To Want You

68

For the slightest moment, a lump forms between my throat, preventing me from saying something:

But I have to.

He’s looking at me, waiting for an answer.

If I don’t say anything, I feel like hell push me to say something.

“Im.. not sure. It’s been a while since I last spoken to them.” Im almost hesitant to speaks as I say this. My gaze drifts to the fiddling tips of my fingers sitting on my lap. As memories fill my head, these words brings a heavy burden in my chest.

I hear Abel hum in understanding and a sigh leaves me.

“Busy I assume?”

I nod my head. “I mean yeah. You could say that.” I lift my head and gaze elsewhere before I realize we had already finished our snacks. So I start collecting the wrappers and setting it aside. Abel joins in too and helps throw the rest of the trash in the bin. By the time he returns from the corner of the room, I’m checking my watch for the time. I’d like to stay here all day but for some reason, I feel like visiting a different place.

“Are you done?” He asks while watching me pack up. I nod my head, grabbing the books so that I can return them to their respective shelves.

“Yup.” I answer.

He follows me to the shelves, helping me place the books back. And it feels strange. Today, Abel has been helpful. It could be a casual behavior but I find it rather strange and suspicious. Either way, I’m thankful for his company as well as his help. We both exit the library and I turn to him with a smile, deciding this is where we go on our separate ways.

The sun’s still up and the watch surrounding my wrist says it’s still two in the afternoon.

“Thank you for keeping me company. Wasn’t expecting that but yeah.” I say in an almost awkward manner. Only because I ran out of words to say half way. I rub the back of my head and Abel hums.

“So where are we going next? I brought my car. I could drive you there.”

My brain freezes at the teen used. Did he say we? Is he still trying to tag along with me? What do I even say?

I look at him in confusion, slightly jerking my head to the side as if to make sure I heard him right.

“You still want to join me? Aren’t you busy?” I didn’t expect it to come out as straightforward but that’s the best I can do.

He checks his expensive watch. “Not really. And it’s still early anyway.” Is his response. I’m forced to just nod not my head. “So where to?” He adds on and I fill like something was just placed on my shoulders. A burden maybe? He doesn’t have to follow me. He can have this day for himself.

“Um.. I was planning to visit this arcade-“

“Nice.” He walks ahead, gesturing me to follow him with a nudge of a chin. “Let’s go.”

He’s really serious right now uh? I find myself awkwardly scratching the side of my head, unable to grasp the situation I was placed in by the universe.

Is this how I’ll spend my free time? Together with my ex best friend? I probably did something wrong in the past for the world to bite me like this. But now that I think about it, I did do something bad.

I ran away.

I pretended not to know him.

I’m keeping a secret from him.

I let out a sigh. This is me getting a payback. For not saying anything. Probably karma.

He opens the car for me and I’m still checking wether this is all real or not. He shows me a little smile when I’m still standing by the door.

“Get in.” His voice is gentle and I’m almost hesitant to say anything. So I just nod my head and enter the seat of the car that definitely was still new.