Amy, am I right?” I nodded in response. Meredith called or should I say yelled Amy’s name from the living room. Amy must’ve had rockets on her feet because she immediately appeared from upstairs and looked at me with those lovely eyes.

“Lilly you’re here!” she bolted down the stairs and captured me in the most lovely and caring hugs.

“Yes, I am beautiful,” I said reciprocating the love she gave me, making the task I had to look way harder than before. I looked right at her eyes and happy face-saving every bit of that moment before all went away.

“Girls, I’m going to give a tutoring class at the library so behave, alright,” Meredith said while pointing her finger to the both of us, and we both nodded in sync.

“You know us, we always do” Amy smiled at her, we never did anything bad when we were alone, but her mom was just playing it safe.

“Not when you are baking cupcakes, or should I say raising hell in my kitchen by leaving frosting everywhere” she uttered crossing her arms and raising her right eyebrow. We immediately blushed at the mentioning of the frosting, it has been a while since we had fun with it.

“Anyway, Amy don’t open the door to any strangers, and if you’re hungry I left food on the fridge” Amy nodded stepping up to hug her mother and bid her goodbye.

“I love you Amy” Meredith kissed the top of her head, “I love you too momma”. The relationship they had was so pure, Amy told me it wasn’t always like that when her father was around, but after his death when she was 10, she and her mother became inseparable.

After giving Amy the most loveable hug a mother could give, Meredith looked at Amy with a devious smirk, and then adverted her eyes to me and said.

“Lilly there is a silver tape on the kitchen shelve in case you need a break from her babbling” Meredith and I immediately laugh our faces off, while Amy gave us both sharp looks saying her mom’s joke wasn’t funny.

Meredith soon had left, signaling me that it was time to come back to reality and do what I had to do. Amy grabbed a hold on to my wrist and dragged me to her bedroom. Breaking things up with her there would be way harder because her room was the place where we had our most tender moments, including our first kiss.

The emotional connection I had to that place made my decision of ending us seem ridiculous. But at that point, Fiona’s job of manipulating me after our conversation was doing its wonders and I felt like I had a duty to fulfill that trumped every emotion I had at the moment.

As we passed the door to her bedroom Amy bolted to a box she had at the corner of her room, close to her closet. I chose to remain close to the door, with my back pressed against it, not daring to take a step closer into her room afraid of losing my ground in the rollercoaster of emotions present on it.

“I have something to show you. You won’t believe who I’ve met when my mom and I went to church last Friday…” I had to get out of there, her room was suffocating me with emotions and memories I was afraid to relive at that moment.

“Amy…”

“There was this strange looking guy, he had a huge messy hair…” I had to make her stop somehow because at that point I was crying my eyes out and I did know how much I could take before quitting. Everywhere I looked I saw us hugging, laughing, cuddling and ultimately kissing on her bed.

“Amy…” I was so emotionally drained that my voice was barely audible.

“He said he worked as a producer for this great up and coming band and guess who that band is…” I had to do something quickly, otherwise, I would have crumbled to Amy’s love and quit on Fiona’s for good.

“Stop !” I chose to scream, scream out every tender moment, every kind word, ever gentle touch, every kiss, everything, and do what I had to do. She finally looked at me, her eyes held nothing but concern and love. I was a mess, my nose was red and my eyes puffy from crying.

“Little weasel what’s wrong?” she took a step towards me for a hug but I stuck my hands out to stop her from doing it. She was confused and concerned about my actions because at one moment I was laughing and hugging her, and now I’m rejecting her care. I could not let her show me any kind of affection especially now.

“We need to talk” I muttered, “Talk about what?” she immediately asked me without room for silence between us.

“Us Amy. We need to talk about us” she kept herself in silence, she did not dare to say a word, and neither did I. I tried to let my eyes and demeanor to do the talking because I was too much of a coward to say the words “I’m breaking up with you” to her.

“Please Lilly don’t do this me” she started to cry. At this point, I knew she understood what I was trying to say, but couldn’t voice it myself. It pained me so much seeing her like that, she looked frail and lost, like a deer in the headlights.

Amy did what she used to do when she was hurt or in panic after someone of our school threw a prank on her, she hugged me tight just like the first time I saw her crying after Fiona and Patty humiliated her in front of all class.

