A Slut's Guide to Intimacy

Valentines Day Special (Interview)

So, guys, I decided to give you a little Valentine's day special because you guys are awesome. I'll be interviewing our two main characters, we'll get to learn a bit about them.

Author: So welcome guys to ASGI (A Slut's Guide to Intimacy) first-ever Valentine's day special. I'll be asking you guys some questions to let the readers know a bit about you.

Scarlett: Wait, who are you and how did I get here?

Harvey: I second that question.

Author: You don't need to worry about that. Just answer the questions.

Scarlett: I'm not answering any questions till I know how the f**k I got here old lady.

Author: I'M JUST SEVENTEEN AND JUST ANSWER THE DAMN QUESTIONS.

Harvey: Whoa there, it's ok just breathe, we'll answer your questions, right Scarlett?

Scarlett: Fine.

Author: Lol, I lost my cool for a moment. Anyways let's get to the questions. Scarlett, you'll go first, so what is it like being constantly called horrid names.

Scarlett: Umm, well it's annoying and I wish I could chop off their necks. Can't a girl like s*x in peace?

Harvey: Preach sister.

Scarlett: i***t.

Author: That's-----enlightening. Anyways, Harvey why do wear lame t-shirts?

Scarlett: oh-oh, I know, because he's a loser.

Harvey: *rolls eyes* Thank you, Scarlett. However, I wear 'lame t-shirts' because I don't give a frick about what I wear like some people. It's seriously just clothes.

Scarlett: Preach brother!

Harvey: i***t.

Author: Scarlett what is your favourite thing about Harvey?

Scarlett: Well there isn't much but I guess I like his eyes it's like chestnut and copper. Oh, I like that he's quirky, real and he isn't materialistic like most of us.

Harvey: Well I was voted most likely to have a hot girl compliment them in middle school, so I expected this.

Scarlett: You're so annoying!

Author: Scarlett that was beautiful. Harvey what do you like about Scarlett.

Harvey: I like that she's hot---

Scarlett: I'll chop your neck off bacon brain.

Harvey: Let me finish child. As I was saying, I like that she's hot, yet, she doesn't follow the protocol of being mean. She's nice and she's the epitome of bravery. She's herself 104% of the time except with a certain someone, anyways, she is genuinely kind-hearted.

Scarlett: Well I was voted most likely to be adored by a loser, so I'm not surprised.

Harvey: Good one.

Author: Last question. What are your thoughts about Valentine's day?

Scarlett: It's a dumb day, thank you, next.

Harvey: Second that. Like, break up with your boyfriend, i'm bored.

Scarlett: Nice.

Author: Well, thank you guys for all the lame and overused Ariana Grande lyrics, I think that will be all for today, I hope you guys liked this Valentine's day special. I don't have a Valentine so you bet I'll be lounging on my bed watching Netflix. Buh Bye.

Scarlett: Who is the old lady talking to?

Harvey: I don't know but back away slowly.

Author: I'M f*****g SEVENTEEN YOU MOTHER FU-