Feathers of a dream

Chapter 2

Parking the car at the gas station close to the house, thoughts of coffee flooded her mind. The store was crowded like always. Making her way through the thick of people she stopped at the coffee machine. After pressing a button for hot cappuccino, the cup filled almost to the top. Slapping a lid over top she took a large sip while joining the long line of people.

A familiar face behind the counter greeted each customer with a smile. Quickly her heart began to race, even months later the soft sweet smile of her ex-boyfriend made her feel nervous. Since their break up a few months ago she did her best to avoid him and tried not to talk to him when he hung out with her brother. Trying to calm herself she took a few deep breaths and another sip of her coffee as thoughts of their last convention flooded through her mind.

~ ~

“Lythia, I’m sorry I haven’t seen you in a few days.” Evan’s deep voice rang across the phone. “I was hoping you weren’t busy tomorrow I really need to talk to you.”

She held her breath, already knowing what he wanted to talk about. “I’m available tomorrow night. I have class throughout the day.”

“I work in the evening tomorrow.” He let out a long sigh. “Are you free now?”

A moment of silence passed between them. Lythia shifted uncomfortably on her feet. “Yeah, Davin and me just finished watching a movie. He’s making popcorn now for another one. We can always wait to start it.”

“Davin already knows what I need to talk to you about.” Silence filled the space between them. “I’ll be there in a few, just got off of work.”

Hanging up the call she felt tears spring to the back of her eyes. It took all her strength to make sure they stayed there and didn’t spill over. Clutching the phone tightly in her hands, she sat on the couch watching the front door while a knot formed in her stomach.

Remembering the text Davin showed her earlier that day a small tear still seemed to find a way out. Hearing her phone ping lythia looked down. Jacob texted her about being home soon and to not start the next movie without him. As thoughts swirled through her mind all she could do was press the letter k and hit send. After a couple of moments there was a soft knock on the door. Rubbing her hands across her cheeks to make sure no more stay tears had fallen, she walk over to the door.

Opening the door Evan sadly smiled at her while shifting uncomfortably between his feet. Not returning his smile she gestured toward the couch. Slowly he entered and took a seat leaving enough space for her to sit next to him. Sliding across the floor Lythia took a seat on the chair sitting next to the couch. Knowing what conversation they were going to have she couldn’t meet his sad gaze. She knew in her heart if she met those soft brown eyes she wouldn’t be able to hold her composure and the tears would follow. Instead she focused just below his chin on the hem of his work t-shirt .

They sat in a long silence, neither one of them not knowing what to say or how to start the conversation they knew they needed to have. Finally giving away to curiosity, she broke her stare from his hem and looked up to his face. As their eyes met she could see his eyes were dancing back and forth between hers overflowing with so many different emotions. Watching the sadness wash over her green eyes he felt like he was loosing his resolve to have this conversation. Biting his bottom lip he looked toward the ground and took a long sigh.

“You know I’ve loved you since the day we met.” Evan spoke softly as he closed his eyes. “You are one of the most amazing people I’ve ever met Lythia. Sweet, kind, caring and always curious.”

Blinking quickly, she dropped her gaze to the same stop on his shirt. Listening to his words, she kept telling herself not to cry in front of him. The knot in her stomach grew tighter, as her heart quickened. Holding her breath, she waited quietly for him to continue knowing what was coming next.

“We don’t talk.” He finally glanced back at her. “You’ve become so distant that I can’t figure what’s going on with you.” Watching mixed emotions highlight her face he closed his eyes to keep his calm voice. “I keep waiting and hoping you’ll open up and tell me what’s going on with you, but you have completely shut me out. I’ve waited patiently for you to confide in me. It’s made me so anxious that I couldn’t be patient anymore and started asking you repeatedly what’s going on but you keep dismissing it with some excuse or another.”

Lythia looked up finally. She knew he was right. Something was going on with her but she couldn’t figure it out. It sometimes felt like something deep inside of her was awakening, or had been awake this whole time but what it was she didn’t know. The dreams she kept having seem to be getting more and more vivid and felt so real she knew it wasn’t normal. The whole thing confused her and she was trying her hardest to dismiss it altogether. However the more she dismissed it the more they kept occurring. The only person she felt comfortable enough to say it out loud to was her best friend. Bell never judged, instead she started learning how to decipher the dreams and make sense to the reoccurring themes. Even with the knowledge they could find on it nothing still made sense. That was just the dreams, it didn’t include the Raven that kept appearing in front of her over and over again, or the feeling that something was watching her. Lythia knew saying it out loud to anyone else would make her sound crazy and she didn’t want him to think that way. That’s why lately she had been keeping everyone close to her farther away because she didn’t know how to tell anyone what’s truly going on with her.