“Lilly please, don’t leave me, please. I-I know I can be a little clingy and talkative, a-and my conspiracy theories can be ridiculous at times but please… please don’t…” none of these things upset me or anything, they made me love her even more, they were the things that made her unique, they were the things that made Amy the love of my life. But that day I chose to shut everything down.

“Amy…” I said her name as sternly as I could so she could understand we were over for good.

“I’ll change for you, Lilly… I-I’ll won’t tease you about your favorite band anymore, I’ll stop giving you cheese love letters a-and I-I’ll stop… I’ll do anything for you to be happy, but please don’t leave me” her voice was getting weaker by the second, her hug on me was getting tighten while I tried to push her way. No words could describe how much strength it took me to not kiss her and tell her that this was all a stupid joke and that I never going to leave her.

“Amy…” and there I was again, trying as hard as I could to be cold and indifferent to her pleads.

“I love you, Lilly, I love you, I love you…” she repeated the same phrase over and over again in hopes she could change my mind, but at that point, there was no turning back I already made the decision of breaking up with her. Whit all my strength, I pulled her off of me, grabbing both of her arms.

“Amy stop! Look at me” she closed her eyes, refusing to look at me, she looked devastated, her eyes were swollen, her cheeks filled with running tears and she was sobbing in a way I never seen before. I felt so guilty about the punishment I was giving her, but I still had to make sure she did not have any hopes of getting me back because if she did, Fiona and the other would make her regret having any. So I had to deliver the final blow.

“I’m in love with Fiona” Amy finally opened her eyes after my revelation, the look she gave me held nothing but disappointment and hurt.

“How… When did you realize that?” she asked me.

“I never had to realize anything, I loved her since the day we met, I just chose to ignore it when I was with you” I looked at her mustering the most serious look I could give.

“The feelings I had for you weren’t real. After Fiona rejected me I felt so hurt and depressed, and then you came around and gave me what I wished she could so I started to project the feelings I had for her in you” today when I look back to what I’ve just said, I feel so guilty and heartless for doing what I did to Amy.

“You used me” at this point Amy’s tears were gone and her whole expression was neutral, I’m pretty sure she became numb to every hurtful dagger I threw at her.

“No, that’s not what I said, I…” she immediately interrupted me.

“Its exactly what you just said, Lilly. Fiona did not want you, so you used the next person who was willing to give you what she didn’t want to. Tell me how that is different from using someone”

I remained quiet, unable to refute what she said because she was one hundred percent right, I did use her, and that made me feel like the worst person alive. Amy shook her head at my silence and said something that made my heart sink.

“You managed to hurt me more than those people at school, more than Fiona and Patty combined Lilly”

“Amy, believe me, I’m sorry, but I didn’t want things to be this way. It was never my intention to use you. I only chose to bring back the feelings I had For Fiona when she came to my house and-”

“Manipulated you” she cut me off again.

“No” as soon as she said that I got a little mad, deep down I knew Fiona did what she wanted with me, I was just afraid and embarrassed to admit it at the time, I was her dog and just like one I had to defend my owner.

“She did not do that, she showed me the light, she wanted me back, everything will be different this time”.

“She showed you the light!” Amy was definably offended by what I’ve just said and I immediately realized the stupidity that came out of my mouth, “I was the darkness right? Was I this mean spirited person that put you down, that made you feel worthless, that abandoned you and made you feel unloved, is that what I am to you, Lilly? ” I could not do anything but to hang my head down in shame. I accused her of being the one who made me suffer when she did the exact opposite, she was the one who highlighted the best of me while everyone chose to spit on it.

“Please Lillian, go. You are hurting me more and more every minute you stay here” I oblige to her wish by opening the door to leave, but I had to tell her how I felt after all of this conversation.

“I’m sorry Amy ” she turned her back on me and said something that words could not describe how hurtful it felt for me.

“I’m sorry too little weasel. Sorry that I fell in love with you”

And before I went out of her room she told me one of the most truthful words that carried the biggest of lies.

“She doesn’t deserve you Lillian, none of them do”.

No Amy, that’s not true, the truth is that no one deserves someone as poisonous and wicked as me. And I’m sorry that you, out of all people, failed to realize that at the very first moment you chose to love me.