#SomethingLikeFate

Chapter 2

Chapter 2The next morning, I grabbed my Got God? coffee mug and took a sip in front of my laptop, killing some time before going to church. The only window in my entire apartment unit was large enough to shed lots of sunlight, bringing life into my small personal space of artistically portraited walls and minimalistic furniture. The only downfalls of living there were the occasionally noisy neighbor who made me want to pound on the wall, and the wooden floor feeling cold in the winter that justified my serious need for slippers.

I stared at GGR’s replies to my comments from the night before, and I kept imagining ways of how to message him privately. Sure, he allowed DMs, but what exactly would I say to justify my first private message to him? I was always professional and never personal in my messages under my pen name, since it was also my real name. I had a pristine reputation to uphold, so I was careful with my words.

I decided to check his blog and noticed a new review he’d just posted, which hadn’t triggered a notification email just yet. It was for yet another kinky book, but unlike incest or piss play, it was solely about b**m between a Dominant and a sub. The more I read his words, the more I realized how romantic he could be, which made me smile. I’d always liked the idea of being one with a man, submitting my all to him with deep trust and pure love in a way my ex-boyfriends had failed to appreciate. As much as I’d enjoyed s*x with the only two guys I’d been intimate with, romance did so much more for me. Oddly enough, GGR was less horny and vulgar in his new review, and more romantic and emotional instead. He expressed how much he related to the Dom—a man described as kind and loving but firm in his dominance—for being much younger than the main character. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever be interested in the physical kinks the characters got into, but the meaning behind their monogamous relationship piqued my curiosity. The Dom was as old-fashioned as I was when it came to romance, the only thing we had in common, and it was tough finding a man like that on all the dating apps where I’d wasted my time, especially someone who was emotionally available. On the other hand, the deep submission from the sub that was rewarded with the Dom’s deep love, while melting my heart, made me nervous. It had to take so much trust and the right guy to submit in such a way that the word “no” no longer existed. All it would take was a psycho to abuse the role, and I didn’t want to think about the horrifying results. But the Dom character in the current story was GGR. He said so himself. He poured more of himself into that review than he had in many of the reviews of his I’d read. Because of that, I clicked LIKE on that review, the only one I’d ever do that with.

Hence my intrigue. I had to message him and know more. Why? I didn’t know. I couldn’t explain my irrational interest in him when we were two different guys from two different backgrounds. I was not into any kinks, completely vanilla my whole life, and he was the total opposite. Then again, it wasn’t as if anyone would know we’d be friends, if we ever got that far. I’d never tell a soul about messaging someone like him, especially not to anyone in the l***q-affirming church I attended every Sunday morning. They’d never accept any of it, and they’d question whether I’d been hiding things about myself to justify my association with GGR.

The more I pondered the idea of privately messaging him, the more time passed, and church would start soon. I decided to give it more thought later and changed into something decent—a nice shirt and some dressy jeans—and I still wore a face mask just to be safe.

I was on my way out of the apartment and into the elevator in no time, rushing from the tall building and toward my cheap sedan. As I hopped inside and revved the engine, I couldn’t stop smiling at just the thought of messaging GGR. However, it was time for God, so I said a little prayer while driving to church, and I asked Him if it was selfish of me to ask for a good man to share my life with. I might have been young with my whole life ahead of me, but I was experienced enough to know that I wasn’t made for the single life. Aside from my two exes, I’d dated plenty of other guys that had never led to anything s****l, and at best, a brief kiss on the lips. Yep, I was sure I wanted love, the true kind.

After another beautiful worship service as usual in our quaint little church, Reverend Bo Rayne approached me with a tight smile. He didn’t wear a face mask while at church, only when he was elsewhere, and it was the same with some of the members there. “Santiago? Can I have a moment with you if you’re free right now?” He was always so polite and friendly, even though he was more on the conservative side like most of our members. Sure, he was supportive of l***q rights, but he was traditional in many other areas. It was a drastic change from Reverend Dunn, the former reverend, who was unapologetically liberal.

I returned the smile with my face mask still on and gave Reverend Rayne a nod, following him to his small office. I took a seat in front of his old desk and looked around at the inspirational posters that littered the walls.

He sighed and attempted a smile that couldn’t fool me. Something was up. “Someone told me that you’ve been writing porn. Is this true?”

My eyebrows flew up, and I couldn’t even speak for a moment.

“So, it’s true, then?”

“N-no! Who told you that?”

“I can’t reveal that information, and it’s not important. I’m concerned about you, Santiago. While I fully support gay Christian stories, you know my stance on porn or any kind of erotic material. And it’s not just me who thinks this way, but our members, too.”

I was suddenly annoyed at the thought of whomever had twisted things about my writing. “Reverend, with all due respect, some of my romance stories do have erotic scenes, but, they’re very tasteful and more implied than explicit.”

“That’s still porn, Santiago, so the person who told me about your writing didn’t lie, just as I thought.”

I suppressed a groan of frustration because I couldn’t understand what the big deal was. I’d always been a decent Christian. I prayed every morning and night, I read the Bible every night before bed, and I treated others with respect. Granted, I’d had premarital s*x multiple times, which probably wasn’t the greatest thing to do in God’s eyes, but I was human with needs. Besides, I believed in Christ and held Him tightly in my heart, so wasn’t I technically already saved?

“You know how strict I am with our members. While we all sin, we must do our best to stay away from temptation and live our lives in a godly way, in a way that Christ would approve of. And I’m sorry, I understand writing is important to you, but you shouldn’t be writing the things you write.” Reverend Rayne hadn’t been angry or hostile the entire time, just unnecessarily concerned with a slightly stern tone, enough to remind me how much I really did miss Reverend Dunn, who wouldn’t have cared about what I wrote, much less judged me for it. Reverend Dunn would also never lay out any strict rules for the members to abide, the way Reverend Rayne had immediately started doing upon assuming his role over the past few months.

I didn’t know what else to say because I was guilty as charged, even though all my erotic scenes were more implied and never explicit, and all my writing was clean in language, just as clean as the way I spoke in real life. I never even used vulgar terms for genitals the way many romance authors recommended. Still, it didn’t matter. Reverend Rayne would always cling onto his moral views.

He sighed. “Santiago, I’m giving you another chance. While I’d never kick you out of church, since we don’t do that here, I may have to prevent you from joining in on the activities and have you sit in the back pews until you’re ready to be more Christlike.”

I tried not to frown but failed, even though my face mask hid most of my expression, and I lowered my head. “I’m sorry, Reverend Rayne. I just, I don’t know what to say. I really don’t.” I lifted my chin and eyed him with some kind of defiance. “I can’t stop writing what I love. I just can’t, and I won’t.”

He nodded, his mouth corners aiming lower. “I see. And that’s a shame. It really is. So, I guess that leaves me no choice but to have you sit all the way in the back during worship, and you’re no longer allowed to join the rest of us in anything we do. I hope this will get you to think about your refusal to be more Christlike. I seriously do hope so because I’d hate to see you lose touch with our Lord and fall so deeply that you may not even be able to get back up.”

Sometimes, I wondered why many Christians had to be so dramatic about certain things. I’d already had a debate with him a while back about faith and belief being the only requirement to salvation, whereas he believed repentance was also required. Maybe I was just too liberal for a Christian, and I could only imagine what my association with GGR would cause. Oh, I didn’t know anymore. What I did know, however, was that that day would be my last to attend church. It saddened me to decide on it, but I was left with no choice.