As she darted her eyes back to his face, just as he slowly opened his eyes again trying to search hers for some answer. Seeing a flood of emotions cross his eyes she took another deep breath. “I’m sorry. It’s not you Evan. It’s me. I’ve had so much going on….”

“Stop…. Please just stop. You know that’s not our only problem... that’s just a puzzle piece…” pinching the bridge of his nose he tried sort through his thoughts. “When were you planning on telling me that you were going to transfer to the main campus next semester? I knew you couldn’t take all your classes here at the branch, but making that big of decision and not talking to me about it first. Am I not your boyfriend? Why is it I only find out from everyone else and not you?”

“I’m sorry.” She choked out trying her hardest to keep her composure. “I wasn’t planning on moving there… I was just going to commute a few days a week. I didn’t think it would be a big deal.”

Dropping his gaze, he ran his hands through his hair. “It’s not a big deal that you are taking classes there a few days a week, hell it wouldn’t be a big deal if you moved there. It’s only a hour away from here. I can still come down and see you. The problem is communication. I’m supposed to be your other half. You should feel comfortable enough in our relationship to just communicate with me. To let me in and stop building all these bridges to cross or all these walls to hurdle over.”

Pain stirred in her heart. Every inch of her wanted to protest and argue but she couldn’t. No matter how either of them looked at it, he was right. She loved him and enjoyed being with him, but she felt like she couldn’t talk to him about anything. Every time she tried , he would cut her off and change the topic. She tried to tell him about the classes, really she did. He told her not to worry about it because that was a year or two from now and they can talk about it then. Frustrated that he wasn’t listening to her, she didn’t tell him she had already registered for the classes.

“You know it’s not always me putting walls and bridges up. I try talking to you but you don’t listen. Instead you judge.” Tears started to pick the back of her eyes. “Ever since you decided not to go to college you make me feel like I’m walking on pins and needles when ever I talk about school, hell when ever I talk about my choices for the future you shut them down immediately.”

Evan leaned forward and took her hand in his hoping to comfort some how. “I’m know and I’m sorry too. I have my own demons to battle and unfortunately find myself taking it out on you verses dealing with the real problem.” He runbed the back of her hand with his thumbs. “We have completely drifted apart. I love you but I can’t communicate with you too. It’s hard watching the women I love better herself while I stay the same. Which honestly I’ve started to resent myself for it, because I know it’s hurting you. That’s how we’ve come to this part, can we even have a relationship if we can’t openly communicate with each other?”

She was holding on by a small thread. Not meeting his eyes she was biting hard against her cheek to keep the tears that were threatening to overtake her from flowing. Quietly she shook her head ‘No’. Her mind had questions about what else he was keeping from her, but she didn’t ask.

Evan watched her trying to be strong. It broke his heart to much to keep hurting her like this. It was the same dance just a different tune. He knew all he was doing was holding her back, and holding himself back too. It was time to just set them both free. Finding the resolve he needed , Evan gripped her hand tighter as he now stood in front of her. Leaning down he gently pressed his lips to her forehead. “Good-bye my love. I hope you will find someone better than me who can make you happy.” He whispered softly as he walked toward the door.

Lythia didn’t move. She didn’t raise her head. Instead she only listened to his foot steps, she knew if she looked she would break down crying and start asking him to come back. Any promise she or he made wouldn’t fix what was broken. Their lives were growing in different directions. Even though the love was there, the path that they needed to walk on was not the same. The sound of the front door closing reached her ears. Gently she stood up and walked toward her room. Closing the door behind her she felt that small tread finall unravel as warm water washed across her face. Little paths started to streak down her cheeks.

Fumbling around in her pocket she pulled out her phone. Unable to see the screen through the tears she pressed a bunch of buttons. Greeted by a busy signal she hung up. Taking a couple of deep breaths she calmed down enough to hit the right buttons this time. Ringing greeted her ears as she continued to cry.

