The Chef's Secret Romance

Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Silent Mourn

"I want to be alone, mom."

My daughter was calm when she woke up again. Ni hindi siya umiyak. She was just staring from a distance, her eyes emotionless. I wanted to hug her, but she wouldn't let me. I wanted to soothe her loneliness, but I'm at a loss for words. Ayaw niyang hawakan ko siya.

When I asked if my daughter was okay, the doctor said, "Mrs. Torres, it's her way of dealing with the accident."

Hendrix's father supervised the cremation and placed his son's ashes in a mausoleum. Ni hindi niya binigyan ng memorial service ang anak niya. I wanted to scream at him, but I decided not to. Pagod na akong makipagsagutan sa kanya dahil sarado na ang utak niya.

"He is not deserving of a memorial service. He killed eight people at nasa malubha pang kalagayan ang iba." Naaalala kong sabi niya.

Para lang akong lumulutang habang lumilipas ang oras. Hindi ko alam ang nararamdaman ko dahil naghalu-halo na. Our friends and relatives were calling, but I didn't pick up. Hendrix's friends were sending messages, and I was staring at them as I read them.

Maximus del Fiero:

Gab and I went to the mausoleum. I'm deeply sorry for your loss.

Jen Salas:

Gab, I'm just here.

Consolacion, Kier:

Dear, I heard what happened to Drix. Please accept my condolences. It is so sudden.

At marami pang iba ngunit, hindi ko na binasa. Darwin Arnaiz also texted me, but I ignored it and blocked his number.

After two days, my daughter finally spoke to me: "I'd like to go to the mausoleum, Mom." She was looking down and didn't want to look at me.

"We're planning a memorial service for him. Do you—"

She shook her head quickly. "Daddy said he didn't need it. He just wants to be in peace, mom."

Namilog ang mga mata ko! "But honey, he needs that. Hindi matatahimik ang kaluluwa niya kung hindi natin siya padadasalan."

"That's crap, mom!" She spat. Hindi nakatakas sa akin ang paglambot ng istura niya noong mapaigtad ako sa lakas ng boses niya. "Let's just respect what Dad wants, mom. It's his dying wish."

Tulala akong tumango.

She didn't complain when I held her hand. We were on our way to the mausoleum when she told me to pull over in front of a flower shop.

"Can we get flowers for Daddy, Mom?" Mahina niyang tanong.

"Yes, honey. Let's go and buy some."

"Ako na lang po. Hintayin ninyo na lang ako rito."

I gave her my wallet, and she held the car handlebar to open it. Bagsak ang balikat niyang naglakad papunta sa loob ng flower shop. I was just staring at her while she was getting blue and white roses. It was their favourite colour of roses: paborito nilang mag-ama.

We went straight to the mausoleum. I held her hands because I could tell she was about to burst! Nanginginig ang mga kamay niya, and her index and thumb fingers were twindling. We both remained silent as we gazed at his name written in his tomb. My lips trembled as I prayed silently for him. My eyes welled up as I remembered our youth memories. Hindi pa kami noon nag-aaway. Sanggang-dikit pa kami noon. Until he came across a man named Darwin.

"Gab, I'm afraid I won't be able to accompany you home. Darwin and I will spend time together in his condo. We'll be playing video games, he said to me, but his eyes were shining brightly. Hindi ko pa noon alam ang s****l orientation niya. I thought he liked me because he always spent time with me. He's so caring for me. Nagbago lang talaga siya ng makilala niya ang lalaking iyon.

"Drix? Where are you? I need my dress for my photo shoot!" Salubong ang noo ko habang hindi ako mapakaling naglalakad sa loob ng dressing room ko. But I could hear moans and groans on the other end of the line. I knew he was madly in love with Darwin at the time, but I was still hopeful that I could change him.

Kaya nang manalo ako bilang Binibining Pilipinas 2003 ay mas pinag-igihan kong ilapit ang sarili ko sa kanya. And there was that time when we were at a house party. His parents were on a cruise. Malakas ang loob niyang magyaya sa mga kaibigan niya. We were all completely intoxicated when a senior member of the Criminology Department grabbed my hand and began kissing my lips without my approval. Drix noticed him and punched him. He hugged me and pulled me away from that guy.

"Are you alright?" He asked in slurry words. Halatang lasing na siya at ganoon din ako. As we walked up the stairs, we both noticed Darwin making out with a girl. Nakita ko noon ang galit at poot sa mga mata niya, kaya mas lalo siyang naglasing at bilang kaibigan ay sinamahan ko siya. That night, we ended up in bed together.

My thoughts returned when Skye spoke again.

"Can I talk to my dad alone, Mom?"

"Okay, honey. I'll be waiting for you outside," usal ko. I squeezed her soft hands before I let go. Hindi pa man ako nakalalayo sa kanya ay lumuhod na siya sa paanan ng puntod ng aking asawa. I saw her shoulder shake as she stifled her sobs. Nagtago ako sa matabang puno ng narra at pinakinggan ang tunog ng iyak niya.

I was crying as well because I couldn't bear the agonising sound of her sobbing.

"Dad, am I allowed to cry now?" Then she burst out crying. "You said not to cry because mommy would cry if she saw me crying, but I can't hold it any longer, dad. I'm so sorry. I swear to you that I will be a good daughter. I promise to fulfil all of your final wishes. I promise to always be happy, even when it hurts. I promise you that I will go on with my life. I'm going to miss you terribly, daddy."

When I looked at her again, I noticed she was tracing a line from her father's name.

"I promise you that I will take care of my mom. I promise you I will not make her cry. I'll tell her you're sorry for what you've done to her. I promise you I won't cry because I'm a big girl now."

My vision became blurry as tears streamed through my eyes. Kaya pala hindi siya umiiyak dahil nangako siya sa ama niya. My Skye...

"I hope you're happy wherever you are now, Dad. I will go on with my life, always smiling as you want me to. I love you, daddy, and I will never forget you."

Why did he have to die? While crying, I questioned myself. I wanted to run to my daughter, but I knew she would be offended. I then continued walking and waited for her in the parking lot. I cried again as I began to imagine a world without Hendrix. My daughter has always been a daddy's girl, and I prayed that we would be able to get through this difficult time in our lives.

Nakangiti na siya nang bumungad siya sa akin. I knew it was a fake smile because it didn't end up in her eyes.