A groggy voice greeted her on the other line. “Damn it! I just hit my head rushing to grab my phone. So your fault!”

Hearing her best friends voice she smiled. “Bell…” was all she could barely choke out. The stealing crying was starting to breakaway to heavy sobs. As she felt her heart breaking into pieces.

“Oh wait, it’s okay, I swear. I do it all the time. I really didn’t mean…” Confusion swept over her as she tried to figure out why her best friend was crying. “Sweetie you know its fine. I do it like every day.”

“I know.” Is all she could really mouth.

Bell grew more confused and beyond concerned. “Sweetie, what’s wrong? Did something happen? Do I need to come over?”

“Bell… Yes…” The crying was so heavy all the words coming out were distorted .

“I think you said yes. Either way I’ll be there in ten. Don’t worry I’ll let myself in.” Bell hung up the phone.

Left all alone in her room Lythia had no energy. Everything she had been fighting was pouring out and she didn’t have the strength to fight it. The warm water that was coming out in streams now looked like the ocean had washed across her face. It had consumed all of her cheeks and even made its way across her nose. Hugging her knees closer she started letting all her pent up anger and frustration out.

Warmth embraced her as someones arms wrapped around. Not needing to see who was holding her she leaned into their chest, losing the grip she had on her knees. Bell sat there in silence holding her best friend as she quietly listened to all the raw emotions poor out.

After awhile she gently guided Lythia to her bed. Letting her friend sit on the edge, Bell headed to the top placing a pillow in her lap she pulled her friend gently down into it. Grateful for something to lay on, Lythia curled up tears still steamed down her cheek but slowly now. Feeling her emotions spent she sighed heavily. Bell gently stroked her hair to comfort her, sitting in silence while waiting until for her friend to talk.

“Evan stopped by tonight.” Lythia whispered. Her throat felt raw from from crying so much.

Still confused Bell looked down at the hot mess laying in her lap. “If he stopped by and you’re crying… Oh wait a second... He did it didn’t he?”

Lythia nodded.

“Oh he’s going to die! He made my Lythia cry!” Bell hissed. “I’ll skin him like a fish! Wait, a fish will have better treatment when I’m done with him!”

A small chuckle escaped Lythia’s lips.

“Yaya, I got something close to a laugh.” Bell cheered, hoping she could get another laugh.

Lythia’s doors slowly open. Davin poked his head in.

“You doing okay in here?” Worry spread across his face. “I head the whole argument from the kitchen. Don’t cry anymore, he’s not worth it.”

“Shut up Davin! No one asked you. Besides it was her first love. She can cry as long as she wants!” Bell growled. Brushing back Lythia’s hair gently she wiped the stray tears still dropping down her cheeks. “I’ll stay here as long as you need. So cry until you don’t want to anymore.”

“That’s not going to help.” Davin said calmly. Lythia knew he wasn’t trying to be mean. He was upset seeing her like this. “I showed you his text this morning.”

“Wait you knew and didn’t inform me?” Bell hissed. “You’re an i***t as always. Just go away, because you’re not helping. I swear don’t make me come off this bed and shove my size nine foot up you’re…”

“Yeah, yeah you keep saying that but it never happens. The day it does I’ll actually kiss your foot.” Davin scoffed.

“Just you wait!” Bell protested.

Davin walked over to the bed. Gently sitting beside both of the girls he rubbed his hand across Lythia’s back as comfort. The three of them sat in complete silence for a long time.

Lythia laying with her head still in Bell’s lap was fast asleep. Brushing the rest of the hair out of her face Bell looked over at Davin. A concerning gaze past between the both of them before he looked down at his sister. He lifted her up while Bell shimmed back off the bed. Laying her gently back down on the pillow, they covered her with a blank and gave her a kiss on the forehead.

~ ~

Hearing the Evan say ‘next’ Lythia stepped up to the counter. Looking up she met his gaze. His eyes flooded with emotions she didn’t understand and a small sad smile swept across his face. Taking a deep breath, she returned the smile. Shifting from one foot to the next she tapped the buttons on the screen. He handed her a receipt. Thanking him she walked back out to her car. It’s been four months since their break up. Seeing him didn’t really bother her anymore. She was completely over everything, but it was awkward. She didn’t know if she should talk to him or act like strangers. Lythia chose the second of the two, because it made it easier to see each other.